Women

basil6345789 · Post by **basil6345789** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:45 pm

Taking-over. Scary. Bloody midandrists everywhere. Mine's even refusing to fetch me slippers now.

tim_noone · Post by **tim_noone** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:47 pm

basil6345789 wrote:Taking-over. Scary. Bloody midandrists everywhere. Mine's even refusing to fetch me slippers now.

Get a dog....

BleedingClaret · Post by **BleedingClaret** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:51 pm

Didn't see em fighting to hard to go down the mines in equal numbers.

Saxoman · Post by **Saxoman** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:52 pm

tim_noone wrote:Get a dog....

But I wouldn't recommend fellatio..

yTib · Post by **yTib** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:53 pm

BleedingClaret wrote:Didn't see em fighting to hard to go down the mines in equal numbers.

they've obviously still got a long way to go.

CnBtruntru · Post by **CnBtruntru** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:54 pm

BleedingClaret wrote:Didn't see em fighting to hard to go down the mines in equal numbers.

That's probably why they are taking over

starting_11 · Post by **starting_11** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:57 pm

tim_noone wrote:Get a dog....

More like "use the leash on her"

Dyched · Post by **Dyched** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:57 pm

Yeah!! Where were you on ******* D-Day gran? Eh??!! Knitting ******* scarves?

yTib · Post by **yTib** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:01 pm

possibly in the munitions factory.

Lord Beamish · Post by **Lord Beamish** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:14 pm

basil6345789 wrote:Taking-over. Scary. Bloody midandrists everywhere. Mine's even refusing to fetch me slippers now.

The word you're looking for is 'misandrists'.

Juan Tanamera · Post by **Juan Tanamera** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:15 pm

I'll accept equal rights for women when they can defend a corner against Peter Crouch.

HiroshimaClaret · Post by **HiroshimaClaret** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:17 pm

A pain in the arse. My wife especially. Sometimes wish she would bugger off to Timbukto (sp?) I feel better now. Thanks.

TonbridgeClaret · Post by **TonbridgeClaret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 6:52 am

It would be a queer world without them.

MACCA · Post by **MACCA** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:10 am

Want it all their own way all the time.

Want the seat lifted up before we pee, but wont put it up themselves after they have had a pee.... It's their arse touching that seat!
Want between 50%-90% of your money, but will pay 0% of the bill if you go for a meal.
Complain we don't listen....
Say they don't want anything for Christmas/Birthdays, but actually get them nothing, and you wont hear the end of it!
Want to go shopping and not only drag you round, but expect you to carry all the bags too!
Want an honest relationship, but tell them anything but you look gorgeous when they ask at your absolute peril.

It's a good job we are clever enough to work them out.
I find making them think it's their idea whilst praising them for it, and the world is your oyster.

Shappie · Post by **Shappie** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:13 am

MACCA wrote:
It's a good job we are clever enough to work them out.

Speak for yourself MACCA. I’m a long way off working them out !!

Chobulous · Post by **Chobulous** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:37 am

This guy sums it up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp2AtK11ynE" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

cricketfieldclarets · Post by **cricketfieldclarets** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:26 am

MACCA wrote:Want it all their own way all the time.

Want the seat lifted up before we pee, but wont put it up themselves after they have had a pee.... It's their arse touching that seat!
Want between 50%-90% of your money, but will pay 0% of the bill if you go for a meal.
Complain we don't listen....
Say they don't want anything for Christmas/Birthdays, but actually get them nothing, and you wont hear the end of it!
Want to go shopping and not only drag you round, but expect you to carry all the bags too!
Want an honest relationship, but tell them anything but you look gorgeous when they ask at your absolute peril.

It's a good job we are clever enough to work them out.
I find making them think it's their idea whilst praising them for it, and the world is your oyster.

Haha brilliant we can all relate to some of them. The bog seats the best one.

Sidney1st · Post by **Sidney1st** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:40 am

BleedingClaret wrote:Didn't see em fighting to hard to go down the mines in equal numbers.

Blokes went down there to get away from them.

Caernarfon_Claret · Post by **Caernarfon_Claret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:13 am

BleedingClaret wrote:Didn't see em fighting to hard to go down the mines in equal numbers.

No they were learning about the difference between to, too and two and when to use each.

Caernarfon_Claret · Post by **Caernarfon_Claret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:17 am

I hope we all put the toilet lid down before we flush unless we want fecal matter/germs sprayed all round the room.

mdd2 · Post by **mdd2** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:23 am

Caernarfon_Claret wrote:I hope we all put the toilet lid down before we flush unless we want fecal matter/germs sprayed all round the room.

