I miss you

[TomtheClaret]

Over the years, I have been amazed by the brilliant responses to people having a mental health crisis.
Whilst not right now, I have in the past been at very low points with depression.
One of the ways I was helped by a counsellor, was to write about somebody I missed. It can be anybody, human, animal, lost by death, or any other reason.
So thought maybe may help anyone if though mental health or just any other reason.

I miss my dad. Derek was born in Burnley in 1939, in Polard Street.
He joined the armed forces, aged just 17, and never returned to Burnley to live again.
He eventually married my mother and settled in her native Cambridge.
He led largely unremarkable life, by many a standard, but was loyal, funny, kind and in my eyes a brilliant man.
Sadly in 2006 he got pancreatic cancer, and died.
I miss him everyday, he loved the clarets, and when we got promoted at Wembley, I cried my eyes out, knowing he was not there to share that great moment .
Thank you for reading. And if this helps anyone, or raises a smile, fantastic. If I have bored you, my apologies!

[CleggHall]

A nice post Tom.

[Fretters]

Great post, thanks for sharing that. I disagree, though. Any life that involves fighting for your country, especially at 17, is remarkable!

[AlargeClaret]

Great post Tom. Loved ones never leave our hearts.

[TomtheClaret]

Great post, thanks for sharing that. I disagree, though. Any life that involves fighting for your country, especially at 17, is remarkable!

In that respect yes. Three tours of Northern Ireland by time he left in 1979, 23 years served
Finished as a sergeant.

[beddie]

Well done Tom. You’ve not bored us I can assure you. It’s lovely to have someone to think about and write about them too.
I’m sure your Dad will be very proud of you and he too will be looking down on his son. We lost are only grandchild 3 years ago at 11 months, believe me there’s not a day goes by that we don’t think about him, it helps us get through the day, so you keep writing about your happy memories, it will help you enormously.

[PaintYorkClaretnBlue]

Well done Tom. You’ve not bored us I can assure you. It’s lovely to have someone to think about and write about them too.
I’m sure your Dad will be very proud of you and he too will be looking down on his son. We lost are only grandchild 3 years ago at 11 months, believe me there’s not a day goes by that we don’t think about him, it helps us get through the day, so you keep writing about your happy memories, it will help you enormously.

That’s awful Beddie, my heart goes out to you. Having grandchildren myself I can only imagine the pain that you went through and no doubt continue to go through.

[morpheus2]

I was going to write about how much I miss my brother but as usual I cried too hard to even get started. I know it would help to do so, so please do as TomtheClaret advises and share your grief

[TomtheClaret]

Well done Tom. You’ve not bored us I can assure you. It’s lovely to have someone to think about and write about them too.
I’m sure your Dad will be very proud of you and he too will be looking down on his son. We lost are only grandchild 3 years ago at 11 months, believe me there’s not a day goes by that we don’t think about him, it helps us get through the day, so you keep writing about your happy memories, it will help you enormously.

So sorry to hear that. That’s awful.

[TomtheClaret]

I was going to write about how much I miss my brother but as usual I cried too hard to even get started. I know it would help to do so, so please do as TomtheClaret advises and share your grief

First steps are hardest. I won’t tell you it gets any easier. But I hope you find peace of mind, and can can remember him with happiness!

[jdrobbo]

Tom,

I’m glad you’ve posted this. It’s a great thing to do. I’m also pleased you’ve sought help for a counsellor. The stigma around mental health is slowly being eroded but it requires a lot more further work and acceptance from others. I had 6 sessions of counselling provided to me from work when I had an incredible amount of crappy stuff going on…some stuff relating to work; other bits external. Following the six sessions, I continued privately for another 18 months…the sessions only stopped due to my therapist having to take time off for long-term cancer treatment. I was given lots of good suggestions that helped and I’m glad you’ve found something that helps. Take care and keep tapping into the UTC community

[Woodleyclaret]

Well done Tom it helped me

[Lip]

I was going to write about how much I miss my brother but as usual I cried too hard to even get started. I know it would help to do so, so please do as TomtheClaret advises and share your grief

We all miss the Dr,a top man.

[Hipper]

Over the years, I have been amazed by the brilliant responses to people having a mental health crisis.
Whilst not right now, I have in the past been at very low points with depression.
One of the ways I was helped by a counsellor, was to write about somebody I missed. It can be anybody, human, animal, lost by death, or any other reason.
So thought maybe may help anyone if though mental health or just any other reason.

