Lies you parents told you

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Fenwick
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Lies you parents told you

Post by Fenwick » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:02 pm

I've seen an Aprils Fool video on facebook where the parents told their kids they were going back to school. Uniforms on and bags packed. What ( mostly ) harmless fibs did your parents tell you?

I remember my dad telling me that honey comes out of a bee's bottom ( which may well be true ), the world was in black and white when he was a kid, and soap was basically the same as toothpaste ( it wasn't )

I told the now ex stepson on his first time on the match that Turf Moor was the second biggest ground in England after Wembley.

Any more?

bfcjg
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by bfcjg » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:21 pm

It'll make you go blind.
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by yTib » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:24 pm

my mum ran off with a black fella.
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by MrTopTier » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:29 pm

Eat your carrots up, they help you see in the dark.

Eat your greens, puts hairs on your chest.
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Tribesmen » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:37 pm

Rovers were the best side in Europe

Grumps
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Grumps » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:37 pm

That you can type thread titles correctly :D :D

Fenwick
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Fenwick » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:39 pm

Grumps wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:37 pm
That you can type thread titles correctly :D :D
Oh, haddnt seen that !

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Funkydrummer » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:40 pm

Fenwick wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:39 pm
Oh, haddnt seen that !
Or that !!! :lol: :lol:

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Funkydrummer » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:41 pm

The carrot one is correct - did you ever see a rabbit wearing glasses ?
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Funkydrummer » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:42 pm

Eat your crust, it will make your hair curl.
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bfcjg
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by bfcjg » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:43 pm

Grumps wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:37 pm
That you can type thread titles correctly :D :D
It'll make you go blind.
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by jdrobbo » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:50 pm

I was once very naughty at home throughout the day; winding my parents up and basically just being a royal pain in the ass. I was about eight, so it was 1991,92ish.

That night, after getting out of the bath, I entered the living room. Dad was sat on one chair; mother opposite on the sofa. In the middle of the room was a table...one of those with a highly polished surface, a laced covering and an elegant fruit bowl centrally positioned, with a ceramic pigeon or some other strange ornament, just to fill the space....I’m setting the scene here....

However, also on the table was a B.T Telephone Directory...something that was used regularly in our household, with my dad serving as a borough councillor for sixteen years. I thought nothing of it, it wasn’t that unusual...

The silence was deafening and my parents paid me little attention. With my tail between my legs, I apologised for my antics that day.

“Too late son, you’ve had your chances.”

“This can’t go on any more, you’re old enough to hear the truth...”

“The truth about what?”

“Page 121, that’s what you need!”

“Why do I need to make a phone call at this time?”

“No phone call needed, just a name and address son!”



Feeling apologetic and confused, I turned to page 121...there, heavily circled in the ink of red BIC biro, was the name and address of a family I’d never heard of.

“That’s you’re real address and they’re your real parents. We adopted you when you were one and now they’re happy to take you back. Go to bed and you can pack in the morning!”

At breakfast the following day, after another apology, my parents broke their silence....with laughter! It scarred me for ages!
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Funkydrummer » Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:55 pm

Stop pulling your face, if the wind changes it will stay like that.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by IanMcL » Wed Apr 01, 2020 8:13 pm

“That’s you’re real address and they’re your real parents. We adopted you when you were one and now they’re happy to take you back. Go to bed and you can pack in the morning!”'

That's bloody cruel! :o
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bobinho
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by bobinho » Wed Apr 01, 2020 8:17 pm

We'll win on Saturday...

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by FactualFrank » Wed Apr 01, 2020 8:17 pm

That Pulp Fiction was about oranges.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by claretblue » Wed Apr 01, 2020 8:25 pm

bfcjg wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:21 pm
It'll make you go blind.
can’t see this! :?

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by IanMcL » Wed Apr 01, 2020 8:26 pm

Went to Butlins when daughter was very small. Just big enough to sit in a little kids roundabout car.

She wanted a ride, of course. I placed her in the nearest available car.

All the cars were being occupied, as I looked around.

Before leaving my daughter, with her hands on the wheel, I whispered in her ear....

"This is the main car. You have to steer it and keep it going round the circle, so the other children get around too."

