Anyone struggling with Christmas?

LoveCurryPies · Post by **LoveCurryPies** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:02 pm

I enjoy Christmas. Really forward to seeing my (grown up) kids. Enjoy meeting up with friends and neighbours.

But the shopping for presents is really getting me down. I suffer from depression all year round but the last few days before Christmas become a very dark place.

I haven’t a clue what my family want (they have just about everything) and trying to buy clothes for my daughter or wife is doomed to failure.

I’m just wondering if anyone else is struggling?

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:04 pm

I just ask family what they'd like, and to list as many as possible, then get one of them. It seems the best way, as at least you know they want it, and they won't know what they're getting as they've given several ideas. Perhaps try that? If it's for any nephews/nieces, ask their parents for ideas on what to get them.

Then use Amazon + Prime and get them delivered next day.

Personally I stay away buying clothes/shoes for people, as 9 times out of 10, it'll be too small/big and has to be returned.

vinrogue · Post by **vinrogue** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 5:38 pm

Not for this year, but maybe next year, try and replace expensive present buying with other stuff, for example with my sister and brother in law we have a meal out and we split the bill 50/50 instead of buying each other presents we don't want or need, and we have had this meal before and sometimes after Christmas but we always sort out the date and make sure it happens we also alternate on picking the venue. Works a treat and gets rid of the stress. With the more fun filled sons, daughters etc we set a £5 or £10 limit but the present or presents have to have the receipt and you have to buy from a charity shop. Always fun opening stuff knowing that the money went to Charity and wow a board game with dice and cards.....I guess we try hard to take the stress away and replace it with fun within a budget remembering it is Christmas and Christmas is not supposed to make anyone struggle or bankrupt them. UTC

upanatem · Post by **upanatem** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 6:41 pm

I am part of an extended family. Some years ago, we all decided that it was an annual chore buying people stuff that they don't want or need. So we agreed to do things differently (not too dissimilar to vin rogue above). We agreed to all go for an annual Xmas meal – great to catch up with everyone – and put everyone's name into a hat. Each person pulled out a name and bought that person a present. We initially agreed a max of £25 per present (but this has slipped over the last few years and crept up a bit). I always make life easier for myself and ask the person what they want. This excludes buying for nearest and dearest and own kids, etc.

Eloise Laws · Post by **Eloise Laws** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 6:44 pm

Take the stress out of it by not buying anything for anyone who doesn't need anything. I ask what people want, and if they say nothing - then that's what they get. I tell people I want nothing in gift form (which is true) but for us that are getting together for the meal to have a nice day and enjoy each other's company. The only gifts I buy are for the youngsters who get toy from Santa.
Bah humbug?? No just realistic.

SmudgetheClaret · Post by **SmudgetheClaret** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 7:14 pm

My other half did it differently this year she joined a xmas saving club got it all in vouchers putting away something like £20 a week on standing order seems to help ..

Blackrod · Post by **Blackrod** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 8:01 pm

If it's a struggle I really wouldn't bother. Tell them you are donating money to charity instead. It will be a lot easier and you will help someone who needs it. That's more what Christmas should be about. If you you were my relative I'd rather you just turned up being happy and in a good place.

spadesclaret · Post by **spadesclaret** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 8:47 pm

Blackrod wrote:If it's a struggle I really wouldn't bother. Tell them you are donating money to charity instead. It will be a lot easier and you will help someone who needs it. That's more what Christmas should be about. If you you were my relative I'd rather you just turned up being happy and in a good place.

I was about to say the same thing. Buy gifts for the children but tell the adults you are giving to charity instead of buying gifts. Good in two ways - it reduces your stress and it helps those in need.

Billy Balfour · Post by **Billy Balfour** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:02 pm

It's so commercialised, isn't it. Christmas adverts on TV in October.

I appear to be worse than 10 Hitlers if I suggest only buying presents for our nearest and dearest.

I'm not a bah humbug person by any means. I enjoy Christmas Day and I love seeing the kids open their presents. I enjoy the Christmas Day meal with my family and also look forward to the buffet we put on for family and friends on Boxing Day evening, but all the other stuff is such a faff and a bit OTT.

LoveCurryPies · Post by **LoveCurryPies** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:20 pm

Thanks for all the replies. It’s not about money. It’s about the stress of having to find presents for people who already have everything.

