Depression... why is it so horrid

tim_noone · Post by **tim_noone** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:50 pm

Deep breaths ...and buy nothing till ready nothing is set in stone.

hampsteadclaret · Post by **hampsteadclaret** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:51 pm

I'm sorry that you feel so bad Zlatan and I really am not in a position to advise you much - I do not have the knowledge or skills and I think you must see your doctor and/or get some professional help..this is really important.

Just two things then...

1] think very carefully about the relationship that you are in.

2] Under no circumstances should you commit that much expenditure to a house at this time.

- do not do it, whatever the consequences.

Good luck with everything.

ClaretAndJew · Post by **ClaretAndJew** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:52 pm

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem mate.

I can't really empathise with your specific plight but I'm very experienced with regards to depression and anxiety.

If finances are your trigger or thoughts of being "used" or however you want to quantify it then you need to look at what you really want.

Is it going to be worth striking up this type of commitment when your mental health may be in jeopardy? I know that sounds silly to question a relationship but, if that's the root cause of your anxiety then maybe it's a start to rebuilding yourself back up.

Before making any rash decisions I implore you to tall to your GP and seek some form of counselling or therapy. It really does help.

I'm not saying break up with your lass or don't buy a house, but identifying triggers and tackling them are one of an abundance of positive steps you can take to give yourself a better chance of feeling better.

It's a little late and I'm off to sleep just now but I'll keep my eye out for this tomorrow and if you want I'll give you my email or even my phone number if you want to chat or vent, I'll even meet up for a coffee or pint if you're local if you just want someone to listen without judgement.

Take care mate and there are always solutions for these problems.

Rick

Claretpants · Post by **Claretpants** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:52 pm

Jesus no

Seek help for GP or charities who have support

Talk to family or friends or on here

Sidney1st · Post by **Sidney1st** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:53 pm

Sidney1st.ro@googlemail.com

If you want to chat away from here I'm more than happy too.
I'm off to bed in a min, but I'm always about other than that.

I think you're suffering with trust issues primarily and this is leading to further anxiety when it comes to making such a massive commitment, which then spirals into other feelings.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:01 pm

Depression is the result, but there's also a cause - this is what you need to look at. Not the feeling of being depressed, but what has actually caused you to feel depressed. Knowing this is Step 1. For a start, what I would do is re-read your initial post. Read it like you're somebody else - as if you've been appointed to assess somebody else. Why? Because, the best advice we'll ever give is the advice we give to other people. We don't listen to ourselves enough.

I've had depression but for different reasons so there's no point going into it. But I try and look it from the outside looking in.

I love ClaretAndJew's sentence here... read it again: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Funkydrummer · Post by **Funkydrummer** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:06 pm

My advice is to simply seek professional help and advice - both medication and counselling can
help enormously.

Until you seek that, then I would advise that you don't take on any further commitments, whether
emotional or financial, until you get to the root cause of your depression/anxiety.

I wish you the best of luck, and remember, things aren't invariably as bad as they appear when you are in
that state of mind. It will do you good to talk.

Zlatan · Post by **Zlatan** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:07 pm

MRG · Post by **MRG** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:13 pm

Guess what? You have absolutely done the toughest bit in recognising and talking about your issues although through an annomous platform.

Getting help to manage these feeling is easy compared to the feeling you have been experiencing and how difficult I imagine writing that post was. As others have said, don't commit to anything that you aren't 100% comfortable with and if you genuinely feel down go and speak to your GP. Remember 1 in 3 people experience the exactly what you are feeling so there is zero stigma to seeking help.

I'll finish off with what is above.... suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Give your kids a call tomoz for a bit of clarity to any thoughts you may be having pal

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:13 pm

I'm feeling suicidal right now. I think partly it's a middle aged issue of no options, as if one were in a submarine going down. I think I'll just carry on another day and see, but if the gods are against you, it feels like there's not much point.

One of the problems with women is supply and demand, especially in a small town. if they were easy to get and there were plenty available then Zlatan could just dump one and get another. I'm assuming you're middle aged and it's impossible to meet anyone else, as if that is the only option.

One of the problems with pornography is that it looks like everyone else is having fun and you're excluded. It's like being a child and being not invited to a party or when friends gang up on you and exclude you from something.

