Men's mental helath

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Burtonwoodclaret
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Men's mental helath

Post by Burtonwoodclaret » Sat Jan 04, 2020 6:37 pm

We had a brief reminder before todays game to take care of our Mental Health. My experience as a counsellor has shown me that low self-esteem lies behind many mental health problems. Believing in oneself and building emotional resilience is a valuable and important task for everyone of us . However we also should take responsibility for the emotional well being of others. Putting people down, either in person or on line is often very destructive. This message board seems to have some posters who seem to delight in what can only be described as cyber-bullying.
Can we possibly make this a board where we exercise zero tolerance to cyber bullying and hurtful comments about people who can't defend themselves.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by jdrobbo » Sat Jan 04, 2020 6:39 pm

An excellent post-thank you. Low self-esteem is a big one.

It’s a big world but it’s one that appears to have shrunk with the likes of social media.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Burnley1989 » Sat Jan 04, 2020 6:40 pm

I’m on here a lot and I’m not sure I see any bullying mate, arguing opinions yes, but that’s the whole point of debates on message boards. Few ‘idiot’comments here and there but I’m not sure that would really offend too much

Edit: on reflection, what offends me and what offends someone else is totally different. Fair point anyway
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by wilks_bfc » Sat Jan 04, 2020 6:58 pm

Burnley1989 wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 6:40 pm
I’m on here a lot and I’m not sure I see any bullying mate, arguing opinions yes, but that’s the whole point of debates on message boards. Few ‘idiot’comments here and there but I’m not sure that would really offend too much

Edit: on reflection, what offends me and what offends someone else is totally different. Fair point anyway
Like you say, much like somebody’s sense of humour differing from another, what can offend one person wouldn’t offend another.

As I put on the other thread, some of the posts here lately have been toxic & personal. Borne out of frustration of the performances, results and comments from the club.

It’s probably apt that today’s FA cup games are all about “heads up” & “minds matter”.

Maybe some on here need to take that minute to think about what they are posting and how it can effect others.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by BennyD » Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:07 pm

Burtonwoodclaret wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 6:37 pm
We had a brief reminder before todays game to take care of our Mental Health. My experience as a counsellor has shown me that low self-esteem lies behind many mental health problems. Believing in oneself and building emotional resilience is a valuable and important task for everyone of us . However we also should take responsibility for the emotional well being of others. Putting people down, either in person or on line is often very destructive. This message board seems to have some posters who seem to delight in what can only be described as cyber-bullying.
Can we possibly make this a board where we exercise zero tolerance to cyber bullying and hurtful comments about people who can't defend themselves.
And while we’re at it no fun, banter or humour just in case someone feels offended for not getting the jokes. The fact that we are always pandering to the lowest common denominator is making our society virtually untenable; like the ethical vegans who are now allowed to complain about anything with the backing of the law. Technically you can now be accused of harassment for going to work wearing leather shoes. Society is crumbling because we are making allowances for everything instead of saying “bolloxcs, just get on with it”. Still, I suppose it keeps you in a job.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by ClaretAndJew » Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:10 pm

BennyD wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:07 pm
And while we’re at it no fun, banter or humour just in case someone feels offended for not getting the jokes. The fact that we are always pandering to the lowest common denominator is making our society virtually untenable; like the ethical vegans who are now allowed to complain about anything with the backing of the law. Technically you can now be accused of harassment for going to work wearing leather shoes. Society is crumbling because we are making allowances for everything instead of saying “bolloxcs, just get on with it”. Still, I suppose it keeps you in a job.
Absolute ********.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Silkyskills1 » Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:15 pm

'Still, I suppose it keeps you in a job'

Says it all really.ಠ_ಠ

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spijed » Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:16 pm

BennyD wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:07 pm
And while we’re at it no fun, banter or humour just in case someone feels offended for not getting the jokes. The fact that we are always pandering to the lowest common denominator is making our society virtually untenable; like the ethical vegans who are now allowed to complain about anything with the backing of the law. Technically you can now be accused of harassment for going to work wearing leather shoes. Society is crumbling because we are making allowances for everything instead of saying “bolloxcs, just get on with it”. Still, I suppose it keeps you in a job.
What's your view on people who commit suicide due to depression?

