Silly things woman say

Steve1956 · Post by **Steve1956** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 12:58 pm

Just settling down to watch Egypt v Uraguay the wife is half listening and she just turned to me and said "Is the referee using a motobilitity scooter"

....only people watching the game will get this she's lovely really !

Steve1956 · Post by **Steve1956** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 12:59 pm

Now she just said he's a tiny player the guy next to the referee in red

Quicknick · Post by **Quicknick** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 1:20 pm

I once took a girlfriend to the Turf. Leighton James pushed the ball past the fullback in front of the Longside heading to the Bee Hole End and ran down the cinder track before collecting the ball just before it ran out of play. The girlfriend said: 'Wasn't he offside then?'

happyclaret17 · Post by **happyclaret17** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 1:43 pm

this could be a longer thread than adeola friday.

dsr · Post by **dsr** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 1:56 pm

Quicknick wrote:I once took a girlfriend to the Turf. Leighton James pushed the ball past the fullback in front of the Longside heading to the Bee Hole End and ran down the cinder track before collecting the ball just before it ran out of play. The girlfriend said: 'Wasn't he offside then?'

It was commonplace at my junior school (boys' yard) to think that "offside" meant "out of play" - ie. off the side of the pitch.

NottsClaret · Post by **NottsClaret** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 2:01 pm

happyclaret17 wrote:this could be a longer thread than adeola friday.

But a shorter one than Silly things men say.

Bertiebeehead · Post by **Bertiebeehead** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 2:07 pm

‘Is it in yet’

clarethrough · Post by **clarethrough** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 2:29 pm

Wrong Hole

happyclaret17 · Post by **happyclaret17** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 2:31 pm

NottsClaret wrote:But a shorter one than Silly things men say.

....
I rest my case.

Rick_Muller · Post by **Rick_Muller** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 2:34 pm

"I do"

applies to both (all) sexes

andyh · Post by **andyh** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 2:49 pm

Does my bum look big in this.... (no bigger than usual)

happyclaret17 · Post by **happyclaret17** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 3:40 pm

andyh wrote:Does my bum look big in this.... (no bigger than usual)

....
I thought you had a rucksack on is not the right answer boys

.

bfcjg · Post by **bfcjg** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 3:51 pm

Are you really going to have that last can.

DCWat · Post by **DCWat** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 4:26 pm

No, you go out, I don’t mind, enjoy your self!

andyh · Post by **andyh** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 5:32 pm

Who is playing?
What’s a corner for again?

MACCA · Post by **MACCA** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:02 pm

Not necessarily what they say, but why do they all take the lids off washing up liquid, fabric softner etc and sniff them whilst shopping?

It tells you the flavour on the bottle, very odd.

DCWat · Post by **DCWat** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:03 pm

MACCA wrote:Not necessarily what they say, but why do they all take the lids off washing up liquid, fabric softner etc and sniff them whilst shopping?

It tells you the flavour on the bottle, very odd.

I’m not sure that they tell you the flavour

starting_11 · Post by **starting_11** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:09 pm

Back in the early 2000s my mates sister said

"Terry Henry's a great player... Why doesn't he play for England!"

Goodclaret · Post by **Goodclaret** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:11 pm

The first game my wife ever attended was Brighton at home about 20 odd years ago. We were losing 1 nil at HT and Brighton scored a second early in the second half. My wife said "that's a good do" but was surprised I wasn't celebrating. She hadn't noticed the teams had changed round (forget the colour of shirts, obviously)

happyclaret17 · Post by **happyclaret17** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:19 pm

so she says
" what are you doing coming home half p1ssed "
you say
" I ran out of money love....hicc "

MACCA · Post by **MACCA** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:29 pm

DCWat wrote:I’m not sure that they tell you the flavour

Yeah they do

I use flavour too much

Holmeclaret · Post by **Holmeclaret** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:32 pm

I don't think I'll order any chips... I'll just have a few of yours.

piston broke · Post by **piston broke** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:39 pm

These are the things they don't say....often enough.

: perfect_woman.jpg (219.08 KiB) Viewed 4042 times

PaintYorkClaretnBlue · Post by **PaintYorkClaretnBlue** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:41 pm

bfcjg wrote:Are you really going to have that last can.

Do you REALLY need another??

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:51 pm

Her: Why couldn't Thierry Henry play for England?
Me: Because he's French
Her: Fair enough.

Joe14 · Post by **Joe14** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 7:43 pm

After yesterday's game- "So have Russia won the World Cup then"?

MACCA · Post by **MACCA** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 7:49 pm

Mrs walks in from work and....

Me - Hi love, can you get me a beer before it starts
Mrs - yeah sure
Me - I'm empty can you get me another
Mrs - here
Me - that's gone down a treat, can I have another quickly it's going to start any minute.
Mrs - Jesus, what did you last slave die of, here don't ask me again!
Me - Darling, please can I have 1 more whilst you're up, its bound to start any minute now
Mrs - No, get up off your fat lazy arse and get your own beer, I've been at work all day, yet soon as I walk through the door I'm expected to wait on you hand and foot.
Me - See it's started, I knew it wouldn't be long...

Herts Clarets · Post by **Herts Clarets** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 8:04 pm

I was once in bed with a married woman and heard the sound of the front door opening and boots climbing the stairs.

