Awkward British Problems :)
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Awkward British Problems :)
AWKWARD BRITISH PROBLEMS:
Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever
Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’
Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether
Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
"You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
"I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”
The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit
Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”
“Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door.
Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever
Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’
Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether
Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
"You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
"I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”
The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit
Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”
“Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
And I thought Long Time Lurkers posts were ....well Long?Steve1956 wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:31 amAWKWARD BRITISH PROBLEMS:
Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever
Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’
Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether
Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
"You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
"I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”
The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit
Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”
“Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Having the waiter say, "Enjoy your food" and you reply with, "You too".
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Very amusing tbh and obviously more so because they are very true!!!
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
I thought exactly the same.Dark Cloud wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 11:05 amVery amusing tbh and obviously more so because they are very true!!!
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Arriving to meet someone who greets you with 'you look flushed, have you been running?' And you haven't.
When you pay for a taxi with a note and you don't know whether to wait for change or reluctantly give it up as a tip.
When you pay for a taxi with a note and you don't know whether to wait for change or reluctantly give it up as a tip.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
I always find threads like this to be exclusive of our foreign born claret friends and dehumanising of other cultures.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Can identify with most of the scenarios mentioned although I've never filmed an entire fireworks display, I leave stuff like that to the Mrs
Another one is when you ask someone for directions and even though you're a stranger in town you quickly realize you have a better idea of where you're going than the person you've just asked yet when they've finished you still head in the direction they've sent you until that person is safely out of sight and you can do a u-turn.
Another one is when you ask someone for directions and even though you're a stranger in town you quickly realize you have a better idea of where you're going than the person you've just asked yet when they've finished you still head in the direction they've sent you until that person is safely out of sight and you can do a u-turn.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Taxi driver tourettes (to quote Peter Kay)
What time did you start?
What time do you finish?
Been Busy?
What time did you start?
What time do you finish?
Been Busy?
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
It's like the last Rolo or the last Malteser. Or when I''m about to take my last piece of meat and my wife says 'aw, give that to Charlie (the dog)'. No! No! A thousand times no! He doesn't bloody leave me any of his.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
My favourite one off that list Ian...
Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
In Len Kay's at about six years old.
Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
In Len Kay's at about six years old.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
1: “I’m a bit chilly”
2: “Put a jumper on then”
1: “Yeah, I might do”
2: “Put a jumper on then”
1: “Yeah, I might do”
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Ah Len Kay, he used to call in the Bull and Butcher, with I think his nephew on his way home from Rawtenstall. He was quite a character was Len.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
I have photos of myself as a young boy with some horrendous Len Kay haircuts...The Enclosure wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 2:38 pmAh Len Kay, he used to call in the Bull and Butcher, with I think his nephew on his way home from Rawtenstall. He was quite a character was Len.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
I’m glad I’m British, I’ve been to around 30 different companies and met many fantastic cultures but we are certainly one in our ownSteve1956 wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:31 amAWKWARD BRITISH PROBLEMS:
Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever
Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’
Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether
Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
"You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
"I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”
The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit
Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”
“Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door.
Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Quoting an entire post for no good reasonSteve1956 wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:31 amAWKWARD BRITISH PROBLEMS:
Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever
Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’
Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether
Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
"You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
"I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”
The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit
Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”
“Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Len Kay......that's a name from the past........ I was one of those waiting at the back for his assistant to be free, because then you knew you'd get something more modern rather than looking as if you were off to the WW1 trenches!
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Thats something i always do in the barbers,calculate by no of customers to the barbers to see which im going to get,then think f++k me is it worth waiting for
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Meeting him later,im sure he will be a lot nicer to me when we are having a cuddle
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Someone bumps into you and it's you who apologises.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Not at all Volvo
Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Walking out of a supermarket without buying anything and you feel like a guilty shoplifter!
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Jakubclaret doesn't even go into the supermarket
See Tesco thread.
See Tesco thread.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Volvoclaret wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 9:30 pmJakubclaret doesn't even go into the supermarket
See Tesco thread.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Police car appears behind you, as you are driving along.
Immediate thoughts... insurance, yes, mot, yes, driving at right speed yes...then you spend the time indicating your every intention,well in advance, until they have had enough of a laugh and turn off!
Immediate thoughts... insurance, yes, mot, yes, driving at right speed yes...then you spend the time indicating your every intention,well in advance, until they have had enough of a laugh and turn off!
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
A log in to like.Steve1956 wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:31 amAWKWARD BRITISH PROBLEMS:
Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever
Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’
Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether
Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
"You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
"I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”
The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit
Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”
“Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Hmmm Juan, do you need 3 guesses?Juan Tanamera wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 11:07 pmHa ha!
Done that, and why did Len, Dennis and Les always smell of beer?
See the post on the Bull & Butcher & evening & substitute that with the Crown & lunchtime
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Some great ones, there Steve.
Another one: peeing against the side of the toilet bowl to avoid any sound remotely like urine hitting water when there’s a good looking girl in the room next door who knows you’re in the toilet because you’ve just told her.
Another one: peeing against the side of the toilet bowl to avoid any sound remotely like urine hitting water when there’s a good looking girl in the room next door who knows you’re in the toilet because you’ve just told her.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Even more embarrassing if you've had a stinky number 2 & she goes in after you've left the room.Holmeclaret wrote: ↑Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:08 amSome great ones, there Steve.
Another one: peeing against the side of the toilet bowl to avoid any sound remotely like urine hitting water when there’s a good looking girl in the room next door who knows you’re in the toilet because you’ve just told her.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Aye, that too.
It all tends to wear off a bit once you’ve wed the lass.
It all tends to wear off a bit once you’ve wed the lass.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
The glade is a must have accessory in the early stages until the novelty wears off that’s for sure, unless you don’t like her or want distance maxing out on the vindaloo is a sure fire winner.Holmeclaret wrote: ↑Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:32 amAye, that too.
It all tends to wear off a bit once you’ve wed the lass.
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Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Same! (And then I just think f**k 'em!!!)ClaretMoffitt wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 11:40 amI always find threads like this to be exclusive of our foreign born claret friends and dehumanising of other cultures.
Re: Awkward British Problems :)
VIPOO thats what it was invented for.....Jakubclaret wrote: ↑Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:28 amEven more embarrassing if you've had a stinky number 2 & she goes in after you've left the room.
https://youtu.be/qxaNMe8oDE8
Re: Awkward British Problems :)
Sitting and complaining to your other half about your meal in a restaurant then saying ‘lovely thanks’ when the waiter/waitress asks ‘everything ok with your meal?’