Narcissists.

[keith1879]

I suppose that I believed most of this already intuitively....but it's useful to have it all set out in a sensible form. I'm sure that we will all nod sagely in agreement with some of the points made here. (Although I also think that several of us will fail to realise that they are the subjects of the piece). https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/dyzk ... obal-en-GB

[tim_noone]

I suppose that I believed most of this already intuitively....but it's useful to have it all set out in a sensible form. I'm sure that we will all nod sagely in agreement with some of the points made here. (Although I also think that several of us will fail to realise that they are the subjects of the piece). https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/dyzk ... obal-en-GB

They aren't aware they have a personality disorder or maybe they are....

[Bosscat]

understanding-the-covert-narcissist-4584587_V2-01-3a06a829167c4ae78c80d6bfecaf6bcd.png (33.17 KiB) Viewed 3505 times

[FactualFrank]

Just smack them in the nose.

End of thread.

[KateR]

well, I think Keith lit the blue touchpaper and just walked off lol

[FactualFrank]

well, I think Keith lit the blue touchpaper and just walked off lol

Ha, true.

[dougcollins]

I remember seeing Genesis in 1970 something and Pete Gabriel sang (or so it seemed to me) 'And Narcissus was turned into a flyer'.

So I wasn't sure if he'd grown wings or become an A5 piece of paper with directions to a gig.

[KateR]

I immediately read that and though of something about wings and a dog but for the life in me can't remember what it was.

[Inchy]

“Let’s start with basics. First, narcissism is not a diagnosis; it’s a pattern. And it’s a pattern characterized by entitlement, arrogance, lack of empathy, validation and admiration seeking, sensitivity to criticism, grandiosity, poor insight, and difficulty controlling emotions, especially when frustrated or disappointed.“


If that’s a narcissist then I think I might be a narcissist

[KateR]

all of those Inchy or just some, a few, ok well one?

[Rileybobs]

“Let’s start with basics. First, narcissism is not a diagnosis; it’s a pattern. And it’s a pattern characterized by entitlement, arrogance, lack of empathy, validation and admiration seeking, sensitivity to criticism, grandiosity, poor insight, and difficulty controlling emotions, especially when frustrated or disappointed.“


If that’s a narcissist then I think I might be a narcissist

You're a terrible narcissist.

Just checking how sensitive you are to criticism.

[Inchy]

all of those Inchy or just some, a few, ok well one?

I don’t have a sense of entitlement. I sometimes can be arrogant. I do lack empathy at times but I think that’s because of my job. I’ve been in some horrific situations and have built up a way of dealing with it which is to disconnect with the emotions, bury it deep, and then get drunk. I’m not sensitive to criticism but I do have ideas of grandeur at times. I do find it difficult to manage emotions when frustrated but I think everyone does. I’ve taken some pretty decent insults from patients which has left me frustrated but I’ve never lost my rag



Not sure if I’m a half narcissist

[Bfcboyo]

Love them ot hate them they love them.

[tim_noone]

I don’t have a sense of entitlement. I sometimes can be arrogant. I do lack empathy at times but I think that’s because of my job. I’ve been in some horrific situations and have built up a way of dealing with it which is to disconnect with the emotions, bury it deep, and then get drunk. I’m not sensitive to criticism but I do have ideas of grandeur at times. I do find it difficult to manage emotions when frustrated but I think everyone does. I’ve taken some pretty decent insults from patients which has left me frustrated but I’ve never lost my rag



Not sure if I’m a half narcissist

Your neither...neither Is my guess.

[Inchy]

Actually by admitting I’m arrogant which is an insulting term I can’t be narcissist

Surely a narcissist cannot admit they are a narcissist if they can’t deal with criticism



Wait so if I’m refusing to believe I’m a narcissist that makes it more likely I am a narcissist

[Inchy]

Your neither...neither Is my guess.

You’re*

Sorry I’m arrogant

[FactualFrank]

One thing not mentioned, is that a narcissist can often mix symptoms with a psychopath. They both seem to interlink.

[KateR]

to be fair Inchy if we were all to do a self analysis would we believe anyone on this whole site who says, I have none of those traits?

