Judgemental parents

Blackrod · Post by **Blackrod** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:21 pm

I saw a mother rolling her eyes at someone who was struggling with a child who clearly had some behavioural issue in this restaurant today. It really annoyed me and it is something that I have seen before. The person doing this does not know what lies behind this family's struggles. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and confronted someone about it and then what the outcome or response was ?

Quickenthetempo · Post by **Quickenthetempo** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:28 pm

No, but people only realise an issue exists if they experience it themselves.

A lot of people are of the opinion kids are easily controlled if you are aggressive towards them, but it just plays to their stubborn side and makes it worse.

bfcjg · Post by **bfcjg** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:32 pm

Hmmm interesting one. My children were always very well behaved and we never had an issue. If the child's behaviour is due to crap parents then if said brat is ruining your meal you have every right to look annoyed however if it is due to other behavioural problems then it's not nice on the parents. In some cases you can just tell by how the parents are with the child ie shouting pointing and texting instead of looking after the child.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:51 pm

NEVER EVER INTERFERE if possible.

Sidney1st · Post by **Sidney1st** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:00 pm

I get people rolling their eyes at me when I'm talking to my 13yr old son.

Sometimes he requires a firm talking too and he gets it, no matter where we are and it works.
He's had them at TM a couple of times when I feel he's over stepped the boundaries of what he's allowed to shout at opposition players.

Same when he spent about 10 mins one day telling me he was going to batter me and knock me out.
We were at the Army Air Corps museum at the time and the method I used to stop him worked well, but shocked others.

They're more than welcome to have him for a week or two if they think they can do better.

Rightfoot · Post by **Rightfoot** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:19 pm

Sadly parenting is a lot more difficult than it were 20 years ago, discipline is taught at home but also 25 hours per week at school, kids get away with murder these days as people are scared to give them in a word a bollocking, I were scared to death of all my teachers and both parents.

Dazzler · Post by **Dazzler** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:51 pm

I once saw a young father give is little lad a light slap on the back of his legs for running havoc in tesco
and recall a woman looking at the chap with disdain,the father noticed the look on her face..

"If I can help it,He won't be robbing your house when he's older"
(Summat like that anyway)

HitchinClaret · Post by **HitchinClaret** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:01 pm

Once you hit/scream/lose control against a kid you have lost...

I slapped my sons arse years ago and still regret it.

Remember- kids (mostly) mimic your actions in later life, don’t bring them up to be morons

thatdberight · Post by **thatdberight** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:04 pm

HitchinClaret wrote:Once you hit/scream/lose control against a kid you have lost...

I slapped my sons arse years ago and still regret it.

Remember- kids (mostly) mimic your actions in later life, don’t bring them up to be morons

Thanks for your opinion. Others are available.

Dazzler · Post by **Dazzler** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:07 pm

HitchinClaret wrote:Once you hit/scream/lose control against a kid you have lost...

I slapped my sons arse years ago and still regret it.

Remember- kids (mostly) mimic your actions in later life, don’t bring them up to be morons

Aye,,Spare the Rod,Spoil The Brat

No Ney Never · Post by **No Ney Never** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:13 pm

I have to admit to rolling my eyes and giving a look of disappointment at a couple with a child one day when on holiday in Tenerife and thinking, how could you allow your child to wear a rovers shirt.

joey13 · Post by **joey13** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:26 pm

It made me laugh when friends of ours said they couldn’t get their 4 year old son to bed before 11pm , I said what you going to say to him when he is 14 and out of control, that didn’t go down too well , children need boundaries and will push them , it’s up to the parents to see they don’t break them .
Fortunately I never had need to smack my children.

CrosspoolClarets · Post by **CrosspoolClarets** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:27 pm

I think there is some truth that kids mimic their parents so if their parents are aggressive, the kids are aggressive back (fight or flight), or are so terrified that they comply but don’t necessarily choose to do that action later in life.

I think there is also truth in the statement that parents rolling their eyes at other parents often have little understanding of how that parent may have tried every trick in the book to get their kids to behave.

With us, when we get tired and resort to giving our Year 1 a tongue lashing, the behaviour tends to get more stubborn and defiant, and rarely works, unless it leads to a total meltdown and eventual sleep. We try to get to the root of the problem, to empathise and redirect.

