Football, Sex - Living the dream.

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middleton claret
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Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by middleton claret » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:28 pm

I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Bertiebeehead » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:33 pm

Thanks for sharing.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Buxtonclaret » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:35 pm

How interesting.

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Dyched » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:35 pm

I’m not sure Ashley Barnes stroking brings you to your peak is something to share.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by bfccrazy » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:36 pm

In my youth I got a Burnley tattoo on my thigh so the girl I was seeing at the time from Blackburn (all her family were massive rovers too) would have to see it every time she was in that area ......

Love does strange things to people eh .....

We didn’t last long :lol:

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Hendrickxz » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:39 pm

You mean less than 29 minutes??????
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by HatfieldClaret » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:39 pm

Get a boyfriend, you can watch the football together......no need to watch MoTD over her shoulder..... and have a beer after. :shock:

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Tricky Trevor » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:45 pm

I see the radio was still on. Good lad, priorities.

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Lancasterclaret » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:46 pm

How dare you call yourself a fan if thinking about Ashley Barnes for 29 minutes doesn't turn your bedroom into something like a plasterers radio.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by tim_noone » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:06 pm

middleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
yes while at the Huddersfield away game I had the urge to do something I'd NEVER Done at a football match....I parted with a quarter pounder..... A most pleasurable experience along with the 3points :?
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basil6345789
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by basil6345789 » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:13 pm

HatfieldClaret wrote:Get a boyfriend, you can watch the football together......no need to watch MoTD over her shoulder..... and have a beer after. :shock:
And then go and support Brighton.
Better still get a horse and go and support Rovers.

Burnley1989
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Burnley1989 » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:14 pm

middleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
Brilliant :lol:

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Vegas Claret » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:14 pm

Image
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by dpinsussex » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:17 pm

29 minutes. Hope you didnt pay too much for the viagra :)

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Inchy » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:21 pm

Yes

When I was a lot younger I met a girl who worked behind the bar at the Turf with me. I worked during xmas functions.


Anyway I’d been trying it on for a bit and she agrees to come round for dvd and chills (before Netflix). Problem was Burnley we’re playing Chelsea in the cup.

Anyway things started to happen and I had my radio with head phones in next to the bed so I could just about make out what was going on.
As things were going down I heard from the head phones “AKINBIYI!”.

Quick as a flash I jumped up, told her to get dressed and drove her home.

I needed to be alone to fully concentrate on the pen shootout

She never bothered with me after that
Last edited by Inchy on Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:30 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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BurningBeard
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by BurningBeard » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:22 pm

Have you considered writing for Razzle? You'll go far with such a vivid imagination and colourful prose.
Last edited by BurningBeard on Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

theroyaldyche
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by theroyaldyche » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:24 pm

Send it

Stalbansclaret
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Stalbansclaret » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:55 pm

I can only imagine your distressing wilt had Attwell penalised Hendrick's handball.

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Garnerssoap » Mon Feb 11, 2019 8:55 pm

Was getting sucked off by the bishop of penriths daughter when the Cardiff away result came through in the 4th div champions season
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by tim_noone » Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:01 pm

Garnerssoap wrote:Was getting sucked off by the bishop of penriths daughter when the Cardiff away result came through in the 4th div champions season
Not forgetting your Whalley nightclub escapades...you make allarge claret look like a novice. :o

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by JohnMac » Tue Feb 12, 2019 5:25 pm

Reminds me of Auf Wiedersehen Pet when 'Neville' was in bed with 'Brenda' on one of his weekends home from Germany. The radio was on in the background and 'Brenda' was waffling on.

Kevin Whately was listening to football and Newcastle scored so it ended up as an outake.

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by JohnMac » Tue Feb 12, 2019 5:29 pm

[quote="Inchy"]
Quick as a flash I jumped up, told her to get dressed and drove her home /quote]

What an honourable thing to do, the safer option would be to call a taxi and let her wait outside thereby ensuring you missed nothing!

IanMcL
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by IanMcL » Wed Feb 13, 2019 4:29 pm

Garnerssoap wrote:Was getting sucked off by the bishop of penriths daughter when the Cardiff away result came through in the 4th div champions season
There ought to be a song about that!

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Squarepusher » Wed Feb 13, 2019 4:47 pm

Didn't happen.

