Mistakes you've made at work

fidelcastro · Post by **fidelcastro** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 2:15 pm

When a footballer misses an easy chance or slips on the turf, and it leads to a goal, then he is ridiculed for, in effect, a mistake he has made at his place of work.

I made a mistake at work the other day, which I can't/don't want to go into, but are some posters prepared to divulge errors they have made earning a crust, that had consequences. I'm not talking about something you did deliberately that had legal ramifications, but the sort of cock up that landed you in hot water.

I only want to feel better.

ClaretTony · Post by **ClaretTony** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 2:19 pm

No - and you deserve to feel bad

fidelcastro · Post by **fidelcastro** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 2:22 pm

Oh cheers.

Goobs · Post by **Goobs** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 2:23 pm

Fidelcastro out!

AlargeClaret · Post by **AlargeClaret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 2:45 pm

Many years ago i was an assistant manager at Pizza Express in Manchester centre.On this particular weekend we had a couple of hot shots from London up to see how the very busy (summer evenings) shifts were going to ensure we maximised "turnaround and customer experience" or other such bullshine.So everyone was a bit on edge and goeing flat out.

This night we had a large party in from Corrie.They were moaning and whinging a bit and "Dev" from the street kept saying his pizza "wasnt spicy enough"After the 2nd "send back" one of the pizza chefs took the plate kneeled down and wiped his cock around the pizza,chucked a few chili flakes on it and send it back out.The oily lothario,clearly off his t1ts on coke wolfed it down without further ado.

We all thought nothing of it,until about a month or so later a staffer (who'd been sacked a few weeks before) wrote to head office and gave a blow by blow account of the above.2 chefs were fired and the manager and I were both given final warnings.

fidelcastro · Post by **fidelcastro** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 2:47 pm

AlargeClaret wrote:Many years ago i was an assistant manager at Pizza Express in Manchester centre.On this particular weekend we had a couple of hot shots from London up to see how the very busy (summer evenings) shifts were going to ensure we maximised "turnaround and customer experience" or other such bullshine.So everyone was a bit on edge and goeing flat out.

This night we had a large party in from Corrie.They were moaning and whinging a bit and "Dev" from the street kept saying his pizza "wasnt spicy enough"After the 2nd "send back" one of the pizza chefs took the plate kneeled down and wiped his cock around the pizza,chucked a few chili flakes on it and send it back out.The oily lothario,clearly off his t1ts on coke wolfed it down without further ado.

We all thought nothing of it,until about a month or so later a staffer (who'd been sacked a few weeks before) wrote to head office and gave a blow by blow account of the above.2 chefs were fired and the manager and I were both given final warnings.

Even if you've made that up, that's a brilliant story!

UpTheBeehole · Post by **UpTheBeehole** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 2:50 pm

AlargeClaret wrote:Many years ago i was an assistant manager at Pizza Express in Manchester centre.On this particular weekend we had a couple of hot shots from London up to see how the very busy (summer evenings) shifts were going to ensure we maximised "turnaround and customer experience" or other such bullshine.So everyone was a bit on edge and goeing flat out.

This night we had a large party in from Corrie.They were moaning and whinging a bit and "Dev" from the street kept saying his pizza "wasnt spicy enough"After the 2nd "send back" one of the pizza chefs took the plate kneeled down and wiped his cock around the pizza,chucked a few chili flakes on it and send it back out.The oily lothario,clearly off his t1ts on coke wolfed it down without further ado.

We all thought nothing of it,until about a month or so later a staffer (who'd been sacked a few weeks before) wrote to head office and gave a blow by blow account of the above.2 chefs were fired and the manager and I were both given final warnings.

Definitely can't have been spicy enough if someone was willing to wipe their own bell pepper on it.

ExistentialWanderer · Post by **ExistentialWanderer** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:00 pm

Probably the last delivery before Christmas 1997. I was a postie and was delivering up and around Coal Clough Lane. Lots of old dears were keen to give me a glass of sherry, brandy, port, whiskey etc to wish me a Merry Christmas even at 7am. Suffice to say I was worse for wear come the end of the second delivery. I'm pretty sure I came back with more parcels than I left with...