LordBob · Post by **LordBob** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:44 pm

My partner works in a home with kids with huge behavioural problems and when you read the background of abuse they have suffered it's easy to understand their attitudes and as you say Blackrod these people that judge know nothing of how that child has been so badly hurt personally it makes me very annoyed and I have to ask these 'perfect people' what their problem is I have never encountered anyone yet that can put a reasonable argument forward that might justify their unacceptable behaviour, good topic.

Dazzler · Post by **Dazzler** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:45 pm

Only once did I come close to smacking my lad.

We received a letter from his headteacher at Junior school.
He had been out in the yard with a few pals when a wet break had been called.
A Dinnerlady tried encouraging them to come inside out of the rain when my lad said to her "get lost you silly old bat"
I was fuming.
I didn't say a word to him till the Arsenal European game came on tv.

"Right,get to bed and you're grounded for a week.

I had took his tv out of the room.

I felt horrible but it had to be done.

ClaretDiver · Post by **ClaretDiver** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:55 pm

I get judgemental looks when out with my missus...I think people assume I am her carer (well I am!!) but then when we have a kiss it freaks them out.........

tybfc · Post by **tybfc** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:12 am

LordBob wrote:My partner works in a home with kids with huge behavioural problems and when you read the background of abuse they have suffered it's easy to understand their attitudes and as you say Blackrod these people that judge know nothing of how that child has been so badly hurt personally it makes me very annoyed and I have to ask these 'perfect people' what their problem is I have never encountered anyone yet that can put a reasonable argument forward that might justify their unacceptable behaviour, good topic.

It is a good, very good topic.

Our youngest thanks to the will of God, the Local Authority and two years hard work has gained a place at a specialist school.

If you met him as many of you will have done he appears normal but he has massive anxiety problems and would never cope in a normal high school.

These problems go back to before he was born and we started fostering him.

He was 12 years old on Boxing Day and is the best kid you could hope for.

I have never and never will and have needed to smack either him or his brother.

We talk.

I found it difficult trying to discuss this with the head of the primary school that he has just left who told me that there are no such 'things' as children with educational problems or learning difficulties. If there were he he did not want them in his school.

Bin Ont Turf · Post by **Bin Ont Turf** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:50 am

Blackrod wrote:I saw a mother rolling her eyes at someone who was struggling with a child who clearly had some behavioural issue in this restaurant today. It really annoyed me and it is something that I have seen before. The person doing this does not know what lies behind this family's struggles. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and confronted someone about it and then what the outcome or response was ?

Why is it that some people think that other people should put up with anything that their bi polar midgets do?

I assume that by 'restaurant' you actually mean restaurant and not something like McDonalds.

I'd do more than roll my eyes when in a restaurant and there was a child kicking off.

Why is it that average people have to be seen to make all the concessions?

Stop bringing them out and spoiling everyone else's day.

tybfc · Post by **tybfc** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 2:02 am

Bin Ont Turf wrote:Why is it that some people think that other people should put up with anything that their bi polar midgets do?

I assume that by 'restaurant' you actually mean restaurant and not something like McDonalds.

I'd do more than roll my eyes when in a restaurant and there was a child kicking off.

Why is it that average people have to be seen to make all the concessions?

Stop bringing them out and spoiling everyone else's day.

What do you suggest?

Dazzler · Post by **Dazzler** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 2:05 am

tybfc wrote:What do you suggest?

Stop bringing them out and spoiling everyone else's day.

Bin Ont Turf · Post by **Bin Ont Turf** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 2:09 am

tybfc wrote:What do you suggest?

I quoted the OP.

Don't mix it up with the wonderful work you are doing.

Dazzler · Post by **Dazzler** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 2:42 am

tybfc wrote:head of the primary school...told me that there are no such 'things' as children with educational problems or learning difficulties. If there were he he did not want them in his school.

That is just astounding,especially coming from a headteacher.

Have you took his comment any further ?

tybfc · Post by **tybfc** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:00 am

Dazzler wrote:That is just astounding,especially coming from a headteacher.

Have you took his comment any further ?

Ofsted and they don't appear interested.

There have been 60+ kids removed from the school in 18 months because of the head and virtually a whole turnaround of staff.

