Football, Sex - Living the dream.
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Football, Sex - Living the dream.
I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
How interesting.
Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
I’m not sure Ashley Barnes stroking brings you to your peak is something to share.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
In my youth I got a Burnley tattoo on my thigh so the girl I was seeing at the time from Blackburn (all her family were massive rovers too) would have to see it every time she was in that area ......
Love does strange things to people eh .....
We didn’t last long
Love does strange things to people eh .....
We didn’t last long
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
You mean less than 29 minutes??????
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Get a boyfriend, you can watch the football together......no need to watch MoTD over her shoulder..... and have a beer after.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
I see the radio was still on. Good lad, priorities.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
How dare you call yourself a fan if thinking about Ashley Barnes for 29 minutes doesn't turn your bedroom into something like a plasterers radio.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
yes while at the Huddersfield away game I had the urge to do something I'd NEVER Done at a football match....I parted with a quarter pounder..... A most pleasurable experience along with the 3pointsmiddleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
And then go and support Brighton.HatfieldClaret wrote:Get a boyfriend, you can watch the football together......no need to watch MoTD over her shoulder..... and have a beer after.
Better still get a horse and go and support Rovers.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Brilliantmiddleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
29 minutes. Hope you didnt pay too much for the viagra
Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Yes
When I was a lot younger I met a girl who worked behind the bar at the Turf with me. I worked during xmas functions.
Anyway I’d been trying it on for a bit and she agrees to come round for dvd and chills (before Netflix). Problem was Burnley we’re playing Chelsea in the cup.
Anyway things started to happen and I had my radio with head phones in next to the bed so I could just about make out what was going on.
As things were going down I heard from the head phones “AKINBIYI!”.
Quick as a flash I jumped up, told her to get dressed and drove her home.
I needed to be alone to fully concentrate on the pen shootout
She never bothered with me after that
When I was a lot younger I met a girl who worked behind the bar at the Turf with me. I worked during xmas functions.
Anyway I’d been trying it on for a bit and she agrees to come round for dvd and chills (before Netflix). Problem was Burnley we’re playing Chelsea in the cup.
Anyway things started to happen and I had my radio with head phones in next to the bed so I could just about make out what was going on.
As things were going down I heard from the head phones “AKINBIYI!”.
Quick as a flash I jumped up, told her to get dressed and drove her home.
I needed to be alone to fully concentrate on the pen shootout
She never bothered with me after that
Last edited by Inchy on Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:30 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Have you considered writing for Razzle? You'll go far with such a vivid imagination and colourful prose.
Last edited by BurningBeard on Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
I can only imagine your distressing wilt had Attwell penalised Hendrick's handball.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Was getting sucked off by the bishop of penriths daughter when the Cardiff away result came through in the 4th div champions season
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Not forgetting your Whalley nightclub escapades...you make allarge claret look like a novice.Garnerssoap wrote:Was getting sucked off by the bishop of penriths daughter when the Cardiff away result came through in the 4th div champions season
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Reminds me of Auf Wiedersehen Pet when 'Neville' was in bed with 'Brenda' on one of his weekends home from Germany. The radio was on in the background and 'Brenda' was waffling on.
Kevin Whately was listening to football and Newcastle scored so it ended up as an outake.
Kevin Whately was listening to football and Newcastle scored so it ended up as an outake.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
[quote="Inchy"]
Quick as a flash I jumped up, told her to get dressed and drove her home /quote]
What an honourable thing to do, the safer option would be to call a taxi and let her wait outside thereby ensuring you missed nothing!
Quick as a flash I jumped up, told her to get dressed and drove her home /quote]
What an honourable thing to do, the safer option would be to call a taxi and let her wait outside thereby ensuring you missed nothing!
Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
There ought to be a song about that!Garnerssoap wrote:Was getting sucked off by the bishop of penriths daughter when the Cardiff away result came through in the 4th div champions season
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Didn't happen.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
A gentleman never tells
But here goes got suck off in a vicarage with the vicar's daughter when we were ****
It helped cushion the blow
True story
And pd before anyone says it it wasn't Daves
But here goes got suck off in a vicarage with the vicar's daughter when we were ****
It helped cushion the blow
True story
And pd before anyone says it it wasn't Daves
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
If imagining flaccid members is how you pass your time then fair enough,nice of you to share.Stalbansclaret wrote:I can only imagine your distressing wilt had Attwell penalised Hendrick's handball.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Garnerssoap wrote:Was getting sucked off by the bishop of penriths daughter when the Cardiff away result came through in the 4th div champions season
I was having my car bricked by Welsh nutters.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Tell the truth. Who was wearing the basque and stockings?middleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
We were all getting bricked that day.dougcollins wrote:I was having my car bricked by Welsh nutters.