NRC · Post by **NRC** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:02 pm

had a full-on argument with my Vice President line manager at my half year review as he downgraded my rating from that of Superman to a common-or-garden Batman because he needed the rating spot for his Chief of Staff - not a good career move.

happyclaret17 · Post by **happyclaret17** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:31 pm

" He who makes no mistakes makes nothing"....a wise man once said.

its funny how a defender trying to get a last ditch challenge in or something like that gets stick if a goal gets scored....whilst his team mate who he was covering for is still up field after failing to get back and goes under the radar.
Good example was tripps at the weekend.....should he have been so far out of position given the time of the match and score at the time.

Herts Clarets · Post by **Herts Clarets** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:32 pm

Not really a mistake on my behalf as such but it did cause a fair amount of problems further up the chain. Going back 15 years or so, a small part of my role was running a warehousing and distribution operation for Gucci, servicing their stores in Central London. I had a meeting with a few of their staff from Florence and they organised a load of returns of shoes from their stores. Once they were back, their main guy visited, sorted through some of the boxes and segregated a couple of pallets of these shoes (brand new and still boxed). These are for destruction and marked the pallets with a label. They need to be destroyed so they cannot be resold. So I had a team work through them, open the box, slash the shoe with a Stanley knife and then into the skip. Some of the shoes were odd sizes in the box – left 6 right 7 for example, so I assumed that they were part of a faulty batch that had been the result of a claim and had to be destroyed.

A couple of months later, the main guy flew in from Paris and asked where the 2 pallets of returns had gone. I explained that we had destroyed them as per his instruction on his last visit. He had labelled the incorrect pallets for destruction, and had cost his company about 30k in retail value. To rub it in further, I presented him with photographs of the pallets with his handwritten labels stating ‘For Destruction’ and also photographs of the slashed shoes sat in the skip.

RocketLawnChair · Post by **RocketLawnChair** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:37 pm

I got sacked for sticking my dick in the bacon slicer.

They sacked her an all.

Cleveleys_claret · Post by **Cleveleys_claret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:41 pm

Did a refurb job on groucho club in soho a few years back. Modernising bedrooms above which were for guests to use. We were refurbing rooms whilst guests were still staying in them.

Anyway one room we went in after joiners and found under the bed a 12inch plus dildo. We were installing lights in to the headboard of the bed so with joiners going in before us we thought they had set us up. The dildo was dripping which made us think it was a wind up. We removed said dildo without a word.

3 hours after finishing lights we were called into site foremans office. He asked if we had took anything from the room as a guest had complaìned she had had something stolen. We denied everything.

Anyway later that day when doing lights in the hall who did we see come out of said room........Lily Allen

spadesclaret · Post by **spadesclaret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:51 pm

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."
Mahatma Gandhi

Dyched · Post by **Dyched** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:53 pm

Cleveleys_claret wrote:Did a refurb job on groucho club in soho a few years back. Modernising bedrooms above which were for guests to use. We were refurbing rooms whilst guests were still staying in them.

Anyway one room we went in after joiners and found under the bed a 12inch plus dildo. We were installing lights in to the headboard of the bed so with joiners going in before us we thought they had set us up. The dildo was dripping which made us think it was a wind up. We removed said dildo without a word.

3 hours after finishing lights we were called into site foremans office. He asked if we had took anything from the room as a guest had complaìned she had had something stolen. We denied everything.

Anyway later that day when doing lights in the hall who did we see come out of said room........Lily Allen

What was your mistake then CC?
That you stole it? Or that you didn't?

Cleveleys_claret · Post by **Cleveleys_claret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:04 pm

That we believed we had been set up

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:13 pm

Honesty, idealism, intelligent behaviour,bonhommie, intellectual critique. No wonder I'm on the dole and ill.

Wile E Coyote · Post by **Wile E Coyote** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:30 pm

temp job in N Korea, pressed what i thought said "Lunch " button ,

gandhisflipflop · Post by **gandhisflipflop** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:32 pm

I once reversed a forklift through my bosses window.

strayclaret · Post by **strayclaret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:47 pm

I once worked at Leeds general infirmary, LGI, having moved from St James's Jimmys, our furniture was moved from Jimmys some porters were fannering around at LGI so I took in charge and put a desk through a 100 year old stained glass window.

