U12s Football

[JarrowClaret]

Hi all

Sorry to post this but wanted to gain some other opinions on this.

My son was part of a U12s Football team up here in the North East team is focussed on development and the Club is family Club. Anyway he started the pre season training fine But for the last 5-6 weeks has not attended either through illness my work or he hasn’t wanted to go. This has meant he didn’t attend the pre season games or there first league game last weekend. He has subsequently been kicked off the team because they required more commitment. Now I understand why he has been kicked off the team they have had to recruit other players etc and needed a full squad I get that. My issue with it was that at no point did I get asked a question about what was happening with him well not until he was kicked from the team I didn’t anyway. He wasn’t one of there better players I suspect if he was I would have had a number of calls to ask why he wasn’t attending. Anyway if they had asked I could have told them that there was more to it than just lacking commitment more than I could put on a group or even an individual chat. Basically someone at the last training session he attended said something that had made him question if he was good enough which had made him not want to attend, I don’t think it was said nastily just my son took it the wrong way. The mad thing I had just got him to want to go again and now he is kicked off the team.

Anyway accepting I could/ should have dealt with the communications side better myself do others think that the Team coach etc did the right thing or am I right to be disgusted that a 10 year old child was treated so callously.

I did get in touch with the Club Chairman who apologised for the way it was handled and offered to suggest he goes back training with the team or that he joins the U11s team instead. My son wants to join the U11s he was never gonna go back to the U12s now no matter what he said anyway. Personally I am stuck in 2 minds I don’t want to have anything to do with the Club but I want my Son to be happy his Mum is adamant he isn’t going back no matter what. What would you do?

[Longsidelenny1882]

If your son is still keen to carry on playing find him another club sounds like you all need to be a lot more committed if he likes is football good luck and enjoy utc

[Marney&Mee]

Club have handled it badly but sounds like he should be in under 11’s. Only the exceptional should play up a year.

[Quickenthetempo]

Running sports teams is very difficult and if someone just doesn't turn up without any word I can understand them replacing him.
He will often get questioned if he is good enough and that's where they learn mental strength and stubbornness.

But it's far better for him to play in his rightful year group for development purposes. So it could all work out for the best. Kids like winning and performing well. It's hard enough at your age group nevermind the year above.

[JarrowClaret]

More to it than commitment longside, his nine attendance was never down to his lack of commitment or mine for that matter, but get your point totally and accept I could have done more. PS I would have done more if I had been made aware it was a possibility he would have been kicked off the team.

[MACCA]

Kids football is ruthless.

The "managers" claim they do it for the love of the game, love coaching the players and making them better.
However it's certainly results based, and usually as their child plays ( everyweek and in his preferred position)
Very rarely does someone just offer up their free time, although I have seen it done, and they are the usually the more genuine ones/clubs

Kids can be cruel, but no player hangs around if they arent very good as they're never fully integrated and chances are limited due to ability.

[Duffer_]

Remember those involved with the Club are unpaid volunteers and it is unlikely there is a personal vendetta. To be fair you have already recognised communication is a two way street but I would suggest you make a fresh start at a new Club in the right age group and consider getting involved with his new Club. Most are keen to grow their volunteer base.

[wilks_bfc]

Speaking from a coach of u11, perspective it sounds bad form from the coach side.
If that had been me, and it has happened, I’d have been contacting the parents to find a solution.

To meet requirements after returning from lockdown we had to move our usual training night from Monday to Wednesdays.
This meant that one of the boys was unable to train with us but still wanted to be on the team.
His dad spoke to me saying he didn’t think it was fair on the others that he was still playing even though he couldn’t train.

I said I’d speak to the other players & parents explaining the situation, which I did and they were all fine with it.
The look smile on his face when he came to the first game last Sunday and saw everybody again for the first time since March showed us the reason we do it.

Seeing them all together enjoying themselves, despite the results is the reason I do it.
I’ve no kids so no other reason for me to do it.