Burtonwoodclaret
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Burtonwoodclaret » Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:16 pm

There's a world of difference between fun , banter and humour on the one hand and hurtful personal jibes on the other .

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by BennyD » Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:21 pm

Listen, I’ve had my own problems; I lost my only child to cancer, lost my career to a non- blameworthy car accident and lost a chunk of my future financial security when my company went bust but I can still take banter jokes and humour without blaming everyone else. If you can’t take the banter on this board, stay off it or use the FOE button but don’t anaesthetise is to the point of PC blandness.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Funkydrummer » Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:35 pm

What is one man's meat is another man's poison.

Best to steer the middle path.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by dougcollins » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:07 pm

I assume if the club accept sponsorship from gambling companies, they are also obliged to carry advertising from said companies.

The hard part is to persuade the club NOT to accept sponsorship from gambling companies. Is any PL club ethical enough to actually do that?
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by WestMidsClaret » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:35 pm

I suffer from MADD disorder (silly name) its a new diagnosis. I think mine is a chemical imbalance in my brain. I've been through literally all the medication and nothing helps. I take 2/3 different sorts of medication a day. And have 2 different ones on top if I'm really struggling. Ask anyone that knows me and they'll tell you I dont have low self esteem I used to suffer more with depression and a little anxiety and now it's the other way round. As far as I know I've had this most of my life but a few bad things happened to me when I was around 12 years old so I missed out on coping skills that you learn between the ages of 11-18 years of age. So I cant deal with stress. Sometimes its minor sometimes I have a break down. Its getting worse. But I've had to accept it's a part of me now and the help out there is pretty poor. I'm just a statistic.
Last edited by WestMidsClaret on Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by WestMidsClaret » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:37 pm

I think suicide is in between an escape and frustration at not getting the right help. The pain these cause is hard to explain. Some people feel it's not a choice

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by ClaretTony » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:41 pm

dougcollins wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:07 pm
I assume if the club accept sponsorship from gambling companies, they are also obliged to carry advertising from said companies.

The hard part is to persuade the club NOT to accept sponsorship from gambling companies. Is any PL club ethical enough to actually do that?
It seems only the really big clubs, who don’t need it, are prepared to not accept gambling sponsorship. I know that some people at our club are uncomfortable with it but clubs like ours cannot get anything like the same financial level of sponsorship from non betting companies.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by dougcollins » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:54 pm

ClaretTony wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:41 pm
It seems only the really big clubs, who don’t need it, are prepared to not accept gambling sponsorship. I know that some people at our club are uncomfortable with it but clubs like ours cannot get anything like the same financial level of sponsorship from non betting companies.
Quite. It's wrong, but it's where we are.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Burtonwoodclaret » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:58 pm

Westmidsclaret thanks for your two posts.
It's hard to imagine just how you feel but I do hope you are able to talk about it to someone face to face who can really listen as well as to your fellow clarets on this board. Being really listened to may not solve everything but it can go along way to helping you to feel your not on your own.
Take care

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by WestMidsClaret » Sat Jan 04, 2020 9:09 pm

Burtonwoodclaret wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:58 pm
Westmidsclaret thanks for your two posts.
It's hard to imagine just how you feel but I do hope you are able to talk about it to someone face to face who can really listen as well as to your fellow clarets on this board. Being really listened to may not solve everything but it can go along way to helping you to feel your not on your own.
Take care
Thanks. Its bloody hard to describe how I feel. To be honest I've been over the same dialogue with people over and over again it's just frustrating. I know it's a hard disease to sort out and unless you've got it on a lower level it will never be gone maybe just more manageable. My medication doesn't help me to manage it. I literally have to take myself away from my family a lot.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by IanMcL » Sat Jan 04, 2020 10:18 pm

WestMids, keep seeking help. As you say, MADD is now a clear diagnosis. Therefore, there us someone who understands it.
You know you are worth it.
Your family knows you are worth it.
You are part of us.
We are all as important as each other.
Good luck. Good health.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spiral » Sat Jan 04, 2020 10:32 pm

