Football Joke

This Forum is the main messageboard to discuss all things Claret and Blue and beyond
Post Reply
upanatem
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2016 3:09 pm
Been Liked: 60 times
Has Liked: 66 times

Football Joke

Post by upanatem » Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:32 pm

If this has already done the rounds or been posted previously, apologies.


Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed, "Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes away.

A couple of nights later, at midnight, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike, Mike."

"Who is it ?" asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike, it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."

That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams !" "So, what's the bad news ?"



"You're in the team for this Saturday's match !!!"
These 6 users liked this post: Nonayforever FCBurnley Wile E Coyote Anonymous ten bellies Goobs

Spike
Posts: 1677
Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2016 1:07 pm
Been Liked: 337 times
Has Liked: 770 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Spike » Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:22 pm

And being heaven it would be a 3pm Saturday kick off!
These 3 users liked this post: Juan Tanamera upanatem Goobs

Steve1956
Posts: 8400
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
Been Liked: 2705 times
Has Liked: 1345 times
Location: Fife

Re: Football Joke

Post by Steve1956 » Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:33 pm

FB_IMG_1580164061904.jpg
FB_IMG_1580164061904.jpg (41.45 KiB) Viewed 1205 times
Frightening :lol:
These 4 users liked this post: Juan Tanamera upanatem Bosscat Rodneyyouplonker

IanMcL
Posts: 16221
Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2016 5:27 pm
Been Liked: 3241 times
Has Liked: 3710 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by IanMcL » Tue Jan 28, 2020 11:40 am

Kyche and Dlopp!
This user liked this post: Steve1956

Zlatan
Posts: 385
Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:06 pm
Been Liked: 138 times
Has Liked: 195 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Zlatan » Tue Jan 28, 2020 12:38 pm

Steve1956 wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:33 pm
FB_IMG_1580164061904.jpg
Frightening :lol:
look like some ex-pat paedophiles in Spain... :D
This user liked this post: Steve1956

Steve1956
Posts: 8400
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
Been Liked: 2705 times
Has Liked: 1345 times
Location: Fife

Re: Football Joke

Post by Steve1956 » Tue Jan 28, 2020 1:20 pm

Zlatan wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 12:38 pm
look like some ex-pat paedophiles in Spain... :D
:lol:

houseboy
Posts: 5151
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
Been Liked: 1479 times
Has Liked: 1203 times
Location: Baxenden

Re: Football Joke

Post by houseboy » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:07 pm

Steve1956 wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:33 pm
FB_IMG_1580164061904.jpg
Frightening :lol:
That would be some manager Steve.

And by the way is it safe to say you have a little time on your hands these days? :lol: :lol: :lol:
This user liked this post: Steve1956

houseboy
Posts: 5151
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
Been Liked: 1479 times
Has Liked: 1203 times
Location: Baxenden

Re: Football Joke

Post by houseboy » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:09 pm

Zlatan wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 12:38 pm
look like some ex-pat paedophiles in Spain... :D
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Yeah!!!

Steve1956
Posts: 8400
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
Been Liked: 2705 times
Has Liked: 1345 times
Location: Fife

Re: Football Joke

Post by Steve1956 » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:24 pm

houseboy wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:07 pm
That would be some manager Steve.

And by the way is it safe to say you have a little time on your hands these days? :lol: :lol: :lol:
All the time in the world Ian,at the moment I'm scouring old Rossendale free press's from 1967 online,some interesting court cases and names popping up :lol: did you know in 1967 you could go to Blackpool from Rawtenstall for 80pence return on Ellen Smith's

Volvoclaret
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 12:45 pm
Been Liked: 40 times
Has Liked: 5 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Volvoclaret » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:48 pm

God,what those Rossy lasses would do for 80p.

houseboy
Posts: 5151
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
Been Liked: 1479 times
Has Liked: 1203 times
Location: Baxenden

Re: Football Joke

Post by houseboy » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:52 pm

If you're looking at court cases from '67 please ignore any that have my name connected to them, it wasn't me, honest.

