Farting
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Farting
I'm getting grief of the wife for something that comes totally naturally, I always just let it rip she goes absolutely mad,do you guys supress your farts? Am I a disgusting old man? I simply can't hold one in,please help its ruining our relationship.
-
- Posts: 3215
- Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2016 1:40 pm
- Been Liked: 894 times
- Has Liked: 1172 times
- Location: Proudsville
Re: Farting
I try to amuse her by letting one out with every step as I cross the room.
She isn't usually amused.
One time she chased me round the house with an air freshener spray aimed at my posterior.
She isn't usually amused.
One time she chased me round the house with an air freshener spray aimed at my posterior.
Re: Farting
Need some more info here Steve, is it the volume or the odour she objects to ?
Or are you attempting to administer a Dutch oven ?
Once you expand on the matter I'm sure there will be a lot of aficionados who can help you with this one.
Or are you attempting to administer a Dutch oven ?
Once you expand on the matter I'm sure there will be a lot of aficionados who can help you with this one.
Last edited by bodge on Fri Aug 30, 2019 1:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
This user liked this post: Rick_Muller
-
- Posts: 14571
- Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 9:55 am
- Been Liked: 3437 times
- Has Liked: 6339 times
Re: Farting
Suppressing a fast would only make you ill, so better out than in.
Maybe leave the room when you need to drop the next bomb?
Maybe leave the room when you need to drop the next bomb?
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
No smell mate,it's just a 39 second rift she objects to,we also have two dogs who join in.bodge wrote:Need some more info here Steve, is it the volume or the odour she objects to ?
Or are you attempting to administer a Dutch oven ?
Once you expand on the matter I'm sure there will be a lot of aficionados who can help you with this one.
This user liked this post: bodge
-
- Posts: 4195
- Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:58 am
- Been Liked: 2326 times
- Has Liked: 2696 times
- Location: Isles of Scilly
Re: Farting
No problem with men farting.
I find it quite disgusting if women do it though.
Unless it's a fat bird letting you know where the buisness end is.
I find it quite disgusting if women do it though.
Unless it's a fat bird letting you know where the buisness end is.
These 3 users liked this post: Steve1956 Zom Zom Suratclaret
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
I would never be in the room mate,.....I fart quite a lot,I wonder if it's connected to me IBS?GodIsADeeJay81 wrote:Suppressing a fast would only make you ill, so better out than in.
Maybe leave the room when you need to drop the next bomb?
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
The thought that there are fart aficionados on here is ridiculous ..........or maybe not,I do believe one or two may join in the conversation.Steve1956 wrote:No smell mate,it's just a 39 second rift she objects to,we also have two dogs who join in.
Re: Farting
This thread stinksSteve1956 wrote:I would never be in the room mate,.....I fart quite a lot,I wonder if it's connected to me IBS?
You could cut the atmosphere with a knife
Last edited by Bosscat on Fri Aug 30, 2019 1:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Farting
Where ere you be
May your wind blow free
Be it in church or chapel
Let it rattle
May your wind blow free
Be it in church or chapel
Let it rattle
-
- Posts: 4294
- Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:00 am
- Been Liked: 1600 times
- Has Liked: 679 times
Re: Farting
I used to sleep with a beautiful Italian model while at art college. The bed was frequently filled with the whiff of a fart and I would apologise profusely. After a few weeks, I realised it was her.
Despite her beauty, she was given the elbow. A man needs his uninterrupted sleep!
Despite her beauty, she was given the elbow. A man needs his uninterrupted sleep!
-
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2016 12:46 am
- Been Liked: 6930 times
- Has Liked: 11660 times
- Location: Leeds
Re: Farting
The average speed of a fart coming out of your backside is 7 mph.
This user liked this post: Zom Zom
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
Ahhh at last an aficionadoFactualFrank wrote:The average speed of a fart coming out of your backside is 7 mph.
These 2 users liked this post: FactualFrank Zom Zom
Re: Farting
Did you know...FactualFrank wrote:The average speed of a fart coming out of your backside is 7 mph.
The average person passes aproximatly 1/2 a litre of gass every day.
Women's farts smell worse than men's.....
As hard as it is to believe, it's true. Although women and men produce the same amount of flatulence, a study conducted by Dr. Levitt found that women's farts consistently contain significantly greater concentrations of hydrogen sulfide — the stuff that makes them smell.
Last edited by Bosscat on Fri Aug 30, 2019 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
- Posts: 18007
- Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2016 7:07 pm
- Been Liked: 4074 times
- Has Liked: 1853 times
Re: Farting
That's actually faster than Northern Rail.
