Lies you parents told you
Lies you parents told you
I've seen an Aprils Fool video on facebook where the parents told their kids they were going back to school. Uniforms on and bags packed. What ( mostly ) harmless fibs did your parents tell you?
I remember my dad telling me that honey comes out of a bee's bottom ( which may well be true ), the world was in black and white when he was a kid, and soap was basically the same as toothpaste ( it wasn't )
I told the now ex stepson on his first time on the match that Turf Moor was the second biggest ground in England after Wembley.
Any more?
I remember my dad telling me that honey comes out of a bee's bottom ( which may well be true ), the world was in black and white when he was a kid, and soap was basically the same as toothpaste ( it wasn't )
I told the now ex stepson on his first time on the match that Turf Moor was the second biggest ground in England after Wembley.
Any more?
Re: Lies you parents told you
It'll make you go blind.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Eat your carrots up, they help you see in the dark.
Eat your greens, puts hairs on your chest.
Eat your greens, puts hairs on your chest.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Rovers were the best side in Europe
Re: Lies you parents told you
That you can type thread titles correctly
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Re: Lies you parents told you
The carrot one is correct - did you ever see a rabbit wearing glasses ?
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Eat your crust, it will make your hair curl.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
I was once very naughty at home throughout the day; winding my parents up and basically just being a royal pain in the ass. I was about eight, so it was 1991,92ish.
That night, after getting out of the bath, I entered the living room. Dad was sat on one chair; mother opposite on the sofa. In the middle of the room was a table...one of those with a highly polished surface, a laced covering and an elegant fruit bowl centrally positioned, with a ceramic pigeon or some other strange ornament, just to fill the space....I’m setting the scene here....
However, also on the table was a B.T Telephone Directory...something that was used regularly in our household, with my dad serving as a borough councillor for sixteen years. I thought nothing of it, it wasn’t that unusual...
The silence was deafening and my parents paid me little attention. With my tail between my legs, I apologised for my antics that day.
“Too late son, you’ve had your chances.”
“This can’t go on any more, you’re old enough to hear the truth...”
“The truth about what?”
“Page 121, that’s what you need!”
“Why do I need to make a phone call at this time?”
“No phone call needed, just a name and address son!”
Feeling apologetic and confused, I turned to page 121...there, heavily circled in the ink of red BIC biro, was the name and address of a family I’d never heard of.
“That’s you’re real address and they’re your real parents. We adopted you when you were one and now they’re happy to take you back. Go to bed and you can pack in the morning!”
At breakfast the following day, after another apology, my parents broke their silence....with laughter! It scarred me for ages!
That night, after getting out of the bath, I entered the living room. Dad was sat on one chair; mother opposite on the sofa. In the middle of the room was a table...one of those with a highly polished surface, a laced covering and an elegant fruit bowl centrally positioned, with a ceramic pigeon or some other strange ornament, just to fill the space....I’m setting the scene here....
However, also on the table was a B.T Telephone Directory...something that was used regularly in our household, with my dad serving as a borough councillor for sixteen years. I thought nothing of it, it wasn’t that unusual...
The silence was deafening and my parents paid me little attention. With my tail between my legs, I apologised for my antics that day.
“Too late son, you’ve had your chances.”
“This can’t go on any more, you’re old enough to hear the truth...”
“The truth about what?”
“Page 121, that’s what you need!”
“Why do I need to make a phone call at this time?”
“No phone call needed, just a name and address son!”
Feeling apologetic and confused, I turned to page 121...there, heavily circled in the ink of red BIC biro, was the name and address of a family I’d never heard of.
“That’s you’re real address and they’re your real parents. We adopted you when you were one and now they’re happy to take you back. Go to bed and you can pack in the morning!”
At breakfast the following day, after another apology, my parents broke their silence....with laughter! It scarred me for ages!
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Stop pulling your face, if the wind changes it will stay like that.
Re: Lies you parents told you
“That’s you’re real address and they’re your real parents. We adopted you when you were one and now they’re happy to take you back. Go to bed and you can pack in the morning!”'
That's bloody cruel!
That's bloody cruel!
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Re: Lies you parents told you
We'll win on Saturday...
