Cats

[Volvoclaret]

Indeed, made a right mess.

I was sat having my Wetabix after a heavy weekend on a monday morning, literally **** myself

It jumped off a hot tin roof.

[Bosscat]

It’s not sleeping it’s been nailed to its perch.

If it hadn't been nailed to the perch it would have gone and muscled up to the window and gone Voom ... it would have gone Vooom I tell you

[Dyched]

I’m sorry but Cats are cool as.

As for dogs, they can **** off. Stupid animals.

They can’t take themselves out for a walk. Crave attention. Smell. Don’t give a damn where they ****. Lose their **** when a postman delivers a letter. Stupid. Cats are chilled, don’t give a ****. Don’t care for attention, can find their way home, can cope with a knock on the door without losing 300lbs in weight belting around yapping.

[kindonesque]

I've heard that a CATapult can be a good deterrent.
Just make sure you hit the target.

[kindonesque]

A mate of mine swears by a cat-apult. Try not to hit the wrong target though

[Taffy on the wing]

I knew this old lady who lived in a shoe who had loads of issues with animals eating each other. Cant remember how she solved the problem im afraid but if it comes back to me I'll let you know

As poor a cast as i can remember!
......Must do better.

[Cirrus_Minor]

I have a garden surrounded by 5 foot fencing. I used to own a Jack Russell that hated cats. Used to entertain us with many Tom and Jerry moments where any cat that carelessly had wandered in would just about reach the top of the fence with the dogs teeth millimetres from its arse.

The dog has been gone for over a couple of years now but cats still don’t dare enter the garden.

[dermotdermot]

Testing

[jackmiggins]

I have a garden surrounded by 5 foot fencing. I used to own a Jack Russell that hated cats. Used to entertain us with many Tom and Jerry moments where any cat that carelessly had wandered in would just about reach the top of the fence with the dogs teeth millimetres from its arse.

The dog has been gone for over a couple of years now but cats still don’t dare enter the garden.

Probably your BO?

[Cirrus_Minor]

Probably your BO?

Hilarious. I will laugh at this in short bursts to avoid heart attack.

[Stockbrokerbelt]

This is Stan the Bastxrd, i found in a bin near me in Spain, he was 4 weeks old & weighed in at 400g, now 3.5 months old & 2.6kg & lives up to his name.

B52A630E-C154-4152-A19F-5265C51E0EB6.jpeg (425.94 KiB) Viewed 2905 times

[dermotdermot]

Extremely unhygienic! Extremely!

[dermotdermot]

Probably your BO?

Lame. Very lame.

[Volvoclaret]

I hope none of you cat haters have to go into hospital, no Cat scans for you.

[karatekid]

Back in the day when I went out looking for pussy I usually ended up with a dog.

[jackmiggins]

Hilarious. I will laugh at this in short bursts to avoid heart attack.

Please don't.

[dermotdermot]

I very sad ending to this story. Unbelievably the cat bought the barely alive wood pigeon back today and left it by our back door while it sat a few feet away looking just so smug. The poor bird had been dragged around by this monster for two days and two nights. Its eyes had been gouged out but it was still standing and tried take a few small steps. Someone came round from the RSPCA and dealt with it. This cat is truly evil. It actually looks just like Bosscat's cat pictured in the second post on this thread. I don't quite know what to do about it. It can't be allowed to get away with this.

[Bosscat]

salem.gif (834.04 KiB) Viewed 2775 times

polish-observe.gif (265.16 KiB) Viewed 2775 times

[chekhov]

this monster. This cat is truly evil.

This is classic anthropomorphism. It’s a cat.

[dermotdermot]

salem.gif
polish-observe.gif

Aha! So you must be that Imploding Turtle fellow who lived down the Mile End Road surrounded by a multitude of filthy cats. I did wonder what had happened to you.

[Bosscat]

Aha! So you must be that Imploding Turtle fellow who lived down the Mile End Road surrounded by a multitude of filthy cats. I did wonder what had happened to you.

Imploding Turtle OMG dermot you don't know just how wrong you are ... didn't know he was a Cat lover ... I always though his bedsit was strewn by old "turning fuzzy" greeny blue pizza boxes, Pot Noodle tubs and empty white lighning bottles oh and a plethora of Rats and Mice m8

[jackmiggins]

Very strange???

[dermotdermot]

Imploding Turtle OMG dermot you don't know just how wrong you are ... didn't know he was a Cat lover ... I always though his bedsit was strewn by old "turning fuzzy" greeny blue pizza boxes, Pot Noodle tubs and empty white lighning bottles oh and a plethora of Rats and Mice m8

That’s him, or is it you? You seem to have described his abode down to a ‘t’. I can assure you that also kept cats as well. Quite a few.

[dermotdermot]

Anyway, you shouldn’t be so flippant about this. Even the woman from the RSPCA was in tears and Mrs. Dermotdermot is most upset about the whole affair.

[Cabbage]

Dogs have owners, cats have staff!

[Holmeclaret]

Insidious, vicious, scheming, sadistic, sly, selfish, pieces of feline filth.
The Mrs loves them.

[Bosscat]

Insidious, vicious, scheming, sadistic, sly, selfish, pieces of feline filth.
The Mrs loves them.

Probably why Dermots Feline Nemesis taunted him with bringing the Pigeon back 2 days after It's 1st attack on the poor defenceless "Columba palumbus" after taunting him with the battered pigeon on Sunday ... although it does seem strange that the Moggie didn't despatch the feathered one but brought it back ... maybe Tiddles had taken pity on the bird and knew Dermot would try to help it

[Venkys4eva]

I hate birds! Filthy s*** machines! Cats always welcome in my garden and around my car

[dermotdermot]

Who knows. It did seem strange for it to bring it back though, in such a sorry state. And the cat just sitting there about six or seven feet away, looking so smug. My good lady found it whilst putting the washing out and started screaming the place down. Not at all nice. You just can’t imagine how bad it looked. Bloodied, blind, yet still standing and attempting to walk a few inches.

[Volvoclaret]

Get it charged with budgiecide. On second thought, maybe moggie has read about avian flu found in Lancashire and was saving your families lives in which case give it a hug. That's what my two told me and insisted I give them another pouch of Whiskas as a reward.

[dermotdermot]

Perhaps Kurt Zouma had the same experience that we had. If so, the cat got off lightly.

[Quicknick]

Lots of cat fights on my estate in Chiang Rai. They can take a lot of stick. Our cute-looking little white cat is really tough. Any opportunity and his hackles are up.

[yTib]

put bells on 'em.

and no need to boot a cat.

[Venkys4eva]

Love cats and I hate pigeons they are just rats with wings! The cat did you a favour

[MT03ALG]

Die in a locked room with a dog it will sit by you until it dies.
Die in a locked room with a cat it will eat you.

Best plan is probably not to die in a locked room, with or without a dog or cat

[HahaYeah]

This is a good un' especially the one beginning @ 6 : 50. Suffering succotash


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUPVxJ7XwW0&t=466s

[kentonclaret]

If West Ham lose at Leicester on Sunday it will be CATastrophic for their top 4 hopes.