Mental health

[DeanMarneysACL]

Hi everyone, first time poster and a huge thank you to Tony for helping with issues with registration.

I thought I’d share a little bit about my mental health journey over the past few months - years even, if we take it prior to me accepting I needed help; trust me that’s the hardest step of them all but so worth it.

I’m 25 years old now and have struggled probably since I was 16, to date I’ve had 10 close family bereavements in the past 10 years, an abusive relationship, lost 3 friends to suicide, another friend was tragically killed in a car accident and I’ve been a carer to family since I was 18 due to long term health issues. As a typical bloke I thought I could power through it, I thought I was invincible but unfortunately these things have a habit of catching up with us!

I had recurring nightmares of the car accident even though I wasn’t involved, that and a plummeting mood that drove me near suicidal last summer finally pushed me to get help. I saw my GP and he was excellent, very compassionate and looking back it makes you realise just how blessed we are to have the NHS whenever we need it; he referred me to Lancs Talking Therapies (formerly MindsMatter) and due to the recent IAPT reforms in the NHS I went from referral to first CBT appointment in 16 weeks.

I was matched up with a CBT therapist who helped me to break down the trauma; I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. Nothing was too much trouble for her, she listened to my endless whinging, we worked through the nightmares and panic attacks and she referred me for further support with my eating disorder.

From June 2023 to April 2024 I’m now a different person, I still have a lot of work to do but the dark cloud is lifting. Everyday seems a little brighter, the nightmares are reducing in frequency, I’m looking forward to starting football again (although finding a team when you’ve been away for so long is a little tricky!)

I suppose my main point is no matter how dark that place is that you’re in, you can ALWAYS get out of it. You might lose a bit of yourself and stop doing your hobbies, for gods sake at one point I wasn’t even brushing my teeth! But the support is always there; family, friends, NHS services and our own UTC community. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, it’s out there and I can guarantee friends and relatives would rather be attending an appointment with you than attending your funeral.

Thank you everyone for listening (or reading!), I’ve attached a few helpful numbers and links at the bottom of this post for anyone who may need them. Up The Clarets and let’s hope for either a miracle over the next few games


Samaritans: 116 123 - available 24/7
SHOUT: Text ‘SHOUT’ to: 85258 - available 24/7
Lancashire NHS Crisis Team: 0800 953 0110 - available 24/7
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 - available 24/7
Casual Minds Matter (Burnley, Pendle, Rossendale): 01282 222290
Lancashire Women: 0300 330 1354 (available 9am-4:30pm Mon-Thurs, 9am-4am Fri) also self-refer online at www.lancashirewomen.org

Thanks again everyone and all the best

[JR1882]

That’s a great post mate - glad to hear you are in a better place & thanks for sharing your story, it’s a silent killer and there will be plenty of people reading this having suffered in silence and being able to see that there is some light.

[CoolClaret]

Brilliant post mate.

Saddened to read of some of the trauma you've faced but happy to read that you've managed to turn a corner and over come it.

Kudos on reaching out, getting help and encouraging others to do so.

[beddie]

Very brave to come on here and write all about it. So glad you sought help, so many people don’t and that’s such a shame as there are some very helpful and professional people waiting to listen. I hope things continue to move forward for you in a positive way and again thank you for sharing.

[bfcjg]

Wow, you are one heck of an inspiration. I'm so glad you are on the way to total peace of mind and if anyone reading your post is thinking about asking for help your wonderful words should encourage them. Take care.

[cricketfield73]

"As a typical bloke I thought I could power through it, I thought I was invincible but unfortunately these things have a habit of catching up with us!"
Very succinctly put and so very true.
Good luck getting back into playing football - knowing this board when it's at its very best it wouldn't surprise me if someone didn't put you onto a team looking for players.
Great first post and I'm so pleased that there's some light at the end of the tunnel after your grim decade.

[ClaretTony]

I’d no idea this was coming when I sorted out your account to enable you to post.

Well done on getting help and reaching the point where you are now. We’ve learned on here that so many of us suffer albeit some not as badly as others.

It’s good to have you on board.

[elwaclaret]

Hi everyone, first time poster and a huge thank you to Tony for helping with issues with registration.

