My Mum ...

[Clarets4me]

Some 15 months ago, I wrote a tribute to my beloved Dad who had passed away due to complications from, " vascular dementia, old age and fragility ", which proved cathartic in my grieving process ...

On Sunday 24th August, neither my two sisters or I were able to contact our Mother at her home in Clitheroe. All of us had rung her in the morning, but as it was usually the time she would be dressing, we were not too concerned. However, I'd been unable to speak to her by 12.30am, and with my sister's being away on long arranged engagements, I drove over to find Mum unresponsive, aged 89 in her home. The " 999 " operator requested me to start CPR, but after a moment's thought, I declined, having witnessed her sign a " DNR " form some years previously. The Emergency services team arrived a few minutes later and were wonderfully supportive. They confirmed that Mum had passed peacefully some time previously, as she would have wished, in her own home, without lengthy & debilitating hospital stays, or ending her time in a Residential facility ...

Mum had met my Dad at an " Inter-School " 6th Form Dance in 1953, in Nottingham ... They dated until he left in 1954 to do his National Service ( Royal Signals, Egypt & Cyprus ), and she to start her Nursing training at Westminster Hospital, London . Dad then took up a Choral Scholarship at Cambridge University whilst reading Engineering, ( Think the BBC's " Carols at King's " broadcast each Christmas Eve ), whilst she continued her Nursing, treating Clement Attlee, amongst others ... They married on the 5th September 1959, one of 5 marriages conducted at Dad's Parish Church that day, & honeymooned in Devon for a whole week !

Dad had lost his Father at 7, killed trying to rescue people out of the Rolls Royce Engine factory in Derby during a German bombing raid in 1943, and having seen his mother work two jobs to support her family, was determined that his wife should not have to work, after having children. He worked 3 jobs, including overnight weekend shifts at a petrol station, to save a deposit for their first home ..

I came along in 1963, my sister in January 1966, and later, January 1973, my baby sister, her " Autumn Leaf " ...

Mum was caring, thoughtful, generous and a fabulous Cook ... above all, she was a font of good advice and common sense ... my wife of 36 years adored her as did her two sons-in-law ... When our son married 6 years ago, my wife said she would treat Mum as the ideal Mother-in-Law template " Helpful, thoughtful, generous .. but never one to interfere ! " ..

God bless, Mum !!

[ClaretTony]

I’m so sorry to hear of your sad loss and that’s a lovely tribute.

[elwaclaret]

Some 15 months ago, I wrote a tribute to my beloved Dad who had passed away due to complications from, " vascular dementia, old age and fragility ", which proved cathartic in my grieving process ...

On Sunday 24th August, neither my two sisters or I were able to contact our Mother at her home in Clitheroe. All of us had rung her in the morning, but as it was usually the time she would be dressing, we were not too concerned. However, I'd been unable to speak to her by 12.30am, and with my sister's being away on long arranged engagements, I drove over to find Mum unresponsive, aged 89 in her home. The " 999 " operator requested me to start CPR, but after a moment's thought, I declined, having witnessed her sign a " DNR " form some years previously. The Emergency services team arrived a few minutes later and were wonderfully supportive. They confirmed that Mum had passed peacefully some time previously, as she would have wished, in her own home, without lengthy & debilitating hospital stays, or ending her time in a Residential facility ...

Mum had met my Dad at an " Inter-School " 6th Form Dance in 1953, in Nottingham ... They dated until he left in 1954 to do his National Service ( Royal Signals, Egypt & Cyprus ), and she to start her Nursing training at Westminster Hospital, London . Dad then took up a Choral Scholarship at Cambridge University whilst reading Engineering, ( Think the BBC's " Carols at King's " broadcast each Christmas Eve ), whilst she continued her Nursing, treating Clement Attlee, amongst others ... They married on the 5th September 1959, one of 5 marriages conducted at Dad's Parish Church that day, & honeymooned in Devon for a whole week !