Wish I'd have known the bishop of penriths daughter
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
I was steaming the home game against Saints a couple of years back and sinking a few cans. The girlfriend was after some attention and let's just say she had her head in my lap - as Barton stepped up to take the free kick I reached for my beer, a bit calculated, just so I had the chance of being able to say that I was once drinking a beer, as Burnley scored at the same time as being given some special attention from the missus. As we know the free kick went in and is now up there as one of my favourite Burnley goals. I'm not as virile as middleton though and my celebration was over before Joey's
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Could have been worse ......dougcollins wrote:I was having my car bricked by Welsh nutters.
Your Nuts could have been hit by Welsh Bricks
Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
I was waiting for the punchline at the end of the OP !
Maybe we can get a book deal or B Movie out of this thread.....Confessions of a Burnley Fan...is Robin Asquith too old to play the lead ?
I once did a little pee pee in my pants when Glen Little scored that goal against Bristol Rovers - I can’t see that making the final cut though !
Maybe we can get a book deal or B Movie out of this thread.....Confessions of a Burnley Fan...is Robin Asquith too old to play the lead ?
I once did a little pee pee in my pants when Glen Little scored that goal against Bristol Rovers - I can’t see that making the final cut though !
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Step forward, " Tim Noone " !!TVC15 wrote:I was waiting for the punchline at the end of the OP ! Maybe we can get a book deal or B Movie out of this thread.....Confessions of a Burnley Fan...is Robin Asquith too old to play the lead ?
I hear he's been comforting that many deserted wives, divorcees and widows that he's excused trousers on parade !!
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
attention !!!Clarets4me wrote:Step forward, " Tim Noone " !!
I hear he's been comforting that many deserted wives, divorcees and widows that he's excused trousers on parade !!
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
With an imagination like that you should write for Razzle.middleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Has she any mates??middleton claret wrote:I,ve been seeing a girl down in Cheshire for the last couple of years and we take it in turn to visit each other at the weekend. Last weekend we had been invited to a birthday bash down her way on Saturday night, so i made my way down there with trusted DAB digital radio amongst my luggage.Knowing the Clarets were live commentary with Sam Whatuface and Stuart Pearce on Talksport i encouraged her to have a pamper afternoon hair, nails etc in order to take in the game without disturbance. During Football Focus a delivery parcel from DHL turned up for her which i presumed was a new outfit for the evening.In an attempt to get ahead of the game i showered & shaved whilst listening to the results and decided to have a lie down on the bed in preparation for our game.
Feeling perky at 0-1 up and Tom playing a blinder i heard the front door go just as the half-time whistle blew.Hi honey i,m home she declared whilst i remained in the bedroom eagerly awaiting the 2nd half. A few minutes passed and she appeared at the door in a Valentine,s outfit complete with red basque /stockings (DHL) and slid into bed next to me. Obviously i will spare you the finer details but as Ashley stroked home the penalty i had just reached my peak !! Now for the Eagle eyed amongst you thats around 29 minutes of full-blown action - not bad considering i,m in my fifty's !!
Anyone else had such a pleasurable experience whilst watching/listening to the Clarets ??
Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
If she really liked you, why would she have sent herself an outfit in man u colours?
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
For all you non believers
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
I always believed.... Now about her mates.my numba is as follows.
Last edited by tim_noone on Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Classy lady !
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
This is turning into "Readers' Wives".
Which reminds me, does anybody know which football publication - I'm thinking "Goal" or something like that - published, at times, quite comely pics of players' wives.
I remember a pic of Alan Ball's wife, Lesley, causing a fair amount of teenage, right-arm activity.................
Which reminds me, does anybody know which football publication - I'm thinking "Goal" or something like that - published, at times, quite comely pics of players' wives.
I remember a pic of Alan Ball's wife, Lesley, causing a fair amount of teenage, right-arm activity.................
Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Was that pic taken before or after Barnes' penalty Middleton ?
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
Left!evensteadiereddie wrote:This is turning into "Readers' Wives".
Which reminds me, does anybody know which football publication - I'm thinking "Goal" or something like that - published, at times, quite comely pics of players' wives.
I remember a pic of Alan Ball's wife, Lesley, causing a fair amount of teenage, right-arm activity.................
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
At once.
Last edited by evensteadiereddie on Thu Feb 14, 2019 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Football, Sex - Living the dream.
yes that's what I was meaning..evensteadiereddie wrote:Both !