I agree with everyone who says it should be about getting together with family and friends and enjoying each other’s company. In a way, Thanksgiving Day in the USA seems a better celebration.

Have a lovely Christmas, folks! Fingers crossed for a much needed Clarets win on Saturday.

boatshed bill · Post by **boatshed bill** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:23 pm

spadesclaret wrote:I was about to say the same thing. Buy gifts for the children but tell the adults you are giving to charity instead of buying gifts. Good in two ways - it reduces your stress and it helps those in need.

Buy presents for children and tell adults it's time they grew out of it!
Christmas jumpers, what's that all about?

claretfern · Post by **claretfern** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:38 pm

Some really good ideas given here. Very commendable and sensible. I think many are taking such steps to remove all the stress out of it.

GodIsADeeJay81 · Post by **GodIsADeeJay81** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:46 pm

An agreement within my family that we just buy for the kids.

I'll get something for both of my kids mother's from the kids and vice versa.
That's it though.

I'm at a mates for Xmas dinner this year so I'll get him and his bird something as a thank you.

Other than that it's a stress free year for me.

If it's stressing you out, present buying, just cut down on the number of people you have, or want, to buy for.

duncandisorderly · Post by **duncandisorderly** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:47 pm

spadesclaret wrote:I was about to say the same thing. Buy gifts for the children but tell the adults you are giving to charity instead of buying gifts. Good in two ways - it reduces your stress and it helps those in need.

I disagree. You should always try and buy something for your mum, if no one else, once you're grown up.

ClaretTony · Post by **ClaretTony** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 11:41 pm

duncandisorderly wrote:I disagree. You should always try and buy something for your mum, if no one else, once you're grown up.

My mum wouldn't have bothered if I hadn't bought her anything but she would have been far from happy had there been no card.

I do agree though, firstly that Christmas can be very stressful and my advice would be to avoid the things that bring on the stress and that certainly includes choosing presents.

bfccrazy · Post by **bfccrazy** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 11:41 pm

Told the missus this year that we’ll just book a trip away instead of trying to buy something for each other.

I just ask the parents of kids in the family what the kids want and buy one of those things.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Fri Dec 21, 2018 11:52 pm

Even though my suggestion above hasn't been accepted, I still stand by that asking them for several ideas works well. It (a) gives them a surprise, because if they give you 5 ideas, they aren't sure which one they'll get and (b) you know they're going to receive something they actually want.

Another idea is buying them an event. It's not physical, but it's something they can experience. And I think experiences are worth more than physical products. A ticket to a comedy store, a parachute jump, a night in a haunted house, a weekend away etc etc... that comes with memories.

dsr · Post by **dsr** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:10 am

Books, assuming they read. Or something perishable - flowers, biscuits, bottles. That way you can buy them the same again next year. Induct them into the joys of Benedictine!

tim_noone · Post by **tim_noone** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:10 am

I'm in London for the game tomorrow my family have everything they need..... I look out for the homeless woman in East London found her made sure she was ok .first saw her against west ham last season on Mother's Day. Can't get over a woman being homeless .no....I'm not struggling.

tybfc · Post by **tybfc** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:32 am

It will be a tough one this year. My father in law was cremated last month.

I gave up my job 7 years ago when he was diagnosed with dementia and alzheimers and stayed at home to care for him full time when we had an extension built onto our home for him to live in.

As difficult as life became, and in the end it did, this Christmas will not be the same.

Thank goodness my wife enjoys shopping as I have not bought one present.

I am still hearing him shouting my name from his room to take him to the loo at 4am bless him.

Roll on Boxing Day.

Long Time Lurker · Post by **Long Time Lurker** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:34 am

One of the main causes for stress at Christmas is leaving everything until the last minute. It doesn't have to resemble a transfer window with a late rush, empty isles and price hikes. Getting some of the important work done nice and early makes things easier.

Placing money into a Christmas fund can help, although I would be worried that the company might fold and all my contributions could go up in smoke. I was sad to hear that actually happened to the people who had contributed money to the "2 chickens for a fiver" butcher in Burnley centre.

I try to buy quite a few bits and bobs throughout the year, especially for my niece, nephew and god children. Starting in the after Christmas sales is a good idea. Any items I buy are put into a Christmas box. When the time gets close I pull out the box and most of my shopping is done.