It's all part of a divide and rule political mandate to have everyone alone in a box, subjugated to a computer graphic overlord.

Zlatan I presume you're having sex and you have a partner and good health apart from depression and a job and a car and you're living somewhere now, sharing a home?

Is she one of those types whose 'just looking for affection' after having partied away her previous time?

If she is, dump her.

If she wasn't around, would you still be up for buying a house?

Don't forget that the summer can break one, for being about idealism i.e. ordinarily one would want to be on Blue Bayou. I'm suffering like hell.

There is a phrase I learned on University Challenge: 'cognitive dissonance,' basically conflicting ideas ripping one apart. It has saved me a few times, just saying the phrase and knowing what's out to get one, regarding that i.e. don't bother trying to count sawdust in a storm.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:18 pm

Going to my g.p. is not going to result in a holiday for two with a nice sexy lady in a villa on Crete for the summer.

MRG · Post by **MRG** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:20 pm

Pstotto, that's is potentially one of the most bizarre posts I've ever read on this forum which is quite an achievement. I wish you luck with any issues you are currently battling

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:23 pm

Pstotto wrote:I'm feeling suicidal right now. I think partly it's a middle aged issue of no options, as if one were in a submarine going down. I think I'll just carry on another day and see, but if the gods are against you, it feels like there's not much point.

One of the problems with women is supply and demand, especially in a small town. if they were easy to get and there were plenty available then Zlatan could just dump one and get another. I'm assuming you're middle aged and it's impossible to meet anyone else, as if that is the only option

I don't mind admitting this, because, well... I don't care what people think about me. It's something I think has grown with age - the older you get, the less you care.

I went to Tesco after a night out a few years ago and purchased some paracetamol. I then went to do a shop and tried to buy more - they clocked it and a guy came over to me, put his arm around me and we had a chat. I'd been drinking and I basically couldn't be arsed anymore. He drove me home and my Dad answered the door - he explained to my Dad what I'd tried to to do and my Dad's words were: You can't commit suicide over a bloody woman.

He of course put it across more diplomatically but he was spot on! I hope the OP is reading this. I know it's easy for other people to say, but your life is worth a hell of a lot more than a female.

Like I said further up - yeah, seek help, but also look at it like you're somebody else. Look at your situation as if somebody else was in your position and they'd asked for help. Make notes and then read them back. I'm superb at giving other people advice, but shite at guiding myself!

Holmeclaret · Post by **Holmeclaret** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:35 pm

Some seriously impressive responses on here.

tim_noone · Post by **tim_noone** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:39 pm

MRG wrote:Pstotto, that's is potentially one of the most bizarre posts I've ever read on this forum which is quite an achievement. I wish you luck with any issues you are currently battling

Bizarre post indeed... But I'm thinking the link relating to both op and psotto is females lighting the blue touch paper.the source of their issues maybe. Easy said I know but tell the sh!t thoughts to bugger off.

pureclaret · Post by **pureclaret** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:42 pm

Zlatan what ever else you do, do not give in to suicide, Whilst I am not medically trained Ive been round the block a time or too, id willingly meet for a coffee or a pint or too to talk things through.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:43 pm

That's right. I've just spent 25 years alone. That's one hell of a party I've missed.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:43 pm

MRG wrote:Pstotto, that's is potentially one of the most bizarre posts I've ever read on this forum which is quite an achievement.

I feel slightly guilty for laughing my tits off at this post. Hilarious!

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:44 pm

I can't go on another day.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:44 pm

Pstotto wrote:That's right. I've just spent 25 years alone. That's one hell of a party I've missed.

Ultimately... only you can change things. And you can.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:49 pm

'Still ear,' as Van Gogh joked.

All I was saying is that a g.p. and medication ain't the solution to something practical.

In Africa folk built religions around animals they had to kill and drink blood from to survive, because THAT''S HOW GOD APPEARED TO THEM on the interface of reality and THAT WAS ALL THEY HAD TO GO ON, regarding making sense of information.

As such, women can become iconographic in one's life, if that is the only information available i.e. not much 'new girls, fresh meat' on offer at a bargain.

Right_winger · Post by **Right_winger** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:50 pm

Can't say I have much knowledge regarding the subject but if I'm ever a bit down or indeed wound up I find that a nice long walk does wonders for the soul. I'm not talking about a quick half hour walk i mean get into the hills, and get away for at least a few hours.

being away from technology and just having a break from the norm is good therapy for feeling down. Don't ask me why but it seems to be somewhat soothing.