BennyD wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:21 pm
Listen, I’ve had my own problems; I lost my only child to cancer, lost my career to a non- blameworthy car accident and lost a chunk of my future financial security when my company went bust but I can still take banter jokes and humour without blaming everyone else. If you can’t take the banter on this board, stay off it or use the FOE button but don’t anaesthetise is to the point of PC blandness.
You've undoubtedly convinced yourself of your own stoicism, perhaps as a coping mechanism, but I hope you'll find what I say to be - as I intend it - a passive observation, rather than a personal attack: Having a kid in the ground is no justification, whatsoever, for treating other people like the $hit on your shoe, and you disgrace their memory for using it to validate and essentially justify callousness. Now for your dilemma: You publicly object to what I've posted, citing despicable crassness, proving your hypocrisy around the issue of political correctness and decency; or, you don't, while seething, hating me, (not unreasonable), proving (to yourself, at least) that your idealised and publicly performed conception of your own character - stoic, proud, hard, tough, unmoved - is little more than a veneer over an insecure soul; or, you quite sincerely do not object to what I've said, and love me nonetheless, in which case, I love you too. The truth in the last two can only truly be know by you. I genuinely suspect you despise me for invoking your dead child, but I could be wrong. It's a matter for you and your conscience to resolve. You are either moved, or you are unmoved. I neither care for, not expect you to post on here which is the case because there's a strong chance it won't be honest. If you report this post and have me banned I'll be utterly vindicated. On a thread about mental health, of all places, you're demonstrating what I suspect is a lot of misplaced pride. For the benefit of everyone else, don't be like BennyD. That's a ticking time bomb. There's nothing wrong with a bit of compassion and respect for the sensitivities of others. It doesn't make you any less a man.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Burnley1989 » Sat Jan 04, 2020 10:36 pm

I’m not sure about some of your wording there, I’m not even going to point it out but it’s a little insensitive
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by cricketfieldclarets » Sat Jan 04, 2020 10:37 pm

Spiral wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 10:32 pm
You've undoubtedly convinced yourself of your own stoicism, perhaps as a coping mechanism, but I hope you'll find what I say to be - as I intend it - a passive observation, rather than a personal attack: Having a kid in the ground is no justification, whatsoever, for treating other people like the $hit on your shoe, and you disgrace their memory for using it to validate and essentially justify callousness. Now for your dilemma: You publicly object to what I've posted, citing despicable crassness, proving your hypocrisy around the issue of political correctness and decency; or, you don't, while seething, hating me, (not unreasonable), proving (to yourself, at least) that your idealised and publicly performed conception of your own character - stoic, proud, hard, tough, unmoved - is little more than a veneer over an insecure soul; or, you quite sincerely do not object to what I've said, and love me nonetheless, in which case, I love you too. The truth in the last two can only truly be know by you. I genuinely suspect you despise me for invoking your dead child, but I could be wrong. It's a matter for you and your conscience to resolve. You are either moved, or you are unmoved. I neither care for, not expect you to post on here which is the case because there's a strong chance it won't be honest. If you report this post and have me banned I'll be utterly vindicated. On a thread about mental health, of all places, you're demonstrating what I suspect is a lot of misplaced pride. For the benefit of everyone else, don't be like BennyD. That's a ticking time bomb. There's nothing wrong with a bit of compassion and respect for the sensitivities of others. It doesn't make you any less a man.
Wow

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bfcboyo » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:06 pm

Spiral wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 10:32 pm
You've undoubtedly convinced yourself of your own stoicism, perhaps as a coping mechanism, but I hope you'll find what I say to be - as I intend it - a passive observation, rather than a personal attack: Having a kid in the ground is no justification, whatsoever, for treating other people like the $hit on your shoe, and you disgrace their memory for using it to validate and essentially justify callousness. Now for your dilemma: You publicly object to what I've posted, citing despicable crassness, proving your hypocrisy around the issue of political correctness and decency; or, you don't, while seething, hating me, (not unreasonable), proving (to yourself, at least) that your idealised and publicly performed conception of your own character - stoic, proud, hard, tough, unmoved - is little more than a veneer over an insecure soul; or, you quite sincerely do not object to what I've said, and love me nonetheless, in which case, I love you too. The truth in the last two can only truly be know by you. I genuinely suspect you despise me for invoking your dead child, but I could be wrong. It's a matter for you and your conscience to resolve. You are either moved, or you are unmoved. I neither care for, not expect you to post on here which is the case because there's a strong chance it won't be honest. If you report this post and have me banned I'll be utterly vindicated. On a thread about mental health, of all places, you're demonstrating what I suspect is a lot of misplaced pride. For the benefit of everyone else, don't be like BennyD. That's a ticking time bomb. There's nothing wrong with a bit of compassion and respect for the sensitivities of others. It doesn't make you any less a man.
Man up.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bfcboyo » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:08 pm