She looked up and saw I meant it.

Off it goes and there are kids twisting round, shovelling the wheel, waving to their parents, anything they wanted.

My daughter is sat still looking where she is going and steering very carefully!

My wife wondered why she was concentrating so much, when all around was all over the show.

When I told her, she said I was mean!

The ride ends and I collect my daughter.

Her face is red and she was all hot and bothered from the concentrated effort.

"I did it dad. I drove it round for everyone!"

Proud dad! My wife split the beans and I got a look of disdain from my daughter!

I still remind her of it!

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Foreverly Claret » Wed Apr 01, 2020 8:55 pm

Growing up in Burnley ,schooling at Rosehill and BGS my dad was always telling me he was going to send me to boarding school...Rossall or Lancaster Grammar or some place in St.annes .I was 11 before I twigged that he hadn't a cat in hell's chance of affording it but I believed him and he really put the shits up me.If it was to keep me on the straight and narrow it failed ...it was a lie but we had a good laugh about it before he passed on.

DomBFC1882
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by DomBFC1882 » Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:03 pm

Father Christmas

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Claret-On-A-T-Rex » Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:35 pm

Liars never prosper
Cheats never win

boatshed bill
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by boatshed bill » Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:48 pm

We love you

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by tim_noone » Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:55 pm

As mentioned on here before ...my brother and partner taped the live Lottery when it first came out knew the winning numbers and spent a pound for a laugh at his expense....buying a ticket after the event. Shouted 8 year old james in to watch the lottery "Live" while viewing him on camcorder reeling all the winning numbers off!!! His thoughts of unimaginable riches turned to tears of despair and nearly destroyed him.....as they p!ssed themselves laughing saying it was all a joke!! What a pair of c...s!! Hes never been r8 since.

MACCA
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by MACCA » Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:57 pm

"If you eat cheese before bed it'll give you nightmares"

Never got that, but mum said it a lot
Think it was so I didnt ask for cheese on toast for supper, and cereal was far quicker and cheaper.

If you keep your coat on whilst visiting relatives you'd catch a cold when you went back out.

What's for tea?
Sh1t with sugar on... dont think it ever was

Where's x person gone?
Gone to see a man about a dog...
Never ever returned with a dog!
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boatshed bill
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by boatshed bill » Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:58 pm

tim_noone wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:55 pm
As mentioned on here before ...my brother and partner taped the live Lottery when it first came out knew the winning numbers and spent a pound for a laugh at his expense....buying a ticket after the event. Shouted 8 year old james in to watch the lottery "Live" while viewing him on camcorder reeling all the winning numbers off!!! His thoughts of unimaginable riches turned to tears of despair and nearly destroyed him.....as they p!ssed themselves laughing saying it was all a joke!! What a pair of c...s!! Hes never been r8 since.
Shocking, if not quite funny :D

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by MACCA » Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:06 pm

tim_noone wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:55 pm
As mentioned on here before ...my brother and partner taped the live Lottery when it first came out knew the winning numbers and spent a pound for a laugh at his expense....buying a ticket after the event. Shouted 8 year old james in to watch the lottery "Live" while viewing him on camcorder reeling all the winning numbers off!!! His thoughts of unimaginable riches turned to tears of despair and nearly destroyed him.....as they p!ssed themselves laughing saying it was all a joke!! What a pair of c...s!! Hes never been r8 since.
There's a video that gets regular airings on FB of it.
So funny, all cockey and playful, then when 4th number matches, he starts getting really excited.
Jimmy playing it down in the back ground just winds him up even further.
" I swear dad, I swear, we've got 5 numbers" :lol: :lol

It might even be on YouTube.:

tim_noone
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by tim_noone » Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:06 pm

boatshed bill wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:58 pm
Shocking, if not quite funny :D
Trying to get a link for it........absolutely hilarious but so.....cruel!! Should have been posted on you've been framed back then.

Bfcboyo
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Re: Lies your parents told you

Post by Bfcboyo » Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:52 pm

You're the most handsome , modest and intelligent boy in the world. I knew only two could be true.

tim_noone
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by tim_noone » Wed Apr 01, 2020 11:23 pm

MACCA wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:06 pm
There's a video that gets regular airings on FB of it.
So funny, all cockey and playful, then when 4th number matches, he starts getting really excited.
Jimmy playing it down in the back ground just winds him up even further.
" I swear dad, I swear, we've got 5 numbers" :lol: :lol

It might even be on YouTube.:
That's it......not on utube so funny!

