This is a temporary free advice service to Burnley fans in a hands across the water gesture from Scotland.

If you have any issues in your life which need urgent resolution, I'm the man for pertinent advice.

Don't say I'm not good to you Burnley fans.

The real Tup wrote:This is a temporary free advice service to Burnley fans in a hands across the water gesture from Scotland.

Have they moved Scotland recently?

Dear Tup,

How do I best deal with a 'bottom of the bag bas*@rd' (McDonalds)?

Many thanks,
4:20

4:20 wrote:Dear Tup,

How do I best deal with a 'bottom of the bag bas*@rd' (McDonalds)?

Many thanks,
4:20

No bother 4:20 min.

What is a bottom of the bag *******?

Bin Ont Turf wrote:Have they moved Scotland recently?

To clarify for you, Bin Ont Turf, I said this is a hands across the water gesture from Scotland.

OK, there's no water between Scotland and England, but just pretend there is for now.

You could do it across the Solway Firth.

What's the best way to get rid of wool rash in a sensitive area Tup? Asking for a friend before my Mrs sees it

Hi Tup

This Messageboard has recently become infested by a bunch of mindless idiots who insist on posting nonsense and bickering amongst themselves about a load of boring pap that nobody else is interested in.

How do we get rid of them?

Oh, and there's a few Aberdeen lads turned up too.

Hi Tup

What are your recommendations for pubs serving good beer (particularly real ale) in Aberdeen?

Any advice gratefully received

Cheers

UTC

Rowls

Rowls wrote:Hi Tup

What are your recommendations for pubs serving good beer (particularly real ale) in Aberdeen?

Any advice gratefully received

Cheers

UTC

Rowls

Hi Rowls.

Head for the Masada. Alternatively, the Hawthorn if you want thrashed at pool.

TheFamilyCat wrote:Hi Tup

This Messageboard has recently become infested by a bunch of mindless idiots who insist on posting nonsense and bickering amongst themselves about a load of boring pap that nobody else is interested in.

How do we get rid of them?

Oh, and there's a few Aberdeen lads turned up too.

I didn't realise the infestation was recent as your first paragraph relates to the usual suspects and their political threds and as been going on a good while now.we will have to live with them.im with CT and his warmth in welcoming the Auld enema!

TheFamilyCat wrote:Hi Tup

This Messageboard has recently become infested by a bunch of mindless idiots who insist on posting nonsense and bickering amongst themselves about a load of boring pap that nobody else is interested in.

How do we get rid of them?

Oh, and there's a few Aberdeen lads turned up too.

I'll deal with them TheFamilyCat. They might be morons but they'll listen to me.

When I say jump, they will say 'how high'.

Any more hassle, you knew where to come pal.

Damo wrote:What's the best way to get rid of wool rash in a sensitive area Tup? Asking for a friend before my Mrs sees it

I'm not sure on this one pal. I've never had wool rash in a sensitive area.

But I'll consult my farming cohort on this one, ericblack_4boss. A bigger teuchter I've yet to meet.

He will have the answer.

tim_noone wrote:I didn't realise the infestation was recent as your first paragraph relates to the usual suspects and their political threds and as been going on a good while now.we will have to live with them.im with CT and his warmth in welcoming the Auld enema!

This thread will sort out the wheat from the chaff pal, so don't worry.

There will be no room for any aggro.

The real Tup wrote:Hi Rowls.

Head for the Masada. Alternatively, the Hawthorn if you want thrashed at pool.

Thanks Tup

Might take you up on the offer of a game of pool.

Hae ya nae hook my dooky?

D'ye nae hae in May? If ye dinna dock ma donny.

Both the Masada and Hawthorns are on a par with prinny royal and turf hotel. Make what you will of that. I think you know what I mean.

rayzer wrote:Both the Masada and Hawthorns are on a par with prinny royal and turf hotel. Make what you will of that. I think you know what I mean.

I'm not sure what you mean rayzer min.

In the Hawthorn, you can go for a pish from one boozer, and emerge into another through an alternative exit in the bogs.

What more could you ask for?

Rowls wrote:Thanks Tup

Might take you up on the offer of a game of pool.

The last man to do that regrets it bitterly and still laments it to this day.

His arse on a plate, 5-1, after weeks of boasts on the internet.

Don't fall into his trap pal.

Hi Tup, is it true Nichola Sturgeon and Jimmy Krankie are in actual fact the same person?

Thanks in advance, peace and love.


Ps is it also true Jimmy Krankie once beat you at pool?

See what I mean Rowls.

Foshiznik wrote:

Is this a genuine query Foshiznik?

I only deal with genuine concerns.

Billy_Bumface wrote:Hi Tup, is it true Nichola Sturgeon and Jimmy Krankie are in actual fact the same person?

Thanks in advance, peace and love.


Ps is it also true Jimmy Krankie once beat you at pool?

They might be. I'm no fan of politics. The last honest man to enter Parliament was Guy Fawkes.

Nobody has ever beaten me at pool.

Foshiznik wrote:

Sounds like waynebfc's Scottish cousin

Sorry Tup, totally respect that, I genuinely had no idea Jimmy had progressed into politics.

Any predictions for the tie itself?

Billy_Bumface wrote:Sorry Tup, totally respect that, I genuinely had no idea Jimmy had progressed into politics.

Any predictions for the tie itself?

Not really, it will be a good game of football, and very close.

Aberdeen are a very good team so Burnley will have their work cut out to win.

If you underestimate us, you'll lose.

