How can I deal with a school bully?

TVC15 · Post by **TVC15** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 10:03 am

"andvtgatvyour" ?

I hope you don`t teach English Robbo !

Bfcboyo · Post by **Bfcboyo** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 10:55 am

shave his belly with a rusty razor.

jdrobbo · Post by **jdrobbo** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 10:56 am

Yes - edited. Did it on my phone. Sorry.

beddie · Post by **beddie** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 11:59 am

Because of the latest threat made together with the current climate I would approach the Police. They will interview the parents probably with the child being present, that I itself will probably scare the day lights out of the child. It's okay approaching the Head at the School,however, they are limited at this stage as to what they can do. Incidentally the Police may prefer the discussion with all parties at the School, they will advise you though. Good luck with it.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 5:01 pm

Damo wrote:Honestly I would go and knock on the bully's parents door. Schools are absolutely useless when it comes to bullying. They seem more concerned with the safety of the bully sometimes. Speak to the bullys parents. If you are not confrontational then break bread with them and explain the impact on your child.
Don't expect school to deal with it. They are absolutely useless in enforcing anything unless your child fails to turn up to School for 99% of term

Absolute ******** if you're claiming all schools or even most are "absolutely useless" at sorting these kind of problems. The OP needs to take the advice of the more measured, experienced posters on here not those who sound like bitter yobs who advise being just as violent and moronic as the original bully.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 5:20 pm

Rick_Muller wrote:I hope the Head does as we ask, because the letter to the governors is already written with quotes from the school policy on bullying and we will take it further if needed.

Perhaps take that letter with you, just incase it comes across that they aren't taking you seriously. You can then show them the letter before leaving so they know you aren't messing about.

Damo · Post by **Damo** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 5:49 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:Absolute ******** if you're claiming all schools or even most are "absolutely useless" at sorting these kind of problems. The OP needs to take the advice of the more measured, experienced posters on here not those who sound like bitter yobs who advise being just as violent and moronic as the original bully.

Experienced in dealing with bullies?
I've been through it with my son twice and both times i sorted it myself after the school did nothing.
The first time was after several instances of both verbal and physical attacks, the bully (One year older than my son) punched my son in the face several times, in full view of the deputy head.
The schools response was to stop him going into town for his dinner for a week. That was it
I knocked on the bullies door and spoke to his parents. I spoke reasonably, without aggression and to their credit, they were brilliant. It nipped it in the bud instantly after months and months of my son being terrified of school.
The second time wasn't anything as serious but things were happening more and more frequently. Spoke to the lads dad who sorted it quickly
I'm not the only person I know who has had to resort to this when schools failed them either.
If the OP is going down the route of letting the school deal with it then good for him and I hope they don't leave his child in fear of going to School like they did with mine.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 11:31 am

So you've labelled all schools as useless because of your lad's experiences. Fair enough.

Top Claret · Post by **Top Claret** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 11:55 am

If that bully has had a proper up bringing he would not be treating your lad in this way, especially an 8 year old.

The bully should be removed from the school and sent to a referal unit so that he can be assessed properly.

If an 8 year old can be stopped and learnt respect now, he can be probably kept out of prison in the future

bobinho · Post by **bobinho** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 12:26 pm

Emotive subject this, and one I have experience of. As a kid I was bullied by a couple of local scrotes, it seemed like their reason for living was to hassle me and life was shite until one day I just offered the toughest one out one on one at school. We ended up chatting and without a punch being thrown, it was over.

My daughter was bullied and picked on by a young lad at her junior school, and I went straight to the head who promised it would be dealt with. It wasn't so I complained and ended up seeing the head, again. Yet again there were promises and yet again they weren't kept.

I was angry at this stage so visited the parents, and after the dad was initially reluctant to believe it was happening, after I explained calmly that if it happened again, I would do to him what his son did to my daughter, strangely enough it stopped overnight.

If my daughter had been the bully, I would've been so ashamed and believe me I would've dealt with it robustly, without the victims parents having to be involved.

Of course in this day and age, the bully is often treated as the victim. Why is it nobody is just naughty or a badly behaved little scrote who needs `educating` anymore? Everyone has to have a syndrome or summat.

