Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

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Bullabill
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Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Bullabill » Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:34 am

There has to be one but I don't know it.

Rick_Muller
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Rick_Muller » Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:38 am

http://www.jokes4us.com/animaljokes/hip ... jokes.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the savannah. Three weeks later, a Hippopotamus walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the Hippos mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the Hippo. "Your name is written inside the cover."
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Im_not_Robbie_Blake
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Im_not_Robbie_Blake » Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:41 am

The Hippopotamus's Birthday

He has opened all his parcels
but the largest and the last;
His hopes are at their highest
and his heart is beating fast.
O happy Hippopotamus,
what lovely gift is here?
He cuts the string.
The world stands still.
A pair of boots appear!

O little Hippopotamus,
the sorrows of the small!
He dropped two tears to mingle
with the flowing Senegal;
And the 'Thank you' that he uttered
was the saddest ever heard
In the Senegambian jungle
from the mouth of beast or bird.

Hipper
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Hipper » Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:22 am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAthfPZCkAs" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

basil6345789
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by basil6345789 » Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:46 am

A hippopotamus goes for a trial with Rovers.................

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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Rick_Muller » Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:57 am

your girlfriend

[I resisted using "your mum"]
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JHargreaves
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by JHargreaves » Thu Feb 07, 2019 10:17 am

My wife told me that she was a virgin before we got married and her vagina was like a mouse's ear. It turns out that she is a liar and meant a hippopota(mouse)'s ear.

Lancasterclaret
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Lancasterclaret » Thu Feb 07, 2019 10:22 am

How do you know two hippopotamuses have being having sex in your garden?

Squashed flower beds and missing bin liners

Jeffbfc
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Jeffbfc » Thu Feb 07, 2019 10:37 am

Bullabill wrote:There has to be one but I don't know it.
Going of this lot know one does ;)

cbx750
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by cbx750 » Thu Feb 07, 2019 10:59 am

The Planes Indians practiced polygamy, and one chief had three squaws.
The first squaw lived in a teepee of elk hide, the second in a teepee
made of buffalo hide, and the youngest in a teepee of hippopotamus hide.
Then he slept with each wife on the eve of his great hunting trip.
He was gone nine moons and when he returned, he went into the elk hide
teepee and found that his wife had borne him a son. Likewise, in the
buffalo hide teepee, that squaw, too, had borne him a son. So, imagine
his surprise when he found twin baby boys in the hippopotamus hide
teepee.
This just proves that …





The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides.
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houseboy
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by houseboy » Thu Feb 07, 2019 11:14 am

Two students sat at a table, one says to the other 'I think it's pronounced wom-b'. The other says 'no it's pronounced wum-b'. A passing professor overhears and walks over saying 'I think you'll find it's pronounced woom, as in womb'. And walks away.
One of the students says to the other 'That's funny, how the hell does he know what sound a hippopotamus makes when it farts under water?'

Please note that this joke loses a bit when written, it's far better spoken. Ha ha.

bobinho
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by bobinho » Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:38 pm

Bullabill wrote:There has to be one but I don't know it.
Give it five minutes...... the hippo society will be on getting all snowflakey, then likening this thread to the holocaust...

houseboy
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by houseboy » Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:58 pm

A representative of the African Society of Hippopotomi has already registered a complaint with the mods. Several on here are being accused of hippopotomism and it is believed that many of their members are deeply offended by references to the hippopotomus as the brunt of jokes that in no way are representative of the hippopotomus culture. They feel they are being objectified in a disgraceful way and are particularly offended by hippopotomus 'teepees', references to their under-water toilet habits and, albeit obliquely, being accused of having big ears (ref: the virgin analogy).

This must stop henceforth lest all concerned be hauled before the European Court of Hippopotomus Rights (soon to be disbanded when all creatures are regarded as the same in the eyes of the EU).
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BillyIngham'sShorts
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by BillyIngham'sShorts » Thu Feb 07, 2019 1:15 pm

What does an old limping hippo with an interest in modern music do to make itself feel better?

Goes for HipHop!

BillyIngham'sShorts
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by BillyIngham'sShorts » Thu Feb 07, 2019 1:16 pm

What did the hippo say when it sat on a grape

Nothing - it just let out a little wine!

Rubstuds
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Rubstuds » Thu Feb 07, 2019 2:14 pm

Mmmm...looks like your struggling BB

claret2018
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by claret2018 » Thu Feb 07, 2019 2:18 pm

What do you call a hippo with 3 eyes?