Hopefully you'll be able to work it out.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:51 pm

Bullshit, Frank. I'm not going to get into you making out it's my fault for another brick weighing down on me. NO WAY. I'm OK.

Wile E Coyote · Post by **Wile E Coyote** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:51 pm

you need to get a balance and a chance to gain some perspective back in your life,
Never so easy, things don't get better after a good nights sleep, or a few drinks either.
Get professional guidance ASAP, However long it takes, it will help eventually.
Not necessarily like being "cured", especially if you are predisposed to the depressive state, but you will learn to gain strength from it with patience.
However bleak it may seem, stay focussed for now. Best of luck, feel for you mate.

FactualFrank · Post by **FactualFrank** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:53 pm

Pstotto wrote:Bullshit, Frank. I'm not going to get into you making out it's my fault for another brick weighing down on me. NO WAY. I'm OK.

I tried. If you advise somebody and they don't understand what you're saying, I guess that's why I don't get paid for it. The best of luck.

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:57 pm

It's OK Frank. A cheque for £10,000 will do, as recompense. That'll help sort the problem. If Zlatan won the lottery he would be sorted. His g.p. won't give him the right numbers and nor would medication.

DCWat · Post by **DCWat** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 12:02 am

Commitment and financial commitment can be a huge step, but I imagine even more so when it's for a second time after previously being burned.

The advice on here to seek help is exactly right but are you comfortable enough with your partner to have these conversations with her as well? Perhaps talking about your worries and concerns.

If you feel able to, it might be a big help. It may tell you a lot and help to rationalise things, but definitely not instead of speaking to a professional though. Get booked in with your GP straight away.

The previous posts on anxiety and depression on here highlight just how common it is. It can feel like you're on your own, you're not, and by seeking help, talking to those you love and trust, you'll realise that. As C&J said, it's a temporary situation and you've already started the road to getting over it.

Best wishes.

Bop · Post by **Bop** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 12:37 am

It's a nasty illness. It can be mild or severe. Short term or long haul. It can develop into a disability. It comes from nowhere and creeps up when you're least expecting it, even when things are great. But, the good news is that it can be managed and controlled to a good degree. Find your own solutions from some great advice on here. Don't give up, Clarets are winners, we've proved that.

Morrisseydyche · Post by **Morrisseydyche** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 12:41 am

Please my friend do not even contemplate suicide that is not the answer I've come on here to give you positivity and a good outlook which you should have. Don't think that she wants you as a whatever you will think do strange things when your in this situation and thatsee what it is your not yourself and logical thinking doesn't come into play. I've had my days weeks and months with depression it's awful to say the least what I would say to you is really seek help find what makes you happy and start to begin on what you are usually about as a person the riggers of life wether it be financial. Personal or family matters can really grate on you as a person. People think that depression isn't an illness it is I didn't believe it myself until it hit me we are taught to be strong stiff upper lip load of **** when it comes to your mind it needs addressing as soon as you can and as soon as your comfortable. Take care mate and please take the advice on here because it's the correct way of doing it

fatboy47 · Post by **fatboy47** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 6:49 am

It's organic.

Get down the quacks and treat it.

The meds work...just takes time.

Tribesmen · Post by **Tribesmen** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 7:02 am

Super thread I must say , well done on those who gave advice also .

Dawlishclaret · Post by **Dawlishclaret** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 7:33 am

May I flag up the Samaritans, call us free on 116123, text 07725909090, email jo@samaritans.org or call in at your local branch for a face to face talk. We are there 24/7 on the phone - though at night, when we are very busy, you may have to try several times. We do try and reply to emails within 24 hours and texts within 30 minutes. Our volunteers are trained to talk to people who are going through depression, feeling suicidal or struggling with various aspects of life. The main thing is to talk to someone, don't bottle your feelings up. Hope this helps along with all the other helpful comments above,

joey13 · Post by **joey13** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:44 am

Depression is such a difficult and misunderstood condition, you need professional help and GPS are not always the best people to understand, Dawlish rightly advises the Samaritans who do a wonderful job .
It sometimes helps to contact or speak to someone who has gone through it , if you want to contact me , please don't hesitate to private message ,I can fully empathise as I've been in a similar position.