Dunno what the answer is, but id bet throwing `social workers` at is as ineffective as giving them a badge of honour like expulsion.

Peoples attitudes have changed a lot over my lifetime. I was caned at school and never told my old man as he would've given me a pasting too. Nowadays we have Dads marching up to school to `have it out` with teachers cos they disciplined their child instead of chastising their arsehole kids.

Reb · Post by **Reb** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 4:43 pm

I admit straight away that I am biased because I work there, but one of the things that you could do with your child is look at the Childline website. This may help him feel not quite as alone as well as giving him coping strategies. Please don't think I'm saying that he should "cope" with being bullied, absolutely not, but I'm sure that how he is feeling is your number one priority and this may help him. Some children feel it is their fault for being a victim and for not knowing how to challenge the behaviour of others. They can also feel that they are the only person this happens to and that can exacerbate the problem.

It would also be good to try and get your child to sit with you and make a written diary of each and every incident and how those things made your child feel. This will be useful as things get forgotten along the way.
If you can, try not to get too angry or upset (easier said than done I appreciate), it can confuse a child in terms of how they feel they should react, especially one who has ASD.

As far as the bully is concerned, Duffer gave some great advice. All schools have to have anti-bullying policy so firstly I would be contacting the Head and asking to have this in writing so that you can discuss it with the Head in your meeting. There is the Education Welfare Officer and a Safeguarding Member of staff at the school that you can involve in meetings. From there you go the the Governors and the LEA.

If you can possibly work with the school - and they give the responses and actions you feel acceptable - then it will be less of a trauma all round.
If you do feel you want to speak to the parents directly, perhaps the school would facilitate this and be involved.

Let us know how you get on.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 5:19 pm

Absolutely spot on, Reb. You'll have disappointed a few hotheads but spot on.

Damo · Post by **Damo** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 7:39 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:Absolutely spot on, Reb. You'll have disappointed a few hotheads but spot on.

You are / were a school teacher, is that right?

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 7:44 pm

Yes, a Head of Year 8 and 9 for quite a number of years and yes, once we were aware there was a problem it was dealt with pretty rapidly.

Damo · Post by **Damo** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 1:34 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:Yes, a Head of Year 8 and 9 for quite a number of years and yes, once we were aware there was a problem it was dealt with pretty rapidly.

Ok. Then please accept my apology for labelling all schools as useless.
Looking at when I posted my original comment, I had been on a night out and was probably three sheets to the wind. It's an emotive subject too but I'll hold my hand up to being wrong

Lancasterclaret · Post by **Lancasterclaret** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 1:47 pm

One thing I think we can all agree on is that school attitude to bullying has moved on massively than when we were kids.

And that is a good thing.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 1:57 pm

Absolutely.
Posts 10, 20, 23, 26,37,44 and 49 address all aspects of this horrible issue in the calm yet firm manner required.

Fair dos, Damo, it happens.

UpTheBeehole · Post by **UpTheBeehole** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:05 pm

bobinho wrote: I was caned at school

You was caned?

Rick_Muller · Post by **Rick_Muller** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:11 pm

The good lady spoke with the head this morning, I haven't had the ins and outs of the conversation but we have been promised it will be resolved by the end of play today, for good. I'll update you all further when I know more about what the resolution is.

thanks again all UTC

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:16 pm

Excellent.
Please do, Rick.

Quickenthetempo · Post by **Quickenthetempo** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:28 pm

It's a problem that won't go away. I went out with a teacher who had a son (10yr old) in her class who was being bullied in the playground. The kids blamed each other and nothing was done. The teacher ended up having to take her son out of the school she taught at.

This school had a very good reputation as well.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:03 pm

I hope it gets sorted Rick.

I notice looking back to nursery (you can tell kids are bad'uns from that age), primary and high school, that the bullies, many of them to this day have either at some point been in prison, are there now, or are you can tell are just as much as a waste of space as they were back then. A lad who went to my secondary school, and was pure ****, was jailed for murder a few years ago. It came as absolutely no surprise, whatsoever. Not all kids remain bad, but I bet the % of those that do, is pretty high.

brigante · Post by **brigante** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:08 pm

Not for the immediate issue but consider some martial arts training for your son as well. A friend of mine has a couple of autistic lads and the discipline and confidence they gained at martial arts has changed their lives. It's not suggested just so your boy can kick their arse but more often than not having the confidence to push back can help nip these problems in the bud.