Not if it's a hot flush when if in touching distance the male of the species may end up wearing said seat as a fashion accessory around the neck

Steve1956 · Post by **Steve1956** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:03 pm

basil6345789 wrote:Taking-over. Scary. Bloody midandrists everywhere. Mine's even refusing to fetch me slippers now.

To be fair it's time for women to step forward,they can't make a bigger arse of things than us blokes have....I love women.

NRC · Post by **NRC** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:14 pm

Ever sine my local coffee shop converted the toilets to unisex, I must admit to giving more thought to the seat up/down conundrum. I concluded the default is seat down as three of four actions ( numbers 1 and 2 for each sex, which also accounts &or the non-binaries of this world) involves seat down as the start position.

Sorry lads the women win this one

KateR · Post by **KateR** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:19 pm

my my, lot of brave chaps here today

unusual, but please do go home and tell your "better" half all about please lol

toilet seat down the way forward boys

ClaretEngineer · Post by **ClaretEngineer** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:28 pm

Got to be seat down.

I mean you then get the joy and surprise of seeing what the last person left behind

houseboy · Post by **houseboy** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:36 pm

The toilet seat thing is easy - explain to them that the mechanics of the seat make it go down as well as up and then show them how to ease it down nicely.
Never ask a woman what's wrong - she'll say 'nothing' whilst making it totally obvious there is.
No matter what they say about presents - ALWAYS get one because an answer in the negative is just a lie to test you.
Be careful of women of a 'certain age' (my wife for instance) - the body temperature seems to be about 2-3 degrees higher than normal and at this time of year she will happily sit wearing a strappy top and shorts in the house while demanding that the heating is off - it may even involve opening a window.
Try saying 'I was wrong', it does help occasionally.
Don't over-praise her looks - it makes them suspicious.
Under no circumstances say nothing when she has been to the hairdressers - if in doubt assume she has and look surprised when she says she hasn't.
Pre-empting is also good (sometimes) - try taking her a couple of aspirins randomly and when she says she doesn't need them ask if it's bed-time.
Finally, and this comes from years of trying to fathom out something that comes from an alternate universe, beware of 'female arrogance'. This is the one where we don't understand women but admit it, but they also don't understand us but think they do. This single thing is the one that I believe causes the vast majority of problems between men and women (this and women themselves of course).
Have a nice day guys.

LoveCurryPies · Post by **LoveCurryPies** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:42 pm

Women.....without them you would all be eyeing up Julian Cleary, especially you Saxoman.

Goodclaret · Post by **Goodclaret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:55 pm

LoveCurryPies wrote:Women.....without them you would all be eyeing up Julian Cleary, especially you Saxoman.

Come on LCP, Saxo does this whilst there are plenty of women around. You have to get what you can

Foshiznik · Post by **Foshiznik** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:57 pm

I text my wife this afternoon; "Darling, I have had a bad accident at work this morning and fell from a great height. Sarah kindly rushed me to the hospital, but the doctors have said that the damage to my spine is so bad that i may never walk again"

She replied "Who's Sarah?"

houseboy · Post by **houseboy** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:04 pm

LoveCurryPies wrote:Women.....without them you would all be eyeing up Julian Cleary, especially you Saxoman.

I can see Cleary now the dame has gone.

bobinho · Post by **bobinho** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:10 pm

basil6345789 wrote:Taking-over. Scary. Bloody midandrists everywhere. Mine's even refusing to fetch me slippers now.

I have a top quality northern backhander you can borrow if ya want? It’s in great condition, only used the once...

Sidney1st · Post by **Sidney1st** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:11 pm

bobinho wrote:I have a top quality northern backhander you can borrow if ya want? It’s in great condition, only used the once...

Did it work?

bobinho · Post by **bobinho** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:15 pm

Dunno. Last used it in 1990 and only just come to...

Chobulous · Post by **Chobulous** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 2:20 pm

Multi-tasking is the main area where women believe they are superior to men. What they really mean is they can do something else while they are talking or more to the point, when in a group they can hold more than one conversation at once.

BleedingClaret · Post by **BleedingClaret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 2:27 pm

Caernarfon_Claret wrote:No they were learning about the difference between to, too and two and when to use each.

Ok smarty pants.
why did you have to edit, did you forget to proof read before submitting too, or did predictive text do it to you too, what a couple we two are eh?
Anyhow it should have read
Didn't see em fighting too hard t' go down't mines in equal numbers.

