Hi all,

I recently set up a blogging site to get experience before University where I aim to study Journalism. I will be posting regular articles on the Clarets.

I also completed a work-experience placement at the club where I wrote a couple of pieces for the club's website (you may have read my piece on Stephen Ward).

Here is the site if anyone is interested: https://claretdan.wordpress.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Thanks for reading, UTC

Good luck Dan, you write well with an easy, flowing style.

CleggHall wrote:Good luck Dan, you write well with an easy, flowing style.

Thanks, much appreciated

Adverts do more harm than good when you have a small amount of people visiting your site.

The pennies you will gain from them will affect the amount of people that want to visit your site.

If I have any advice, its that you focus on having visitors return due to your well written articles and don't put them off by having adverts takeover 40% of the page.

MarkGreen wrote:Adverts do more harm than good when you have a small amount of people visiting your site.

The pennies you will gain from them will affect the amount of people that want to visit your site.

If I have any advice, its that you focus on having visitors return due to your well written articles and don't put them off by having adverts takeover 40% of the page.

Thanks for the advice, I am not making any money from the adverts. Sadly, I cannot get rid of them as the platform I am using is free.

May I offer some constructive criticism and comments!

Overall I think you use the phrase 'the Clarets' far to often. Wouldn't it be better to say 'Burnley', or 'they' etc. occasionally?

Are sentences now considered paragraphs in modern writing?

I understood it was not good practice to start a sentence with 'But', as you have on more then one occasion. May be 'but,' (with a comma)is OK.

And (!!!!) this sentence 'But it is not just the defence that has contributed to the away successes this season, as the Clarets have in all three games on the road' doesn't make sense to me. This part confuses me - 'as the Clarets have in all three games on the road'.

On the plus side, as others have said, it's readable, and you haven't tried to introduce bigger words then necessary (as some budding journalists seem to do and to me makes it seem a bit pompous).

Good luck.

Hipper wrote:May I offer some constructive criticism and comments!

Overall I think you use the phrase 'the Clarets' far to often. Wouldn't it be better to say 'Burnley', or 'they' etc. occasionally?

Are sentences now considered paragraphs in modern writing?

I understood it was not good practice to start a sentence with 'But', as you have on more then one occasion. May be 'but,' (with a comma)is OK.

And (!!!!) this sentence 'But it is not just the defence that has contributed to the away successes this season, as the Clarets have in all three games on the road' doesn't make sense to me. This part confuses me - 'as the Clarets have in all three games on the road'.

On the plus side, as others have said, it's readable, and you haven't tried to introduce bigger words then necessary (as some budding journalists seem to do and to me makes it seem a bit pompous).

Good luck.

Thanks for the feedback, I'll take in on board.

Dan, an easy read, but, and take this as positive feedback, you need to pay more attention to your grammar. I say that knowing the different rules journalists apply to newspaper-based grammar (which tends to differentiate more in headings and sub-headings, and as you have done - started sentences with "ands" and "buts"). Per a previous comment referencing "Clarets" I don't particularly have a problem with it, except I would lead in with the formal name, Burnley, and then switch to "the Clarets." I would leave the headline as it is. That way it's clear that Burnley and the Clarets are one and the same, without having to explain it.

The Clarets have enjoyed a positive start to their second consecutive season in the Premier League, picking up nine points from their first six games.
[good]
And their early success has been largely down to their resilient defensive performances, conceding just five goals so far in the top-flight.
[delete "and"]
The Clarets put in another impressive defensive performance in their recent 0-0 draw with Premier League debutants Huddersfield.
[comma after "debutants"]
MAKE THE ABOVE TWO A SINGLE PARAGRAPH

