Lockdown jokes and memes.

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Steve1956
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Steve1956 » Sun May 24, 2020 5:22 am

THREE Premier League clubs are interested in having cardboard cut-outs in empty stands when top-flight football returns.

The clubs are not thought to include Man Utd who said they would not use cardboard but stick with their plastic fans instead
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by evensteadiereddie » Sun May 24, 2020 9:18 am

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Steve1956
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Steve1956 » Sun May 24, 2020 11:29 am

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Just been to my Mum's to see what she needed,not bad for 95

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by bfcmik » Sun May 24, 2020 2:04 pm

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by steve_f » Sun May 24, 2020 11:54 pm

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Steve1956
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Steve1956 » Mon May 25, 2020 7:10 am

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Steve1956
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Steve1956 » Tue May 26, 2020 12:35 pm

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IanMcL
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by IanMcL » Thu May 28, 2020 3:07 pm

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by aggi » Fri May 29, 2020 10:54 am

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tiger76
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by tiger76 » Fri May 29, 2020 12:40 pm

Specsavers new advert :lol:

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KateR
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by KateR » Fri May 29, 2020 2:41 pm

It started to feel that way
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Bosscat
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Bosscat » Fri May 29, 2020 4:15 pm

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by tiger76 » Fri May 29, 2020 4:35 pm

These aren't exactly memes but i found them witty.

Creative cinema signs offer hope and humour
Wistfully looking at a blank sign as you wander past your local cinema and wishing you could head inside to watch a film? So too were the owners of some arthouse theatres in the United States.

Then they decided to get creative, using the familiar removable plastic letters to create messages on the distinctive signs usually used for displaying the titles of new releases.

"We want to bring smiles to people's faces that we used to do when they came to our auditoriums," said Aaron Alhadeff, manager of the Majestic Bay Theatre in Seattle.

Here are a selection of the marquee messages at arthouse cinemas which are providing hope and humour - including one made up of Tom Cruise film titles.

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by FactualFrank » Fri May 29, 2020 6:41 pm

'Up to six can meet outside in England from 1 June'

Blackburn Rovers no longer required to play behind closed doors.
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Zlatan » Sun May 31, 2020 10:14 am

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Bosscat » Sun May 31, 2020 1:03 pm

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by tiger76 » Sun May 31, 2020 1:15 pm

Bosscat wrote:
Sun May 31, 2020 1:03 pm
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Don't you like your Mother-in-law Bosscat :lol:

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Bosscat » Sun May 31, 2020 1:27 pm

tiger76 wrote:
Sun May 31, 2020 1:15 pm
Don't you like your Mother-in-law Bosscat :lol:
She was a lovely woman Tiger... Padiham lass born and bred... died 6 years ago aged 94 😁

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by tiger76 » Sun May 31, 2020 1:30 pm

Bosscat wrote:
Sun May 31, 2020 1:27 pm
She was a lovely woman Tiger... Padiham lass born and bred... died 6 years ago aged 94 😁
Ah! decent innings then. Haven't been in Padiham for several years,used to have loads of family there but they moved.

KateR
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by KateR » Mon Jun 01, 2020 5:06 pm

if only it was
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Steve1956 » Wed Jun 03, 2020 10:42 am

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by KateR » Wed Jun 03, 2020 6:26 pm

:?
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Bosscat
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Bosscat » Wed Jun 03, 2020 6:36 pm

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IanMcL
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by IanMcL » Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:46 pm

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Last edited by IanMcL on Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by IanMcL » Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:47 pm

Steve1956 wrote:
Wed Jun 03, 2020 10:42 am
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Don't sell it to Dave Burnley! There could be uproar.

If you can make a few thousand....put us all down for one!

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Bosscat » Thu Jun 04, 2020 8:16 pm

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”. The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65″.

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?” The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’”
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Steve1956
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Steve1956 » Sat Jun 06, 2020 10:27 am

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Steve1956 » Sat Jun 06, 2020 10:47 am

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Steve1956
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by Steve1956 » Sat Jun 06, 2020 12:29 pm

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by KateR » Sat Jun 06, 2020 5:28 pm

:lol:
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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by FactualFrank » Sat Jun 06, 2020 8:14 pm

Steve1956 wrote:
Sat Jun 06, 2020 12:29 pm
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That's one of the best recent ones.

It got a laugh.

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Re: Lockdown jokes and memes.

Post by IanMcL » Sat Jun 06, 2020 8:18 pm

KateR wrote:
Sat Jun 06, 2020 5:28 pm
:lol:
Good one apart from the spelling of Trinidad!

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