I miss my dad. Derek was born in Burnley in 1939, in Polard Street.
He joined the armed forces, aged just 17, and never returned to Burnley to live again.
He eventually married my mother and settled in her native Cambridge.
He led largely unremarkable life, by many a standard, but was loyal, funny, kind and in my eyes a brilliant man.
Sadly in 2006 he got pancreatic cancer, and died.
I miss him everyday, he loved the clarets, and when we got promoted at Wembley, I cried my eyes out, knowing he was not there to share that great moment .
Thank you for reading. And if this helps anyone, or raises a smile, fantastic. If I have bored you, my apologies!

Well I don't know if this response is appropriate or not. I'm not suffering mental health problems and until now never have. It may or may not help anyone.

I hardly knew my father. He died when I was seven (along with four others, also family men with children) in an RAF plane crash. I mention this, not because I want sympathy or other help, nor to belittle you, but to point out that if you knew your father for whatever number of years I'd say you were pretty fortunate (if he was a good father of course, which you imply he was).

Around fifty years after the crash, through the remarkable reach of the internet, I was able to get in touch with the other families that had suffered from the accident. It was quite interesting. One daughter had had a series of mental breakdowns, and her son was having the same. The son of the pilot didn't want to contact us (his father was blamed for the crash but it was just an accident really). The son of the co-pilot who was flying the plane threw himself into conspiracy theories around the crash, presumably to deflect any blame from his father. Another mother had decided that it was best to remarry quickly so she married her late husband's best friend. It was a disaster and they split as soon as the children left school (this was 1960 and it was tough for any single female parent at that time - no chance of a mortgage, people often antagonistic, as we found out). It turned out I was really lucky in that I had a highly competent mother. She saw clearly the solution to the problems that arose and acted accordingly. I don't say I didn't suffer but the three of us boys (one mentally handicapped) didn't do too badly.

I do often wonder what would have become of me had the crash not happened. I wonder but that's all.

[TomtheClaret]

Well I don't know if this response is appropriate or not. I'm not suffering mental health problems and until now never have. It may or may not help anyone.

I hardly knew my father. He died when I was seven (along with four others, also family men with children) in an RAF plane crash. I mention this, not because I want sympathy or other help, nor to belittle you, but to point out that if you knew your father for whatever number of years I'd say you were pretty fortunate (if he was a good father of course, which you imply he was).

Around fifty years after the crash, through the remarkable reach of the internet, I was able to get in touch with the other families that had suffered from the accident. It was quite interesting. One daughter had had a series of mental breakdowns, and her son was having the same. The son of the pilot didn't want to contact us (his father was blamed for the crash but it was just an accident really). The son of the co-pilot who was flying the plane threw himself into conspiracy theories around the crash, presumably to deflect any blame from his father. Another mother had decided that it was best to remarry quickly so she married her late husband's best friend. It was a disaster and they split as soon as the children left school (this was 1960 and it was tough for any single female parent at that time - no chance of a mortgage, people often antagonistic, as we found out). It turned out I was really lucky in that I had a highly competent mother. She saw clearly the solution to the problems that arose and acted accordingly. I don't say I didn't suffer but the three of us boys (one mentally handicapped) didn't do too badly.

I do often wonder what would have become of me had the crash not happened. I wonder but that's all.

I think any response is appropriate.
It may help you, someone else or nobody at all.
The fact you took the time to respond is appreciated.

[ClaretAL]

My wife died just under 3 years ago and although I can just about talk about her without breaking down in uncontrollable tears I still have to fight them back. I don’t class myself out of the dark woods yet, and sometimes wish the earth would swallow me up to be with her as it’s like loosing half of you, but it’s getting more controllable. So totally get where you are coming from, and good for you mate, well done

[TomtheClaret]

My wife died just under 3 years ago and although I can just about talk about her without breaking down in uncontrollable tears I still have to fight them back. I don’t class myself out of the dark woods yet, and sometimes wish the earth would swallow me up to be with her as it’s like loosing half of you, but it’s getting more controllable. So totally get where you are coming from, and good for you mate, well done

Sorry for your loss,ClaretAl

[Lowbankclaret]

The mixed web of families. It’s always hard and all of us have mental health issues. Some just don’t acknowledge it.
I didn’t till I ended up in hospital.
Hipper mentions his father who he hardly knew.
Mine, well some on here know him, he was a PE teacher at BRGS. Strange man, left when I was 15.