Despite a failure to take their chances, Sean Dyche’s men kept their second clean sheet of the season, which backup ‘keeper Nick Pope played a crucial part in.
[add "in" before which]
Pope has played a vital part in the Clarets’ defence since Tom Heaton’s shoulder injury in a 1-0 win against Crystal Palace.
[good]
And he continued his impressive form against Huddersfield with a couple of good saves, notably denying Tom Ince’s low drive across goal in the second half.
[delete "and"]
Pope is not the only player to come into the side and make an immediate impact; Jack Cork has made a good contribution to the Clarets’ defensive capabilities since his Turf Moor return over the summer.
[good]
Cork has formed a favourable partnership in midfield with Steven Defour, who has also enjoyed a good start to the season after being out of favour for large parts of the previous campaign.
[good]
Arfield’s goal at Liverpool was one of the five Burnley have scored away from home in the Premier League
[good]
MAKE THE ABOVE SENTENCES A SINGLE PARAGRAPH

Sean Dyche has added considerable top-flight experience over the summer, with new signings Cork, Walters and Bardsley having made over 600 combined appearances in the Premier League.
[Oxford comma after "Walters"]
And the influx of experience appears to have had a good impact on the squad, as the side’s away form has changed drastically.
[good]
The Clarets have picked up five points from their travels to Chelsea, Spurs and Liverpool, which leaves them just two points away from their away total from the whole of last season.
[Oxford comma after "Spurs"] [replace "from" with for (unless you switch to referring to it as the campaign instead of last season)]
But it is not just the defence that has contributed to the away successes this season, as the Clarets have in all three games on the road.
[doesn't make sense]
Record signing Chris Wood got off to a dream start to his Premier League career, netting a stoppage-time equaliser against Spurs, helping to fill the gap left by Andre Gray.
[it's OK, but I'd be tempted to bring the last clause to the front of the sentence. it reads better to me]
Of course, Gray wasn’t the only key player to leave Turf Moor over the summer, as Michael Keane joined Everton for a club record fee.
[good - though could read as a record fee for Everton]
But James Tarkowski has made the most of his chance to play first-team football; putting in a couple of fine performances to make sure the Clarets don’t miss Keane.
[replace "but" with "His move has allowed James Tarkowski to make.....][replace "don't' with haven't]
MAKE THE ABOVE SENTENCES A SINGLE PARAGRAPH

Regardless of those who have joined and left, Sean Dyche has maintained the resilience and high work ethic that led Burnley to Premier League survival last season.
[good]
And Dyche’s work has more than paid off, as the Clarets find themselves in the top-half of the table, above the likes of Everton, Leicester and Southampton.
[delete "and"]
If the Clarets are to continue their promising start to the campaign, it will be down to the core principles Dyche has brought to the squad, creating a side capable of giving any Premier League side a run for their money.
[good] [suggest a closing sentence that links back to the quantitative opening sentence, but now looking forward. some thing along the lines of "the trick is maintaining the application of those principles to gain the next 37 points and reach the magical 40 points for survival"]

Some very good advice on here for you Dan.

All the best and UTC

NRC wrote:Dan, an easy read, but, and take this as positive feedback, you need to pay more attention to your grammar. I say that knowing the different rules journalists apply to newspaper-based grammar (which tends to differentiate more in headings and sub-headings, and as you have done - started sentences with "ands" and "buts"). Per a previous comment referencing "Clarets" I don't particularly have a problem with it, except I would lead in with the formal name, Burnley, and then switch to "the Clarets." I would leave the headline as it is. That way it's clear that Burnley and the Clarets are one and the same, without having to explain it.