I thought I’d share a little bit about my mental health journey over the past few months - years even, if we take it prior to me accepting I needed help; trust me that’s the hardest step of them all but so worth it.

I’m 25 years old now and have struggled probably since I was 16, to date I’ve had 10 close family bereavements in the past 10 years, an abusive relationship, lost 3 friends to suicide, another friend was tragically killed in a car accident and I’ve been a carer to family since I was 18 due to long term health issues. As a typical bloke I thought I could power through it, I thought I was invincible but unfortunately these things have a habit of catching up with us!

I had recurring nightmares of the car accident even though I wasn’t involved, that and a plummeting mood that drove me near suicidal last summer finally pushed me to get help. I saw my GP and he was excellent, very compassionate and looking back it makes you realise just how blessed we are to have the NHS whenever we need it; he referred me to Lancs Talking Therapies (formerly MindsMatter) and due to the recent IAPT reforms in the NHS I went from referral to first CBT appointment in 16 weeks.

I was matched up with a CBT therapist who helped me to break down the trauma; I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. Nothing was too much trouble for her, she listened to my endless whinging, we worked through the nightmares and panic attacks and she referred me for further support with my eating disorder.

From June 2023 to April 2024 I’m now a different person, I still have a lot of work to do but the dark cloud is lifting. Everyday seems a little brighter, the nightmares are reducing in frequency, I’m looking forward to starting football again (although finding a team when you’ve been away for so long is a little tricky!)

I suppose my main point is no matter how dark that place is that you’re in, you can ALWAYS get out of it. You might lose a bit of yourself and stop doing your hobbies, for gods sake at one point I wasn’t even brushing my teeth! But the support is always there; family, friends, NHS services and our own UTC community. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, it’s out there and I can guarantee friends and relatives would rather be attending an appointment with you than attending your funeral.

Thank you everyone for listening (or reading!), I’ve attached a few helpful numbers and links at the bottom of this post for anyone who may need them. Up The Clarets and let’s hope for either a miracle over the next few games


Samaritans: 116 123 - available 24/7
SHOUT: Text ‘SHOUT’ to: 85258 - available 24/7
Lancashire NHS Crisis Team: 0800 953 0110 - available 24/7
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 - available 24/7
Casual Minds Matter (Burnley, Pendle, Rossendale): 01282 222290
Lancashire Women: 0300 330 1354 (available 9am-4:30pm Mon-Thurs, 9am-4am Fri) also self-refer online at www.lancashirewomen.org

Thanks again everyone and all the best

Congratulations on your breakthrough. It is a long road with many bumps, keep heading forwards.
Like to add a couple to your contact lists, if not for you, then for others reading to try, that helped me to the route of my depression:

https://www.autism.org.uk/
https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention ... diagnosis/

[Burnley1989]

Really good post and important topic.

I lost a friend to suicide last year, big Burnley fan and whilst none of us had a clue, I look at photos of him often and feel like I can see the pain in his eyes. I wish he'd reached out, and I do now try and keep an eye on my friends for signs but often people hide it very well.

If you are wanting to play football locally, my mate runs the 6 aside leagues over at Nelson and Colne College on a Monday and Thursday and is always messaging me to see if I will play when teams are short, let me know if you want me to pass you number on. I haven't played for 6 months but was often playing 3-4 times a week to help out, and I did enjoy it (apart from the injuries that come with age)

[warksclaret]

Thanks to the OP and congratulations on your bravery and honesty. We sometimes see the worst of some posters on here, particularly at 5.00pm most Saturdays, and there have been a few. This brings it all back down to earth, as there are more important things in life. I have been through a torrid 9 months several years ago, and like you the therapist, in my case anxiety consultant ,,got me through it. For me it was the knowledge of what the disorder was and how it affected you.I found that once you realise you don't have something unique and that its not there for life, that you begin to grow stronger and gain in confidence. You and your therapist will have developed certain tools to help you get through it. Treasure these as mental disorder can have a tendency to resurface. At least you now have greater knowledge and this fantastic forum behind you. Continue the full recovery my friend.

[Fretters]

Hi everyone, first time poster and a huge thank you to Tony for helping with issues with registration.

I thought I’d share a little bit about my mental health journey over the past few months - years even, if we take it prior to me accepting I needed help; trust me that’s the hardest step of them all but so worth it.

