Johann Panacea

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Rowls
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Johann Panacea

Post by Rowls » Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:25 am

Johann is a young winger who can also play centrally or as a link-up between strikers and midfield. He's currently on loan to FC El Dorado but contracted to Olympic Avalon.

Those who’ve seen him play agree that his maturity on the field belies his tender age. Although he's still only 21 as he has already made 62 appearances (14 from the subs bench) in the minor leagues of Europe. On top of this he has captained his country at U21 level and were in not for the halt caused by covid-19 would undoubtedly have won his first full international cap by now.

His playing style has been compared to a mix of George Best, Lionel Messi and Luis Fernandes. He is regularly described as being "incredible", "astonishing", "outlandish" and "unbelievable".

Because of the financial storm hitting all professional teams at the moment he’s available for a knock-down price of just £3.5 million.

He represents exactly the kind of signing that would solve ALL of our current problems filling our wide berths and if he continues to progress there’s no reason whatsoever to think we couldn’t easily build a side around him – a side that would regularly challenge for major honours both domestically *and* in Europe.

Now that would definitely persuade Dyche to commit to us longer and extend his contract!

We’ll have to act fast though because at that asking price, every club in the universe will be looking to sign him.

Rowls
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Rowls » Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:40 am

Obviously it’s a weak joke which can only be stretched about as far as Michael Owen’s hamstrings.

But the concept of Johann Panacea exists every year in the heart of every supporter of every team.

To Arsenal fans he’s that aggressive central midfielder who stops everything in his way and turns defence into attack at will.

To Man United fans he’s the new Cantona who is going to gel their team into coherence and make them title-challengers once again.

Right now, our Johann Panacea is a right-winger and a central midfielder.

He’s always available for a pittance and nobody else has yet realized what a stunning talent he is.

Every so often a real Johann Panacea will turn up and do something amazing – N’Golo Kante is a prime example when he signed for Leicester and proved to be the best player in the league.

But for every success story there are a thousand players bought at inflated prices who fail to deliver the goods.

As supporters, do we have a responsibility to temper our expectations or should we be free to dream and constantly demand that our clubs make exponential progress?

huw.Y.WattfromWare
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by huw.Y.WattfromWare » Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:24 am

YouTube clips ????

Bertiebeehead
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Bertiebeehead » Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:50 am

You only scout when you’re drunk

gawthorpe_view
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by gawthorpe_view » Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:54 am

huw.Y.WattfromWare wrote:
Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:24 am
YouTube clips ????

https://youtu.be/1yLxzH5MZ28

[Sorry!]

Hipper
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Hipper » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:04 am

He's like a god to the Greeks.

Funkydrummer
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Funkydrummer » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:17 am

I've seen clips of Billy Ideal and Johann, and Billy is by far the better player. Will fit into our regime like a glove.

Buxtonclaret
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Buxtonclaret » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:27 am

If that's Billy the Fish your on about, not sure we need to be signing another high profile keeper when we've just got one off our books! :?
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Funkydrummer
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Funkydrummer » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:38 am

Buxtonclaret wrote:
Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:27 am
If that's Billy the Fish your on about, not sure we need to be signing another high profile keeper when we've just got one off our books! :?
So long as it's not Roy of the Rovers !!!😁

Billy Balfour
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Billy Balfour » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:44 am

I wonder if Panacea could be the remedy we're all looking for?
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Buxtonclaret
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Buxtonclaret » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:45 am

Funkydrummer wrote:
Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:38 am
So long as it's not Roy of the Rovers !!!😁
No, Nay, Never!! :lol:

huw.Y.WattfromWare
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by huw.Y.WattfromWare » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:45 am

gawthorpe_view wrote:
Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:54 am
https://youtu.be/1yLxzH5MZ28
He should stick to the day job. Needs artificial stimulation.

martin_p
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by martin_p » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:46 am

Rowls wrote:
Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:40 am
Obviously it’s a weak joke
Understatement of the year?

dsr
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by dsr » Sat Jul 04, 2020 12:44 pm

Swindon tried this "sign a player for the name" business with Danny Invincible. He was a decent player but not as good as his name. I'm afraid your Mr. Panacea is the same.

(And before you ask, I do realise that Mr. Invincible had the advantage of actually existing!)

Bosscat
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Bosscat » Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:01 pm

Max Power at Sunderland isn't really living up to his name either.....

SlidingTackle
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by SlidingTackle » Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:17 pm

I think the jury is still out about Ciro Immobile too.

dsr
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by dsr » Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:20 pm

Watford surely made a mistake when they got rid of Success!

Swizzlestick
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by Swizzlestick » Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:23 pm

Probably a good thing Neil Grewcock has retired...

NRC
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Re: Johann Panacea

Post by NRC » Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:26 pm

Oh Rowls, why did you feel the need to divulge your spoof? You could have caught some whoppers with this

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