The chair of Govs is suspended because the head says he bullies him!

tim_noone · Post by **tim_noone** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:43 am

Dazzler wrote:Aye,,Spare the Rod,Spoil The Brat

Bring the sadists of the fifties and sixties back.

bobinho · Post by **bobinho** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:50 am

I just keep me schneb out. I won’t stand by and watch someone be bullied or abused, but parents have a right to discipline as they see fit.

I’ve raised my daughter, I let others do the same.

I know if someone stuck the oar in whilst I was “parenting” they would’ve got a face full of **** off.

ŽižkovClaret · Post by **ŽižkovClaret** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 7:24 am

I'd try to give the parent an encouraging/empathetic look, and give the judgemental nob a rather less friendly one, but bugger interfering or getting involved unless there is a risk of serious harm, and even then i would always ask the parent if they needed help first

dsr · Post by **dsr** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:32 am

Blackrod wrote:I saw a mother rolling her eyes at someone who was struggling with a child who clearly had some behavioural issue in this restaurant today. It really annoyed me and it is something that I have seen before. The person doing this does not know what lies behind this family's struggles. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and confronted someone about it and then what the outcome or response was ?

The problem with confronting someone who rolled her eyes in an inappropriate manner, is that it makes you look like a complete twit. Or stronger word as appropriate. Even in today's PC world, and even if you have video evidence, you won't get much support for starting a row over an accusation of rolling eyes at a badly behaved child.

TVC15 · Post by **TVC15** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:34 am

tybfc wrote:Ofsted and they don't appear interested.

There have been 60+ kids removed from the school in 18 months because of the head and virtually a whole turnaround of staff.

The chair of Govs is suspended because the head says he bullies him!

Wow - really ?
sounds like a Head with far too much power and influence and a very weak governing body who are too scared to stand up to him and too scared to stand up for the chair....a real recipe for disaster.

The only certainty though is at some point soon he will go - his reputation will proceed him and I doubt he will get another role. Sounds like the parents need to take alternative action - get a few of them together who have had similar bad experiences and contact the local paper and also the local MP. At some point OFSTED or the local education authorities will need to investigate the power crazed nutter.

bfcjg · Post by **bfcjg** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:51 am

Dazzler wrote:Only once did I come close to smacking my lad.

We received a letter from his headteacher at Junior school.
He had been out in the yard with a few pals when a wet break had been called.
A Dinnerlady tried encouraging them to come inside out of the rain when my lad said to her "get lost you silly old bat"
I was fuming.

That was my worst day ever perfecting my drag act.

RocketLawnChair · Post by **RocketLawnChair** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:55 am

Most things can be explained to a child. I must admit though I tend to up the ante in terms of raised voice/shout when my young children do something I perceive to be dangerous, I’ve found in these circumstances this type of telling off works. I also have an 18 year old brought up in a similar manner who gets up and goes to work everyday who is helpful polite and well mannered likes a laugh and importantly is a massive claret so I must be doing something right.

RocketLawnChair · Post by **RocketLawnChair** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:58 am

TVC15 wrote:Wow - really ?
sounds like a Head with far too much power and influence and a very weak governing body who are too scared to stand up to him and too scared to stand up for the chair....a real recipe for disaster.

The only certainty though is at some point soon he will go - his reputation will proceed him and I doubt he will get another role. Sounds like the parents need to take alternative action - get a few of them together who have had similar bad experiences and contact the local paper and also the local MP. At some point OFSTED or the local education authorities will need to investigate the power crazed nutter.

Their maybe others who think the Head is doing a wonderful job though. Two sides to every story. The head at my daughters school isn’t universally popular amongst parents but I personally think she does an incredible job.

TVC15 · Post by **TVC15** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:13 am

RocketLawnChair wrote:Their maybe others who think the Head is doing a wonderful job though. Two sides to every story. The head at my daughters school isn’t universally popular amongst parents but I personally think she does an incredible job.

Agree that there are 2 sides to every story but I was a school governor for 15 years and if this Head believes what he is saying and is getting rid of and excluding children with learning difficulties / special needs then his days really are numbered.

Of course some parents will be happy with him - the NIMBY ones no doubt whose children do not have learning difficulties. And the results of the school have also no doubt improved - which is why for the time being he may be hailed as some kind of educational messiah by OFSTED and some parents.

I know of a secondary school in Burnley that for a period was one of the best schools in the country. Then I discovered how and why they achieved this status and without going into detail the results were artificially achieved in a manor that was no good for the actual educational needs of the children.