[AlargeClaret]

Move on and find another club , if he’s decent quality he’ll walk into most u11 grass roots teams . Though “ didn’t want to go” Is a very worrying thingre: training . Things get a lot more feisty in u12 onwards ,so probs needs to enjoy a good u11 season and if he’s not fully committed it will pan out in its own natural way

[fanzone]

Hi all

Sorry to post this but wanted to gain some other opinions on this.

My son was part of a U12s Football team up here in the North East team is focussed on development and the Club is family Club. Anyway he started the pre season training fine But for the last 5-6 weeks has not attended either through illness my work or he hasn’t wanted to go. This has meant he didn’t attend the pre season games or there first league game last weekend. He has subsequently been kicked off the team because they required more commitment. Now I understand why he has been kicked off the team they have had to recruit other players etc and needed a full squad I get that. My issue with it was that at no point did I get asked a question about what was happening with him well not until he was kicked from the team I didn’t anyway. He wasn’t one of there better players I suspect if he was I would have had a number of calls to ask why he wasn’t attending. Anyway if they had asked I could have told them that there was more to it than just lacking commitment more than I could put on a group or even an individual chat. Basically someone at the last training session he attended said something that had made him question if he was good enough which had made him not want to attend, I don’t think it was said nastily just my son took it the wrong way. The mad thing I had just got him to want to go again and now he is kicked off the team.

Anyway accepting I could/ should have dealt with the communications side better myself do others think that the Team coach etc did the right thing or am I right to be disgusted that a 10 year old child was treated so callously.

I did get in touch with the Club Chairman who apologised for the way it was handled and offered to suggest he goes back training with the team or that he joins the U11s team instead. My son wants to join the U11s he was never gonna go back to the U12s now no matter what he said anyway. Personally I am stuck in 2 minds I don’t want to have anything to do with the Club but I want my Son to be happy his Mum is adamant he isn’t going back no matter what. What would you do?

If he's not returning for the team that kicked him out I'm happy for him to come training with my under 11s team. I'm very old school and all I ask is the players enjoy what they are doing and give everything they have got, the rest will fall into place.

[tim_noone]

Back to basics.... put the coats down play on the rec with mates....

[MACCA]

Back to basics.... put the coats down play on the rec with mates....

Nope, its fancy tracksuits with names on, under armour and top knots these days.
It's an absolute shambles

I got out of it 5 or 6 years ago, thankfully the team won everything there was to win, so made it easy to coach them.
Genuinely thought 3 or 4 of them could go onto something, a couple still might.

But couldn't and wouldn't even contemplate doing it again.

[tim_noone]

Nope, its fancy tracksuits with names on, under armour and top knots these days.
It's an absolute shambles

I got out of it 5 or 6 years ago, thankfully the team won everything there was to win, so made it easy to coach them.
Genuinely thought 3 or 4 of them could go onto something, a couple still might.

But couldn't and wouldn't even contemplate doing it again.

Got out of it 20years ago!!! We Won Bugger all...just happy days and everyone played..winning was a bonus

[MACCA]

Got out of it 20years ago!!! We Won Bugger all...just happy days and everyone played..winning was a bonus

Them days are long gone.
The finances needed are ridiculous.

[Rileybobs]

As someone who organises a 6 a side team (different kettle of fish, I accept), I could understand the coach of that team being quite peeved that you didn't communicate that your son wouldn't be attending. I think it's your responsibility, not that of the coach. Maybe they should have done more but if I was in his boat then I'm not sure I'd be ringing around all of the kids who miss training for an explanation.

Sounds like you've got a solution though, and I hope your lad enjoys his football again.