These 6 users liked this post: FactualFrank Steve1956 Bosscat bfcjg Buxtonclaret tim_noone
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
ElectroClaret wrote:That's actually faster than Northern Rail.
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
Your not an aficionado BC, you have been googling again haven't you?Bosscat wrote:Did you know...
The average person passes aproximatly 1/2 a litre of gass every day.
Women's farts smell worse than men's.....
As hard as it is to believe, it's true. Although women and men produce the same amount of flatulence, a study conducted by Dr. Levitt found that women's farts consistently contain significantly greater concentrations of hydrogen sulfide — the stuff that makes them smell.
-
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2016 12:46 am
- Been Liked: 6930 times
- Has Liked: 11660 times
- Location: Leeds
Re: Farting
Maybe he's just a Flatologist.Steve1956 wrote:Your not an aficionado BC, you have been googling again haven't you?
Re: Farting
Funnily enough the 1st fact is Franks 7mph quote when you google fart factsSteve1956 wrote:Your not an aficionado BC, you have been googling again haven't you?
Although it does say 10 feet per second (which equates to 7mph)
This user liked this post: Steve1956
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
He is something beginning with "F" and it's not the above.FactualFrank wrote:Maybe he's just a Flatologist.
This user liked this post: FactualFrank
Re: Farting
Interesting bloke
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
This really is bar none the best football forum around....what a font of Knowledge.
Re: Farting
Can't beat a good fart. Having Crohn's Disease myself has forced my wife into accepting them, now we have a right laugh when one pops out. I used to sup a lot of goon back in Australia at the working hostel I lived at and once made an Irishman spew up on a Saturday morning in the beer garden whilst he was nursing an early weekend hangover. My greatest accomplishment with the ol' bottom burp.
This user liked this post: Steve1956
-
- Posts: 1548
- Joined: Tue Jan 26, 2016 1:12 pm
- Been Liked: 473 times
- Has Liked: 52 times
Re: Farting
Only on here would you get farting next to Nigel Farage’s ego....since we have become a very good football team there has been little need to talk about footballSteve1956 wrote:This really is bar none the best football forum around....what a font of Knowledge.
This user liked this post: Rowls
-
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2016 1:23 pm
- Been Liked: 4 times
- Has Liked: 1 time
Re: Farting
Always let a good one rip when the mother in law comes over
-
- Posts: 7070
- Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 12:50 pm
- Been Liked: 2176 times
- Has Liked: 3110 times
- Location: Praha
- Contact:
Re: Farting
A young man's gameSteve1956 wrote:I'm getting grief of the wife for something that comes totally naturally, I always just let it rip she goes absolutely mad,do you guys supress your farts? Am I a disgusting old man? I simply can't hold one in,please help its ruining our relationship.
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
When I fart and then laugh.....she goes on a tirade of rants...her favourite being "your nearly 70 years old and laughing at you farts"ZizkovClaret wrote:A young man's game
These 3 users liked this post: FactualFrank lagerbilly bobinho
-
- Posts: 7070
- Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 12:50 pm
- Been Liked: 2176 times
- Has Liked: 3110 times
- Location: Praha
- Contact:
Re: Farting
Hey, if you are nearly 70 and can still trust your farts, you arent doing too bad fellaSteve1956 wrote:When I fart and then laugh.....she goes on a tirade of rants...her favourite being "your nearly 70 years old and laughing at you farts"
This user liked this post: Steve1956
-
- Posts: 7066
- Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
- Been Liked: 2240 times
- Has Liked: 1618 times
- Location: Baxenden
Re: Farting
How do you actually know this? Have you looked it up? What kind of man are you to seek this information out?FactualFrank wrote:The average speed of a fart coming out of your backside is 7 mph.
This user liked this post: FactualFrank
-
- Posts: 7066
- Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
- Been Liked: 2240 times
- Has Liked: 1618 times
- Location: Baxenden
Re: Farting
Just this - honestly - this is a proper real life observation.ZizkovClaret wrote:Hey, if you are nearly 70 and can still trust your farts, you arent doing too bad fella
-
- Posts: 2653
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 8:26 pm
- Been Liked: 505 times
- Has Liked: 245 times
Re: Farting
Multiple farts in a morning
Same at night in bed.
Trumpy
Same at night in bed.
Trumpy
-
- Posts: 7066
- Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:43 pm
- Been Liked: 2240 times
- Has Liked: 1618 times
- Location: Baxenden
Re: Farting
My uncle Ignatious, a would-be man of the cloth and general all- round solid chap, eventually became the Queens personal excuse-me. He would be paid to follow her at quite close quarters and whenever she let on rip he would hold up his hand, smile sheepishly, and say 'sorry'. He eventually got fired for farting in her majesty's presence. He died a beaten old man who never quite understood the irony.