Visiting the charity shops is also a good idea, because it does cover two areas of giving. It don't think it really matters if the gifts are amazing. Sometimes just guessing what a gift could be and opening it is a joy in itself. Over the years I've wrapped up all sorts of silly things as stocking fillers, ranging from the raw ingredients for the Christmas dinner to clues that sent the kids outside on a treasure hunt to find a chocolate stash.

When push comes to shove it really is the thought that counts. As the OP said most people have all of the things they really want from a basic needs standpoint (within reason). Christmas can be seen as an excuse for people to buy the things they don't really need, but might like. It's why the giving of presents to people who don't have much, in the form of charitable donations, is so important and rewarding on a personal level.

Some of the edible bits and bobs I picked up in the last week for adults included

Treat Co Holiday Coffee set from Morrisons. Nine small boxes of flavoured coffee with a Christmas theme for £6.

Sugar Free coffee syrups bottles, £3 from TK Max. They have 1001 and flavours.

Nutella 3 minute cake in a mug, £6 from Morrisons.

Prosecco and Fiery Chilli Pringles, £1 from Home Bargains in Nelson.

Penguin biscuit tin, £4 from Morrisons again. Some cookie cutters and a couple of bags of self raising flour. I'm told women really appreciate flowers.

I bought some wicker baskets from Home Bargains, added in some chocolates and a bottle of plonk, and made my own Christmas hampers.

The best local place for board games, now that the postage has stopped, is the tabletop game shop which is a short walk from Burnley centre. You can even spend the day playing all the games in their library, for a small fee, which allows you to try before you buy. Or simply look at their contents. The staff are super friendly as well.

http://www.tabletopgameshop.co.uk/index ... re/burnley" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I completely understand that the weight of expectation can cause stress when it comes to the giving of gifts. However, I like to think that if my loved ones where placed in a position where they had to choose if they wanted me to be happy or stressed they would choose the former. With that in mind it makes the process relatively stress free.

Christmas is about family and the best gift you can ever give is your time and good company. Everything beyond that is just tinsel and trimmings.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:36 am

tybfc wrote:It will be a tough one this year. My father in law was cremated last month.

I gave up my job 7 years ago when he was diagnosed with dementia and alzheimers and stayed at home to care for him full time when we had an extension built onto our home for him to live in.

As difficult as life became, and in the end it did, this Christmas will not be the same.

Thank goodness my wife enjoys shopping as I have not bought one present.

I am still hearing him shouting my name from his room to take him to the loo at 4am bless him.

Roll on Boxing Day.

Fair play. Me and my sister looked after my mum when she had cancer, and that was for only 3 months. That alone, took it's toll. To help someone for 7 years must have taken an incredible amount of.. well.. everything. When my mum and dad died, I found New Year's Eve the worst. I would go to the toilet in whatever pub/club we were all in at the time, during Auld Lang Syne so I missed the countdown. I suspect that will be even harder for you than Christmas.

Spiral · Post by **Spiral** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:38 am

Don't have kids, don't marry, completely disengage from the boring family members, die alone. Problem solved. (Other, far worse, problems created, but let's stay on topic.)

ClaretAndJew · Post by **ClaretAndJew** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:44 am

Spiral wrote:Don't have kids, don't marry, completely disengage from the boring family members, die alone. Problem solved. (Other, far worse, problems created, but let's stay on topic.)

Hey that's exactly what I'm doing. 31 no kids no wife no partner.

My family name dies with me.

I don't spend money on people either.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:49 am

ClaretAndJew wrote:Hey that's exactly what I'm doing. 31 no kids no wife no partner.

My family name dies with me.

I don't spend money on people either.

I remember you mentioning you were in Leeds? (Unless I have the wrong poster). Are you still over this way?

ClaretAndJew · Post by **ClaretAndJew** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:52 am

FactualFrank wrote:I remember you mentioning you were in Leeds? (Unless I have the wrong poster). Are you still over this way?

I'm mostly over there yes!

Spiral · Post by **Spiral** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:54 am

edit-deleted. Irresponsible on reflection.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:55 am

ClaretAndJew wrote:I'm mostly over there yes!

Happy to meet for a pint sometime in the new year.

cricketfieldclarets · Post by **cricketfieldclarets** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:57 am

Probably in a minority. But I love it. And this year eill be even better with my first child. Even if she is too young to experience it properly, having her around and seeing everyone will be great.

As for gifts, again in a minority but love that too. Fair enough christmas is commercialised, but if you cant enjoy giving gifts at christmas what can you enjoy? And I enjoy giving the gifts more than receiving them. Love seeing everyones faces.