RocketLawnChair · Post by **RocketLawnChair** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:23 am

TVC15 wrote:Agree that there are 2 sides to every story but I was a school governor for 15 years and if this Head believes what he is saying and is getting rid of and excluding children with learning difficulties / special needs then his days really are numbered.

Of course some parents will be happy with him - the NIMBY ones no doubt whose children do not have learning difficulties. And the results of the school have also no doubt improved - which is why for the time being he may be hailed as some kind of educational messiah by OFSTED and some parents.

I know of a secondary school in Burnley that for a period was one of the best schools in the country. Then I discovered how and why they achieved this status and without going into detail the results were artificially achieved in a manor that was no good for the actual educational needs of the children.

If the horror story we’ve read on here is true offsted will be already onto this. Like I say two sides. And in terms of my daughters school the demographic of parents (not all) who seem to not like the Head Teacher or the namby pamby ones are the ones not long out of school themselves.

dsr · Post by **dsr** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:33 am

tybfc wrote:There have been 60+ kids removed from the school in 18 months because of the head and virtually a whole turnaround of staff.

60+ children removed? If you have 60+ children in a primary school who for whatever reason can't behave themselves, then you're going to have a bit of a disastrous primary school, aren't you? It can't be easy to cope with naughty children to any extent in schools nowadays, but if there are 60+ who won't or can't behave then the rest of the children are going to struggle.

TVC15 · Post by **TVC15** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:42 am

These are children between 4 and 10 years old.
I find it hard to believe that 60 of them can be so badly behaved to justify expulsion.....in this size of school in an 18 month period you would expect 1 or possibly 2 expulsions at most (and that's in a school in a deprived area)

As said above guessing there is a lot more to this.

tybfc · Post by **tybfc** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:43 am

RocketLawnChair wrote:Their maybe others who think the Head is doing a wonderful job though. Two sides to every story. The head at my daughters school isn’t universally popular amongst parents but I personally think she does an incredible job.

There are always two sides to a story.

Thankfully my child is no longer in this school so I can breath a sigh of relief.

I used to drop him off 5 minutes after the start of school and collect him at lunchtime as he could not cope with having lunch with loads of kids.

I would then take him back at the end of lunch and collect him 5 minutes before the end of school.

So I would wait in the reception area right outside the Head's office.

Every day there would be a group of kids with problems who he would be summoning into his office to be screamed at. As young as 5 years old.

They were all in tears before they even went in to see him.

There are no two sides to this story.

This Head got shunted from a school in Burnley and landed in Accrington and we need rid of him.

UpTheBeehole · Post by **UpTheBeehole** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:43 am

How big is the primary school to have 60 children removed?

There weren't even 60 kids in my primary school.

tybfc · Post by **tybfc** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:47 am

There were 312 kids in May 2015 and there are now less than 250

JohnMac · Post by **JohnMac** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:49 am

I heard a young lad in town yesterday making really stupid noises whilst running around.
Later the same lad, aged possibly no older than 4 was in the same shop as us. He was running around and even ran out of the shop at which point I shouted his Mother. Despite this she wasn't being negligent and was trying her best to keep an eye on him and his Sister whilst looking at clothes and shoes for them, not herself.
She went to pay for the goods and the young one ran off again and started kicking things around the shop floor.

How has society got like this? Is it food additives or diet or what? I can honestly say it never appeared the same in the 50's through to the 80's.

Jakubs Tash · Post by **Jakubs Tash** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:56 am

Whilst parents that have children with additional needs have experience of dealing with their behaviour, it doesn’t mean that it is easy for them. They literally have this 24/7 and 365 days a year. It can be frustrating and extremely exhausting. So before anyone passes judgement on any parenting skills maybe they should consider that it isn’t quite as black and white as parenting a ‘normal’ child.

Caernarfon_Claret · Post by **Caernarfon_Claret** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:59 am

Blackrod wrote:I saw a mother rolling her eyes at someone who was struggling with a child who clearly had some behavioural issue in this restaurant today. It really annoyed me and it is something that I have seen before. The person doing this does not know what lies behind this family's struggles. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and confronted someone about it and then what the outcome or response was ?

