Humorous football put downs ...

[rob63]

I've seen milk turn quicker........Tommy Doc on Leighton James....again lol!

The manager's indecision is final.........Duncan McKenzie on Jimmy Armfield at Leeds

What directors know about football....... a chapter from a football autobiography, can't remember who now, played for M/boro or Sunderland I think- help me out here....... btw, he left the page blank!

[Bosscat]

What directors know about football....... a chapter from a football autobiography, can't remember who now, played for M/boro or Sunderland I think- help me out here....... btw, he left the page blank!

Len Shackleton (obituary in the Grauniad)


Len Shackleton, who has died aged 78, called his autobiography, not inappropriately, Clown Prince Of Soccer. It became famous for a chapter headed The Average Director's Knowledge Of Football and consisting of a blank page.

[rob63]

Len Shackleton (obituary in the Grauniad)


Len Shackleton, who has died aged 78, called his autobiography, not inappropriately, Clown Prince Of Soccer. It became famous for a chapter headed The Average Director's Knowledge Of Football and consisting of a blank page.

Cheers, Bosscat

[bfcmik]

“when you get the ball, give it to him, cos he’s a better footballer than you”

Something I must aim to tell one of the players in the walking football team I am assistant manager of - maybe the player manager when I sub him on for his 2 minutes near the end!

[Clarets4me]

Not Soccer but ...

I played a reasonable standard of junior Club Rugby for Blackburn, ( 2nd Row ) in the 1980's progressing from U16's & U19's ( Colts ) to the 2nd XV when I was 19. One Friday, I got a phone call at work from the 1st XV captain, " Mel's hamstring's still not right, you're playing for the 1st's tomorrow " .

This was my debut. I arrived early, warm up all done, and I'm looking round the changing room at the other forwards, all much older than me and some proper hard men amongst them, thinking " I'll be alright here, these lads will look after me ". I then realised that the peg next to me was empty, and my fellow 2nd Row, an 19 stone behemoth of a Drayman called Pete Bradley hadn't arrived yet .. With kick-off 15 minutes away, the door burst open and Pete ( my hero as a player ) walks in. He takes one look at me and says " Sorry lads, thought this was the 1st team changing room ! ", and walks out again ! All the lads ****** themselves, and he returned with a big grin on his face ..

A rather lovely postscript to this is that we met up at an ex-players lunch a few years ago, and I regaled a few of the boys, Peter included, with this tale. Shortly before I left, Pete leaned over, " Have you got a minute ? " ... he led me to a quiet corner. " I can't believe you still remember that, mate, you were a good 'un ! " I assured him that his comment 30 years ago hadn't left me in therapy, but he was thoughtful and considerate enough to make his point .... proper bloke is Peter !

[Joe Buck]

Someone in the stands shouted “ Your not as good as your dad” to Nick Summebee someone else shouted “ He’s not as good as my f******* dad”

[Bosscat]

Someone in the stands shouted “ Your not as good as your dad” to Nick Summebee someone else shouted “ He’s not as good as my f******* dad”

thats classic

[gsyclaret]

Played in a friendly against Hepworth Town a long time ago we had an ref who was over on holiday here in Guernsey and wanted to ref a game. He was a good ref (not a pro) but he got in the showers after the game and told a story about a match he was reffing. One of the players wasn't happy with a decision and said to him , what would you do if I called you a ****, the ref said well I'd send you off, the player then said, what would you do if I thought you were a ****, the ref said, well nothing I suppose, to which the player said, well I think you're a ****. He sent him off.

[Tricky Trevor]

A cricket tale I witnessed.
We had a new guy start work with us and he said he’d played for Hassy seconds. We had a team in the Rossy workshop league so he’s immediately drafted. At our next match we, as usual, are dressed like rag-tag&bobtails. He turns up in all whites and his own bat. We are suitably impressed. Nobody has seen him play but they put him in at 4. Two wickets fall and out he strides, doing stretching exercises and forward defences.
Crowned first ball he trudges back. One guy asks,”Hassy seconds”?
The wag replies, “Hassy played”?

[Spike]

Back in the day when the knobbers thought they were superior a rumour went round Knobend land that Zac Dingle would do the half time draw at the Friday night game at Turf Moor. The rumour spread to Burnley

They had the entire Cricket End then not sure if they filled it though

The entire end when quiet when we reversed the joke and Zac Dingle did in effect do the draw!

Preston fans could claim free inflatable clackers from their club shop before the game.

I work and live in Preston so on my way home I went and got some hoping none of the hundreds of knobbers would spot me.

They didn’t and after we won they were most dischuffed when from block 6 of the Bob Lord I waved the now inflated clackers at the now sulking knobenders

[oswyclaret]

When we played Spurs,last season,they decided to make a substitution, the stadium announcer shouted,

Coming on for Tottenham, is no 16 lee how son, to which some wag behind me shouted, in a broad Burnley accent....does that come wi chips!

Absolutely creased me up!!