I think I do have empathy, I can be sensitive to criticism but depending upon how it's delivered, I do get frustrated easily when others can not see what I believe I see clearly, I have definitely lost the plot at times. I can get drawn in and disappear down the rabbit hole to easily, something I am working hard on to stop, limit. I am very confident and don't feel insecure at all as a person.

But self reflection is not always the best way to understand someone!

[tim_noone]

One thing not mentioned, is that a narcissist can often mix symptoms with a psychopath. They both seem to interlink.

Mostly found in Workplace management.

[FactualFrank]

I think I do have empathy, I can be sensitive to criticism but depending upon how it's delivered

Ah, but the fact you said you *think* you have empathy says a lot. It suggests you aren't even sure yourself

[Zlatan]

I lived with one for 20 odd years and she insisted that I was the narcissist. It’s only since we divorced and I could see clearly that I discovered it wasn’t me but her. I think that is another trait of one.

[Inchy]

I lived with one for 20 odd years and she insisted that I was the narcissist. It’s only since we divorced and I could see clearly that I discovered it wasn’t me but her. I think that is another trait of one.

Best way to leave your wife


“It’s not me it’s you”

[FactualFrank]

Love them ot hate them they love them.

They die early.

[Bfcboyo]

They die early.

Selfish gits wrecking everyones mornings.

[tim_noone]

I lived with one for 20 odd years and she insisted that I was the narcissist. It’s only since we divorced and I could see clearly that I discovered it wasn’t me but her. I think that is another trait of one.

And........breathe

[keith1879]

well, I think Keith lit the blue touchpaper and just walked off lol

One should always retire to a safe distance.... I was interested by the article though as it seemed to set out and explain much of what frustrates me about modern day debate.

[tim_noone]

One should always retire to a safe distance.... I was interested by the article though as it seemed to set out and explain much of what frustrates me about modern day debate.

That would be with females....I'm guessing

[keith1879]

to be fair Inchy if we were all to do a self analysis would we believe anyone on this whole site who says, I have none of those traits?

I think I do have empathy, I can be sensitive to criticism but depending upon how it's delivered, I do get frustrated easily when others can not see what I believe I see clearly, I have definitely lost the plot at times. I can get drawn in and disappear down the rabbit hole to easily, something I am working hard on to stop, limit. I am very confident and don't feel insecure at all as a person.

But self reflection is not always the best way to understand someone!

Para one is surely beyond argument.

[huw.Y.WattfromWare]

Yet people still elect them as a President and a Prime Minister.

[keith1879]

That would be with females....I'm guessing

The worst narcissists I have encountered are/were male. Not sure what that says about them or me.

[claptrappers_union]

My mates ex-girlfriend was a ‘gas-lighter’, her thing was ‘why you lying?’

She was lovely in front of other people, but she would start arguments when they were alone and make accusations that he having a thing for ALL our female friends / acquaintances / colleagues.

Everything was about her. He ended up agreeing with her on stuff just to appease her, otherwise she would start blazing rows in public places and it spiralled from there.

The most craziest point was when we were working at a conference at one of the hotels at Manchester Airport, it was Christmas and after we packed everything away we took advantage of an invitation to have a quick drink with our client.

We worked with the client every month or so at the same venue and normally left after a few pleasantries, but this time we went to the bar. You’d think nothing of it, we were there for 45 mins.

She decided that he’d lied to her because he didn’t mention the drinks beforehand and told her he’d come straight home afterwards. “Why did you lie?!” “I thought that you said you didn’t drink while working” “you never mentioned the clients wife was there too” - it was getting to stage where he believed he was one in the wrong.

Seems manageable from an outside perspective, but its a toxic relationship - it’s constant, picking holes in everything you do. It grinds people down.

The only person he didn’t cut contact with was me, because of work. Everyone else though, had to go (his own decision mind, to keep an easier life)

A few months later, he showed me all her messages and it was a constant stream of accusations, regurgitations of old arguments, everything was from her perspective - if he tried splitting up with her, she’d either tell him that she was pregnant or she’ll threaten suicide. (Both obviously would’ve been his fault...)