Rammy1968 · Post by **Rammy1968** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:11 pm

Personally if he has been threatened in that manner I would go straight to the Police. Terrible situation hope it gets resolved quickly

ŽižkovClaret · Post by **ŽižkovClaret** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:29 pm

Let me know if you need a video of "Uncle Zizkov" at the gun range to dissuade the bully

bfccrazy · Post by **bfccrazy** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 4:25 pm

Schools care more about keeping incidents out of logs, looking good for OFSTED, retaining as many students s possible rather than looking out for kids properly nowadays.

Going through some stuff with a local school with my nephew at the minute which is laughable and as far from logical as you could get.

He had a lad punch and kick him on the yard unprovoked - on cctv - the lad who did it got a day off before the holidays and in a weird twist a random teacher who had no idea what had happened got my nephew out of class to go and do the "both of you apologise to each other and leave it at that" treatment.

What he had to apologise to a lad for an unprovoked attack I have no idea - but in schools eyes that is dealt with. Oh, the other lad refusing to apologise was just the icing on the cake too.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:06 pm

So your brother or sister go back to the school and say they are not satisfied and then follow the excellent advice offered above.
It's no use you or your nephew's parents sitting back and doing nothing and just coming out with daft generalisations about schools not caring about incidents or their kids. That's just sheer laziness. Not being funny here, If his parents can't be bothered, they're hardly in a position to chuck accusations about the school around, are they ?

bfccrazy · Post by **bfccrazy** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:12 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:So your brother or sister go back to the school and say they are not satisfied and then follow the excellent advice offered above.
It's no use you or your nephew's parents sitting back and doing nothing and just coming out with daft generalisations about schools not caring about incidents or their kids. That's just sheer laziness. Not being funny here, If his parents can't be bothered, they're hardly in a position to chuck accusations about the school around, are they ?

His parent has been in numerous times and been promised something will be done when nothing has - after speaking to a family friend who sits with the Lancashire OFSTED people and will be sitting in a meeting soon to get it dealt with. What I mentioned earlier was the conclusion of that chat.....

You made a generalisation nothing was done more than just complaining though which is fine I guess?

bfccrazy · Post by **bfccrazy** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:15 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:So your brother or sister go back to the school and say they are not satisfied and then follow the excellent advice offered above.
It's no use you or your nephew's parents sitting back and doing nothing and just coming out with daft generalisations about schools not caring about incidents or their kids. That's just sheer laziness. Not being funny here, If his parents can't be bothered, they're hardly in a position to chuck accusations about the school around, are they ?

Also, the fact a school just pass the buck for it to be dealt with by someone who had no idea of the background of the incident says enough from an outside perspective.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:19 pm

So I'm supposed to read your mind ?

The good thing is that the full details, the evidence, will now be looked at and a fair conclusion will, hopefully, be reached.
If staff member(s) have not performed satisfactorily, they will be bollocked and monitored from here on.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:24 pm

"Also, the fact a school just pass the buck for it to be dealt with by someone who had no idea of the background of the incident says enough from an outside perspective."

In your opinion.
Who was this "random" teacher ? Did he/she really have no background knowledge of the incident ?
Has there been "history" between the lads ? Was it as one-sided as you suggest ?
Again, not being funny or awkward here, but it's easy to chuck **** around but not so easy to tidy it up...............

bfccrazy · Post by **bfccrazy** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:31 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:"Also, the fact a school just pass the buck for it to be dealt with by someone who had no idea of the background of the incident says enough from an outside perspective."

In your opinion.
Who was this "random" teacher ? Did he/she really have no background knowledge of the incident ?
Has there been "history" between the lads ? Was it as one-sided as you suggest ?
Again, not being funny or awkward here, but it's easy to chuck **** around but not so easy to tidy it up...............

