UpTheClarets.com

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A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families. "I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I'll have a basketball team!" said the Catholic. "That's nothing!'' said the Baptist. ''I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant ...

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Lewis : 'when did West Ham change their badge? '

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There used to be a place down the side of The Mechanics, don't know if it's still there.
Some dry cleaning shops offer a repair service.

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Leisure wrote:Is there a driving ban as well?

30 Months.

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They're time limited on iplayer, I think the last ones expire sometime in September.

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Take a bag of crisps and watch it expand as the air gets thinner.

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New series starts Sunday. Anyone who want's to watch or record other episodes, the whole of series 1 is on BBC 4 tonight at 10:00 series 2 to 4 on every night through to Monday, 3 episodes a night.

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Cold when in the shade or if windy.

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Jimmy

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Who knew Dracula was a Claret?

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Died aged 79, RIP Easy Rider.

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I mean the Beehole was extended in 1970, not when the photo was taken.

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ClaretTony wrote:Early 80s - the sloping back of the Bee Hole End disappeared in the 1960s

Summer of 1970 I think.

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: Ralph-Coates-of-Burnley-001.jpg (108.94 KiB) Viewed 1505 times

: Old Turf.jpg (152.19 KiB) Viewed 1505 times

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He did come from Tod, was at the same school as my mum.

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Just driven Tod to Hebden Bridge and back, the river is about 3 feet below the wall (that's higher than the road) at Callis Bridge with a foot of water on the road.

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tim_noone wrote:Andre gray...Michael keane..

I see what you did there.

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ClaretCliff wrote:If Stan Ternent counts then you can't leave out Harry Potts.

He didn't say played twice just came back.

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Peter Swan

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Stan Ternent

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PaintYorkClaretnBlue wrote:But I’m not the one complaining, and I didn’t when Brown was PM.

I know you're not. I'm just adding to the list.

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PaintYorkClaretnBlue wrote:Oh, and what about Gordon Brown? Did he win an election? I’m not particularly a Boris fan but claims from the left that he has no mandate to serve as PM is a bit rich.

And James Callaghan so that's 2 each.

Edit, I forgot Macmillan and Major.

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TheFamilyCat wrote:Probably a bit unfair to criticise them for that; most car buyers do their browsing online now so dealers have to advertise cars at their bottom prices to attract buyers so don’t have the “wriggle room” they had in the past.

Not criticising just stating a fact.

Or should that be FACT.

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Used them 10 years ago seemed ok but after checking Autotrader there were many cars same model/mileage/age for the same or lower price. Also told them the date I could get my money out but they still kept phoning me to come and get the car. Do not expect them to negotiate on price or trade in. I wou...

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Sutton-Claret wrote:Nearly ran a youth over today crossing the road whilst staring down at his phone (he also had earphones in...). This is getting more common, hopefully I'll get one soon.

Had this the other day, the lad glared like I had ****** in his pocket when I pipped the horn.

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Didn't Field Marshal Montgomery come to the Turf once or have I imagined that.

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Croydon Claret wrote: It's a royal pain in the ass to start after being in the shed all winter.

Do you drain the tank before storing as the petrol goes stale over time? I run mine till the tank is empty then fill with fresh petrol in the spring and it always starts first or second pull.

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I was in the same situation and got a petrol mower but it has a steel body and weighs quite a bit, l would look for a plastic body if I ever need another.

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tim_noone wrote:But there are ghosts......arent there?

'Course there are, I've seen them on the telly.

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There might be one here he likes.

https://www.personalisedfootballgifts.c ... hone-cases

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My daughter has one, she hates it and wishes she'd stuck with Samsung.

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Commons leader Andrea Leadsom has quit the cabinet, saying she no longer believes the government's approach will deliver Brexit.

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Quickenthetempo wrote:Was Shilton's wife ever on the game or did some mischievous longsider make it up?

I'm sure she was on lots of his games.

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Whilst we are on about how wonderful the German rail network is, does anyone know how much income tax the Germans pay? Income tax in Germany is progressive: first, income tax rates start at 14%, then they rise incrementally to 42%; last, very high income levels are taxed at 45%. The top tax rate of...

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SussexDon1inIreland wrote:The Saint

So much so that I bought a replica of the car he used Volvo P1800 which I still have

UTC

Corgi or Matchbox.?

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Foulthrow wrote:Who scored?

I think it was an own goal.

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Fireball XL5
Catweazle
The Prisoner
My Favourite Martian

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It's amazing how those who admit to have never been on a cruise insist they are crap! This. Mrs. cbx badgered me for ages to go on a cruise but I didn't fancy it, I finaly relented and went on one, Fiords in Summer then in Winter for the Northern Lights and loved them both. Looking forward to booki...

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O/T what happens if you go a shore and don’t get back on time do they leave you behind as it’s in the contract you sign? I.E. you go a shore at your own risk. If you are on an official excursion and the coach is late for any reason the ship will wait but as BB says it will leave you if you are late...

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Imploding Turtle wrote:but "PC brigade" is totally meaningful.

No that's another phrase that gets on my tits.

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Snowflake, the most overused meaningless insult used on this board.

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Take Colin from Neil Warnock and rearrange the leftover letters.

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Mrs. cbx worked on the nose of Concorde.

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I was once sent to mend a machine at a firm and had to ask the receptionist for Mr. Muff.

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Works for me too.

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Yes, you have to have the manufacturers warranty. It covers everything. They even sent their representative out to replace a headlight bulb once. He was here within ten minutes and fixed it in five. If you look on YouTube as to how complicated a procedure this can be, you will see how impressive th...

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scrambledclaret wrote:(I even met one nice South African )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxEweP2TiMk

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Bosscat wrote:But I wouldn't be contemplating Norway at this time of year

Went to Norway last March on Aurora and had a fantastic time including a bit of rough sea.

: Norway6.JPG (1.83 MiB) Viewed 2290 times

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IanMcL wrote:I am Charnock Richard services having a charge.

Is that a euphemism?

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Lowbankclaret wrote:So what did he do??

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-47566898

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