Never really spoke to me again, never knew why.
I did hope he would tell me before he died.
About 3 months ago my Uncle, great chap, emailed me to say he was terminal with cancer.
Peter and I messaged regularly about Burnley FC. He was living in the Philippines and after each match we would send messages. He died suddenly 4 days after saying my dad was terminal. We watched his funeral, all 5 hours on Facebook live.

My step mum emailed to say she would keep me informed, then went silent for weeks.

I did send an email saying if my dad wanted me to visit I would go see him. They lived in Thurso.

No reply.
I got an email 4 weeks ago.
It said “your dad passed last night, no funeral, no one invited. Just going to be cremated with no one there.

Funny sod to the last.

Now my mum has had a fall, in hospital and a nurse has basically assaulted her.
The day nurses have raised a complaint against the nurse involved. Bless her she is in hospital and scared and I don’t know how to protect her.

Just hoping Rossendale house will accept her tomorrow and I can get her out.

2023 has been crap.

[Cubanforever]

The mixed web of families. It’s always hard and all of us have mental health issues. Some just don’t acknowledge it.
I didn’t till I ended up in hospital.
Hipper mentions his father who he hardly knew.
Mine, well some on here know him, he was a PE teacher at BRGS. Strange man, left when I was 15.

Never really spoke to me again, never knew why.
I did hope he would tell me before he died.
About 3 months ago my Uncle, great chap, emailed me to say he was terminal with cancer.
Peter and I messaged regularly about Burnley FC. He was living in the Philippines and after each match we would send messages. He died suddenly 4 days after saying my dad was terminal. We watched his funeral, all 5 hours on Facebook live.

My step mum emailed to say she would keep me informed, then went silent for weeks.

I did send an email saying if my dad wanted me to visit I would go see him. They lived in Thurso.

No reply.
I got an email 4 weeks ago.
It said “your dad passed last night, no funeral, no one invited. Just going to be cremated with no one there.

Funny sod to the last.

Now my mum has had a fall, in hospital and a nurse has basically assaulted her.
The day nurses have raised a complaint against the nurse involved. Bless her she is in hospital and scared and I don’t know how to protect her.

Just hoping Rossendale house will accept her tomorrow and I can get her out.

2023 has been crap.

A lot to deal with, I've been hit with a few bombs from when my brother died at the start of lockdown to now and sometimes wonder how I'm still going but I am and I will....stick in there Lowbank, times a healer I know that much

[TomtheClaret]

Weird to think you have gone Darren. We grew up together as cousins, but because of being 8 months apart, in age, and our "Mums childcare system" we were more like brothers growing up. We shared our first legal beer, and that vile illegal thunderbird drink at the park.
As young adults our lifes went different ways, but when we saw each other out and family events we laughed, enjoyed a chat.
I cant believe we said goodbye to you today. Aged just 50. Another one gone to the bast ard cancer.
Kind of ironic the day of your cremation my beloved Burnley, play your beloved City. Two lads growing up down south, we had to defend our teams against wannabe scousers (Verbally) Remember though Leighton James was better than Joe Corrigan!
I will miss you pal, Rip Stew Pot

[Tribesmen]

Great to see people come on here and tell us all how it is as i am sure it helps other people to know they are not alone .

Well done Tom .

[LDNBFC87]

Brilliant post. Thank you for sharing. Therapy can be hugely powerful - I encourage everybody to give it a go at some point. We have regular check ups at the doctors and dentists, why not for our brain?

[1882]

Another advocate for therapy here. I was in the "what's the point of telling a stranger, I need to suck it up" camp, until I hit the bottom. Therapy gave me clarity and gave me tools to focus my grief. For anyone local to Burnley and lost someone to cancer I recommend contacting Pendleside hospice, they were fantastic and helped me no end.

[Funkydrummer]

How timely that this post is bumped on the exact day that my dad died,
aged 93, three years ago.

Love and miss him so much.

My mum followed him 4 days later, aged 91, on 4th Feb after 71 years of a very happy marriage.
Miss her so much too.

How's that for timing ?

Part of life I'm afraid and my sister, 2 girls and 3 granchildren helped see me through it.

Good luck and best wishes to anyone going through the same experience.
Remember, above all things, it's good to talk and there's plenty of people out there to talk to.