Re: Farting
Why is it you dont mind the smell of your own?
-
- Posts: 4476
- Joined: Sat Aug 05, 2017 8:55 pm
- Been Liked: 1160 times
- Has Liked: 182 times
Re: Farting
Utter nonsense spouted on this thread , people will be saying that women poo next !
Re: Farting
I likes Cider
Cider makes I fart
When I farts I's happy
When I's happy I buys Cider
I likes Cider
Cider makes I ...................
Cider makes I fart
When I farts I's happy
When I's happy I buys Cider
I likes Cider
Cider makes I ...................
-
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2016 12:46 am
- Been Liked: 6930 times
- Has Liked: 11660 times
- Location: Leeds
Re: Farting
Possibly a mixture of nature (survival depending on the ability to detect other smells, not our own) mixed with habituation - we get used to ours over time.Fenwick wrote:Why is it you dont mind the smell of your own?
-
- Posts: 7070
- Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 12:50 pm
- Been Liked: 2176 times
- Has Liked: 3110 times
- Location: Praha
- Contact:
Re: Farting
Your sense of smell is designed to alert you to a change in environment. So, its a combo of the material being from you, and then the static smell fading that means if you're sitting in it so to speak, you dont really notice it half as muchFenwick wrote:Why is it you dont mind the smell of your own?
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
I know this is disgusting but has anyone ever cupped a fart to get a true smell of it?
I'm asking for my friend.
I'm asking for my friend.
Re: Farting
Now I have this picture of you doing an 'Al Pacino Scarface' impression .... trumping into your hand and lifting it to your friends face and saying those immortal words..... "say hello to my little friend"Steve1956 wrote:I know this is disgusting but has anyone ever cupped a fart to get a true smell of it?
I'm asking for my friend.
This user liked this post: Steve1956
-
- Posts: 1809
- Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2016 9:27 am
- Been Liked: 333 times
- Has Liked: 788 times
Re: Farting
Long time ago, I knew a guy in Loveclough who had done time in the glasshouse in Colchester for some misdemeanor when in the Army and he used to tell many a story about how the inmates would have a competition by lighting farts and seeing how far the flame would go. When asked if that didn't burn their nether regions, he said that only happened if buttocks were clenched at the wrong time. Not many of us believed him but no one was willing to try.
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
to say you don't know me....you know me so well.Bosscat wrote:Now I have this picture of you doing an 'Al Pacino Scarface' impression .... trumping into your hand and lifting it to your friends face and saying those immortal words..... "say hello to my little friend"
This user liked this post: Bosscat
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
I used to live in LovecloughSuratclaret wrote:Long time ago, I knew a guy in Loveclough who had done time in the glasshouse in Colchester for some misdemeanor when in the Army and he used to tell many a story about how the inmates would have a competition by lighting farts and seeing how far the flame would go. When asked if that didn't burn their nether regions, he said that only happened if buttocks were clenched at the wrong time. Not many of us believed him but no one was willing to try.
-
- Posts: 1809
- Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2016 9:27 am
- Been Liked: 333 times
- Has Liked: 788 times
Re: Farting
Ah....but were you in the Army!Steve1956 wrote:I used to live in Loveclough
Re: Farting
If you could throw your farts like a ventriloquist throws their voice would you be a fartriloquist ?
Re: Farting
Only if you farted from your mouth m8 the 'loquist' suffix means voicegiveusaB wrote:If you could throw your farts like a ventriloquist throws their voice would you be a fartriloquist ?
-
- Posts: 17277
- Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:57 pm
- Been Liked: 6490 times
- Has Liked: 2919 times
- Location: Fife
Re: Farting
No....but I did light a fart in the Crown in Rawtenstall once,I never did it againSuratclaret wrote:Ah....but were you in the Army!
Re: Farting
Steve1956 wrote:No....but I did light a fart in the Crown in Rawtenstall once,I never did it again
You rebel you Steve
-
- Posts: 7070
- Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 12:50 pm
- Been Liked: 2176 times
- Has Liked: 3110 times
- Location: Praha
- Contact:
Re: Farting
Jeez was just in the gentleman's relaxation area and the fella in the trap next door emitted a stench so acrid it hit the back of my throat
Re: Farting
My wife says men fart but women only do poops that smell like springtime
Re: Farting
Round here Springtime stinks as the farmers are spreading the Muckmidden winters poop all over the meadows .... I quite often aliken it to my wifes Knicker-rustlings and get slapped round the head for my trouble... so your wife is absolutely correct womens trouser coughs smell like springtime .... and duckFCBurnley wrote:My wife says men fart but women only do poops that smell like springtime