Colburn_Claret · Post by **Colburn_Claret** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:45 am

Whatever the rights or wrongs of your fears, you obviously have doubts. Take a big step backwards and take stock. Explain to your new lady what you're going through, she needs to understand why, and can help a lot more if she does. If she doesn't get it, or if she is unwilling to wait, then you're probably better off without her.

Don't over think things, and try to concentrate on the smaller positives.

And good luck, I feel for you.

taio · Post by **taio** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:56 am

Must be awful to feel like that but it's good you're aware of it. People will disagree but I'm a big believer of staying away from antidepressants in the first instance. Plenty of physical exercise and good diet for a prolonged period would have a really positive impact on your mental wellbeing. The root cause is obviously the financial commitment so you need to remove that or at least put it on hold.

Bertiebeehead · Post by **Bertiebeehead** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:24 am

Colburn_Claret wrote:Whatever the rights or wrongs of your fears, you obviously have doubts. Take a big step backwards and take stock. Explain to your new lady what you're going through, she needs to understand why, and can help a lot more if she does. If she doesn't get it, or if she is unwilling to wait, then you're probably better off without her.

Don't over think things, and try to concentrate on the smaller positives.

And good luck, I feel for you.

Don't over think things. This in a nutshell for me, too much time is spent over analysing every part of our lives, just relax and let life happen to you don't try and push against it.

ClaretAndJew · Post by **ClaretAndJew** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:35 am

Zlatan wrote:I'm a bloke of 45 who is stuck in a rut, not sure if my lady actually wants me or sees me as "security" for her future.

We've been looking at buying a house, and it scares me that we will be looking to get a mortgage for upwards of £280k to buy a small 2-3 bed house. It is making me really ill with worry. Already been fleeced by an ex wife once before, she took the house and kids and I was suicidal when that happened 8 years ago.

Thing is, the anxiety rears up when we look at long term financial commitment. She mentions compromises need to be made for us to afford things, but I feel it's me that will compromise - as usually happens. It has begun to feel I'm being taken for a mug all over again.

Been thinking a long drop with a short rope is the only way out, I know it's not, but it is beginning to consume my thoughts again.

Depression sucks doesn't it

Hi mate.

If you want to talk more, or just vent away, I'm at

I'm off today (the solitude of an Auxiliary Nurse) so I'll reply straight away.

And anyone who signs me up to gay porn websites, I'm already on them all, cheers.

Rick

elwaclaret · Post by **elwaclaret** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:55 am

Zlatan wrote:I'm a bloke of 45 who is stuck in a rut, not sure if my lady actually wants me or sees me as "security" for her future.

We've been looking at buying a house, and it scares me that we will be looking to get a mortgage for upwards of £280k to buy a small 2-3 bed house. It is making me really ill with worry. Already been fleeced by an ex wife once before, she took the house and kids and I was suicidal when that happened 8 years ago.

Thing is, the anxiety rears up when we look at long term financial commitment. She mentions compromises need to be made for us to afford things, but I feel it's me that will compromise - as usually happens. It has begun to feel I'm being taken for a mug all over again.

Been thinking a long drop with a short rope is the only way out, I know it's not, but it is beginning to consume my thoughts again.

Depression sucks doesn't it

I had a full mental breakdown in 2007 after over reaching.... the house is gone, the ex-wife has gone but the severe depression still attacks on a regular basis. For heaven's sake do not do what I did and think that next change will trigger happier times - it really doesn't. Batten down the hatches and ride it out (with your doctors help) please don't put further pressure on yourself, it really is not worth it and could, like me, mean the difference between a year of getting back on track or ten years you barely remember. I wouldn't wish my last ten years on anyone - stay true to yourself and good luck.

HiroshimaClaret · Post by **HiroshimaClaret** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:08 am

taio wrote:Must be awful to feel like that but it's good you're aware of it. People will disagree but I'm a big believer of staying away from antidepressants in the first instance. Plenty of physical exercise and good diet for a prolonged period would have a really positive impact on your mental wellbeing. The root cause is obviously the financial commitment so you need to remove that or at least put it on hold.

