How/will you try to replicate the matchday experience at home ?

[bfcjg]

For me I might make a quick bar in the garage , the clutter and junk will be just like a jammed Miners or Royal Dyche, at 2.45 I will spill a bit of beer down my shirt as I rush to the bar (pasting table ) for a swift Bene n hot.
I'll slowly walk up my drive and time my entrance through the turnstile ( front door) to get to my previous placed plastic chair for 2 minutes before kick off to include time for wiping off pigeon sh1t substitute ie white Matt emulsion blob.
After 15 minutes and thereafter every 10 minutes stand up and say do you really have to go for p1ss cant you hang on to imaginary fans, borrow a nappy bag from neighbour with a dirty nappy in it then get wife to ooen it to replicate the dirty b@stard who sits in front of me and lets rip with gay abandonment all through the game and denies it. Half time slowly walk towards kitchen to get pie and bovril whilst gazing longinly at a photo of a twix. Second half repeat first half. Lots of swearing lots of anxiety lots of passion. Full time slowly walk to garage whilst flashing a v at visiting coach (next doors people carrier) back to bar (pasting table to celebrate or drown sorrows)
On the plus side its a short walk home.
Anyone else this sad ?

[Herts Clarets]

You not going to walk down the middle of your road with a bloke in a baseball cap screaming "Golden Gamble" followed by a string of obscenities when you don't make a purchase?

[FactualFrank]

For me I might make a quick bar in the garage , the clutter and junk will be just like a jammed Miners or Royal Dyche, at 2.45 I will spill a bit of beer down my shirt as I rush to the bar (pasting table ) for a swift Bene n hot.
I'll slowly walk up my drive and time my entrance through the turnstile ( front door) to get to my previous placed plastic chair for 2 minutes before kick off to include time for wiping off pigeon sh1t substitute ie white Matt emulsion blob.
After 15 minutes and thereafter every 10 minutes stand up and say do you really have to go for p1ss cant you hang on to imaginary fans, borrow a nappy bag from neighbour with a dirty nappy in it then get wife to ooen it to replicate the dirty b@stard who sits in front of me and lets rip with gay abandonment all through the game and denies it. Half time slowly walk towards kitchen to get pie and bovril whilst gazing longinly at a photo of a twix. Second half repeat first half. Lots of swearing lots of anxiety lots of passion. Full time slowly walk to garage whilst flashing a v at visiting coach (next doors people carrier) back to bar (pasting table to celebrate or drown sorrows)
On the plus side its a short walk home.
Anyone else this sad ?

Ditto.

[Belial]

In my Bill Grundy's scatching my sack

[Funkydrummer]

In my Bill Grundy's scatching my sack

Am I pleased that I don't sit next to you on The Turf !!!

Surprised you've not been locked up before now.

[bfcjg]

Am I pleased that I don't sit next to you on The Turf !!!

Surprised you've not been locked up before now.

Im allowed one phone call home and an hours internet a day plus two letters a week to and from family

[Zlatan]

I’m going to p1ss in the sink and put talc on the toilet cistern

[Funkydrummer]

I'm going to turn my sound system up so loud that I can't think straight, shout out every word that
I try to convey to the person sat 2 metres away from me whilst I try and unwrap a steak pie that is hotter than the sun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBotwBfwGCQ

[Dyched]

I’m gonna slip into my well smart Stone Island attire first thing. Lob a few bricks threw my neighbours car windows. Make my way down the street whilst dragging my knuckles alomg the deck looking well hard and shouting at everything and anything that moves. Might even knockout a random crisp packet.

[MACCA]

Put the TV on the ceiling so I get neck ache, drink warm flat beer, only use the cold tap to wash my hands and I'm going to buy my twix from the local paper shop,however put my £4.50 change down the grate on the way home so it feels just like a match day.

Cant wait, I've missed it so much.

[Vintage Claret]

Before the game, I'm going to erect a a gazebo in my back garden, then queue for 10 minutes for a pint of beer in a flimsy plastic glass while constantly dodging backwards and forwards by about a foot to avoid all the imaginary fans trying to squeeze past.

At half time, I'll go for a wee then wash my hands under the cold tap then make a half arsed attempt to dry them with my wife's old hairdryer that does sort of blow air out but doesn't actually heat up.

Maybe chuck in a couple renditions of 'No Nay Never' and 'We are the Longside Burnleee' at 8 times normal speed during the game for added atmosphere.

[professsorpiehead]

Where's Bill Grundy Now?

[MrTopTier]

First I will climb into the washing machine and set it on spin, to replicate the journey by north west trains.
I will then go for ten minute walk, return home have a couple of pints, have a chat with a couple of people, digitally of course, warm a pie through and cook some chips.

Then go for a pee before the game starts, probably log on here for the match day thread and watch the game till half time. Then have another pee and a quick pint. Watch the second half, go for another pee and walk up and down stairs for 15 minutes to replicate the walk to the train station, get back in the washing machine, have another couple of pints, another pee.

Then have my tea, post on the match ratings thread, then fall asleep whilst watching some crap on the tele.

[Wile E Coyote]

Im going to tweak the wiring on the TV so the sound comes in and out randomly.
neighbour coming in who I can't remember to do half time draw from an old wok.
Daughter will be microwaving a two week old pie whilst chewing gum and not making eye contact, then charging a kings ransom for it.
My son who is 6'3" will periodically stand up and shuffle about aimlessly in front of the TV blocking my view of the screen.
Also erecting fit inducing advertising panels along the entire length of our skirting boards, with ridiculously powerful pulsing lights.
hot water turned off, and all soap removed from bathroom to simulate the authentic atmosphere of the bogs.

[Steve1956]

Im going to have a massive puddle at my front door,wade through it and get pi$$ed went through up to my knees,then stand in front of a old wooden chair and sing my tits off at 100 miles an hour.!

[MACCA]

Im going to have a massive puddle at my front door,wade through it and get pi$$ed went through up to my knees,then stand in front of a old wooden chair and sing my tits off at 100 miles an hour.!

I hope you'll have staff stood watching on with a sqeegee propped against the wall....


Here's Steve in action...

[Steve1956]

I hope you'll have staff stood watching on with a sqeegee propped against the wall....


Here's Steve in action...

[Jimmymaccer]

We have a “Big Window” in the other room so after the match I,ll go and sit there, crank up the music and pretend to watch a smashed wedding party on the karaoke.........

Then have an Indian.....

[Woodleyclaret]

Put the kettle on get out my Bene and make a pre match drink.

[TheFamilyCat]

I've arranged for a parachutist to land on my roof

[kritichris]

To simulate Jimmy Mac lower tier I'll turn the central heating off, open all the windows and get my wife to periodically spray me with an hosepipe.

[bfcjg]

I'm going to get my wife to stand in front of the tele everytime the ball goes forward like the gobshites in front of me.

[Blackrod]

Put some colourful laces on, embroider #blm on my top, mind my p’s and q’s and make a complaint to the broadcaster about the bad language.

[Belial]

Where's Bill Grundy Now?

I think Steve Jones buried him

[Bin Ont Turf]

I'm going to sing 'In our Lancashire homes' and 'Till we play Bast@rd Rovers'.

[ElectroClaret]

I've hired Chico and everyone on our street's gonna throw cabbages at him.

[bfcjg]

I'm going to walk down to the M65 and stroll across both lanes to replicate crossing at the Wellie .

[bodge]

I'm going to sit down.

After the game i will go to the nearest railway crossing and wait for 15 minutes to replicate the Hufling Lane experience.

[bfcjg]

I'm going to get my wife to wear a yellow jacket and tell me to sit down in Polish.