[Adrianthepostman]

Wherever your child enjoys playing is the main thing!
At junior football level all young players should expect at least fair game time during match days!!
If this isn't happening I would question the reason why...
I have been involved with grassroots both in the UK and Thailand and regardless of commitment to training if you are paying subs then your child should be involved during both training and matchdays
Both of my boys have been involved with academies since 7 but after a few years have gone back to more grassroots type football here in Bangkok.
My career was short here in the UK but its stood me in good stead to advise both that you should just enjoy playing and love the game no matter what the level.
Kids should just love football

[Rileybobs]

Wherever your child enjoys playing is the main thing!
At junior football level all young players should expect at least fair game time during match days!!
If this isn't happening I would question the reason why...
I have been involved with grassroots both in the UK and Thailand and regardless of commitment to training if you are paying subs then your child should be involved during both training and matchdays
Both of my boys have been involved with academies since 7 but after a few years have gone back to more grassroots type football here in Bangkok.
My career was short here in the UK but its stood me in good stead to advise both that you should just enjoy playing and love the game no matter what the level.
Kids should just love football

It may have been a short career Adrian, but you inspired this child...

[Tinribs]

Kids football is ruthless.

The "managers" claim they do it for the love of the game, love coaching the players and making them better.
However it's certainly results based, and usually as their child plays ( everyweek and in his preferred position)
Very rarely does someone just offer up their free time, although I have seen it done, and they are the usually the more genuine ones/clubs

Kids can be cruel, but no player hangs around if they arent very good as they're never fully integrated and chances are limited due to ability.

Think you will find the managers son usually gets the rough end of the stick,far easier sometimes to sub your lad than face a barrage from disgruntled parents after a game.

[Claret Till I Die]

Did you make any attempts to contact the manager/club to explain why your son wasn't attending ?

[JarrowClaret]

Thanks for all the responses much appreciated I think there is a bit context missing that would have helped with understanding but my initial post was long enough as it is.

Anyway my annoyance doesn’t come from the fact he was kicked I get and would probably agree with that if they had communicated that they were thinking of kicking him. I’m annoyed because there was no indication that this was probable I accept in hindsight I could have worked it out, but if I’d have known I could have chased more myself. A solution close to what wills did I couldn’t have argued with at all.

Rileybobs I agree I wouldn’t have expected him to call every kids parent that missed training, I would expect him to make every effort to reach them before kicking a 10 year old though, baring in mind he knows how much my son loved playing.

Fanzone I assume you aren’t near Jarrow (could be wrong) which will stop me taking you up on your kind offer.

I have nothing against the Coach who made this decision I know he did it for the good of his team and I don’t see him as vindictive in any way just don’t like the way it was done.

[BurnleyFC]

Wherever your child enjoys playing is the main thing!
At junior football level all young players should expect at least fair game time during match days!!
If this isn't happening I would question the reason why...
I have been involved with grassroots both in the UK and Thailand and regardless of commitment to training if you are paying subs then your child should be involved during both training and matchdays
Both of my boys have been involved with academies since 7 but after a few years have gone back to more grassroots type football here in Bangkok.
My career was short here in the UK but its stood me in good stead to advise both that you should just enjoy playing and love the game no matter what the level.
Kids should just love football

Adrian Randall. What a top man and such a talented footballer.

He used to live across from my mum and dad on Lyndhurst Road and when we saw him training up Towneley me and my mates were all in complete awe of him.

[MACCA]

Think you will find the managers son usually gets the rough end of the stick,far easier sometimes to sub your lad than face a barrage from disgruntled parents after a game.

With some.

Many are in the game of making their child the star of the show, often that's why they got into it in the first place, and the reason theyll drop the club as soon as their son stops playing through lack of enjoyment, or not being really up to the grade.

I dont buy the, " i want to make a difference " line, there's far more local , and national issues that would benefit far more people, and make a genuine change to Childrens lives.
Off far less time/income too

[Claret Till I Die]

Did you make any attempts to contact the manager/club to explain why your son wasn't attending ?

?

[Herts Clarets]

My son played for a local Under 15 team today in a friendly as their regular keeper has broken his leg and is out for 6 months. He played 20 minutes, made 3 or 4 very good saves, unfortunately when he made the fourth he landed heavily on his arm on very hard ground. A&E visit confirmed he broke his arm and has his arm in a cast now for the next 6 weeks.