I’m 25 years old now and have struggled probably since I was 16, to date I’ve had 10 close family bereavements in the past 10 years, an abusive relationship, lost 3 friends to suicide, another friend was tragically killed in a car accident and I’ve been a carer to family since I was 18 due to long term health issues. As a typical bloke I thought I could power through it, I thought I was invincible but unfortunately these things have a habit of catching up with us!

I had recurring nightmares of the car accident even though I wasn’t involved, that and a plummeting mood that drove me near suicidal last summer finally pushed me to get help. I saw my GP and he was excellent, very compassionate and looking back it makes you realise just how blessed we are to have the NHS whenever we need it; he referred me to Lancs Talking Therapies (formerly MindsMatter) and due to the recent IAPT reforms in the NHS I went from referral to first CBT appointment in 16 weeks.

I was matched up with a CBT therapist who helped me to break down the trauma; I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. Nothing was too much trouble for her, she listened to my endless whinging, we worked through the nightmares and panic attacks and she referred me for further support with my eating disorder.

From June 2023 to April 2024 I’m now a different person, I still have a lot of work to do but the dark cloud is lifting. Everyday seems a little brighter, the nightmares are reducing in frequency, I’m looking forward to starting football again (although finding a team when you’ve been away for so long is a little tricky!)

I suppose my main point is no matter how dark that place is that you’re in, you can ALWAYS get out of it. You might lose a bit of yourself and stop doing your hobbies, for gods sake at one point I wasn’t even brushing my teeth! But the support is always there; family, friends, NHS services and our own UTC community. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, it’s out there and I can guarantee friends and relatives would rather be attending an appointment with you than attending your funeral.

Thank you everyone for listening (or reading!), I’ve attached a few helpful numbers and links at the bottom of this post for anyone who may need them. Up The Clarets and let’s hope for either a miracle over the next few games


Samaritans: 116 123 - available 24/7
SHOUT: Text ‘SHOUT’ to: 85258 - available 24/7
Lancashire NHS Crisis Team: 0800 953 0110 - available 24/7
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 - available 24/7
Casual Minds Matter (Burnley, Pendle, Rossendale): 01282 222290
Lancashire Women: 0300 330 1354 (available 9am-4:30pm Mon-Thurs, 9am-4am Fri) also self-refer online at www.lancashirewomen.org

Thanks again everyone and all the best

Thank you for posting, that's inspirational stuff. I can't believe how much you've been through at 25.

We are always looking for players for 5-a-side at 6pm on Fridays at the Soccerdome in Blackburn and you'd be very welcome. Drop me an email at marc@woodfinishingproducts.com if you want to give it a try.

[claretonthecoast1882]

Well done on firstly seeking help but also on opening up on here. If you words on here help just 1 person you then it is an even bigger positive.

[Rowls]

I’m 25 years old now and have struggled probably since I was 16, to date I’ve had 10 close family bereavements in the past 10 years, an abusive relationship, lost 3 friends to suicide, another friend was tragically killed in a car accident and I’ve been a carer to family since I was 18 due to long term health issues. As a typical bloke I thought I could power through it, I thought I was invincible but unfortunately these things have a habit of catching up with us!

That's an horrendous burden to bare and I'm very sorry for all that you've gone through. Everything we do and everything that happens to us will affect us so it's little wonder you've been suffering.

The positive note in your OP -that we can overcome terrible events and lead normal lives is heartwarming and uplifting in spite of what you've been through.

Mental health isn't much different from physical health: We need to constantly look after ourselves and manage our mental health in order to stay healthy.

Thanks for sharing your story and all the best in the future.

[jdrobbo]

A huge thank you for sharing. It’s good to read that you are making good progress and have sought help after some incredibly difficult personal experiences and losses.

You are absolutely not on your own. This forum is testimony to that and it always rallies around those in need.

Therapy was certainly helpful to me. I had counselling for about 18 months, after things ‘in life’ stacked up too high. And then I discovered running. I type this message on the train home after doing 21km tapering run ahead of my first London marathon in just under two weeks time. It helps no-end and I hope I’ve also helped others with #mileforlyle 🩵 which continues to run each day on Twitter. Come and check it out!