The Clarets have enjoyed a positive start to their second consecutive season in the Premier League, picking up nine points from their first six games.
[good]
And their early success has been largely down to their resilient defensive performances, conceding just five goals so far in the top-flight.
[delete "and"]
The Clarets put in another impressive defensive performance in their recent 0-0 draw with Premier League debutants Huddersfield.
[comma after "debutants"]
MAKE THE ABOVE TWO A SINGLE PARAGRAPH

Despite a failure to take their chances, Sean Dyche’s men kept their second clean sheet of the season, which backup ‘keeper Nick Pope played a crucial part in.
[add "in" before which]
Pope has played a vital part in the Clarets’ defence since Tom Heaton’s shoulder injury in a 1-0 win against Crystal Palace.
[good]
And he continued his impressive form against Huddersfield with a couple of good saves, notably denying Tom Ince’s low drive across goal in the second half.
[delete "and"]
Pope is not the only player to come into the side and make an immediate impact; Jack Cork has made a good contribution to the Clarets’ defensive capabilities since his Turf Moor return over the summer.
[good]
Cork has formed a favourable partnership in midfield with Steven Defour, who has also enjoyed a good start to the season after being out of favour for large parts of the previous campaign.
[good]
Arfield’s goal at Liverpool was one of the five Burnley have scored away from home in the Premier League
[good]
MAKE THE ABOVE SENTENCES A SINGLE PARAGRAPH

Sean Dyche has added considerable top-flight experience over the summer, with new signings Cork, Walters and Bardsley having made over 600 combined appearances in the Premier League.
[Oxford comma after "Walters"]
And the influx of experience appears to have had a good impact on the squad, as the side’s away form has changed drastically.
[good]
The Clarets have picked up five points from their travels to Chelsea, Spurs and Liverpool, which leaves them just two points away from their away total from the whole of last season.
[Oxford comma after "Spurs"] [replace "from" with for (unless you switch to referring to it as the campaign instead of last season)]
But it is not just the defence that has contributed to the away successes this season, as the Clarets have in all three games on the road.
[doesn't make sense]
Record signing Chris Wood got off to a dream start to his Premier League career, netting a stoppage-time equaliser against Spurs, helping to fill the gap left by Andre Gray.
[it's OK, but I'd be tempted to bring the last clause to the front of the sentence. it reads better to me]
Of course, Gray wasn’t the only key player to leave Turf Moor over the summer, as Michael Keane joined Everton for a club record fee.
[good - though could read as a record fee for Everton]
But James Tarkowski has made the most of his chance to play first-team football; putting in a couple of fine performances to make sure the Clarets don’t miss Keane.
[replace "but" with "His move has allowed James Tarkowski to make.....][replace "don't' with haven't]
MAKE THE ABOVE SENTENCES A SINGLE PARAGRAPH

Regardless of those who have joined and left, Sean Dyche has maintained the resilience and high work ethic that led Burnley to Premier League survival last season.
[good]
And Dyche’s work has more than paid off, as the Clarets find themselves in the top-half of the table, above the likes of Everton, Leicester and Southampton.
[delete "and"]
If the Clarets are to continue their promising start to the campaign, it will be down to the core principles Dyche has brought to the squad, creating a side capable of giving any Premier League side a run for their money.
[good] [suggest a closing sentence that links back to the quantitative opening sentence, but now looking forward. some thing along the lines of "the trick is maintaining the application of those principles to gain the next 37 points and reach the magical 40 points for survival"]

Wow, you've put a lot of time into that. Thank you

Claretdan, I'm nipping out shortly, so don't have time to read it yet, but regarding grammar/spelling, I'd recommend Grammarly. For my two main sites that I run, I have people write articles, many of them because they want some reference work for their CVs, or because they just like writing. Before I publish them, I do a check with Grammarly, and then do another proof read. I find after all of that, it's good to go. So, something to consider. It's free and it works with your browser:
https://app.grammarly.com/apps" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Also regarding adverts, you can get domain names and hosting pretty cheap if you look around. It looks a lot more professional having your own domain name and this is something you can carry on for years and build up. You can then have ads from networks such as Adsense which can help go towards the payment of the domain and hosting costs. You can also put a donate button up, so if people love your work, they can help you with the domain/hosting, by donating a small amount.

NRC wrote: The Clarets put in another impressive defensive performance in their recent 0-0 draw with Premier League debutants Huddersfield.
[comma after "debutants"]

Stopped reading at that.