[Duffer_]

My son played for a local Under 15 team today in a friendly as their regular keeper has broken his leg and is out for 6 months. He played 20 minutes, made 3 or 4 very good saves, unfortunately when he made the fourth he landed heavily on his arm on very hard ground. A&E visit confirmed he broke his arm and has his arm in a cast now for the next 6 weeks.

Sorry to hear that Herts. Hope he makes a speedy and full recovery. I've never claimed against it before but the Club should have FA arranged Personal Accident cover in place which pays out £200 for a broken arm.

[JarrowClaret]

CTID Sorry missed you I didn’t tell him the full story no it wasn’t something I wanted to put in a chat on Facebook messenger, in hindsight I should have asked him to give me a call or asked him for his number so I Could call him, I didn’t think it would go on as long as it did though. I had intended to speak with him about it the next time I saw him

[dushanbe]

I run an U12 and U8 team and the hardest bit about it is parents. I had a very similar situation this season when it came to signing up again, although I did contact the parent in question numerous times for an answer as to whether their son was signing on and got promises to come back to me tomorrow, or next week whatever.

In the end, because I've got other things to do and a life to lead, I removed the parent from the whatsapp group and asked the club to take him off the register. Feel sorry for the lad, its not his fault and he's probably wondering why he isn't playing anymore, but I'll put in as much effort as the parents do thats my general rule of thumb.

[Claret Till I Die]

Maybe by speaking to him all this could have been avoided. As has been said further up the post, people give up their time to coach/help at grassroots level and unfortunately they aren't mind readers. I really hope your son settles down with a squad of players that he feels happy with

[JarrowClaret]

Yeh I get that part I don’t have number for the coach etc but they have mine at the Club they never tried to ring it if they had I wouldn’t have any complaints. I agree he didn’t have all the facts so was in the blind when he made the decision as I have said he made the correct decision for the team but should have at least tried to call me before making it as dushambe did above.

[NewClaret]

I’ve had a similar situation with my son and am also a coach, so I’ll give you a perspective from both viewpoints.

First, as a Dad, my eldest son joined his club at a very early age and was told he was “too good” for his age group and asked to join the group above. He was part of a successful team, winning cups, etc, for two years before deciding he wanted to try other activities that met on the same night as football training. I told the manager and at the time he was an important player and they needed him, so they said he could continue playing without training, which he did for a year. The team then became more popular, other good players joined and he was told he couldn’t play without training the following season. I understood entirely.

After about 18m his other activities changed the night they met, allowing him to start training again. He was now down the pecking order, the other players he might’ve considered himself to be level with, or better than, had overtaken him. He mainly started as sub and was brought on in any position, never his favoured position as the coaches son had moved to play there and another (very good) kid had joined during his absence. Don’t blame the coach in that respect at all, but it was hard for him to regain form and confidence playing RB, RW, up front, LB - a different position every game.

He was also getting a lot of stick from the team at training, probably because he was younger and an obvious target. It wasn’t the odd remark, it was full scale “you’re ****”, “that pass was ****”, content griping whatever he did, then pushing and shoving after training, etc. The coach called it out when he saw it, but couldn’t be everywhere.

His last game was a “top of the table” clash where he was put on for 5 minutes and hauled off (without touching the ball) in front of his watching Mum. He was devastated and I thought that was a bit harsh - would’ve preferred he was asked not to play that week than suffer the humiliation. I called the coach, we had a few words about how it’d made him feel & he quit that afternoon. I know the coach & certainly wouldn’t hold any grudges - he was doing what he felt necessary to try and win the league, which, to be fair, is also his responsibility to the boys putting their all in every week.

He has recently joined the same club but at his own age group, a bit like your Chairman is recommending. He’s back in the team, playing his preferred position, gets on great with his teammates, loves training again and gets super excited about the matches. I didn’t think I’d see that again, as he’d seemed to “fall out of love” with playing, so I’m delighted for him. My lesson learned from that experience was that it would always be difficult for him to maintain playing an age group above, particularly in teenage years as players develop physically very quickly.

