• Bog Rolls

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:03 pm**

Just seen on telly that the German owned UK toilet tissue import company has been stock piling in readiness for the additional 6 minutes delay at Calais.
What are we doing - we don't even make our own bog-rolls anymore? How low can we go?

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:05 pm**

Brexit will wipe the slate clean. Either that or it's back to dock leaf.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:08 pm**

I knew the moss growing all across my lawn would come in useful one day.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:11 pm**

basil6345789 wrote:Just seen on telly that the German owned UK toilet tissue import company has been stock piling in readiness for the additional 6 minutes delay at Calais.
What are we doing - we don't even make our own bog-rolls anymore? How low can we go?

Cream for athletes foot ?

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:16 pm**

I thought Francis Lee had sorted that market!

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:33 pm**

Here's one for you , 100% of toilet rolls are imported from the UK to Ireland .

I am ready for the puns that will come from you all .

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:41 pm**

Tribesmen wrote:Here's one for you , 100% of toilet rolls are imported from the UK to Ireland .

I am ready for the puns that will come from you all .

I blame brexit

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:52 pm**

Bring back Izal, it didn't clean your backside just moved it around. Brilliant for tracing as well . If Johny Foreigner thinks he can brow beat us into surrender, if he thinks we will crawl on our bellies snivelling and grovelling into a federal Europe, if he thinks we will subsidise the the failing Eurozone economies for ever and a day for fear of having skid marks then he is mistaken. Skid marks, newspaper dock leaves, moss, grass and Izal have left us strong and fearless. . F the Andrex puppy it's probably French anyway.RULE BRITANIA
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/t ... 27294.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:11 pm**

I learned to play saxophone using a comb and Izal.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:16 pm**

basil6345789 wrote:I learned to play saxophone using a comb and Izal.

That could explain why you talk ****.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:25 pm**

Tribesmen wrote:Here's one for you , 100% of toilet rolls are imported from the UK to Ireland .

I am ready for the puns that will come from you all .

When we used to travel over, in the late 90s-00s they were so expensive in Ireland I used to take the daughter two blocks of them from Sterling Stubbins.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:27 pm**

So in the event of no deal we won't be able to have a dump ?

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:29 pm**

claretonthecoast1882 wrote:So in the event of no deal we won't be able to have a dump ?

The whole point of Brexit was that we wanted to be able to sort our own **** out

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:31 pm**

Goobs wrote:The whole point of Brexit was that we wanted to be able to sort our own **** out

Well I guess it beats sorting someone elses out, with or without bog roll

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:35 pm**

Rileybobs wrote:That could explain why you talk ****.

brilliant

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:01 pm**

Do they still have izal in the public toilets next to the cats whiskers?

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:59 pm**

Billy Balfour wrote: Either that or it's back to dock leaf.

Daily Mail/Express?

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 5:42 pm**

basil6345789 wrote:Just seen on telly that the German owned UK toilet tissue import company has been stock piling in readiness for the additional 6 minutes delay at Calais.
What are we doing - we don't even make our own bog-rolls anymore? How low can we go?

German owned not German made - they're all made in this country. Its the raw materials that come in from abroad.

Trust me, i work for 'em.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 6:27 pm**

Nationalize all essential industries, it's war but not as you know it, Jim.

Anyway, if it gets to queues and rations, you're in the Izal queue over there.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 8:02 pm**

We won the world cup with Ival and skid marks look what happened since we stopped using it and went soft with Andrex ? Correct glorious defeats and pathetic penalties. Our skidmarked forebears invented or discovered electricity radio waves gravity etc.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 8:32 pm**

I’ve been stockpiling copies of The Sun and Daily Mail knowing full well the day of no bog roll would come.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:01 pm**

WadingInDeeper wrote:I knew the moss growing all across my lawn would come in useful one day.

It already does, just ask a dog!

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:02 pm**

What a shiiiiiiiite thread

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:19 pm**

CnBtruntru wrote:What a shiiiiiiiite thread

It needs wiping from the board

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:55 pm**

Tribesmen wrote:Here's one for you , 100% of toilet rolls are imported from the UK to Ireland .

I am ready for the puns that will come from you all .

A tissue of lies I say.

Posted: **Fri Mar 22, 2019 8:55 am**

How did that ditty go?
There's a shortage of bog paper in Mobile
There's a shortage of bog paper in Mobile
So they wait until it vapors,
Then they light it with a taper .
inMo inMo inMo in Mobile
In Mobile, in Mobile inMo inMo inMo in Mobile
So they wait until it vapors,
Then they light it with a taper
InMO inMo inMO in Mobile.

There's a shortage of good bogs in Mobile
There's a shortage of good bogs in Mobile
So they wait until it clogs,
Then they saw it up in logs
In Mo in Mo inMo inMobile
In Mobile, in Mobile inMo inMo inMo in Mobile
So they wait until it clogs,
Then they saw it up in logs
inMo inMo inMO in Mobile.

Posted: **Fri Mar 22, 2019 10:35 am**

Bring back IZAL, no problems wiping not like this modern soft stuff.

Posted: **Fri Mar 22, 2019 11:08 am**

strayclaret wrote:Bring back IZAL, no problems wiping not like this modern soft stuff.

