Beat the Edinburgh Fringe Perrier Award

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 9:30 pm

"Thanks Banksy, Sotherbys will love this."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 9:42 pm

"So... The Critical Theory lecture today girls is on Feminism and Aesthetics and if you'd like to turn to page three now and get your t*ts out we can begin the seminar."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 10:37 pm

"Of course America lost the Vietnam War..".

"So... A country with 5 million nuclear weapons loses a war to North Vietnam... What North Vietnam...?"

... And the football equivalent, Brazil versus the Solomon Islands 1970 and Brazil kick off to Pele and he runs back and scores an own goal and Brazil kick off to Pele and he runs back and scores and own goal and Brazil have 90% possession of the game.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 10:42 pm

... And 90% of 90 is 9.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 10:44 pm

There must be ninety nine to be ninety
And the full percent of that is nine.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 10:48 pm

Bloke loses it and ends up in Ward 21 Burnley General and on the way there he says "Are we nearly in Australia yet?"

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 11:01 pm

"Of course the oldest professional joke is in The Bible."

Clapometer rises...

CaptainKirk · Post by **CaptainKirk** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 11:39 pm

If it sounds like an arse and behaves like an arse.......it's probably an arse.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 11:44 pm

Bloke goes into a French betting shop and he goes up to the counter and says ""I'll have a pound on Toulouse to win."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 11:50 pm

You're laughing they're not...

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 12:07 am

Bloke attends a mindfulness and media course on negotiating reality and he's putting petrol in his car and when he finishes he says to the car as if to God "Is that enough to sustain you?"

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 12:16 am

"I learned to somersault backwards so i went to a university in Wales and i got a Diffy.Ed."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 12:27 am

'Don't believe the tertiary hype."

Edmund Hilllary Meme.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 12:44 am

Burnley fans laughing and recognizing the humour and one of them says "Oh yeah... A typical Wood and McNeil spat."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 12:52 am

When tornadoes reach ground they lift off.

ClaretAndJew · Post by **ClaretAndJew** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 12:58 am

A quail develops a sudden urge to go hunting, speaks to his fellow avian friends and comes to the conclusion that limes and lemons make a good soft drink but a speedboat doesn't make a good vehicle to drive down the M1 at 3am on a Christmas morning.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:03 am

"Only one person can say it in history, PSTOTTO.'

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:07 am

Unapaloma Blanker now 4-1 against...

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:08 am

Tushington Diaspora 10-1 on.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:10 am

Comedy Bank.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:23 am

King of Comedy Scorcese/De Niro level check: Not bad, Pstotto and for nothing on a Wednesay morning.

Crowd Fundador the 2nd

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:55 am

I was a student in Sunderland, you'd go out for a drink and it was ******* down but it was OK when you got back because you'd been freeze dried.

kentonclaret · Post by **kentonclaret** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 7:43 am

I tried long distance running but found I was just pants.

Clarets4me · Post by **Clarets4me** » Wed Aug 11, 2021 9:17 am

Told to me by a gentleman who is registered blind ...

" Why don't blind people bungee jump ? "
" Because it scares the s**t out of the guide dogs ? "

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Thu Aug 12, 2021 1:00 pm

New football rules, laser sensors on end of boot and no kicking over knee height... That democratizes sport to include the over 50s.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Thu Aug 12, 2021 2:09 pm

"The word is God and there shall be no truth to an image and all hail linguistic philosophy."

Art Mark Etbible

"I was just thinking about that Turner Prize art show and Oscar Murillo and he has a room of migrants made of papier mache and so it's obviously about objects and transport across oceans and the hackneyed object resembling a papier mache doll is the cocaine stash in the holiday souvenir and looking again at the art piece I guess the papier mache migrants are hoping nobody will notice and they can get through customs along with everyone else, group passport presented by the haulier."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Thu Aug 12, 2021 2:24 pm

"I've gone up in the world I'm having a show in Berkeley Square in London..."

"Oh? ... Oh Barely Square."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Thu Aug 12, 2021 2:34 pm

"Burlesque ware...Burlesque where?"

"Barely Square"?

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Thu Aug 12, 2021 2:36 pm

"Barclay Square."

"Aaaaaahhhhh... There... Cashpoint down there."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Thu Aug 12, 2021 2:40 pm

An excerpt from To The Art World...

CaptainKirk · Post by **CaptainKirk** » Thu Aug 12, 2021 3:11 pm

Usually live my life along the lines of live and let live - but seriously, can no one shut self indulgent babble down?

Steve1956 · Post by **Steve1956** » Thu Aug 12, 2021 10:39 pm

: FB_IMG_1628804253777.jpg (52.67 KiB) Viewed 1579 times

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:03 am

Who wants to destroy England? The Rest of The World.
Who wants to destroy The church of England? The Rest of The World.

Our Government's answer? Join them.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:05 am

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:15 am

I think Chinese people are nice.

One of the most upsetting aspects of the Holocaust is that Jews are nice.

I've always thought Muslims were nice and they come from nice countries, too.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:17 am

I think was Marx was nice and caring and Sigmund Freud too.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:19 am

Hegel, Heidegger, Wittgenstein, Nietszche all really nice people caring people.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:26 am

The poor Protestants and their secular democracy with no Pope to be their father and Freud said I'll help you, I'll be your father come and talk to me.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:30 am

"F*ck you, pay me"

The more help you get the more help you need...

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:34 am

It was Freud who invented Capitalism and Marx who drove the sheep into the pen.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 7:25 pm

Visiting the parents and use the car to stock up on food and notice the car's a bit dodgy and when I get back I say the brakes are not so good i think there's something wrong with the car and my dad says it's a nice sunny evening why not give them a good test out, have a drive round Pendle.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 7:33 pm

Comedian starts his routine and he asks the audience if they know the joke about throwing people of cliffs and there's a big groan and everyone starts laughing and says "The old ones are best."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 7:42 pm

Censored version:

Comedian asks audience if they know the joke about throwing people of cliffs and they start laughing and says "The old ones are the best."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 7:51 pm

On appeal:

Comedian asks the audience if they know the joke about throwing people of cliffs and they start laughing and he says "The old ones are the best."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 7:56 pm

"So you've been talking to your Feminist sister on the phone..."

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 8:34 pm

Get invited to a BBQ and you get excited and when you get there it's Sardines and then play 'Bob the hedgehog that thinks it's an apple when its curls up'?

...At least Chicken or Hake.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 8:46 pm

If Amateur Photographer did Amateur Comedian through how many filters and fish eye lenses?

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:01 pm

I'm finally going up in life... I'm getting somewhere on the Internet.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:11 pm

Bloke decides to take an advanced driving test so he gets fish eye lenses for his glasses and he passes by looking out of the corner of his eyes.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:20 pm

... And there they are at the traffic lights in their car.

You're hitching for a lift on a motorway slipway see the driving thumbs up for a lift going up or down the building that thinks its a road?