Was in the yard and he got randomly punched from the side by a lad in another year then kicked when he fell. Head of year who initially called was adamant it was unprovoked and there is no previous between them.

The other teacher was someone from the internal exlusion area (someone my nephew has never had any dealing with or even seen before so he was a "random") - he came and pulled him out of a lesson and walked him down a corridor asking "so what's gone on then" and had no actual clue of any details apart from what he learnt on this walk through the corridors. At the end of the walk both lads had to apologise to each other and make friends - the other lad flat out refused to apologise and when we the school why this had happened as a resolution the head of year said "well I was just told that they apologised and it was all ok" ..... no mention of what actually happened by the teacher who took him out of lesson.

After a few more calls to school to see what was being done and empty promises it's being taken to the next stage.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:35 pm

If all that's true then quite right too.
I'm surprised the Head of Year hasn't gone back to it after finding out what the attacker's attitude towards the incident really was.
Let us know how this pans out.

bfccrazy · Post by **bfccrazy** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:38 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:If all that's true then quite right too.
I'm surprised the Head of Year hasn't gone back to it after finding out what the attacker's attitude towards the incident really was.
Let us know how this pans out.

We got "that shouldn't be how it's dealt with and I will be checking up on it" but nothing so far.

I'll let you know what happens but even more has come out which isn't too bright for how the school deal with troublesome pupils.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:44 pm

Btw, the day off you mentioned was probably a suspension and should have been recorded. The lad's parents will also be aware of the reasons for it.
I'll have to take your word for the other stuff that's cropping up but, again, if true - even bearing in mind each case is different - Ofsted should pick up on it if notified.

bfccrazy · Post by **bfccrazy** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:46 pm

evensteadiereddie wrote:Btw, the day off you mentioned was probably a suspension and should have been recorded. The lad's parents will also be aware of the reasons for it.
I'll have to take your word for the other stuff that's cropping up but, again, if true - even bearing in mind each case is different - Ofsted should pick up on it if notified.

Yeah, was a couple of days suspension but stil within the school....we were told the lads would be kept apart for a bit but a couple of days later was when the incident occurred if taking him out of class.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 8:53 pm

An interesting one - I miss the Head of Year stuff, all of it.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:59 am

Any progress to report, fellas ?

Rick_Muller · Post by **Rick_Muller** » Fri Mar 02, 2018 10:31 am

evensteadiereddie wrote:Any progress to report, fellas ?

Without going in to too much detail, the issue is in the school system and being dealt with. The other child has been questioned about it and denied all knowledge, other children were also questioned about it and the "evidence" is flaky at best as they are 7 and 8 year olds and some remembered something, while others had no recollection of anything.

I know that my 8 year old stepson doesn't make up stuff like that, and he doesn't comprehend "lying" like other children due to his autism - so while I can be confident that the incident did take place as he reported it to me, the school are not fully accepting that anything occurred, but they have the incident logged and are monitoring the situation.

thanks again to all who have advised and helped, I really appreciate it.

UnderSeige · Post by **UnderSeige** » Fri Mar 02, 2018 11:13 am

It is unacceptable for a school to know about such a situation and do nothing about it. Employees of the school may be subject to disciplinary action. The school, and it's employees, may be subject to legal action against them.

There is a lot of information on the following site(Child Law Advice charity) : https://childlawadvice.org.uk/tag/negligence/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

You can also book a phone call consultation with them that last for half an hour (cost £25).
If the school know that bullying is going on and your child is injured, you could sue the school, teacher or LEA for 'negligence'.
If the school are aware that you might sue them for negligence, or the teacher is aware that their job is under threat, they might do something about the situation.

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:16 pm

Again, the evidence would have to pretty conclusive and it doesn't sound as if it is.
The school should, however, and I'm pretty sure they will, monitor both lads very, very closely assuming that there's no smoke without fire and make sure that your vulnerable lad is looked after and has the confidence to push on.
My mantra was always, "If anybody's leaving this school, it's the bully."

Lancasterclaret · Post by **Lancasterclaret** » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:20 pm

You've started a paper trail so any other incidents will have a precedent.

Top parenting Mr Muller!