With WWIII due we can hopefully all find our testicles and start stop dwelling.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bin Ont Turf » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:09 pm

If you haven't been bullied or had depressive thoughts in your life then you are probably a bully and not human.

It's the desensitising of human emotions to things that happen in life. He's mentally ill they cry.

How do you take care of your mental health? Stop having a life, a family or stop going to work?

I've been told before that I don't understand, and yet no one has given the answers to the questions.

We've become a country of absolute mard arsed I deserve better fannies.

That's not to say that there aren't genuine people suffering out there, or absolute mental folk who should be locked up.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bfcboyo » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:11 pm

Bin Ont Turf wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:09 pm
If you haven't been bullied or had depressive thoughts in your life then you are probably a bully and not human.

It's the desensitising of human emotions to things that happen in life. He's mentally ill they cry.

How do you take care of your mental health? Stop having a life, a family or stop going to work?

I've been told before that I don't understand, and yet no one has given the answers to the questions.

We've become a country of absolute mard arsed I deserve better fannies.

That's not to say that there aren't genuine people suffering out there, or absolute mental folk who should be locked up.
Soldier on and on .

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by cloughyclaret » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:11 pm

Spiral wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 10:32 pm
You've undoubtedly convinced yourself of your own stoicism, perhaps as a coping mechanism, but I hope you'll find what I say to be - as I intend it - a passive observation, rather than a personal attack: Having a kid in the ground is no justification, whatsoever, for treating other people like the $hit on your shoe, and you disgrace their memory for using it to validate and essentially justify callousness. Now for your dilemma: You publicly object to what I've posted, citing despicable crassness, proving your hypocrisy around the issue of political correctness and decency; or, you don't, while seething, hating me, (not unreasonable), proving (to yourself, at least) that your idealised and publicly performed conception of your own character - stoic, proud, hard, tough, unmoved - is little more than a veneer over an insecure soul; or, you quite sincerely do not object to what I've said, and love me nonetheless, in which case, I love you too. The truth in the last two can only truly be know by you. I genuinely suspect you despise me for invoking your dead child, but I could be wrong. It's a matter for you and your conscience to resolve. You are either moved, or you are unmoved. I neither care for, not expect you to post on here which is the case because there's a strong chance it won't be honest. If you report this post and have me banned I'll be utterly vindicated. On a thread about mental health, of all places, you're demonstrating what I suspect is a lot of misplaced pride. For the benefit of everyone else, don't be like BennyD. That's a ticking time bomb. There's nothing wrong with a bit of compassion and respect for the sensitivities of others. It doesn't make you any less a man.
I'd hate to see your non passive observation. Awful post.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bin Ont Turf » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:27 pm

Bfcboyo wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:11 pm
Soldier on and on .
I will try to, but the thought of having to work until I'm 70 years old is quite depressing.

Spare a thought for me please, my man.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Wile E Coyote » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:28 pm