Ellen Smith's - FFS there's a blast from the past. To put 80p (or old equivalent) into context, I left school 2 years after that and was working as an apprentice plumber for Rawtenstall council (yes even before it became Rossendale council) and got £4 -10 shillings a week (£3/19/6 after nat ins - no tax as I didn't earn enough). I took my pay home, unopened, and my mum gave me 10 bob a week spence. For 40 bloody hours of hard graft.

In the words of Monty Python - you tell that to the kids these days and they don't believe you.

Nowadays I take home £7-50 a week and my wife gives me £1 and a hard time. Oh the wealth.
This user liked this post: IanMcL

houseboy
Posts: 5151
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
Been Liked: 1479 times
Has Liked: 1203 times
Location: Baxenden

Re: Football Joke

Post by houseboy » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:55 pm

Volvoclaret wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:48 pm
God,what those Rossy lasses would do for 80p.
Now stop that - you're talking about the woman I loved. And she loved me, I know because she said so. All those 80ps came from selling firewood and pummice stones - I know cos she said so. :o :o :o

Down_Rover
Posts: 1140
Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2016 12:09 pm
Been Liked: 313 times
Has Liked: 119 times
Location: Manchester

Re: Football Joke

Post by Down_Rover » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:57 pm

houseboy wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:52 pm
If you're looking at court cases from '67 please ignore any that have my name connected to them, it wasn't me, honest.

Ellen Smith's - FFS there's a blast from the past. To put 80p (or old equivalent) into context, I left school 2 years after that and was working as an apprentice plumber for Rawtenstall council (yes even before it became Rossendale council) and got £4 -10 shillings a week (£3/19/6 after nat ins - no tax as I didn't earn enough). I took my pay home, unopened, and my mum gave me 10 bob a week spence. For 40 bloody hours of hard graft.

In the words of Monty Python - you tell that to the kids these days and they don't believe you.

Nowadays I take home £7-50 a week and my wife gives me £1 and a hard time. Oh the wealth.
You were Lucky. We lived in a cardboard box
This user liked this post: houseboy

Volvoclaret
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 12:45 pm
Been Liked: 40 times
Has Liked: 5 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Volvoclaret » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:59 pm

Yeah, she had the hottest fire and lovely soft hands.......
This user liked this post: houseboy

Rubstuds
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2016 2:52 pm
Been Liked: 25 times
Has Liked: 22 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Rubstuds » Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:59 pm

Yer wife's too soft .

houseboy
Posts: 5151
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
Been Liked: 1479 times
Has Liked: 1203 times
Location: Baxenden

Re: Football Joke

Post by houseboy » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:00 pm

Steve1956 wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:24 pm
All the time in the world Ian,at the moment I'm scouring old Rossendale free press's from 1967 online,some interesting court cases and names popping up :lol: did you know in 1967 you could go to Blackpool from Rawtenstall for 80pence return on Ellen Smith's
By the way bud if you come accross the names Peter or David Carr in the court cases from around that time (usually involving assault) they were my cousins (or second cousins or whatever you call the spawn of your dad's cousin). I'm guessing ,long gone now as they were both older than me by some way. A couple of rascals they were who apparently used to be at the forefront of the after last orders fights at the old Astoria.

Volvoclaret
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 12:45 pm
Been Liked: 40 times
Has Liked: 5 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Volvoclaret » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:02 pm

......a good ride all the way to Bollockpool. Good times. Tell that to the kids nowadays and they,d think you were an old perv.

houseboy
Posts: 5151
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
Been Liked: 1479 times
Has Liked: 1203 times
Location: Baxenden

Re: Football Joke

Post by houseboy » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:02 pm

Rubstuds wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 2:59 pm
Yer wife's too soft .
How odd - that's what she says. :lol:

Steve1956
Posts: 8400
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
Been Liked: 2705 times
Has Liked: 1345 times
Location: Fife