Not really but was in a Chinese all you can eat buffet restaurant once where there was a guy with tourette's syndrome and someone asked the management that he should be asked to leave but all the other patrons stuck up for the guy with tourette's and the management asked the guest who'd made the request for the guy with Tourette's Syndrome to leave, to leave.

tybfc · Post by **tybfc** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:02 am

JohnMac wrote:I heard a young lad in town yesterday making really stupid noises whilst running around.
Later the same lad, aged possibly no older than 4 was in the same shop as us. He was running around and even ran out of the shop at which point I shouted his Mother. Despite this she wasn't being negligent and was trying her best to keep an eye on him and his Sister whilst looking at clothes and shoes for them, not herself.
She went to pay for the goods and the young one ran off again and started kicking things around the shop floor.

How has society got like this? Is it food additives or diet or what? I can honestly say it never appeared the same in the 50's through to the 80's.

Perhaps he has a mental health problem? And needs help?

Society has got like this because we have ignored it since the 50's.

Ignorance.

UpTheBeehole · Post by **UpTheBeehole** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:02 am

Caernarfon_Claret wrote:Not really but was in a Chinese all you can eat buffet restaurant once where there was a guy with tourette's syndrome and someone asked the management that he should be asked to leave but all the other patrons stuck up for the guy with tourette's and the management asked the guest who'd made the request for the guy with Tourette's Syndrome to leave, to leave.

I hope the guy with Tourette's told him to **** off the ******** ****** ******** **** ********* ****** ************* ********

If it be your will · Post by **If it be your will** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:04 am

dsr · Post by **dsr** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:13 am

JohnMac wrote:How has society got like this? Is it food additives or diet or what? I can honestly say it never appeared the same in the 50's through to the 80's.

Much less is expected of children nowadays. Social Services reckon you need to be 14 before you can be left in a house with an electric fire. Junior school children never walk to school. People don't expect children to be bored and yet still be quiet. How can you learn responsibility when you're never away from an adult?

tybfc · Post by **tybfc** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:24 am

If it be your will wrote:I'm with you. Whilst it's senseless to criticise the parenting skills of complete strangers (on account you have no idea of the background), I think there is a strong case for saying you shouldn't take children into quiet places unless they are very likely to behave. And if, that day, your child unusually falls short, you should leave promptly, even if that means leaving an uneaten meal behind (a screaming fit followed by a "Right, we're leaving!" shouldn't bother anyone, for example).

It might not be your fault your child has behaviour issues, but it isn't everyone else's fault either. Whilst I'm too politically correct to call them bi-polar midgets, I might well roll my eyes.

Well I've read some crap on this and the previous message board over the years but that just about takes the biscuit.

Can I label you an ancient bigot and somebody who has not got a clue what he is talking about?

Go and spend half an hour with an educational psychologist who will explain to you the needs of the kids with special needs to be out with the rest of us.

I'd rather spend a pint with one of them kids than you.

If it be your will · Post by **If it be your will** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:27 am

UpTheBeehole · Post by **UpTheBeehole** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:27 am

dsr wrote:Much less is expected of children nowadays. Social Services reckon you need to be 14 before you can be left in a house with an electric fire. Junior school children never walk to school. People don't expect children to be bored and yet still be quiet. How can you learn responsibility when you're never away from an adult?

Junior school kids aren't allowed to walk to school by their parents, because of the massive upturn in middle-aged baby-boomer child predators in the 90s and 00s

TVC15 · Post by **TVC15** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:28 am

If it be your will wrote:I'm with you. Whilst it's senseless to criticise the parenting skills of complete strangers (on account you have no idea of the background), I think there is a strong case for saying you shouldn't take children into quiet places unless they are very likely to behave. And if, that day, your child unusually falls short, you should leave promptly, even if that means leaving an uneaten meal behind (a screaming fit followed by a "Right, we're leaving!" shouldn't bother anyone, for example).

It might not be your fault your child has behaviour issues, but it isn't everyone else's fault either. Whilst I'm too politically correct to call them bi-polar midgets, I might well roll my eyes.

So in summary you are not quite as an odious ignorant intolerant person as the poster that you agree with.

"Bi polar midgets" - f-uck me what kind of ignorant idiot talks like this ?

TVC15 · Post by **TVC15** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:29 am

If it be your will wrote:Just remember, you have absolutely no idea of my personal circumstances.

Whatever your personal circumstances are they cannot justify the ignorant view you have expressed.