Even if its just a small gift or even a card given or received, time, effort and thought has gone into that so always appreciate it.

Spiral · Post by **Spiral** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:57 am

FactualFrank wrote:Happy to meet for a pint sometime in the new year.

I think C&J is pathologically cynical (like myself), not suicidal, Frank.

Wile E Coyote · Post by **Wile E Coyote** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:28 am

Utimately, its ******* madness, a commercial , sneaky enterprise with no other intention than to make us spew up what small reserves of cash we have to clever ads, designed to make us feel cosy and warm, whilst bleeding us dry.Right now, I don't have any black friends coming to our house for dinner, may God strike me down for my failures.

Spiral · Post by **Spiral** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:35 am

Wile E Coyote wrote:Utimately, its ******* madness, a commercial , sneaky enterprise with no other intention than to make us spew up what small reserves of cash we have to clever ads, designed to make us feel cosy and warm, whilst bleeding us dry.

You've just described capitalism. Bleak as it may seem at times it's better than everything else humans have ever tried as far as socio-economic systems go. Lighten up, it's Christmas!

Wile E Coyote wrote:Right now, I don't have any black friends coming to our house for dinner, may God strike me down for my failures.

Er, what?

Wile E Coyote · Post by **Wile E Coyote** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:39 am

Spiral wrote:You've just described capitalism. Bleak as it may seem at times it's better than everything else humans have ever tried as far as socio-economic systems go. Lighten up, it's Christmas!

Er, what?

they have you dumbo...

Spiral · Post by **Spiral** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:41 am

"They"?

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:45 am

Spiral wrote:I think C&J is pathologically cynical (like myself), not suicidal, Frank.

We've worked together before, pal. Feel free to come along, but you're buying all the drinks!

Spiral · Post by **Spiral** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:49 am

I'm quite poor. I can buy a steak bake for the two of you, will that do? (You'll have to share it, but spirit of Christmas and all that lark.)

Inchy · Post by **Inchy** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 6:24 am

On my side of the family we are pretty good at Xmas. We don’t buy anything for each other but my dad usually gives me a bit of money.

My wife’s family however go overboard every year and every year on Xmas moan one of them will say”oh we should stop buying so much” but no one ever does.

It’s fine for me because I don’t buy the stuff the wife does but I get annoyed with the stuff I get bought. My wife’s uncle got us a Candy floss maker a couple of years ago. Just spending money for the sake of it.

My wife wanted to send my brother an Xmas card. I explained to her that he will be mightily peed off if we send him one because he will feel he will have a to send one back.

Next year I am going to tell them not to get me anything and give it to charity instead. I am going to say I will be offended if they buy me anything.

ColneMonkey · Post by **ColneMonkey** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 6:52 am

It's a tough one.

We got married 8 years ago just before Christmas and my mother past away a matter of weeks later.

Christmas is now a mix of two anniversaries, one of happiness which is quickly overcome with one of deep sadness. For some reason I can't bare to hear The Pogues Fairytail of New York, as it reduces me, a grown man, to a sobbing wreck. So I get quite Bah-humbug about Christmas songs these days. I have to make strategically timed exists from Pubs and social gatherings if it gets played to gather my thoughts in the loo's!

On the present front, the adults have a pre-agreed stance of a bottle of wine and a small box of chocolates with any exception of buying for parents. I do find present shopping really hard work. I don't mind going shopping, stopping for a coffee, even happy being the wife's bag mule, but it's just the thoughts of what to get that's frustrating!

piston broke · Post by **piston broke** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:33 am

I’m lucky that Mrs Broke does all the family presents and is normally finished by October.
We never buy much for each other but the Amazon wishlist is a fantastic place to let folk know what you’d like.

The whole commercialisation of Xmas, Easter, Mum & Dad days, Valentines day,etc., is stomach turning.

wilks_bfc · Post by **wilks_bfc** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:44 am

SmudgetheClaret wrote:My other half did it differently this year she joined a xmas saving club got it all in vouchers putting away something like £20 a week on standing order seems to help ..

We’ve done that for a number of years and it does make things easier

However the stress comes to actually knowing what to buy people.

This year, we’ve only bought for immediate family (parents, siblings, nephew) and mrs w & I haven’t bought anything for each other.