ClaretTony wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:41 pm
It seems only the really big clubs, who don’t need it, are prepared to not accept gambling sponsorship. I know that some people at our club are uncomfortable with it but clubs like ours cannot get anything like the same financial level of sponsorship from non betting companies.
i get that, but its a dilemma for a modern day club that they want to reach out to the local community with many worthy schemes, but at the same time are virtually forced to back beers and betting to enhance the brand. not a good look in an era where health and enticing younger fans is a priority.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spiral » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:30 pm

cloughyclaret wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:11 pm
I'd hate to see your non passive observation. Awful post.
It's truly awful, isn't it? Trivialising a person's tragedy. Their grief. Their pain. Their suffering. Man up, and so and, and so forth. It's banter. It's horrible, it's truly horrible, but it's not real, it's banter. So man up. Just man up. No need for outrage, or even objection, just a cold disassociation which gives the pretence that everything is okay. So long as it looks fine then it's fine. We all just need to man up, as they say. A few pithy slogans attached to an awareness campaign will do a world of good. But then Monday comes and we all man up again, and remind people that their pain is worth less than that of another.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bfcboyo » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:31 pm

Your over thinking it all too much. Just enjoy each day as it comes you might die next month . Travel laugh and love. Enjoy every minute and when your down know you are not alone , find strength and pick yourself up. We have all been there.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by cloughyclaret » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:48 pm

Spiral wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:30 pm
It's truly awful, isn't it? Trivialising a person's tragedy. Their grief. Their pain. Their suffering. Man up, and so and, and so forth. It's banter. It's horrible, it's truly horrible, but it's not real, it's banter. So man up. Just man up. No need for outrage, or even objection, just a cold disassociation which gives the pretence that everything is okay. So long as it looks fine then it's fine. We all just need to man up, as they say. A few pithy slogans attached to an awareness campaign will do a world of good. But then Monday comes and we all man up again, and remind people that their pain is worth less than that of another.
Your 'justification' means nothing compared to what you posted. I thought you were better than that.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spiral » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:55 pm

Bfcboyo wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:31 pm
Your over thinking it all too much. Just enjoy each day as it comes you might die next month . Travel laugh and love. Enjoy every minute and when your down know you are not alone , find strength and pick yourself up. We have all been there.
With the greatest respect, those are slogans. I'd hazard a guess that a person about to jump off the planet might need a friend, not a facebook post. Does the stench of human pity revile you such that you fall back on virtuous rhetoric because it is too close to your nose? Is it so hard to accept that people suffer beyond a superficial comprehension? Is your unsolicited philosophy a comfort blanket for those who might stumble upon it. or is it for yourself? How dare you criticise me for attempting to speak thoughtfully, for challenging the bull$hit that keeps people pressed down.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spiral » Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:59 pm

cloughyclaret wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:48 pm
Your 'justification' means nothing compared to what you posted. I thought you were better than that.
I'll make no apologies for forcefully arguing that pain isn't valued, weighted and measured against other pain. I'm sorry if you can't see that.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Wile E Coyote » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:03 am

Spiral wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:55 pm
With the greatest respect, those are slogans. I'd hazard a guess that a person about to jump off the planet might need a friend, not a facebook post. Does the stench of human pity revile you such that you fall back on virtuous rhetoric because it is too close to your nose? Is it so hard to accept that people suffer beyond a superficial comprehension? Is your unsolicited philosophy a comfort blanket for those who might stumble upon it. or is it for yourself? How dare you criticise me for attempting to speak thoughtfully, for challenging the bull$hit that keeps people pressed down.
i disagree, whether or not they are borrowed slogans I don't know, but there is a beautiful simplicity in there , and I have struggled with depression.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spiral » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:05 am

To be clear, my ultimate point of contention is the frankly absurd argument made by BennyD, 'I am bereaved, therefore offence taken is unwarranted, and I speak with impunity'. That's ghastly.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Wile E Coyote » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:11 am

Spiral wrote:
Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:05 am
To be clear, my ultimate point of contention is the frankly absurd argument made by BennyD, 'I am bereaved, therefore offence taken is unwarranted, and I speak with impunity'. That's ghastly.

PG WODEHOUSE ????

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bfcboyo » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:12 am

I meant what I posted. I have been rock bottom staring the rope in the face.

You clearly don't value other people's pain as I do yours.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bfcboyo » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:15 am

If you are struggling I am here. I will happily meet you chat and help you if I can. I worry about you Spiral not Benny D.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by spadesclaret » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:27 am

cloughyclaret wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:11 pm
I'd hate to see your non passive observation. Awful post.
cloughy, if you read spiral's post slowly, bit by bit, working out what he is saying, then I think you'll find it is not such an awful post.