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Clarets4me » Thu Apr 02, 2020 1:01 am

" Nice girls don't do it " .....

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Holtyclaret » Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:30 am

Stop picking your nose, your face will cave in.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by IanMcL » Thu Apr 02, 2020 9:14 am

Don't play near the drains, you'll get scarlet fever.

Dont sit on the cold step, you'll get piles.

If you don't behave, when the rag and bone man comes, I'll swap you for a goldfish.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Funkydrummer » Thu Apr 02, 2020 9:25 am

Don't pick your nose, you'll take the lining out of your cap.
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Firthy » Thu Apr 02, 2020 10:23 am

Don't eat the pips or a tree will grow in your stomach.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Firthy » Thu Apr 02, 2020 10:24 am

IanMcL wrote:
Thu Apr 02, 2020 9:14 am
If you don't behave, when the rag and bone man comes, I'll swap you for a goldfish.
Are you sure that was a lie :( :o :lol: :lol:
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Bosscat » Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:11 am

Fenwick wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:39 pm
Oh, haddnt seen that !
Just watched the Sean Dyche Twitter questions/answers... was that you asking about
20161130_131853.jpg
20161130_131853.jpg (1.81 MiB) Viewed 1208 times
😁

Steve1956
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Steve1956 » Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:14 am

MACCA wrote:
Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:57 pm
"If you eat cheese before bed it'll give you nightmares"

Never got that, but mum said it a lot
Think it was so I didnt ask for cheese on toast for supper, and cereal was far quicker and cheaper.

If you keep your coat on whilst visiting relatives you'd catch a cold when you went back out.

What's for tea?
Sh1t with sugar on... dont think it ever was

Where's x person gone?
Gone to see a man about a dog...
Never ever returned with a dog!
My parents said every single one of those to me ...great memories

expoultryboy
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by expoultryboy » Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:46 am

When the icecream van plays it's music , there's none left .
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Steve1956
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Steve1956 » Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:47 am

expoultryboy wrote:
Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:46 am
When the icecream van plays it's music , there's none left .
How cruel can you get!!! :lol:
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Herts Clarets » Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:02 pm

If you swallow chewing gum it will bung up your insides.

Steve1956
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Steve1956 » Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:10 pm

Herts Clarets wrote:
Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:02 pm
If you swallow chewing gum it will bung up your insides.
My Dad used to say it you swallowed chewy it blew up into a big bubble and your stomach would explode :)
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by LoveCurryPies » Thu Apr 02, 2020 2:18 pm

Sit too near the telly and your eyes will go square. :lol:

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by karatekid » Thu Apr 02, 2020 3:55 pm

If you pull a face and the wind changes you will stay like that.

My Dad was always going to see a man about a dog.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by IanMcL » Thu Apr 02, 2020 3:55 pm

Herts Clarets wrote:
Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:02 pm
If you swallow chewing gum it will bung up your insides.
Agreed.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by fidelcastro » Thu Apr 02, 2020 4:02 pm

If you put hot tea bags in the bin, it'll set it on fire!

:o

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Claret Toni » Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:30 pm

Not sure they were intended to be lies, it just turned out that way:

Tha wants nowt with Lego, it'll never replace Meccano

and

Tha'll never remember who the Beatles were come Christmas
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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Jakubclaret » Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:37 pm

Parents as a general rule don't tell lies as such to there children maybe odd harmless fibs to deter the children away from mischief, a similar kind of thread could be is what truth have your parents told you, in the teenage years warts & all.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by IanMcL » Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:47 pm

When I was just a little boy
I asked my mommas
What will I be?
Will I be handsome?
Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me...

Yes you will, you will!

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by gawthorpe_view » Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:51 pm

Porridge sticks to your ribs.
Keeps you warm in winter.

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Re: Lies you parents told you

Post by Volvoclaret » Thu Apr 02, 2020 9:55 pm

Porridge...food of the Devil.

Yellow snow tastes of lemonade I told my younger Brother.

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