Fingers don't go through Izal Medicated either

Posted: **Fri Mar 22, 2019 11:11 am**

Bring back Izal, it didn't clean your backside just moved it around. Brilliant for tracing as well . If Johny Foreigner thinks he can brow beat us into surrender, if he thinks we will crawl on our bellies snivelling and grovelling into a federal Europe, if he thinks we will subsidise the the failing Eurozone economies for ever and a day for fear of having skid marks then he is mistaken. Skid marks, newspaper dock leaves, moss, grass and Izal have left us strong and fearless. . F the Andrex puppy it's probably French anyway.RULE BRITANIA

And it could be washed clean and reused.

Posted: **Fri Mar 22, 2019 10:13 pm**

Bosscat wrote:Fingers don't go through Izal Medicated either

No they don't, you just smear **** everywhere, like a big skidmark up your back

Posted: **Sat Mar 23, 2019 12:17 pm**

Why don't we throw bog rolls on to the pitch when the team comes out? Adam Blacklaw used to spend five minutes cleaning them out of the back of the net. It was a great sight to see. Anybody else remember that?

Posted: **Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:12 pm**

Could they make a come back let's face it why stockpile something that you can wash numerous times and reuse

Posted: **Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:32 pm**

Steve-Harpers-perm wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 21, 2019 8:32 pm
I’ve been stockpiling copies of The Sun and Daily Mail knowing full well the day of no bog roll would come.

Quick everyone get round to Steve Harpers perm's house if you've run short.

Posted: **Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:20 pm**

bfcjg wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:52 pm
Bring back Izal, it didn't clean your backside just moved it around. Brilliant for tracing as well . If Johny Foreigner thinks he can brow beat us into surrender, if he thinks we will crawl on our bellies snivelling and grovelling into a federal Europe, if he thinks we will subsidise the the failing Eurozone economies for ever and a day for fear of having skid marks then he is mistaken. Skid marks, newspaper dock leaves, moss, grass and Izal have left us strong and fearless. . F the Andrex puppy it's probably French anyway.RULE BRITANIA
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/t ... 27294.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Very good

Posted: **Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:23 pm**

Steve-Harpers-perm wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 21, 2019 8:32 pm
I’ve been stockpiling copies of The Sun and Daily Mail knowing full well the day of no bog roll would come.

Nah you need to start stockpiling Broadsheet Newspapers ... you get far more sheets per page than the Sun or Mail.

Posted: **Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:34 pm**

Andy Holt has a solution - he is a trained engineer https://twitter.com/AndyhHolt/status/12 ... 8102476806

Posted: **Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:41 pm**

He's from Stoops they do that with everything .

Posted: **Sun Mar 15, 2020 3:05 pm**

Toilet rolls are now contaminated by Covid 19.

Posted: **Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:08 pm**

mdd2 wrote: ↑
Fri Mar 22, 2019 8:55 am
How did that ditty go?
There's a shortage of bog paper in Mobile
There's a shortage of bog paper in Mobile
So they wait until it vapors,
Then they light it with a taper .
inMo inMo inMo in Mobile
In Mobile, in Mobile inMo inMo inMo in Mobile
So they wait until it vapors,
Then they light it with a taper
InMO inMo inMO in Mobile.

There's a shortage of good bogs in Mobile
There's a shortage of good bogs in Mobile
So they wait until it clogs,
Then they saw it up in logs
In Mo in Mo inMo inMobile
In Mobile, in Mobile inMo inMo inMo in Mobile
So they wait until it clogs,
Then they saw it up in logs
inMo inMo inMO in Mobile.

Nuuurrrse!!!

Posted: **Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:09 pm**

IanMcL wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:16 pm
I thought Francis Lee had sorted that market!

His company took a dive!

Posted: **Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:10 pm**

Chester Perry wrote: ↑
Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:34 pm
Andy Holt has a solution - he is a trained engineer https://twitter.com/AndyhHolt/status/12 ... 8102476806

Not sure he was trained in correct use of a vice?

Posted: **Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:43 pm**

It’s very much a UK or certainly an English issue as most of Europe barely if at all wipe their arrrses . About 20 yrs ago I found myself in a very grotty Parisian brothel after a rather heavy intake of red wine and beer .Anyway I was unable to even get the condom on due to a mix of inebriation and the fetid curtained room ( with a grunting ogre-like performance on the other side) Anyway I’m getting dressed and the old brass asks if I mind if she takes a p1ss in the bidet, I magnanimously waved her on . After finally getting my shoes back I gets up to go only to find a considerable log lying in the bidet ! I quickly made my excuses and left.

Posted: **Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:48 pm**

AlargeClaret wrote: ↑
Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:43 pm
It’s very much a UK or certainly an English issue as most of Europe barely if at all wipe their arrrses . About 20 yrs ago I found myself in a very grotty Parisian brothel after a rather heavy intake of red wine and beer .Anyway I was unable to even get the condom on due to a mix of inebriation and the fetid curtained room ( with a grunting ogre-like performance on the other side) Anyway I’m getting dressed and the old brass asks if I mind if she takes a p1ss in the bidet, I magnanimously waved her on . After finally getting my shoes back I gets up to go only to find a considerable log lying in the bidet ! I quickly made my excuses and left.

That could come from any Mills and Boon novel.

Posted: **Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:55 pm**

Use moss on a stick, like in the good old days!

Posted: **Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:57 pm**

Im_not_Robbie_Blake wrote: ↑
Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:55 pm
Use moss on a stick, like in the good old days!

After his performance on the Tottenham game I would second that.

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