Eventually they broke up he moved house, changed his number and blocked all communication with her. If he hadn’t shown me the years of constant nitpicking - I wouldn’t have believed it. Thankfully it’s all over now.

[Zlatan]

...

Echoes of my ex right there. I was constantly accused of adultery and she tried to control every aspect of my life. Turns out that when I left, some of her friends opened up to me (some years later) confessing that they knew she was cheating on me with various blokes. Thing is, my kids are ruined now because she got custody and she continued the gas lighting with them, and there was nothing I could do.

Some people are just evil.

[claptrappers_union]

You have to be careful of that - regarding the kids. Knowing what I know now, my mates ex got it from her parents who were very controlling too. They seemed to know everything they were up to. After being told a white-lie, they’d claim they were seen in such-a-place, or with such-a-person - so all the ‘why do you lie’ games obviously started at home

Turns out they had access to her facebook messenger and were reading everything and proved that she was ‘lying’ when she was seeing my mate in the early stages of their relationship... they must’ve read everything, the arrangements, the secrets... the arguments, the (ahem) pictures...

A story I was told is that his ex started going swimming. While she was going her lengths she spotted her Mum in the public area watching her. When they make eye-contact she calmly stood up, picked up her coat and just walked away. Really creepy.

Maybe some people think it’s normal to treat people like that... she was lovely when I met her too... weird.

[KateR]

sounds like a couple of people then were:

At their core, narcissists are insecure, and the way they argue is designed to protect their fragile egos.

[claptrappers_union]

I think it’s about getting their own way and being in control those around them.

I’ve had run ins with narcissistic people, and they can’t see things from other people’s point of view, and the recollection of what happened is the way they remember it and it’s as simple as that. Even if they know they are wrong, I believe they genuinely alter the memory to what they want to remember it as.

I know that when reminiscing with friends, we talk about a situation but we remember the same experience differently, the places it happened, who was there, why it happened etc, you accept your memory as the version of the truth.

Take that into an argument with a Narcissist and you won’t win. You know the facts might be hazy, perspective might biased and some things are better with hindsight. Some people can’t accept that.

What they remember - is exactly what happened. I tend to steer clear of those types to be honest.

[Bfcboyo]

Same sort that end up in prison for hacking or killing your family in front of you.

Complete loons Jimmy.

[Rileybobs]

Same sort that end up in prison for hacking or killing your family in front of you.

Complete loons Jimmy.

Care to elaborate on this before you get even more threads closed?

[FactualFrank]

Care to elaborate on this before you get even more threads closed?

Hacked in a few hours ago. I actually told the person who deals with it and they still didn't understand what I was telling them.

[Rileybobs]

Hacked in a few hours ago. I actually told the person who deals with it and they still didn't understand what I was telling them.

Who hacked in? And why is BFCboyo making weird threats to CFC and talking about killing families?

[Awayfromburnley]

One place where narcissistic behaviour is prevalent is Fbook.

Full of anonymous quotes and nonsense about "I deserve better....."

"no one is good enough for this princess /Prince..." type nonsense. Underpinned with self pity and attention seeking.

Nope love, your ex isn't reading it and if he/she is they are no doubt cringing.

[groove]

Narcissist. The new age word for arsehole.

[tim_noone]

One place where narcissistic behaviour is prevalent is Fbook.

Full of anonymous quotes and nonsense about "I deserve better....."

"no one is good enough for this princess /Prince..." type nonsense. Underpinned with self pity and attention seeking.

Nope love, your ex isn't reading it and if he/she is they are no doubt cringing.

I believe you.

[keith1879]

Much less complex than narcissism but very true......the old adage that "You cannot argue with someone who knows that they are right". I get the feeling with narcissists (why do I always find that tricky to spell?) that they don't always know that they are right......but they want to believe that they are right. Actually I think I'd better stop as I am losing the thread of my own statement. I do agree about Facebook though...an awful lot of boring navel gazing.....many posts can be boiled down to "Me me me look at me".

[1968claret]

Always preferred crocus myself.

[FactualFrank]

Narcissist. The new age word for arsehole.

What about Vegan?