Caernarfon_Claret · Post by **Caernarfon_Claret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 3:01 pm

BleedingClaret wrote:Ok smarty pants.
why did you have to edit, did you forget to proof read before submitting too, or did predictive text do it to you too, what a couple we two are eh?
Anyhow it should have read
Didn't see em fighting too hard t' go down't mines in equal numbers.

No. I quoted the wrong person, the person who originally quoted the person I should have quoted, I realized my mistake and whilst thinking it would be ok if left, thought it best to quote the person I should have quoted rather than quoting the person who originally quoted the person I should have quoted.

Happy?

Caernarfon_Claret · Post by **Caernarfon_Claret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 3:04 pm

BleedingClaret wrote:Ok smarty pants.
why did you have to edit, did you forget to proof read before submitting too, or did predictive text do it to you too, what a couple we two are eh?
Anyhow it should have read
Didn't see em fighting too hard t' go down't mines in equal numbers.

For the sake of clarity I quoted y Tib, who had quoted you, when I should have quoted you.

Hipper · Post by **Hipper** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:39 pm

HiroshimaClaret wrote:A pain in the arse. My wife especially. Sometimes wish she would bugger off to Timbukto (sp?) I feel better now. Thanks.

tim_noone · Post by **tim_noone** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:42 pm

Caernarfon_Claret wrote:For the sake of clarity I quoted y Tib, who had quoted you, when I should have quoted you.

now now ladies!

ablueclaret · Post by **ablueclaret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:52 pm

Time for women to take over and give us men a rest, no more DIY, dealing with the finances etc, time to sit under a tree and watch the apples fall. They'll be squabbling amongst themselves like nobody's business.

ontario claret · Post by **ontario claret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:19 pm

Is this another thread about KRBFC?

BleedingClaret · Post by **BleedingClaret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:23 pm

ablueclaret wrote:Time for women to take over and give us men a rest, no more DIY, dealing with the finances etc, time to sit under a tree and watch the apples fall. They'll be squabbling amongst themselves like nobody's business.

Today whilst discussing, with the missus, about the bathroom that I've been tasked with sorting, along with 2 fences I need to erect and the bedroom I'm also required to do, and as she was berating me with her vast knowledge of the aforementioned tasks, I just said, OK then you sort them, No she said that's just ridiculous that's stuff that men do.
I replied and yes it's women's work to profess to know lots about stuff they've never done.
Worse they haven't the ******** to do.
Not exactly working out for me, this equality.

LordBob · Post by **LordBob** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:25 pm

One good woman is worth two camels now thats more than fair what kind of deal do you think you could get at Motorpoint?

NRC · Post by **NRC** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:27 pm

mine admits to being a single-tasker, and boy is she such! Can't get through at all if she's concentrating. Trick is telling when that is. I've also trained her to give me executive summaries, she can waffle for Belgium. She sometime forgets though, particularly if she's trying to do two things at the same time.

ontario claret · Post by **ontario claret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:39 pm

The one thing that women are definitely superior at: typing. How do they get their fingers to go in sixteen different directions at once?

ontario claret · Post by **ontario claret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:48 pm

...and never make a mistake.

Sutton-Claret · Post by **Sutton-Claret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:07 pm

Just show them a spider......

BleedingClaret · Post by **BleedingClaret** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:30 pm

My Missus is absolutely terrified of butterfly s
But says my fear of wasps is pathetic.

happyclaret17 · Post by **happyclaret17** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:31 pm

MACCA wrote:Want it all their own way all the time.

Want the seat lifted up before we pee, but wont put it up themselves after they have had a pee.... It's their arse touching that seat!
Want between 50%-90% of your money, but will pay 0% of the bill if you go for a meal.
Complain we don't listen....
Say they don't want anything for Christmas/Birthdays, but actually get them nothing, and you wont hear the end of it!
Want to go shopping and not only drag you round, but expect you to carry all the bags too!
Want an honest relationship, but tell them anything but you look gorgeous when they ask at your absolute peril.

It's a good job we are clever enough to work them out.
I find making them think it's their idea whilst praising them for it, and the world is your oyster.

.....
apparently if they ask "does my bum look big in this"....the correct answer isn't " I thought your rucksack had slipped"
it certainly wasn't the right answer when my ex asked me

.

50 shades of Grey · Post by **50 shades of Grey** » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:43 pm

Women have this amazingly talented way of completely blocking a pub bar, I don't know how they do it, but it only takes 5 or 6 of 'em together, all chatting at the same time/ then getting served individually/ then going through the whole drinks menu before deciding on 'half a lager n lime'/ then rooting through their handbag to find every last 1 and 2 pence piece and counting it out veryyy slowlyyy.