Re: Football Joke

Post by Steve1956 » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:03 pm

And in 1966 it was 6/9 return to Blackpool on Fred Kirkham
:lol:

Volvoclaret
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 12:45 pm
Been Liked: 40 times
Has Liked: 5 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Volvoclaret » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:06 pm

Not going there, Steve, the P C brigade on here will go mental.
This user liked this post: Steve1956

Steve1956
Posts: 8400
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
Been Liked: 2705 times
Has Liked: 1345 times
Location: Fife

Re: Football Joke

Post by Steve1956 » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:07 pm

houseboy wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:00 pm
By the way bud if you come accross the names Peter or David Carr in the court cases from around that time (usually involving assault) they were my cousins (or second cousins or whatever you call the spawn of your dad's cousin). I'm guessing ,long gone now as they were both older than me by some way. A couple of rascals they were who apparently used to be at the forefront of the after last orders fights at the old Astoria.
Jock McKenna got drunk a lot back then 😂 he makes numerous apperances in the paper....remember him always wore a trilby.

houseboy
Posts: 5151
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
Been Liked: 1479 times
Has Liked: 1203 times
Location: Baxenden

Re: Football Joke

Post by houseboy » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:08 pm

Steve1956 wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:03 pm
And in 1966 it was 6/9 return to Blackpool on Fred Kirkham
:lol:
I remember that, 69 did you say? Now going back to my lovely Ellen.

Volvoclaret
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 12:45 pm
Been Liked: 40 times
Has Liked: 5 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Volvoclaret » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:24 pm

Join the queue HB, it stretches right around the bus station, busy girl our Ellen. 80ps at the ready.
This user liked this post: houseboy

houseboy
Posts: 5151
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
Been Liked: 1479 times
Has Liked: 1203 times
Location: Baxenden

Re: Football Joke

Post by houseboy » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:28 pm

Steve1956 wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:07 pm
Jock McKenna got drunk a lot back then 😂 he makes numerous apperances in the paper....remember him always wore a trilby.
I knew Jock quite well. Lived in Haslingden and absolutely hated coppers, attacked them on site when he was drunk, was was most of the time. Only a little guy but genuinely hard as nails. One of his sons, Sean, could have been an excellent boxer but I seem to think the drink got the better of him as well. Once saw him in a fight with another local hard case (name escapes me) that started in the Commercial and finished somewhere at the top of town, a real old time brawl like John Wayne and Lee Marvyn.

Tricky Trevor
Posts: 3071
Joined: Thu Jan 31, 2019 10:06 pm
Been Liked: 809 times
Has Liked: 753 times

Re: Football Joke

Post by Tricky Trevor » Tue Jan 28, 2020 4:51 pm

Steve1956 wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:07 pm
Jock McKenna got drunk a lot back then 😂 he makes numerous apperances in the paper....remember him always wore a trilby.
We turned out to a fire in the chip shop on Blackburn Rd, Hassy. Late at night.
Place(sic) is obviously shut. William wandering by decides he’s hungry, barges in and orders a fish supper. Well oiled he has no idea what’s been going on. After 10 minutes of debate the owner says he’ll make him them just to get rid of him. Another 10 minutes of him being belligerent whilst they are fried and wrapped. He comes out with them, opens them up and flings them at the fire engine. Happy chappy.

Steve1956
Posts: 8400
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
Been Liked: 2705 times
Has Liked: 1345 times
Location: Fife

Re: Football Joke

Post by Steve1956 » Tue Jan 28, 2020 5:04 pm

Tricky Trevor wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 4:51 pm
We turned out to a fire in the chip shop on Blackburn Rd, Hassy. Late at night.
Place(sic) is obviously shut. William wandering by decides he’s hungry, barges in and orders a fish supper. Well oiled he has no idea what’s been going on. After 10 minutes of debate the owner says he’ll make him them just to get rid of him. Another 10 minutes of him being belligerent whilst they are fried and wrapped. He comes out with them, opens them up and flings them at the fire engine. Happy chappy.
:lol:

Post Reply