On that basis, I’d definitely not rule out him rejoining his own age group when he’s ready and if that’s what he wants. The Chairman has apologised and has tried to find a solution.

Secondly, I now coach my youngest sons team. I’m fortunate to have some great kids and reliable parents, but occasionally surprised by the lack of commitment of a small minority. It takes many forms, but not turning up to training is one of them, or not turning up to matches at late notice. In those circumstances, I think it’s the parents responsibility to communicate with the manager, not the managers responsibility to reach out to the parent; they are already giving up their spare time to manage the team (which takes up a lot more time than you’d imagine), without chasing around parents. So, to be honest, if you didn’t turn up for 5-6 weeks without letting them know, I don’t think you have any room for complaint, albeit I agree the outcome may have been somewhat callous and you also may have been unlucky with the timing coinciding with the registration period for the new season.

All in all, probably one to learn from, use as a lesson to your child in the commitment required in team sports, then follow your lads lead on what he wants to do next.

[wilks_bfc]

Secondly, I now coach my youngest sons team. I’m fortunate to have some great kids and reliable parents, but occasionally surprised by the lack of commitment of a small minority. It takes many forms, but not turning up to training is one of them, or not turning up to matches at late notice. In those circumstances, I think it’s the parents responsibility to communicate with the manager, not the managers responsibility to reach out to the parent; they are already giving up their spare time to manage the team (which takes up a lot more time than you’d imagine), without chasing around parents. So, to be honest, if you didn’t turn up for 5-6 weeks without letting them know, I don’t think you have any room for complaint, albeit I agree the outcome may have been somewhat callous and you also may have been unlucky with the timing coinciding with the registration period for the new season.

The most annoying part of being a coach is people not turning up, especially for training - doesn't happen so much for matchdays.
You have a session all planned out, then have 3 or 4 no shows which when only have 12/13 in the first place has a big impact.

You do try to set plans that can be adjusted for numbers, but there are case where this isn't possible, especially when trying to prepare for first games at new formats ie 9v9

Thankfully I have a good group of parents that do let me know if unable to make it

[Quickenthetempo]

Kids football will struggle this season, unless it's changed in the last couple of weeks. The transporting of the players to games. Coaches can't just get a car full now, everyone has to travel separately.

[Duffer_]

On that basis, I’d definitely not rule out him rejoining his own age group when he’s ready and if that’s what he wants. The Chairman has apologised and has tried to find a solution.

A really good post NewClaret. The only bit I disagree on is the point you made above. Jarrow has said he is "disgusted" by the Club and doesn't want anything to do with them. In my experience when relationships have broken down to that extent they become toxic for the whole team. Hence my advice for him to start afresh and learn from the experience. Maybe if he got involved with the new Club he would have a better appreciation of what's involved and the sacrifices being made by unpaid volunteers.

[NewClaret]

A really good post NewClaret. The only bit I disagree on is the point you made above. Jarrow has said he is "disgusted" by the Club and doesn't want anything to do with them. In my experience when relationships have broken down to that extent they become toxic for the whole team. Hence my advice for him to start afresh and learn from the experience. Maybe if he got involved with the new Club he would have a better appreciation of what's involved and the sacrifices being made by unpaid volunteers.

Thanks mate.

I suppose what I was trying to say, in a nice way, is that it was inconsiderate to not turn up to so many training sessions without informing the club (or one, even), hence there’s no need to be “disgusted” in the action they took even if you disagree with the outcome. Since the Chairman has apologised and offered an alternative, there’s no reason to hold a grudge.

I understand that emotions can run high where kids are involved, to the point it’s easy to see why people don’t bother volunteering, but this is certainly a situation to move on and let bygones be bygones.

If it’s one of those situations where he’ll never let go, or the lad is equally happy to look elsewhere, I’d agree another club is more sensible. But that seems not to be in the kids best interests in this situation.