You`re spot on with the diet, Taio. When I was in the midst of my darkness 5 years ago, a friend,(ZLATAN, YOU HAVE THEM...REACH OUT!!!) came round and made me a poached egg and fresh salmon sandwich for breakfast and made me promise to eat that for a week (he had previously only seen me with a beer in hand). A small seemingly innocuous thing but good food, as taio says, allied to any exercise is great. I FELT THE BENEFITS. Add to that is being around people. Not suggesting interacting if that is too much (was for me) but simply being around people be it in the morning, afternoon BUT especially at night (for me) helped. Not in a building just wandering the streets. Makes you know you are NOT ALONE!

Good luck, Zlatan. Life can challenge us but it is a beautiful place to be (waterfalls, rivers and PENDLE HILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

ablueclaret · Post by **ablueclaret** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:12 am

Remember there is always someone worse off than yourself.
Depression has many forms but usually it involves concentrating too much on oneself or one's own problems, the reasons for that can be many.
We as humans have become too complex, and our lives are filled with unnecessary noise but remember there are a lot of wonderful things out there.

Talk with your partner and explain the strain you are under, tell her you can"t deal with financial complexities now and you want to live a simpler less stressful life, if she can't go with that you know she really isn't right for you at this time.

But get out and enjoy the sunshine, meet new faces, give up caffeine and alcohol, they are both non -nos for depressives, and try and find some time for concerning yourselves with other people's problems rather than your own.

I know these are tough demands and easier said than done but there is light at the end of the tunnel if you are prepared to want life in the full.

People can drag you down, but they can also raise you up, keep believing in them and the possibilities they give.

Sidney1st · Post by **Sidney1st** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:17 am

ClaretAndJew wrote:Hi mate.

If you want to talk more, or just vent away, I'm at rickcunliffe87@gmail.com

I'm off today (the solitude of an Auxiliary Nurse) so I'll reply straight away.

And anyone who signs me up to gay porn websites, I'm already on them all, cheers.

Rick

What about the midget ones?

LoveCurryPies · Post by **LoveCurryPies** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:29 am

Zlatan, People who haven't suffered from depression really don't understand just how bad it can be. Seek immediate medical help. Medication might be a short term solution but it will help.

You need to look at the relationship. Is she the right woman for you? Is she a good woman? Is she a loving woman...holding hands, hugs (rather than sex). Do you trust her? Is she genuinely trying to help build a future for you both? Are you emotionally better off in this relationship? Is your past experience the problem and potentially going to damage your new relationship?

I wouldn't progress with the house purchase if your answers are negative. Maybe you need advice from marriage advisers (even if you aren't married) rather than from a forum.

Funkydrummer · Post by **Funkydrummer** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:21 am

I think that the number of replies to this post will give you some idea as to how prevalent depression
and anxiety is in our society. When I started with it, it was for no apparent reason in my mind and my
family advised me to see the doctor.

He helped with the medication, but also, and just as importantly, had the knowledge as to where to seek
counselling etc.

I was told by a chemist that, in her experience, there are more people on medication for anxiety/depression
than aren't. She said, I am only 27 and I'm on medication. That made me feel a whole lot better.

I started with it out of the football season, and so a mate of mine insisted, nay forced me, to have a trip out with
him, and he took me to the rugby at Wigan. It was the best thing that I could have done, and I will forever be in
his debt just for doing that relatively simple thing.

In case you missed it, there was a very good thread about this same topic not so long ago which may just help you.

This is the link to it (I hope) :-
http://www.uptheclarets.com/messageboar ... ty#p425883" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Tribesmen · Post by **Tribesmen** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:34 am

Jezzzzzz was told that one of the lads at work lost his only child at the weekend and he only 14 , madness really lost for words . Every week in Galway some child takes their lives .

WestMidsClaret · Post by **WestMidsClaret** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:53 am

Zlatan wrote:I'm a bloke of 45 who is stuck in a rut, not sure if my lady actually wants me or sees me as "security" for her future.

We've been looking at buying a house, and it scares me that we will be looking to get a mortgage for upwards of £280k to buy a small 2-3 bed house. It is making me really ill with worry. Already been fleeced by an ex wife once before, she took the house and kids and I was suicidal when that happened 8 years ago.

Thing is, the anxiety rears up when we look at long term financial commitment. She mentions compromises need to be made for us to afford things, but I feel it's me that will compromise - as usually happens. It has begun to feel I'm being taken for a mug all over again.