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Re: Lies you parents told you
That Pulp Fiction was about oranges.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Went to Butlins when daughter was very small. Just big enough to sit in a little kids roundabout car.
She wanted a ride, of course. I placed her in the nearest available car.
All the cars were being occupied, as I looked around.
Before leaving my daughter, with her hands on the wheel, I whispered in her ear....
"This is the main car. You have to steer it and keep it going round the circle, so the other children get around too."
She looked up and saw I meant it.
Off it goes and there are kids twisting round, shovelling the wheel, waving to their parents, anything they wanted.
My daughter is sat still looking where she is going and steering very carefully!
My wife wondered why she was concentrating so much, when all around was all over the show.
When I told her, she said I was mean!
The ride ends and I collect my daughter.
Her face is red and she was all hot and bothered from the concentrated effort.
"I did it dad. I drove it round for everyone!"
Proud dad! My wife split the beans and I got a look of disdain from my daughter!
I still remind her of it!
She wanted a ride, of course. I placed her in the nearest available car.
All the cars were being occupied, as I looked around.
Before leaving my daughter, with her hands on the wheel, I whispered in her ear....
"This is the main car. You have to steer it and keep it going round the circle, so the other children get around too."
She looked up and saw I meant it.
Off it goes and there are kids twisting round, shovelling the wheel, waving to their parents, anything they wanted.
My daughter is sat still looking where she is going and steering very carefully!
My wife wondered why she was concentrating so much, when all around was all over the show.
When I told her, she said I was mean!
The ride ends and I collect my daughter.
Her face is red and she was all hot and bothered from the concentrated effort.
"I did it dad. I drove it round for everyone!"
Proud dad! My wife split the beans and I got a look of disdain from my daughter!
I still remind her of it!
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Growing up in Burnley ,schooling at Rosehill and BGS my dad was always telling me he was going to send me to boarding school...Rossall or Lancaster Grammar or some place in St.annes .I was 11 before I twigged that he hadn't a cat in hell's chance of affording it but I believed him and he really put the shits up me.If it was to keep me on the straight and narrow it failed ...it was a lie but we had a good laugh about it before he passed on.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Father Christmas
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Liars never prosper
Cheats never win
Cheats never win
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Re: Lies you parents told you
We love you
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Re: Lies you parents told you
As mentioned on here before ...my brother and partner taped the live Lottery when it first came out knew the winning numbers and spent a pound for a laugh at his expense....buying a ticket after the event. Shouted 8 year old james in to watch the lottery "Live" while viewing him on camcorder reeling all the winning numbers off!!! His thoughts of unimaginable riches turned to tears of despair and nearly destroyed him.....as they p!ssed themselves laughing saying it was all a joke!! What a pair of c...s!! Hes never been r8 since.
Re: Lies you parents told you
"If you eat cheese before bed it'll give you nightmares"
Never got that, but mum said it a lot
Think it was so I didnt ask for cheese on toast for supper, and cereal was far quicker and cheaper.
If you keep your coat on whilst visiting relatives you'd catch a cold when you went back out.
What's for tea?
Sh1t with sugar on... dont think it ever was
Where's x person gone?
Gone to see a man about a dog...
Never ever returned with a dog!
Never got that, but mum said it a lot
Think it was so I didnt ask for cheese on toast for supper, and cereal was far quicker and cheaper.
If you keep your coat on whilst visiting relatives you'd catch a cold when you went back out.
What's for tea?
Sh1t with sugar on... dont think it ever was
Where's x person gone?
Gone to see a man about a dog...
Never ever returned with a dog!
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Shocking, if not quite funnytim_noone wrote: ↑Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:55 pmAs mentioned on here before ...my brother and partner taped the live Lottery when it first came out knew the winning numbers and spent a pound for a laugh at his expense....buying a ticket after the event. Shouted 8 year old james in to watch the lottery "Live" while viewing him on camcorder reeling all the winning numbers off!!! His thoughts of unimaginable riches turned to tears of despair and nearly destroyed him.....as they p!ssed themselves laughing saying it was all a joke!! What a pair of c...s!! Hes never been r8 since.