There’s nothing either of us really want or need and we’d rather spend the money we’ve saved on a good meal out or weekend away

BFCmaj · Post by **BFCmaj** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:31 am

In 2010 we visited my wife’s family in India over the Christmas period. At the time we had 2 children and we decided not to take any presents with us as we thought it would be too much hassle. We had never really done the whole Father Christmas thing with them anyway and they were fairly young at the time so it wasn’t a big deal. My wife was bought up in a Hindu family anyway so she never celebrated Christmas until she met me.

During the 3 weeks we were there, Christmas wasn’t mentioned and it sort of passed us by - we were more occupied by family visits and just enjoying the sights and sounds.

When we got back, we had to look at the dates on photos to work out what we were doing Christmas Day and it brought home to us how much we’d enjoyed ourselves without the stress and pointless spending on unnecessary things that always happens.

Since that Christmas, we have stopped buying loads of presents that probably are unwanted anyway and we give money to charity. The children (we have 4 now) will get an annual or something small each and that’s it. We make the focus on family and spending time together and other things which are far more important than worrying about how much money we have spent. We have a tree and decorations and a big special Christmas meal but we don’t send so many Christmas cards.

One thing to bear in mind is that when speaking to my 96 year old Nan, she talks about her Christmases which were family focussed. People knew how to cut their cloth accordingly and she was happy. She remembers the occasion and family time rather than the presents she received.

It’s difficult to put into words, but since I took a step back and viewed Christmas from a different perspective, it’s a lot better and the emphasis is now on the more important things. I feel less stressed over Christmas but we all still get excited and have a great time.

Tribesmen · Post by **Tribesmen** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:39 am

Nope do really nothing as the wife takes over and suits me fine .

Top Claret · Post by **Top Claret** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:22 pm

Same as Tribesmen my old lady does the lot. I don't even buy her a present and neither does she me.

Funkydrummer · Post by **Funkydrummer** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 2:34 pm

We sacked presents for the adults a good few years ago, which makes it a lot more
pleasurable shopping for all the children in the family.

Very little stress involved and everyone is a lot happier with more energy to enjoy the
day than they used to have under the old way.

Recommended.

Foulthrow · Post by **Foulthrow** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 2:38 pm

GodIsADeeJay81 wrote:An agreement within my family that we just buy for the kids.

I'll get something for both of my kids mother's from the kids and vice versa.
That's it though.

I'm at a mates for Xmas dinner this year so I'll get him and his bird something as a thank you.

Other than that it's a stress free year for me.

If it's stressing you out, present buying, just cut down on the number of people you have, or want, to buy for.

A threesome?

Dark Cloud · Post by **Dark Cloud** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 2:53 pm

It's absolutely ridiculous that something that purports to be a "fun" time actually causes so much stress and anxiety. It really has been gradually ruined and has disappeared up it's own bottom imo, especially with all the "festive" stuff being shoved down our throats from the end of September. The whole thing wants reigning in. (Absolutely no pun intended!)

Jakubclaret · Post by **Jakubclaret** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 2:57 pm

Appreciate the break from work, the whole shebang is for kids really or adults/grandparents who can enjoy the excitement if young nippers are about, it might feel more christmassy if it snowed.

cricketfieldclarets · Post by **cricketfieldclarets** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 3:11 pm

Dark Cloud wrote:It's absolutely ridiculous that something that purports to be a "fun" time actually causes so much stress and anxiety. It really has been gradually ruined and has disappeared up it's own bottom imo, especially with all the "festive" stuff being shoved down our throats from the end of September. The whole thing wants reigning in. (Absolutely no pun intended!)

Its **** like 'ELF ON A SHELF' and every other thing that they try to throw into the mix that ruins it. Dickheads with trees up the day after Halloween. By the time it arrives we are fed up of a lot of it. And by the time it finishes we are already being bombarded for Easter.

But that aside I love it.

GodIsADeeJay81 · Post by **GodIsADeeJay81** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 3:22 pm

Foulthrow wrote:A threesome?

Nah, I wouldn't touch her with a stolen knob, she does nothing for me.

ceborame · Post by **ceborame** » Sat Dec 22, 2018 3:35 pm

I quite like doing a list, this might help LCP

My kids can then pick summat off it. But i always make sure i tell them 'you aren't supposed to buy it all, it's so you have a choice'

LCP if you asked those you buy for to do a list, maybe that would ease some of the burden ?