It is just a pity he has made what he has written so complex. Shorter sentences would help. If the whole were broken into paragraphs that, too, would help. However, if you take the time to work out what he is saying I think you might agree with him in part if not wholly.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spiral » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:30 am

Bfcboyo wrote:
Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:15 am
If you are struggling I am here. I will happily meet you chat and help you if I can. I worry about you Spiral not Benny D.
I'd appreciate the gesture were it sincere, but I neither require it, nor appreciate your pettiness. 'Pettiness?' you might ask: You posted "man up" in response to a post of mine further up the thread. I doubt your sincerity. You're engaging in the exact kind of destructive trivialising charade of which I speak.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by COBBLE » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:32 am

Some of the attitudes on here are sickening, yes depraved. I am currently witnessing someone in my own family falling apart. Where did it start? Was it gambling, or alcohol. Were these problems the start or a symptom? Was it a deficiency of the chemicals that give a feeling of zero self worth or did this individual's brain not develop as it should? I doubt there are few experts in the country who could answer let alone some of the idiots on here. We cannot even get a mental health assessment to identify the correct recovery process to begin to answer the questions that might avoid a tragedy.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by BennyD » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:34 am

Spiral wrote:
Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:05 am
To be clear, my ultimate point of contention is the frankly absurd argument made by BennyD, 'I am bereaved, therefore offence taken is unwarranted, and I speak with impunity'. That's ghastly.
You are wrong again; I made reference to my late son as his death was one event in a line of adverse events, not THE event. I was merely pointing out that whilst I don’t consider myself a hard, stoic and unfeeling sort of person I realise that the option available is cope, or don’t cope. I am doing my best to cope but I don’t expect anyone to pity me or make allowances for me, I don’t want to be defined by my misfortune. Consequently, I don’t ‘speak with impunity’ I’m merely giving my opinion on the ‘touchy-feely’ society we have become. Btw, I wouldn’t dream of reporting you in order to get you banned; your opinion is as valid as mine even if I don’t, largely, agree with it.
Last edited by BennyD on Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spiral » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:39 am

spadesclaret wrote:
Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:27 am
cloughy, if you read spiral's post slowly, bit by bit, working out what he is saying, then I think you'll find it is not such an awful post.

It is just a pity he has made what he has written so complex. Shorter sentences would help. If the whole were broken into paragraphs that, too, would help. However, if you take the time to work out what he is saying I think you might agree with him in part if not wholly.
I'm an utterly, utterly atrocious writer, that I admit. Put simply, I'm not clever enough to be succinct. I realise that, but I try to be honest by my thoughts, and as a hangover from the claretsmad days, learned to hate following up post after post after post clarifying what I'm trying to say, so often now just dump a wall of text to try and be done with it. I don't mean to distract from the thread with this post. I appreciate it's self-indulgent.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bfcboyo » Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:47 am

Spiral wrote:
Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:30 am
I'd appreciate the gesture were it sincere, but I neither require it, nor appreciate your pettiness. 'Pettiness?' you might ask: You posted "man up" in response to a post of mine further up the thread. I doubt your sincerity. You're engaging in the exact kind of destructive trivialising charade of which I speak.
It is true come WWIII we will need to man up.

I was true in my offering as I have been lower than hell and brought myself back to living.

Come on your student rhetoric can't wash away your sins tonight. If a man chooses to be masculine you depict him as a monster after he laid his heart on the table. Everyone has different views my child.

Shame on you and your blind ignorant moral stance that shows your detachment and inexperience of the real world.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by IanMcL » Sun Jan 05, 2020 1:09 am

Wile E Coyote wrote:
Sat Jan 04, 2020 11:28 pm
i get that, but its a dilemma for a modern day club that they want to reach out to the local community with many worthy schemes, but at the same time are virtually forced to back beers and betting to enhance the brand. not a good look in an era where health and enticing younger fans is a priority.
It is not the sponsorship that is the problem. It is folk participating.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by BennyD » Sun Jan 05, 2020 1:15 am