Re: Lies you parents told you
There's a video that gets regular airings on FB of it.tim_noone wrote: ↑Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:55 pmAs mentioned on here before ...my brother and partner taped the live Lottery when it first came out knew the winning numbers and spent a pound for a laugh at his expense....buying a ticket after the event. Shouted 8 year old james in to watch the lottery "Live" while viewing him on camcorder reeling all the winning numbers off!!! His thoughts of unimaginable riches turned to tears of despair and nearly destroyed him.....as they p!ssed themselves laughing saying it was all a joke!! What a pair of c...s!! Hes never been r8 since.
So funny, all cockey and playful, then when 4th number matches, he starts getting really excited.
Jimmy playing it down in the back ground just winds him up even further.
" I swear dad, I swear, we've got 5 numbers" :lol
It might even be on YouTube.:
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Trying to get a link for it........absolutely hilarious but so.....cruel!! Should have been posted on you've been framed back then.
Re: Lies your parents told you
You're the most handsome , modest and intelligent boy in the world. I knew only two could be true.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
That's it......not on utube so funny!MACCA wrote: ↑Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:06 pmThere's a video that gets regular airings on FB of it.
So funny, all cockey and playful, then when 4th number matches, he starts getting really excited.
Jimmy playing it down in the back ground just winds him up even further.
" I swear dad, I swear, we've got 5 numbers" :lol
It might even be on YouTube.:
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Re: Lies you parents told you
" Nice girls don't do it " .....
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Stop picking your nose, your face will cave in.
Re: Lies you parents told you
Don't play near the drains, you'll get scarlet fever.
Dont sit on the cold step, you'll get piles.
If you don't behave, when the rag and bone man comes, I'll swap you for a goldfish.
Dont sit on the cold step, you'll get piles.
If you don't behave, when the rag and bone man comes, I'll swap you for a goldfish.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Don't pick your nose, you'll take the lining out of your cap.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Don't eat the pips or a tree will grow in your stomach.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
My parents said every single one of those to me ...great memoriesMACCA wrote: ↑Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:57 pm"If you eat cheese before bed it'll give you nightmares"
Never got that, but mum said it a lot
Think it was so I didnt ask for cheese on toast for supper, and cereal was far quicker and cheaper.
If you keep your coat on whilst visiting relatives you'd catch a cold when you went back out.
What's for tea?
Sh1t with sugar on... dont think it ever was
Where's x person gone?
Gone to see a man about a dog...
Never ever returned with a dog!
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Re: Lies you parents told you
When the icecream van plays it's music , there's none left .
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Re: Lies you parents told you
How cruel can you get!!!expoultryboy wrote: ↑Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:46 amWhen the icecream van plays it's music , there's none left .
This user liked this post: Dinks
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Re: Lies you parents told you
If you swallow chewing gum it will bung up your insides.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
My Dad used to say it you swallowed chewy it blew up into a big bubble and your stomach would explodeHerts Clarets wrote: ↑Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:02 pmIf you swallow chewing gum it will bung up your insides.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Sit too near the telly and your eyes will go square.
Re: Lies you parents told you
If you pull a face and the wind changes you will stay like that.
My Dad was always going to see a man about a dog.
My Dad was always going to see a man about a dog.
Re: Lies you parents told you
Agreed.Herts Clarets wrote: ↑Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:02 pmIf you swallow chewing gum it will bung up your insides.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
If you put hot tea bags in the bin, it'll set it on fire!
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Not sure they were intended to be lies, it just turned out that way:
Tha wants nowt with Lego, it'll never replace Meccano
and
Tha'll never remember who the Beatles were come Christmas
Tha wants nowt with Lego, it'll never replace Meccano
and
Tha'll never remember who the Beatles were come Christmas
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Parents as a general rule don't tell lies as such to there children maybe odd harmless fibs to deter the children away from mischief, a similar kind of thread could be is what truth have your parents told you, in the teenage years warts & all.
Re: Lies you parents told you
When I was just a little boy
I asked my mommas
What will I be?
Will I be handsome?
Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me...
Yes you will, you will!
I asked my mommas
What will I be?
Will I be handsome?
Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me...
Yes you will, you will!
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Porridge sticks to your ribs.
Keeps you warm in winter.
Keeps you warm in winter.
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Re: Lies you parents told you
Porridge...food of the Devil.
Yellow snow tastes of lemonade I told my younger Brother.
Yellow snow tastes of lemonade I told my younger Brother.