Given our history, I can assure you we’re not taking anything for granted.
I agree it’ll be tight but I think Burnley will just edge it.

Good luck fella and take care.

No doubt Mr Bumface.

The real Tup wrote:No bother 4:20 min.

What is a bottom of the bag *******?

It's when you drive you and your mate to Maccy D's, buy his extra value meal and when you're driving home or to Hollywood Star car park, whilst in possession of the bag, he sorts out the contents and proceeds to pinch ALL of the many fries that have fallen to the bottom of the bag. BA*#ARD.

4:20 wrote:It's when you drive you and your mate to Maccy D's, buy his extra value meal and when you're driving home or to Hollywood Star car park, whilst in possession of the bag, he sorts out the contents and proceeds to pinch ALL of the many fries that have fallen to the bottom of the bag. BA*#ARD.

Ah right. There's no McDonald's where I live pal.

On the contrary, Burnley sounds like fast food central. You will ken better than me.

The real Tup wrote:They might be. I'm no fan of politics. The last honest man to enter Parliament was Guy Fawkes.

Nobody has ever beaten me at pool.

I’m surprised you lost one game, and don’t give me that let her have one malarkey!!

The real Tup wrote:Ah right. There's no McDonald's where I live pal.

On the contrary, Burnley sounds like fast food central. You will ken better than me.

Thanks for your honesty, Tup.
Yes, you are correct, Burnley is quite fast on the food front and from now on I shall call my mate 'Barbie' whenever he does the bag BA&£ard thing.
All the best, Tup, cheers for lending your ear to my problem, not many would in this current year and I hope you enjoy the forthcoming matches between us.

4:20 wrote:Thanks for your honesty, Tup.
Yes, you are correct, Burnley is quite fast on the food front and from now on I shall call my mate 'Barbie' whenever he does the bag BA&£ard thing.
All the best, Tup, cheers for lending your ear to my problem, not many would in this current year and I hope you enjoy the forthcoming matches between us.

Oh I will, no problem, thanks pal.

Even though there's no McDonald's, it does not prevent local young striplings from sporting the preposterous 'Meet Me At McDonald's' hairdo.

The real Tup wrote:Oh I will, no problem, thanks pal.

Even though there's no McDonald's, it does not prevent local young striplings from sporting the preposterous 'Meet Me At McDonald's' hairdo.

4:20 wrote:

dk-composite-celeb-hair.jpg

that's the one twenty past four min.

Hello Tupmeister General,

I'm unsure from your opening post if your corner is solely for Burnley fans or can I seek advice also?

I was golfing today, hit a 77. Reasonable enough.

But....I noticed on the last few holes that for some inexplicable reason I started lifting my left leg on impact and several times sliced.

I will not go for professional advice as I don't like young upstarts in general. Ergo, I would be grateful if you'd be so kind to assist if you have a minute?

TIA.

Hello rumpus, good to hear from you pal.

I'm no fan of the golf. Stands for Gentleman Only, Ladies Forbidden, it's a game for freemasons IMHO.

However, it sounds like you have the yips from my limited experience.

^ Thanks for the prompt reply kind Sir.

I wiki'd the word 'yips' as I thought that was for putting only. Seemingly it's defined as a Brian tremor inducing a temporary spasm.

Not good. It may be related to the fear I've had since learning we are to play a team who finished in the top half of the greatest league in the world.

Never mind, **** it.

boom Tup!

Ive lost my mojo ,chum. Help me find it?

SHAKE SHAKE DA ROOM!!

Hello Tup, I must say it's very admirably of you to offer this advice service to all Clares. I feel I must return this 'hands across the water' type gesture with a warning to yourself and any other Aberdonians (?) who may be venturing South to Burnley for the away leg, and it is this:

You may (or may not) know, we simple Burnley folk are World Champion Benedictine drinkers (it is a status we've worked hard to achieve, with much professional dedication in the field applied). I often liberally pour this delectable nectar on my cornflakes in the morning to set me up for the day, you just can't beat it, it put's hairs on yer chest.

My question to you Tup and other Aberdonians is - do you think you could out last me and still be standing the morning after a particularly heavy Bene drinking session?

Are you one of the three folk who ken the recipe?

Sounds lethal. I'd easy take a blast of it.

Monks also make Buckfast, a horrendous tipple favoured by degenerate weegies.

Hello Tup,

Who would win a fight? One hundred duck sized horses or one horse sized duck?

Best wishes,

The horse sized duck would undoubtedly win.

Tup , who would win a fight.., a Morag sized ant or 500 ant sized Morags?

I am heading down to Burnley for the up coming Match and would love to meet a young English maiden to accompany me for my stay.

Have you any advice for best way to sneak up on them or any tips on keeping them quiet whilst they’re in the boot of my car ?

Oi oi tup. I've had an upgrade. Honestly, the old me was a ****. Now I'm new and improved. This afternoon I made a vow to be a better lover and father and leave those childish forum comments behind. BOOM!

Bluto mate are you still around? Mate I don't know what it is but I really REALLY like you. You've been on my radar a lot lately. If I'm ever in delf it would be an honour to hang with you and your crew and share a few pints and some stories about life on the forum.

Hi Tup
Have you played Newmacher golf course and is it a decent course.I am sure you will be able to advise being a canny Scot.

Enclosure mate, me and Mario are taking over the corner in tups absence. Any advice you need feel free to fire away. I made a vow to be a better man. Best advice I was given was always take care of a woman and treat her right. That's why I've stuck with the one and only woman I've had in my entire life.