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Longside4evr » Wed Feb 13, 2019 4:49 pm

A gentleman never tells
But here goes got suck off in a vicarage with the vicar's daughter when we were ****
It helped cushion the blow
True story
And pd before anyone says it it wasn't Daves

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Goobs » Wed Feb 13, 2019 5:44 pm

Stalbansclaret wrote:I can only imagine your distressing wilt had Attwell penalised Hendrick's handball.
If imagining flaccid members is how you pass your time then fair enough,nice of you to share.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by dougcollins » Wed Feb 13, 2019 9:49 pm

Garnerssoap wrote:Was getting sucked off by the bishop of penriths daughter when the Cardiff away result came through in the 4th div champions season

I was having my car bricked by Welsh nutters.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Hipper » Thu Feb 14, 2019 9:25 am

middleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
Tell the truth. Who was wearing the basque and stockings?

Rumbletonk
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Rumbletonk » Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:19 am

dougcollins wrote:I was having my car bricked by Welsh nutters.
We were all getting bricked that day.

Wish I'd have known the bishop of penriths daughter

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by SouthamptonClaret » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:07 am

I was steaming the home game against Saints a couple of years back and sinking a few cans. The girlfriend was after some attention and let's just say she had her head in my lap - as Barton stepped up to take the free kick I reached for my beer, a bit calculated, just so I had the chance of being able to say that I was once drinking a beer, as Burnley scored at the same time as being given some special attention from the missus. As we know the free kick went in and is now up there as one of my favourite Burnley goals. I'm not as virile as middleton though and my celebration was over before Joey's
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Bosscat » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:09 am

dougcollins wrote:I was having my car bricked by Welsh nutters.
Could have been worse ......

Your Nuts could have been hit by Welsh Bricks

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by TVC15 » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:18 am

I was waiting for the punchline at the end of the OP !
Maybe we can get a book deal or B Movie out of this thread.....Confessions of a Burnley Fan...is Robin Asquith too old to play the lead ?

I once did a little pee pee in my pants when Glen Little scored that goal against Bristol Rovers - I can’t see that making the final cut though !

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by Clarets4me » Thu Feb 14, 2019 4:43 pm

TVC15 wrote:I was waiting for the punchline at the end of the OP ! Maybe we can get a book deal or B Movie out of this thread.....Confessions of a Burnley Fan...is Robin Asquith too old to play the lead ?
Step forward, " Tim Noone " !!

I hear he's been comforting that many deserted wives, divorcees and widows that he's excused trousers on parade !! ;)

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by tim_noone » Thu Feb 14, 2019 5:14 pm

Clarets4me wrote:Step forward, " Tim Noone " !!

I hear he's been comforting that many deserted wives, divorcees and widows that he's excused trousers on parade !! ;)
:lol: attention !!!
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by John Johnson 1605 » Thu Feb 14, 2019 5:42 pm

middleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
With an imagination like that you should write for Razzle.

tim_noone
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by tim_noone » Thu Feb 14, 2019 5:45 pm

middleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
Has she any mates?? :?

timshorts
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by timshorts » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:21 pm

If she really liked you, why would she have sent herself an outfit in man u colours?

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by middleton claret » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:32 pm

20190214_140842.jpg
20190214_140842.jpg (694.01 KiB) Viewed 1352 times
For all you non believers
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by tim_noone » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:46 pm

I always believed.... Now about her mates.my numba is as follows. :shock:
Last edited by tim_noone on Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TVC15
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by TVC15 » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:48 pm

Classy lady !

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by evensteadiereddie » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:53 pm

This is turning into "Readers' Wives".
Which reminds me, does anybody know which football publication - I'm thinking "Goal" or something like that - published, at times, quite comely pics of players' wives.
I remember a pic of Alan Ball's wife, Lesley, causing a fair amount of teenage, right-arm activity.................

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by bodge » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:55 pm

Was that pic taken before or after Barnes' penalty Middleton ?

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by tim_noone » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:58 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:This is turning into "Readers' Wives".
Which reminds me, does anybody know which football publication - I'm thinking "Goal" or something like that - published, at times, quite comely pics of players' wives.
I remember a pic of Alan Ball's wife, Lesley, causing a fair amount of teenage, right-arm activity.................
Left! :?

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by evensteadiereddie » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:59 pm

Both ! :o

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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by evensteadiereddie » Thu Feb 14, 2019 8:00 pm

At once. ;)
Last edited by evensteadiereddie on Thu Feb 14, 2019 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.

Post by tim_noone » Thu Feb 14, 2019 8:00 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:Both ! :o
:lol: yes that's what I was meaning..

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