Take care and if you ever want to chat, we’re here!

[Steve1956]

That's a tough read, listing all your troubles.....I wish you well on your road to recovery
All the best .

[NickBFC]

Glad to hear you're in a better place, and an excellent post. Also pleased to see the new Vinnie Jones/Chelsea advert on the TV. It seems football is finally giving mental health the coverage it needs. Too many men don't speak out, even to mates, if they're struggling. That needs to change.

[DeanMarneysACL]

All I can say is wow! I was never expecting such a level of support and empathy, this board is brilliant. I wish I could thank each and every one of you individually for your kind words, it’s quite overwhelming if I’m honest.

Fretters I’d love to come along and play 5 a side at some point, I’ll get an email across to you later this evening if that’s okay?

Burnley1989 likewise I’d love to have a game at Nelson and Colne college whenever is convenient. Is anyone aware of a way to pass my number without it being posted on the internet?

Also elwaclaret - interesting you posted that! I forgot to mention I’m awaiting an assessment for ADHD (typical of the symptoms ) it’s definitely tough on your mind feeling like you don’t belong and wondering what is different

[bfcjg]

Considering some of the garbage Tony and the mods have to put up with st times, it is a real blessing that this forum keeps going if for nothing else than to help fellow Clarets who need to talk.
UTC.

[Bosscat]

All I can say is wow! I was never expecting such a level of support and empathy, this board is brilliant. I wish I could thank each and every one of you individually for your kind words, it’s quite overwhelming if I’m honest.

Fretters I’d love to come along and play 5 a side at some point, I’ll get an email across to you later this evening if that’s okay?

Burnley1989 likewise I’d love to have a game at Nelson and Colne college whenever is convenient. Is anyone aware of a way to pass my number without it being posted on the internet?

Also elwaclaret - interesting you posted that! I forgot to mention I’m awaiting an assessment for ADHD (typical of the symptoms ) it’s definitely tough on your mind feeling like you don’t belong and wondering what is different

its good to talk is never a truer saying.

There are a few Clarets who have reached out on here and met with some fantastic advice and friendship. Keep talking DM.

Oh yeah brilliant name buddy ... my favourite player and got his shirt after the Palace win at home on Nov 5th 2016

20161130_131853.jpg (1.3 MiB) Viewed 1394 times

[ClaretTony]

Considering some of the garbage Tony and the mods have to put up with st times, it is a real blessing that this forum keeps going if for nothing else than to help fellow Clarets who need to talk.
UTC.

There are times when this message board is brilliant

[Anonymous Claret]

Thanks for sharing with us all. You experienced a lot of trauma in a relatively short period of time and from what I remember there was nothing taught to me in the education system to prepare you for what you went through.

It takes a lot of courage to share as honestly as you have done on here. There is a good possibility that someone could have read what you posted and received a little bit of hope from your experience both in your illness and in your recovery.

Reading your OP improved my mood massively and the responses to your post have been amazing too. Threads like this helps restore my faith in humanity.

[Fretters]

Fretters I’d love to come along and play 5 a side at some point, I’ll get an email across to you later this evening if that’s okay?

Absolutely. I can add you to our WhatsApp group if you use that and you can come along whenever suits.

[LoveCurryPies]

Great post!

Anyone who has ever suffered from depression or mental illness would never wish it on anyone.

I had a few tough years. Drilled a hole through a beam in the lounge but then realised I didn’t have a long enough cord to hang myself.

I set off to drive to a DIY shop to buy some rope, however Steve Wright was on the radio and they were having one of their group conversations. Something made me laugh and I pulled over and sobbed uncontrollably. At that moment, I realised I could lose my home and everything and yet they couldn’t take away my family and true friends.

Telling my GP was the turning point. It was opening up and talking to a professional that helped and not the medication he prescribed. The side effects from the medication soon made me question it’s worth.

It’s been a slow, tough uphill fight but life is good again. You can turn your life around but not alone. You need the support of family, friends and professionals.

Telling one person is the start! Don’t put it off.