Rileybobs · Post by **Rileybobs** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:48 pm

strayclaret wrote:I once worked at Leeds general infirmary, LGI, having moved from St James's Jimmys, our furniture was moved from Jimmys some porters were fannering around at LGI so I took n charge and put a desk through a 100 year old stained glass window.

Was it open?

strayclaret · Post by **strayclaret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:49 pm

No, it was an original from the old Infirmary

Rileybobs · Post by **Rileybobs** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:50 pm

strayclaret wrote:No, it was an original from the old Infirmary

Damn. You shouldn't have done that.

strayclaret · Post by **strayclaret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:53 pm

I blamed "wing nut" weeds fan, as he had FA cup ears, took it well

HatfieldClaret · Post by **HatfieldClaret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:01 pm

UpTheBeehole wrote:Definitely can't have been spicy enough if someone was willing to wipe their own bell pepper on it.

Just as well he put the extra chilli on after !

HatfieldClaret · Post by **HatfieldClaret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:08 pm

What a brilliant thread

Alanstevensonsgloves · Post by **Alanstevensonsgloves** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:37 pm

HatfieldClaret wrote:What a brilliant thread

Is your alter ego 'bogbrush:?!?!

1963Claret · Post by **1963Claret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:41 pm

Rileybobs wrote:Was it open?

It was after he'd wellied it with the desk

harpers_perm · Post by **harpers_perm** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:57 pm

work for HMRC now but years ago I worked for DWP on Income Support.

I had this mate who was a Fonejacker replica and would ring me pretending to be a claimant affording geordie and scouse accents crying on the phone pretending his wife had left him and took the kids and I'd think it was genuine.

One day this Welsh guy called me and thinking it was my mate I said something along the lines of 'I'm sorry I'm not interested that your money isn't in your account you sheep f*cking Welsh c*nt, I hope your ballsack gets clamped in a vice', after a pause I realised it was a genuine claimant. I hurriedly explained the back story furiously apologising. Luckily he saw the funny side but needless to say I made sure he got his money within seconds, I would have drawn the money out and driven it to his house in Bridgend if not.

IanMcL · Post by **IanMcL** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:00 pm

if the poster can't reveal his cock up then he should not expect others to reveal theirs!

nil_desperandum · Post by **nil_desperandum** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:02 pm

For the first few years of my career I made the naive mistake of trusting people around me - (especially those in senior positions).
Fortunately I learnt the error of my ways fairly quickly, and went on to do pretty well.

ExistentialWanderer · Post by **ExistentialWanderer** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:09 pm

Made the mistake, (although technically it wasn't me as I was told to hire him, as the owners had a vested interest in wooing his father on the council) of hiring a wet behind the ears kid back in 1991. Suit and tie job kid came for the interview. 'Straight A' GCSE kid in all his subjects. Book smart, not common sense smart. Not sure why he applied for a job with us to be honest with those qualifications. I digress. Obviously book smart but not done any graft before. I gave him a simple task of building us a cement mixing platform. Basically cut three pieces of wood and nail/screw into a wood base. He started at 8am. He hadn't finished at 5pm. A job realistically which could have been done in 30 minutes.

strayclaret · Post by **strayclaret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:10 pm

1963Claret wrote:It was after he'd wellied it with the desk

Returned 30 Years later for a MRI when we played Chelsea, I went for a look, the glass was plain, left and was told post scan the score was 3-0, thought we were loosing happy days

brain still there I hope

fidelcastro · Post by **fidelcastro** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:44 pm

IanMcL wrote:if the poster can't reveal his cock up then he should not expect others to reveal theirs!

Because it's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock up!

Seriously though, I know it's not a work related one, but we all know about your cock ups, don't we Ian?

Blaming Lee Grant for not saving a shot that went wide? Ring any bells?

Dressinggown · Post by **Dressinggown** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:51 pm

My new boss had only been in the job a few days when I received an email from him. Essentially, the email he sent contained directives which were not only contrary to our usual procedures but some were downright illegal. In addition, it went on and on about his previous successes.

I forward the email on to one of my colleagues stating 'Who is this prick' and other derogatory comments.

Except I didn't forward it to my colleague. Distracted, I had only replied to the original email from the boss. Cue apologies, grovelling etc. etc.