It's my husband she says, quick use the back door. With hindsight I suppose I should have legged it but you don't get an offer like that every day....

Steve1956 · Post by **Steve1956** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 8:41 pm

Herts Clarets wrote:I was once in bed with a married woman and heard the sound of the front door opening and boots climbing the stairs.

It's my husband she says, quick use the back door. With hindsight I suppose I should have legged it but you don't get an offer like that every day....

Then you either woke up or got filled in !

Bfcboyo · Post by **Bfcboyo** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 9:24 pm

Ronaldo made it 3-3 tonight.-"so will it go to penalties now"

No darling.

LoveCurryPies · Post by **LoveCurryPies** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 9:37 pm

“I do!”

(this is in support of all those women who spend a lifetime tied to a football fan)

LoveCurryPies · Post by **LoveCurryPies** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 9:40 pm

Holmeclaret wrote:I don't think I'll order any chips... I'll just have a few of yours.

That’s my number 1 hate. “No I don’t want any chips”, meal arrives, and then “can I have some of your chips?”

Siddo · Post by **Siddo** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 10:39 pm

MACCA wrote:Mrs walks in from work and....

Me - Hi love, can you get me a beer before it starts
Mrs - yeah sure
Me - I'm empty can you get me another
Mrs - here
Me - that's gone down a treat, can I have another quickly it's going to start any minute.
Mrs - Jesus, what did you last slave die of, here don't ask me again!
Me - Darling, please can I have 1 more whilst you're up, its bound to start any minute now
Mrs - No, get up off your fat lazy arse and get your own beer, I've been at work all day, yet soon as I walk through the door I'm expected to wait on you hand and foot.
Me - See it's started, I knew it wouldn't be long...

Why did you bother with this shite?

Rumbletonk · Post by **Rumbletonk** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:15 pm

When we 1st met she tried to pretend she liked rugby for some odd reason.

Her watching England score a try "yes! What a try". One minute later "yes! And again go on boys"

Me "that was a replay"

Japebe43 · Post by **Japebe43** » Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:20 pm

To a marriage proposal.. 'Yes'..

MACCA · Post by **MACCA** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 7:50 am

Siddo wrote:Why did you bother with this shite?

I don't know, I was bored and I wrote the joke out wrong so it hardley made sense.

It's what a women would do though I suppose.

GordonvaleClaret · Post by **GordonvaleClaret** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:09 am

Mine feels sorry for Hublot. He's always getting taken off!

JohnMac · Post by **JohnMac** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:31 am

'Turn Right' whilst pointing to the left. It's a gene pool thing, they all do it!

Siddo · Post by **Siddo** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:34 am

MACCA wrote:I don't know, I was bored and I wrote the joke out wrong so it hardley made sense.

It's what a women would do though I suppose.

I know exactly what you mean!

bfcjg · Post by **bfcjg** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 11:14 am

My wife was doing some shopping on line a couple of years ago I keep well out of it but casually asked her what her password was as there was a lot of hacking cases going on; when she told me it was the dogs name I ranted on about cyber security etc etc etc to wish the reply was how could somebody in Russia a,know me b,know that we have a dog called xxxxxx ? c, know we live in Burnley.

tiger76 · Post by **tiger76** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 2:09 pm

JohnMac wrote:'Turn Right' whilst pointing to the left. It's a gene pool thing, they all do it!

Explains their driving and map-reading skills

piston broke · Post by **piston broke** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 2:12 pm

Me, “shall I go right or left?”
Her, “yes”

happyclaret17 · Post by **happyclaret17** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 3:28 pm

Approaching a junction with 4 lanes....taking her to her friends house....which lane shall I go in I ask......take the middle one she says.

Steve1956 · Post by **Steve1956** » Sat Jun 16, 2018 4:05 pm

She just asked me is Mark Clattenberg gay? She has a point though.

LordBob · Post by **LordBob** » Tue Jun 19, 2018 9:55 pm

Yesterday I had a huge rip in the front of my jeans I wanted to change and the missus said " you can only see it if you look" What!!!

Claret-On-A-T-Rex · Post by **Claret-On-A-T-Rex** » Tue Jun 19, 2018 10:45 pm

“It’s very simple: we’re not going to be sending the vast amount of money every year to the EU that we spend at the moment as a member of the European Union. That money will be coming back, and we will be spending it on our priorities. And NHS is our No 1 priority."

Claret-On-A-T-Rex · Post by **Claret-On-A-T-Rex** » Tue Jun 19, 2018 10:50 pm

"I'm here at the WhiteHouse w my family, feeling great, & working hard on behalf of children & the American people!"

Bfcboyo · Post by **Bfcboyo** » Tue Jun 19, 2018 11:30 pm

It has descended into a really poor Clive James stand up show.

ITS CLIVE ANDERSON DARLING

SirAlec · Post by **SirAlec** » Tue Jun 19, 2018 11:48 pm

‘I’m not indecisive, I just don’t know what I want’ my Mrs when trying to decide what to have from the Chinese

Cirrus_Minor · Post by **Cirrus_Minor** » Wed Jun 20, 2018 4:24 am

Mrs. CM sees the player injured on MOTD and says, “Has he damaged his Hercules tendon?”.