Been thinking a long drop with a short rope is the only way out, I know it's not, but it is beginning to consume my thoughts again.

Depression sucks doesn't it

Feel for you pal, I've suffered with depression all my life. Everybody is different in how they suffer and cope with it so I cant give you any answers. My advice is get yourself off to your doctor whilst he/she wont give you any answers either they may be able to help you seek some sort of aid whether that be medication or talking to someone or both. What I would also say is when you're getting anxious then try to take a step back, quiet your mind and breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, it sounds stupid and I'm well respected in our family and the kids take the mick out of me for doing it sometimes but it works for me or at the very least help to maybe see a bit clearer.

Unfortunately I need meds to help me out too but it is what it is. Whatever you need to do to get yourself out of that dark tunnel you have to do because your kids need you and you deserve to live a life. It will be hard but find a solution, if you can, and DON'T LET IT BEAT YOU!

Pstotto · Post by **Pstotto** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 1:28 pm

Lovercurrypies you drippy sop, that comment is enough to drive anyone to suicide.

boiledclaret · Post by **boiledclaret** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 1:57 pm

I've been a teetotaler for over four and a half years and I can't recommend it enough.

One thing leads to another in stages. Ditch junk and eventually you'll find yourself eating better, exercising and having more positivity.

Try to be more spiritual and see a bigger picture, and by that I don't Jesus or any of that cobblers.

Once you get your soul and your mind back 'nothing' can hurt you.

Clarethomeboy · Post by **Clarethomeboy** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 3:20 pm

This thread might just change the mindset or help only one individual who is reading this forum even only in a small way,that in itself is a great achievement for a football chatboard holding a great discussion concerning a male taboo subject.
Well done to all contributing to a matter as important as this.
My thoughts are well and truly with you zlatan and psotto

balzak69 · Post by **balzak69** » Mon Jul 03, 2017 3:25 pm

Zlatan...sorry to be blunt, suicide is selfish....do you have children? are your parents still living?....whilst taking your own life would solve your problems, can you imagine how it would affect the one's you leave behind??? for the rest of their lives! you could effectively condemn many other peoples lives mentally to the state of mind you are experiencing through no fault of their own! would that be what you would wish for...I truly believe not...positively though..I commend you for airing your feelings on here...you have already taken the biggest step, recognising your illness,and opening up on this forum, which also suggests that you acknowledge you need help, you are not willing to close up,drop deeper into the abyss to which then you feel there is no point of return...there is an array of help out there for mental illness (CALM -campaign against living miserably 0800 58 58 58) is a great one phone or web chat, men in general do find it difficult to talk to each other about problems and try to hide emotions, so you have already made a huge breakthrough, be proud of yourself for that!...it's a road to recovery, and obviously GP for support and medication...
it's true life is short enough as it is, I'm 48 and do consider at times that I am more than half way my life now which makes me appreciate more the things I have....it isn't money or the latest phone or big screen TV or posh house in the country....it's waking in the morning in relatively good health,a wife and children (and grandchildren) who I adore more than anything in the world, material things don't matter to us, I want to be here everyday that I have left on this earth to be there for our children if needed, see them get married and have families of there own, hopefully see grandchildren grow to be adults, put plasters on their knees when they fall, hug them for reassurance when they're are upset, be a shoulder to cry on when their boyfriends/girlfriends dump them for someone else...that's my job/role in life and something I want to do until I take my last breath naturally...i have a wife of 26yrs who I would happily live in a tent or a cardboard box with for the rest of my life, we're not wealthy,we get by. Both work for NHS,we have a car, a house (ex council property we only recently purchased)...oh and not forgetting a clarets season ticket!!..happiness is the key to success. If you have doubts (taken for a mug again, compromises ) I get the impression you aren't happy with the way things are, YOU are in control of your own destiny...talk to your lady tell her put move on hold for 18 months because your not comfortable with it at this time, if this woman truly loves you she would understand, help you get the support and treatment you need more importantly be there for you as you would her, if a new house is bigger priority than your well being then re-evaluate, ask yourself what you want, need from life. Then make a decision that's right for you...
I genuinely wish you all the very best, hope things work out for you, you also find peace within your mind and get the help and support you need.