Dad had lost his Father at 7, killed trying to rescue people out of the Rolls Royce Engine factory in Derby during a German bombing raid in 1943, and having seen his mother work two jobs to support her family, was determined that his wife should not have to work, after having children. He worked 3 jobs, including overnight weekend shifts at a petrol station, to save a deposit for their first home ..

I came along in 1963, my sister in January 1966, and later, January 1973, my baby sister, her " Autumn Leaf " ...

Mum was caring, thoughtful, generous and a fabulous Cook ... above all, she was a font of good advice and common sense ... my wife of 36 years adored her as did her two sons-in-law ... When our son married 6 years ago, my wife said she would treat Mum as the ideal Mother-in-Law template " Helpful, thoughtful, generous .. but never one to interfere ! " ..

God bless, Mum !!

This really hit home with me. Lost my Dad in July in very similar circumstances. I have recently decided after spending four or five hours every day with her to make it official and become her carer. I am trying to come to decision if to move back to my parents house, but keep putting it off because I don’t know how to break it to my other half without sounding like I want out of our relationship. I was late ringing tonight and so I was unsurprised to get no answer. I will now have a restless night before I speak to her before travelling over in the morning.

I really feel for you and you family at this time d hope you can all support each other through the weeks ahead. Meanwhile I will keep you in my prayers, while hoping my experience will not continue to mirror your own.

God bless and my deepest heartfelt sympathy. X

[FCBurnley]

It’s tough to lose any parent at any age. RIP Mum

[beeholeclaret]

Some 15 months ago, I wrote a tribute to my beloved Dad who had passed away due to complications from, " vascular dementia, old age and fragility ", which proved cathartic in my grieving process ...

On Sunday 24th August, neither my two sisters or I were able to contact our Mother at her home in Clitheroe. All of us had rung her in the morning, but as it was usually the time she would be dressing, we were not too concerned. However, I'd been unable to speak to her by 12.30am, and with my sister's being away on long arranged engagements, I drove over to find Mum unresponsive, aged 89 in her home. The " 999 " operator requested me to start CPR, but after a moment's thought, I declined, having witnessed her sign a " DNR " form some years previously. The Emergency services team arrived a few minutes later and were wonderfully supportive. They confirmed that Mum had passed peacefully some time previously, as she would have wished, in her own home, without lengthy & debilitating hospital stays, or ending her time in a Residential facility ...

Mum had met my Dad at an " Inter-School " 6th Form Dance in 1953, in Nottingham ... They dated until he left in 1954 to do his National Service ( Royal Signals, Egypt & Cyprus ), and she to start her Nursing training at Westminster Hospital, London . Dad then took up a Choral Scholarship at Cambridge University whilst reading Engineering, ( Think the BBC's " Carols at King's " broadcast each Christmas Eve ), whilst she continued her Nursing, treating Clement Attlee, amongst others ... They married on the 5th September 1959, one of 5 marriages conducted at Dad's Parish Church that day, & honeymooned in Devon for a whole week !

Dad had lost his Father at 7, killed trying to rescue people out of the Rolls Royce Engine factory in Derby during a German bombing raid in 1943, and having seen his mother work two jobs to support her family, was determined that his wife should not have to work, after having children. He worked 3 jobs, including overnight weekend shifts at a petrol station, to save a deposit for their first home ..

I came along in 1963, my sister in January 1966, and later, January 1973, my baby sister, her " Autumn Leaf " ...

Mum was caring, thoughtful, generous and a fabulous Cook ... above all, she was a font of good advice and common sense ... my wife of 36 years adored her as did her two sons-in-law ... When our son married 6 years ago, my wife said she would treat Mum as the ideal Mother-in-Law template " Helpful, thoughtful, generous .. but never one to interfere ! " ..

God bless, Mum !!

Brilliant tribute to your mum.

Good to speak to you the other week and our thoughts are with you at this sad time.

