Dogfishing Whilst Trapped in My Flat

[Rowls]

I am trapped in my flat in France.

I am only allowed to leave my appartment block for essential measures which include:

* Going to work
* Picking up medication
* Essential grocery shopping

My workplace is closed. I am fit and healthy. I did my shopping yesterday.

One exemption the French government have allowed is that dog owner are allowed to walk their dogs. Sadly, I do not own a dog.

I'd offer to walk anybody elses dogs but I would not technically be allowed outside in order to collect the dog - you have to be wakling the dog the second you step outside.

At the moment I am fishing for a stray dog:

I have set up a fishing line and baited it with some charcuterie from my second floor window. If a stray dog approaches my plan is to quickly withdraw the bait and instruct the dog to "sit" and "wait" (Note: I'll have to do this in French as most dogs sadly don't speak any English) until I can rush down the two flights of stairs and claim the canine as my own.

Up yours, Delors!

Vivre la France!

[Tricky Trevor]

You might catch a French Puddle.

[dsr]

Have you considered using poisoned bait? For one thing, it will save you having to rush downstairs to pick it up (unless rogue dogfishers get there first, of course); for another, it's cheaper to feed. Carefully stuffed - you can get instructions off the internet - and with wheels attached, you should fool all but the most nitpicky of gendarmes.

[Buxtonclaret]

Get somebody to bake you a cake.
Quite a large one.
Get said baker to send it and, concealed within, ask for a little stuffed doggy and, a snazzy looking tartan lead & collar.
Ask them to make sure this stuffed dog is mounted on wheels, does cute little tail wags & barks.
After checking these French rules, your right. Exceptions for dogs are valid.
But nowhere, and I've really scrutinised this, does it say said dog needs to be alive.

[Rowls]

No bites so far, lads & lasses.

In fact, nobody has even walked underneath my window.

I'll keep everyone updated as often as possible, whenever anything exciting happens.

In the meantime I'll be investigating brands of dog poison and looking for a patisserie who specialize in baked-in dog-cakes. You can get any cake you want in France so I'm sure there'll be one who speacializes in dog-cakes in the local region.

Courage, tout la monde!

[dsr]

Have you considered trailing an empty lead and talking to it? If you get stopped, pat the approximate head of the imaginary dog and tell PC Copper how well behaved it is. He won't press the point!

[Bullabill]

Don't use an empty lead, pull around a cabbage, and, if you get stopped, tell PC Copper it's a Collie!

[Im_not_Robbie_Blake]

Don't use an empty lead, pull around a cabbage, and, if you get stopped, tell PC Copper it's a Collie!

Record yourself barking into your mobile phone for an hour, make a mobile phone-shaped hole in the cabbage, insert phone, start the barking sound effect when you walk the cabbage. Will fool everyone.




Yes folks, we're all going bonkers already!

[Hendrickxz]

Thanks to all contributors to this thread for brightening up my day!

[IanMcL]

Piece of string and a lump of something on the end. Walk it. If anyone asks, tell them it is Fido's ashes and he remains in your heart!

[box_of_frogs]

Any success yet?

[Bosscat]

I am trapped in my flat in France.

I am only allowed to leave my appartment block for essential measures which include:

* Going to work
* Picking up medication
* Essential grocery shopping

My workplace is closed. I am fit and healthy. I did my shopping yesterday.

One exemption the French government have allowed is that dog owner are allowed to walk their dogs. Sadly, I do not own a dog.

I'd offer to walk anybody elses dogs but I would not technically be allowed outside in order to collect the dog - you have to be wakling the dog the second you step outside.

At the moment I am fishing for a stray dog:

I have set up a fishing line and baited it with some charcuterie from my second floor window. If a stray dog approaches my plan is to quickly withdraw the bait and instruct the dog to "sit" and "wait" (Note: I'll have to do this in French as most dogs sadly don't speak any English) until I can rush down the two flights of stairs and claim the canine as my own.

Up yours, Delors!

Vivre la France!

Laughed like a drainwhen I saw this post in "The Over 70's" thread...

Due to my current vision issues I skim read that as " The world has ground to a malt" which given your taste in beverages, I thought was very witty.

Similarly I initially thought Rowls was "Dog fishing from a Fiat"

Start the cat.

Dog fishing from a Fiat

[Rowls]

Any success yet?

Sadly no.

The meat bait fell off and all I had to replace it was a stale croissant.

Thereafter I was inundated with pigeons.

I shall try again tomorrow.

[Tricky Trevor]

Put a lead on the pigeon!
The Everlys would.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjxGlFkxzOQ

[Vino blanco]

Rowls, it's "Vive la Fance" and "tout LE monde. No wonder you can't pick up any French dogs!

[atlantalad]

Think you going stir-crazy.

How about one of these:
https://www.ebay.co.uk/i/133229317680?c ... gJPS_D_BwE


If you use one you may end up in a place with company ... albeit you may need to play ball with any medication prescribed.

[4:20]

Hi Rowls, hope you're getting on okay, was thinking earlier if the measures allow it and the **** really hits the fan, you can come up here and stay with us if needs be, this offer includes a dog to walk at your pleasure. I have a question for you, please. I called our village Marie asking what the rules are on dog walking. I go on an off road track every day, right outside my house with my baby in a stroller and the dog, very rural, walks on these tracks rarely result in me seeing anyone and the Marie told me I can continue the walks with my family as the members are all from the same house. I'm not sure i've been given the correct information though, i'm concerned that if i'm out with myself, the dog and my baby, sometimes my wife too, that this is strictly not an individual and his dog and i could be breaking the law. I don't want to **** anyone off in my area if they spot me from their window. Do you know of any further information regarding this as it's all a bit thin on the ground and absolutely non existant in regards to rural dog and baby walkers in a small group from the same household?

edit_ I've already printed off and signed the various certificates required for each activity eg, recycling rubbish at the bins, groceries etc

[Bfc]

Bullabill, Rowls would stand a better chance of walking a Cauliflower round on a lead and claiming it was a cauli dog.

[Alanstevensonsgloves]

Dogfishing Whilst Trapped in My Flat....

Great title for that 'difficult' second album

EDIT: or a typical Half Man Half Biscuit track

[Hendrickxz]

Dogfishing Whilst Trapped in My Flat....

Great title for that 'difficult' second album

EDIT: or a typical Half Man Half Biscuit track

I was just thinking it reminded me of Paul Simon's song title "René and Georgette Magritte with Their Dog After the War.” or Salmon Fishing in the Yemen!