[Spiral]

Used to always fantasise about chucking myself off a motorway bridge, then Clarke Carlisle actually did that and the viscerality of it shook me into feeling a guilt more overpowering than own misery; replaced that immediate misery with the imagined anxious neurotic misery of being the one responsible for ruining the life of the person to hit me, so I suppose an excess of empathy f.ucked that idea right up. It shook off the one-sidedness of my conception of my own life and made me think about other people, but the path to that low point is where you're led when you feel very alone. You've got no connection to anyone and you feel as though you're the only person in the world, and it feels horrible. It's a mindset people who've not experienced it probably cannot conceive of, but your brain is basically 'broken', so please don't judge.

I just try to distract myself. I've honestly found that to be the most practical thing. The more I think about it, the more I think that's what 'healthy' people are doing, too - distracting themselves with their work and their friends and their family and their fun and their life. Dunno if I'll ever be 'happy' in the conventional sense - perhaps 'happiness' as we conceive of it is nothing more than an aesthetic. I just don't want to get in a position again where I don't want to live. You're not alone in feeling $hit, mate, if that's any consolation. Just f.ucking make sure you wake up tomorrow.

[Tribesmen]

Yer great thread , it's something i have never been through but you can feel the pain and the hurt from those who have on here and yet come out the other side .

[DanH90]

I’ve had my ups and downs, and as someone said further up, keeping yourself mentally well is something you need to do every day, in exactly the same way as your physical health.

Someone else said further up about never being truly ‘happy.’ I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts recently and one said that ‘happiness’ is too subjective to strive for, what we all want is not to feel lack and to feel more whole. To me, it seems more achievable than ‘happiness.’ (Might just be me though)

[JohnMac]

A brilliant post and well done for sharing with us.

I too have lost friends and colleagues to Suicide and to sudden death related events. I have suffered from depression as well and recognising your own demise is difficult at times but admitting you have a problem is the way to go and a huge step onto the road to recovery!

Once again, well done and best wishes for your ongoing progress!

[DeanMarneysACL]

Thank you everyone, your kind words and support are incredibly humbling.

This board really is a blessing, we’re all united as wanting the best for our side and sometimes we have a difference of opinion that leads to clashing, I think it makes us human though, nobody’s perfect as much as we’d all love to be.

Bosscat - Marney really was a cracking player, the way he played on after doing his knee showed he was hard as nails and had the fight and professionalism we could probably do with right now. If you get robbed and the shirt goes missing it wasn’t me

LoveCurryPies - it was awful to read what you’ve been through, I hope you’re feeling somewhat better and I’ll always be here if you ever need to chat. If nothing else keeps you going I’ve heard ginsters do a cracking curry slice

Spiral - it was also chilling reading about your experience. You describe it perfectly, when you feel so desperate to the point suicide is a consideration there’s nothing on your mind but for your escape method, it’s impulsive and the way the mind controls the body is both amazing and frightening at the same time. I’ll always be here if you need to chat and remember you’re never alone, every fortnight there’s 20,000 people on the turf who’d rather stop and chat than see you struggle.

DanH90 - One of the things my GP said to me that stuck with me is when I said I felt ‘nothing’ he pointed out that’s part of the recovery process. Maybe normality feels like nothing and something of a numbness because we’re so used to feeling like complete crap! Besides if we were going round smiling like a Cheshire Cat all the time I think we’d be sectioned for different reasons!

JohnMac - again it’s hard to hear another claret has been through tough times but we’re living proof you can get through it. Apparently 1 in 4 struggle from mental health conditions, that’s 5000 of us on the turf every weekend. If our posts make even one of those reach out it was well worth writing!

[MDWat]

DeanMarneysACL

I’ve nothing to share really but felt compelled to respond to say kudos for sharing, and good luck with your continued and ongoing recovery.

I work in the debt advice sector, and see first-hand the impact that tough periods in life can have on people.

A touching post, well done for telling your story.

[AlwaysClaret1882]

Life can be a bitch sometimes and struggling with your mental health is one of the hardest things to do. It can leave you isolated and the rational part of your brain just doesn’t seem to function. Keep fighting mate and if you ever need anyone to reach out to, please do. The whole clarets family are behind you 🫡

[Cubanforever]

Good man, 25 and you've been through that and had the maturity to step away, look at your situation, seek and accept help....the sky is the limit for you and I hope you keep that strength and continue to move forward. Top man.