[jdrobbo]

Lovely words. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Best wishes and I hope your mum and dad can now rest in peace.,

John

[COBBLE]

Lovely tribute and personal story. My mum died at the age of 89.

Best wishes

[CleggHall]

It’s nice that board members wish to share personal family memories and tributes on uptheclarets, it shows what a caring community we are.

[burnleybonzo]

Lovely words indeed. A potted history which sounds like it warrants a much longer version. About time you invited myself and beeholeclaret round again!

Our thoughts and best wishes to you and your family.

[Tricky Trevor]

I don’t enjoy liking posts about death but I liked your beautiful tribute. They both led full lives and you have much to be thankful for.
Deepest condolences to yourself, your sisters and all other family and friends.
RIP Mum.

[Lambo]

What a wonderful tribute pal, condolences to you and your family

[CaptainKirk]

Lovely words, know how you are feeling.
Hope you and A are keeping well.

[ollieclarets8]

Nice tribute. I had to try CPR on my Dad when he died. I still think I have a bit of PTSD all these years later. It's tough.

[Fretters]

I'm so sorry for your loss, but what a lovely tribute. May your mum and dad rest in peace.

[yTib]

nice words from a big heart.

[Clarets4me]

Thank you for some lovely comments and condolences, both posted here and privately. My sisters and I consider ourselves extremely fortunate to have had both Mum and Dad in our lives for so long ... we are acutely aware that so many others did not enjoy our good fortune, having lost parents at much earlier ages. Thoughts and prayers to all of you X

[Claret Toni]

I'm sorry to read of your loss, but this is a glowing tribute for a life well lived. RIP

[ecc]

It’s nice that board members wish to share personal family memories and tributes on uptheclarets, it shows what a caring community we are.

UTC can be a thing of beauty. It can also be a bearpit. This thread is the community spirit, the sharing we all need.

[Madpete]

What a wonderful tribute to your parents…at these moments this message board is at it’s best;thoughtful,sympathetic & caring.

[Eloise Laws]

What a beautiful tribute to your parents, lovely words for your mum.
Condolences to yourself and your whole family.
RIP your mum

[warksclaret]

Thanks for sharing so openly. May your mum rest in peace. It sounds like you have a very loving family

[beddie]

Lovely to read that Clarets4me. Thank you for sharing.

[pureclaret]

Thank you for sharing the life of 2 people who helped make you the person who can openly give a account of what they meant to you and your family , Ive been through the loss of both my parents and its hard,but it gets easier to remember the good times you shared with them and your family x

[Spike]

God Bless her

[Mixedkompany]

A warm and wonderful tribute.
Sorry for your loss.
I find myself in very similar circumstances and am currently visiting my mum of 87.
She has vascular dementia and your words have reminded me to be more patient and understanding.

[IanMcL]

A fitting tribute on here, Clarets4Me. Your mum is now loved by us all. Your dad obviously worked hard for you all, too, which she would have greatly appreciated.

Thank you for sharing their story. It must have been tough, not to do the CPR. Good call though.

Best to you and your sisters.

[Steddyman]

I feel for your loss, and can guarantee going at home whilst still relatively healthy is the best way to go.

My mum passed away the day after on the 25th, and had been suffering for years prior unable to move or do anything for herself. It was a mercy for her to finally pass on and be reunited with my father.

[Claretitus]

So sorry for your loss, I’m 64 and lost both parents last year. Mum, just after Christmas, then Dad in December, just days before his 90th birthday. Not a day goes by when they’re not in my thoughts, it really does take some coming to terms with. They were married for over 65 years, and provided a wonderful, loving , home for us to grow up in, and showed us the right path in life. I can only hope I came close to doing the same for my kids, and they in turn, for theirs. Stay strong, and never forget them.

[Clarets4me]

Again some lovely sentiments ... there was an air of finality today when I received an Email from the Funeral Directors, asking me to " sign off " the proof of Mum's " Order of Service " ... Mum in the mid 50's, in her " Salad days " ....

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