A hiiippo
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Vino blanco
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Vino blanco » Thu Feb 07, 2019 4:50 pm

There are two hippopotamuses, one called Paddy, one called Mick. Paddy says to Mick.......................................
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Falcon
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Falcon » Thu Feb 07, 2019 5:17 pm

houseboy wrote:A representative of the African Society of Hippopotomi has already registered a complaint with the mods. Several on here are being accused of hippopotomism and it is believed that many of their members are deeply offended by references to the hippopotomus as the brunt of jokes that in no way are representative of the hippopotomus culture. They feel they are being objectified in a disgraceful way and are particularly offended by hippopotomus 'teepees', references to their under-water toilet habits and, albeit obliquely, being accused of having big ears (ref: the virgin analogy).

This must stop henceforth lest all concerned be hauled before the European Court of Hippopotomus Rights (soon to be disbanded when all creatures are regarded as the same in the eyes of the EU).

Megalolzzz!
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Long Time Lurker
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Long Time Lurker » Thu Feb 07, 2019 7:17 pm

basil6345789 wrote:A hippopotamus goes for a trial with Rovers.................
........because its safer than living in the wild.

They aren't in the hunt this season, they don't have any poachers of note and when it comes to "big game" performances they lack amunition.

He decided to end the trial early after evaluating their squad, saying " I enjoy wallowing in mud, but I draw the line at playing with shite "

Edit: News just in, the African Society of Hippopotomi have approved this post on the basis that it is representational of the Hippopotomi culture, although they voiced their misgivings and concern at the link with Rovers.
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SmudgetheClaret
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by SmudgetheClaret » Thu Feb 07, 2019 7:46 pm

What do you call a teenage hippo with bad acne?

Hippospottymush ( yes I made it up myself and I also do my own choreography)

HunterST_BFC
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by HunterST_BFC » Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:08 pm

I was walking past the bus stop and saw a woman swearing at everyone while shaking and sweating.
I asked her if she was OK?
She said "have you got any F++kin' sweets or biscuits I want 'em now!"

Turns out she was a Hypo Potty Mouth.


(.. where's my coat?)
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Claretjug
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Claretjug » Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:48 pm

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One's really heavy, the other's a little lighter.
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dougcollins
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by dougcollins » Thu Feb 07, 2019 10:26 pm

The geographical inaccuracies on this thread are worse than the jokes.

Tricky Trevor
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by Tricky Trevor » Fri Feb 08, 2019 12:11 am

An 82 year old man, named Hippopotamus, is standing crying in the street. A young man, concerned, walks over and asks him if he is OK.
The gentleman replies, “No, it’s my birthday today. I’m 82.”
“82! But you look great for your age, you should be happy.”
The old man continues, “yeah, and I got married yesterday to a gorgeous 25 year old blonde.”
The young man thinks he’s sussed the old man’s problem, “I suppose you’re too old to fulfill your conjugal responsibilities?”
“No, not at all, we enjoy a full and loving sexual relationship, up to 5 times a day.” He says still crying.
“Look mate, I’m 25 and I don’t enjoy that much sex, you lucky devil,” says the jealous lad.
“Why are you crying?”

The old man looks up and says, I’ve forgotten where I live.”
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atlantalad
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by atlantalad » Fri Feb 08, 2019 12:41 am

And we welcome tonight our special rapper artist all the way from Cameroon; Hip hop Thomas.
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houseboy
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by houseboy » Fri Feb 08, 2019 11:40 am

Long Time Lurker wrote:........because its safer than living in the wild.

They aren't in the hunt this season, they don't have any poachers of note and when it comes to "big game" performances they lack amunition.

He decided to end the trial early after evaluating their squad, saying " I enjoy wallowing in mud, but I draw the line at playing with shite "

Edit: News just in, the African Society of Hippopotomi have approved this post on the basis that it is representational of the Hippopotomi culture, although they voiced their misgivings and concern at the link with Rovers.
Absolutely mint follow-up. :lol: :lol: :lol:

houseboy
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by houseboy » Fri Feb 08, 2019 11:43 am

SmudgetheClaret wrote:What do you call a teenage hippo with bad acne?

Hippospottymush ( yes I made it up myself and I also do my own choreography)
Tumbleweeds rolling across an empty street and deathly slience all around. Get your coat.

Only kidding mate ;)

houseboy
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by houseboy » Fri Feb 08, 2019 11:46 am

dougcollins wrote:The geographical inaccuracies on this thread are worse than the jokes.
That's the p[roblem with humour - it has no boiuderies. ;)

bob-the-scutter
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Re: Wanted - A good hippopotamus joke!

Post by bob-the-scutter » Fri Feb 08, 2019 4:14 pm

What's got 2 legs and bleeds a lot?















Half a hippopotamus!

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