Lies you parents told you

[timshorts]

That the siht that they indoctrinated you with at Sunday school was true

when really it was just a means of getting free child care for an hour or two at the weekend.

[bfcjg]

Stanley Johnson to the young Boris
" Dominic Cummings never lies "

[gsyclaret]

When the icecream van plays it's music , there's none left .

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[gsyclaret]

If pigs could fly would bacon go up

[gsyclaret]

My dad said to me ,what gooes in dry comes out wet and mum and dad enjoy it, me, very embarassed said I don't know, he said a teabag.

[IanMcL]

We're going to Durham because no one in London wants to look after you, if we get ill.

[AndrewJB]

I had the throwaway comment: “Coniferous trees? Well they eat other trees.”

[JohnMac]

Don't sit too close to the fire or your backbone will melt.