Do NOT put a comma after debutants.

UpTheBeehole wrote:Stopped reading at that.

Do NOT put a comma after debutants.

and your basis or qualification for that, UpTheBeehole? As per my question to you, the rule applied is in it being vocative case. Your explanation?

NRC wrote:and your basis or qualification for that, UpTheBeehole? As per my question to you, the rule applied is in it being vocative case. Your explanation?

You're misusing the vocative case.

I'd say the BBC were a good place to look to when creating a style guide.

Their story on Tomer Hemed opens "Brighton striker Tomer Hemed will serve a three-match ban after being found guilty of violent conduct during Sunday's game against Newcastle"

Not "Brighton striker, Tomer Hemed"

It's a useless comma. It serves no purpose.

FactualFrank wrote:Claretdan, I'm nipping out shortly, so don't have time to read it yet, but regarding grammar/spelling, I'd recommend Grammarly. For my two main sites that I run, I have people write articles, many of them because they want some reference work for their CVs, or because they just like writing. Before I publish them, I do a check with Grammarly, and then do another proof read. I find after all of that, it's good to go. So, something to consider. It's free and it works with your browser:
https://app.grammarly.com/apps" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Also regarding adverts, you can get domain names and hosting pretty cheap if you look around. It looks a lot more professional having your own domain name and this is something you can carry on for years and build up. You can then have ads from networks such as Adsense which can help go towards the payment of the domain and hosting costs. You can also put a donate button up, so if people love your work, they can help you with the domain/hosting, by donating a small amount.

Yeah I will look into it, thanks

UpTheBeehole wrote:You're misusing the vocative case.

I'd say the BBC were a good place to look to when creating a style guide.

Their story on Tomer Hemed opens "Brighton striker Tomer Hemed will serve a three-match ban after being found guilty of violent conduct during Sunday's game against Newcastle"

Not "Brighton striker, Tomer Hemed"

It's a useless comma. It serves no purpose.

therein lies the difference between journalistic grammar and "proper" grammar that I specifically referred to in my earlier post. Namely, vocative case SHOULD apply, journalistic grammar chooses to ignore it. In the example you provide there should be commas sandwiching Hemed's name.

Dan specifically said he wanted to become a journalist. His use of 'journalistic grammar' in his article was therefore correct, and there was no need at all for you to pull him up on it.

and Dan though he didn't ask for it, had the courtesy to thank me for the effort in providing him a time-consuming, thorough, technical response. On the other hand, you, instead of perhaps saying "good input from NRC, but I would take issue with XYZ" and explain why, instead, decided to be a pompous ass, if I may say so.

It bothers me slightly that someone ready to enter University doesn't do better. I enjoyed NRC's discourse and wonder whether post 18's ... "and Dan though he didn't ask for it," should be ... "and Dan, though he didn't ask for it."

Good luck with it Dan, the only advice I'd give is keep going, don't try to copy others and be yourself.

NRC wrote:and Dan though he didn't ask for it, had the courtesy to thank me for the effort in providing him a time-consuming, thorough, technical response. On the other hand, you, instead of perhaps saying "good input from NRC, but I would take issue with XYZ" and explain why, instead, decided to be a pompous ass, if I may say so.

Starting sentences with "and"?

Young Dan would get a lecture for that.

Hi everyone, I've been working on my style over the last few weeks, taking feedback on board, and I believe that I have improved. Here is my latest piece if anyone wants a read, focusing on who could replace Dyche should he leave in the near future: https://claretdan.wordpress.com/2017/10 ... moor-exit/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

NRC wrote:and your basis or qualification for that, UpTheBeehole? As per my question to you, the rule applied is in it being vocative case. Your explanation?

I'm not going to comment on the grammatical nicety .....but I would say that the inclusion of a comma makes it more difficult to read. If reading it out loud there is no need for a pause there, which is what a comma usually implies.