I was right though as he was 'moved on' after a few months.

john'sroseyspecs · Post by **john'sroseyspecs** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 7:37 pm

Had a saturday job in Oddies bakery. Was told DO NOT LEAVE THIS MACHINE ON WHEN YOU GO HOME. IT WILL OVERHEAT AND MIGHT SET ON FIRE. Left it on. Minor smoke damage only. Also took me years to eat another Oddies steak pie.

50 shades of Grey · Post by **50 shades of Grey** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 7:56 pm

Many years ago I worked at a large Trust House Forte Hotel darn sarff. Cut a long story short, I was in on an early shift, accidently broke a fire alarm, which triggered the alarm system for the whole hotel, which caused an emergency fire exit of 200 plus guests on to the main car park at 05.30 in the morning. I was about as popular as a wet fart on a wedding dress.

I swear, I've never seen a man with an angrier, beetroot red head as the hotel duty manager that day (he was a complete bell end, by the way).

Oh, how we laughed (later).

Fretters · Post by **Fretters** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:12 pm

I was once pitching an idea at work to a meeting of 30 odd people. It was an idea I was particularly proud of as it would both improve productivity and save money. So, I intended to pitch the idea and sign it off with a cool "so it's a case of two birds, one stone" line before retaking my seat and basking in the adulation of the room.

However, ten minutes after wowing everyone with my idea I instead went onto say, "so it's a case of two birds, one cup"

if you aren't sure, don't Google it.

john'sroseyspecs · Post by **john'sroseyspecs** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:39 pm

Fretters wrote:I was once pitching an idea at work to a meeting of 30 odd people. It was an idea I was particularly proud of as it would both improve productivity and save money. So, I intended to pitch the idea and sign it off with a cool "so it's a case of two birds, one stone" line before retaking my seat and basking in the adulation of the room.

However, ten minutes after wowing everyone with my idea I instead went onto say, "so it's a case of two birds, one cup"

if you aren't sure, don't Google it.

I'd never heard of that phrase. I've led a sheltered life. Have of course just googled. Two questions. How/why is that a thing? And, how many people in the audience got the reference?

fidelcastro · Post by **fidelcastro** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:43 pm

john'sroseyspecs wrote:I'd never heard of that phrase. I've led a sheltered life. Have of course just googled. Two questions. How/why is that a thing? And, how many people in the audience got the reference?

Anyone who looks at porn will have got the reference... so most of the men in the audience then.

Vintage Claret · Post by **Vintage Claret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:51 pm

I once worked as a PA to a well known female singer in London but I got fired when I made the mistake of leaving one of her favourite personal posessions unattended in a room above a club in Soho and some blokes disguised as electricians nicked it.

Shore claret · Post by **Shore claret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:56 pm

gandhisflipflop wrote:I once reversed a forklift through my bosses window.

I dropped an ibc on my colleague's car whilst driving a forklift.

gandhisflipflop · Post by **gandhisflipflop** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:02 pm

Shore claret wrote:I dropped an ibc on my colleague's car whilst driving a forklift.

My excuse was an awkward ex....yours?

Shore claret · Post by **Shore claret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:08 pm

I warned people not to park cars next to stock, reversed back hit hole in yard top one bounced off and ended up in the back window of her car.
Two weeks later she actually thanked me because it had failed it's mot, she got a rental car for 2 weeks and then a nice little bung, my boss thought it was hilarious I was shitting myself.

gandhisflipflop · Post by **gandhisflipflop** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:10 pm

Shore claret wrote:I warned people not to park cars next to stock, reversed back hit hole in yard top one bounced off and ended up in the back window of her car.
Two weeks later she actually thanked me because it had failed it's mot, she got a rental car for 2 weeks and then a nice little bung, my boss thought it was hilarious I was shitting myself.

ontario claret · Post by **ontario claret** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:20 pm

The only mistake I made at work was getting hired in the first place.