[NewClaret]

Kids football will struggle this season, unless it's changed in the last couple of weeks. The transporting of the players to games. Coaches can't just get a car full now, everyone has to travel separately.

Agree. Although again, surprises me how many parents expect coaches/other parents to run around after their kids.

[Quickenthetempo]

Agree. Although again, surprises me how many parents expect coaches/other parents to run around after their kids.

There's far more parents go and watch their kids play football these days.

I was lucky my dad came everywhere for school and Sunday team with a mates dad. They became father figures for all the other lads.

[Claret Till I Die]

Yeh I get that part I don’t have number for the coach etc but they have mine at the Club they never tried to ring it if they had I wouldn’t have any complaints. I agree he didn’t have all the facts so was in the blind when he made the decision as I have said he made the correct decision for the team but should have at least tried to call me before making it as dushambe did above.

How were you made aware of any games/kick off time changes etc

If you are sick and can't attend work does your boss ring to check how you are ?

[IWOODLOVETT]

If you follow the Clarets you will realise that the message is that of a team effort with full-on commitment from every member of all teams and staff. That requirement is generally the same at any club from U12’s onward throughout the sport - it’s not Morris dancing.

Your lad doesn’t seem to be very committed (regardless of the circumstances) and if he’s not that keen on football at that age maybe he should try rugby, basketball or hockey. Snide comments about your ability happen everywhere especially on the sports field. Unfortunately they are a part and parcel of growing up and crop up everywhere from sports clubs to working life to leisure shows like “Britain’s got Talent”.

He hasn’t turned up for around 5-6 weeks without explanation, so I’m sorry but no team game will reserve a space for someone who is absent for that length of time - especially if there is a queue of keen little other kids desperate for a game.

You say that you don’t want anything more to do with the club and that your wife is adamant that he won’t go back, so you’ve answered your own question. Try something else, maybe he doesn’t particularly like sport and you shouldn’t force him into it.

Move on and encourage him to show some more enthusiasm and commitment, because I’d hazard a guess that if the same pattern of attendance happens again it will result in the same ending. However when things settle down and your boy has found his right level take a step back and give him your maximum encouragement in whatever he wants to do. He will respect you for it, especially if his choice is his own decision.

Despite everything I would urge you personally to renew your interest in our great club and I wish you and your lad all the best for the future.
UTC

[Bertiebeehead]

Slightly off topic but I was stunned the other day watching my eldest in an u16 game. The opposition went 1-0 up and proceeded to spend the rest of the game time wasting, to the point where the ref threatened to abandon the game. All this with the full backing of their coaches, ******* crackers.

[JarrowClaret]

Bertiebee that is mad and totally outrageous.

Just to answer a few comments

CTID no I wouldn’t expect my manager to call me if I reported in sick but I would expect him to get in touch with me before he sacked me.

There was reasons for him not attending I just never told the whole story, for the reasons I have mentioned ie I didn’t want to put it on a messenger chat( my only means of getting in touch).

I have accepted my own part in this to the Club and on here ie I could/ should have done more ( I would have if I’d have known it was going to happen).

I mentioned previously there was context missing, this was never about a lack of commitment or my son not enjoying playing he absolutely loves playing as anyone who saw him would tell you he was also full committed until his last training session. My son is guilty of nothing but being to sensitive and lacking confidence in himself. As I said he didn’t think he was good enough anymore because of something that was said to him (I never found this out until recently). Although I do agree as it does to a lot on here it will come across as a lack of commitment, context comes in here as me and the coach had discussed how much he enjoyed it.

Disgust is probably to strong a word but it was/ still is annoying.

The coach has a hard job to do I get that and he is a volunteer he has done the best for the team I get all that I personally think it is wrong to kick a kid from a team without at least trying to find out if there is an issue. I would hope that is what I would do but I accept it is easy for me to say when I’m not involved.

Thanks for all your reponses