COBBLE wrote:
Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:32 am
Some of the attitudes on here are sickening, yes depraved. I am currently witnessing someone in my own family falling apart. Where did it start? Was it gambling, or alcohol. Were these problems the start or a symptom? Was it a deficiency of the chemicals that give a feeling of zero self worth or did this individual's brain not develop as it should? I doubt there are few experts in the country who could answer let alone some of the idiots on here. We cannot even get a mental health assessment to identify the correct recovery process to begin to answer the questions that might avoid a tragedy.
I feel your pain but that is what families and friends are for; to help get affected people through their suffering with advice, friendship and active support and I appreciate how hard that task is as my mum suffered from dementia. What I’m saying is that she didn’t expect the rest of the world to alter their behaviour because of her, and neither should anyone else. If you find the conversation, humour or banter offensive then stay clear of places where such discourse takes place. Some people, like myself, come on here because the conversation, humour and banter cheers them up and would regret it if it got ‘dumbed down’ just in case.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Spiral » Sun Jan 05, 2020 1:31 am

Bfcboyo wrote:
Sun Jan 05, 2020 12:47 am
It is true come WWIII we will need to man up.

I was true in my offering as I have been lower than hell and brought myself back to living.

Come on your student rhetoric can't wash away your sins tonight. If a man chooses to be masculine you depict him as a monster after he laid his heart on the table. Everyone has different views my child.

Shame on you and your blind ignorant moral stance that shows your detachment and inexperience of the real world.
This right here is the crux of the matter: Masculinity. You push back on me for pushing back on a man whose idea of masculinity is, I presume - based on his posts in this thread, and his posting habits overall - to push down on other men who might be suffering, and he presumably does so out of a perverse sense of masculine relativity, invoking his own tragedy to push down on the notion of sympathy for others, which, as he laments, manifests in the form of political correctness, for instance. How very fragile. Love, and by extension, compassion, sympathy, even decency, is somehow deemed effeminate. I'm irreligious, but is love not a Christian value, and is this not a Christian country? What happened to that message? I know some continental European thinkers did a number on it in the 19th century, but I'm seeing more nihilism and egocentrism than I did years ago. 'Being nice', even in mere sentiment, is now being frivolously and loosely described as "virtue signalling". Am I more Christian than the Christians? In loving his country, does an Englishman not also love his country's citizens? The Spartans were proud, fierce, stoic (perhaps stoicism wasn't defined as such at the time of the Spartans, but I'm not a classicist, so stand to be corrected); if that culture - in film and in TV, from which people derive their ideal of Sparta - is to be used by folk to inform their own ideal of masculinity, it's worth also noting that the hyper-masculine, muscular, not-in-fact-oiled-up Spartans were also warmongers, plunderers and rapers. And they're also dead. So there we are. To "man-up" means, to me, to be big enough to give a $hit about something, to not retreat to cynicism, and to be confident enough in yourself to actually care for people.

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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by Bfcboyo » Sun Jan 05, 2020 9:40 am

I was being honest and let my guard down for a post. You are on the defensive after being a bit offensive. Life is brutal and you can be nice to people and still be a man. It sounds like you have some serious issues and perhaps need professional help.
Finally how dull would the world be if we were all Quakers.
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Re: Men's mental helath

Post by BennyD » Sun Jan 05, 2020 9:53 am

I’m sorry Spiral but all that is just vapid bolloxcs. Read my posts again; it’s nothing to do with masculinity and pushing others down, it’s about dumbing down society just in case you offend anyone else’s sensibilities. I’m not using my own circumstances to somehow claim the moral high ground as you suggest, I mentioned them to reinforce my argument that I don’t expect people to alter their behaviour towards me because of them. If I feel offended, I’ll either take time away from here, use the foe option or just ignore the relevant poster, and anyone else who is offended should do the same. FWIW, you don’t know me or what I’m about. If you did, you would know that I will always help anyone I know who is going through a rough time; at the moment I regularly drive down to Horsham to spend time with a mate who has terminal cancer, and in a couple of days I’m going across to Burnley to see a long time friend who’s wife has just died. I don’t do this for sh!ts and giggles, I do it because I care about them and the issues they have. So please, take your crass attempts at psychoanalysis elsewhere and don’t try to explain me with them. Thanks.
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