SammyBoy · Post by **SammyBoy** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:24 pm

Back in my student days I worked on the fish counter at the Morrisons in Leicester, and I used to turn up in all states - drunk, hungover, stoned; you name it. One day a quite serious woman around the age of 40 asked me to prepare an Octopus for her, and let me tell you these friggers are a ballache at the best of times. Anyway, I spent around 10 minutes in the back area sorting it out, and returned to the counter, put it on the scale and then using the scale tried tipping it into the sealable bags they have. I completely missed the bag and ended up with half her Octopus all over the floor, so rather than fess up and arduously prepare a new one for her, I foolishly decided to try and surreptitiously bend down, scoop it off the floor and back into the bag. As I stood upright again and turned to face her, I can only describe her as being in a state of incandescent rage which preceded her storming off threatening to tell the manager. I resigned myself to my fate, and waited to be summoned to whatever disciplinary I would probably have got for such a misdemeanor, but as luck would have it I never heard anything about it again and lived to fight another day

Bin Ont Turf · Post by **Bin Ont Turf** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:28 pm

fidelcastro - 3 (Turned communist in the second half and never tracked back)

Hipper · Post by **Hipper** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:38 pm

I've made a few errors in my time!

1. Still at school working part time in a shop. Fellow buys a packet of fags costing around 5 shillings (I'm an old git). He gives me a ten bob note, so I give him change for ten bob, then the ten bob note back as well! Why? To this day I don't know but I said nothing and seemed to get away with it.

2. Now (unwisely you might say) working full time in a bank, whilst on the till I somehow lost £20 on two separate occasions. As I was earning £10 per week you can see that's a lot of money. I had to check all the £20 note transactions I had taken in and paid out, including telephining those that had cashed a cheque and asking them if I'd given them £20 too much! The money was never found.

3. Having left the bank, I was later working as a groundsman looking after sportsfields. One day I was cutting grass on a slope when I hit a large stone and the plastic casing of the flymo shattered. I claimed I thought it was a mushroom!

4. Then I was cutting a lawn with a large cylinder mower with a metal box on the front. There were conifers on this lawn and I went too close to one of them. As result the box was no longer rectangular but more like a parallelogram! I was shitting myself as to how I would explain this but fortunately I managed to bend it more or less back into shape.

5. On another occasion I started a mower without checking the engine oil level. A short time after there was an almighty bang as the engine seized up. I got away with that too but I can't remember how.

I'm retired now you'll be pleased to hear.

Dressinggown · Post by **Dressinggown** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:41 pm

A fair old time ago I was employed by a firm based in Chatburn near Clitheroe that manufactured plastic garden stuff, imitation chain link fencing, trellis and the like.

It was just a summer job for me and a mate when we were at college, the prime objective being was to get some spending money for the lads holiday to Torquay.

We were initially based in the Trellis Putting Together Department which consisted of a dozen very outspoken, mature ladies. ****, could they put the stuff together fast. Their thumbs were like Elephants feet, whilst ours being soft student hands were in tatters within a matter of hours. We were expected to make 25 panels an hour like our other colleagues and managed about 8 an hour if we were lucky. Our colleagues always met their quota and this included the time they spent making lewd suggestions and pinching me and my mates arses. It was superb.

Unfortunately, we only lasted a week due to our poor output and were demoted to the Making a Box and Putting Stuff in it Department. My mate and I were based on the third floor with no other managers or employees present. The box stuff was easy and we regularly had plenty of time to spare. Naturally, we made a cricket bat and ball out of cardboard and duct tape. We even drew some wickets on a box for authenticity.

I won the toss and elected to bat. My mate was no cricketer and his first delivery was a rank bad 'long hop' which I proceeded to dispatch high over square leg. The 'ball' hit a 20 foot long fluorescent light fitting on the roof which then dropped 30 feet to the floor. There was a huge crash and glass went everywhere. We frantically tried to hide the evidence. The fitting was hidden behind some boxes whilst we brushed the broken tube into others. We were 'scott free' in the short term but needed to get the stuff gone for good. The boxes of glass were placed in the back of a van which had just made a delivery. The light fitting was a whole new problem. It took 2 of us just to pick it up. We had to 'bite the bullet' and launch it out of the window. If we could get it out a few yards it would land, hopefully, in some dense foliage. It nearly took me out of the window and dropped almost straight down going through a lower roof of the factory.

My mate says that you can still see the light fitting poking out of the roof if you stand on top of Clitheroe Castle, on a clear day and have a good pair of binoculars.