Instead of buying razors, use a potato peeler.

I winced reading that. I’d grow a beard first.

Save money don't buy an Egg Timer to get that perfect 3 miute boiled egg.
1, Put the Egg in the pan.
2, jump in the car drive for exactly 3 miles at 60 miles an hour,
3 Ring the wife to turn the gas off under the pan.

Don't spend it

Don't spend thousands on a jacuzzi-style tub.
Make your own by simply placing a hair-drier in the bath.

That's a hair-raising suggestion.

Save money on batteries by only inserting them into your clock when you need to know the time.

I use two potato peelers - the 'Y' shaped ones are better. The first blade pulls the hair out a bit and then the second blade shaves it off getting a closer shave.

I knew a fellow who cut his toes nails with a razor blade, so he wouldn't save any money as I don't think you can cut them with a potato peeler. I could be wrong though.

Save on water costs. Use ice cubes.

Stay single.

Failing that, don't get married.

Pretend to slice onions only when a relative dies. Then your tears of grief can be used to simulate your eyes watering when chopping the onions.
This will save on buying vegetables.

Save money on electricity and WiFi by ignoring this thread and buying a copy of Viz instead.

Don't buy a car.

You will have an old skateboard in a cupboard.
You will have a bit of rope (that "might be useful one day") in the shed.

A used condom filled with coloured water and left on a warm radiator, makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

Use old newspapers to wipe your bottom. Leave them out to dry and harden then cut them up into brick shaped paper weights for family and friends.

ElectroClaret wrote:Don't spend thousands on a jacuzzi-style tub.
Make your own by simply placing a hair-drier in the bath.

I prefer a diet of Cabbage, Onion and Beans less chance of Death

Take no notice of all the gambling ads and promotions around the ground on matchdays!

jdrobbo wrote:Take no notice of all the gambling ads and promotions around the ground on matchdays!

I take it you're ignoring the light hearted, jokey nature of this thread

If you are getting married and can't afford a video making go to Tesco with all your guests and act suspiciously when brought in to the security office demand the CCTV footage or you'll sue. Bingo.

DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and I hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender with the simple inscription "Same to you".

SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

Only date girls called Natalie, Carol, Holly or Eve. Chances are their birthday is around Christmas and you won't have to shell out for a present until then, by which time they will have chucked you.

Not related to money, but :-
If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Next time you have a party, make all your guests swallow a small plastic disc with a number on it, making a note of who swallowed which disc.
Then if anyone vomits, you'll know who it was and you can bill them for the cleaning up.

Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view

Save money on milk by not reporting your neighbour's death. You could leave a note for their milkman to bring more expensive items such as chicken or spuds. Viz circa 1980.

Cats can be enormously expensive creatures to keep, what with food and vets bills.
So save money by simply not having a cat and slashing your own armchair and sofa with a Stanley knife.

Whilst holidaying at centre parks, claim to have seen a large rat in what passes for your kitchen.

Grudgingly accept their offer of a free holiday there to compensate you.

I can personally vouch for this one.


A development on this could be to actually take along your own dead rats as "evidence" which you could follow up with a bill for exterminating them.

Look after a guide dog puppy,all the vets bills and food are paid for and you trade them in after 12/15 months and get a new one..

fatboy47 wrote:Whilst holidaying at centre parks, claim to have seen a large rat in what passes for your kitchen.

Grudgingly accept their offer of a free holiday there to compensate you.

I can personally vouch for this one.


A development on this could be to actually take along your own dead rats as "evidence" which you could follow up with a bill for exterminating them.

We were on holiday (7 night break in Zakinthos) and a couple spent 1st 4 days going around the hotel and photographing anything and everything to complain about.... they spent the 5th day in the reception with a holiday rep and hotel management...
On the 6th day they were by the pool and in conversation they told us all they were getting a free holiday from Thomas Cooke due to the complaints they had made with photographic evidence.

Tbh I couldn't be arsed to do that and waste 4 or 5 days out of a 7 night holiday just to get a free holiday.

But yours sounds like a plan (assuming it is not a joke )

Always defecate in the workplace, thereby saving on paper, water , stain removers and general wear and tear on the cistern etc.

This carries the added satisfaction of being paid for your bowel movements.

I don't pay my electric bill ... I refuse to pay for something I've never seen.

ElectroClaret wrote:Don't spend thousands on a jacuzzi-style tub.
Make your own by simply placing a hair-drier in the bath.

For sale:

Home made bath jacuzzi - used once.
Contact: Estate Executors

ElectroClaret wrote:Save money on batteries by only inserting them into your clock when you need to know the time.

Make sure your friends are, 'your size' and well dressed.
Borrow their clothes, as needed.

LMAO....Some cracking Tips some of which I will certainly use!

Promise to phone your friends at a specific time and then don't.
They will then phone you to see what's wrong. Then you can have exactly the same
conversation at their expense.

'SUNDRIES'

1 burger x 365
1 coffee x 365
1 newspaper x 365
1 ice cream x 365
1 pint of bitter x 365
1 cake x 365

= £4000 a year.

That's part of life and one may need that.

Worried about care home costs for elderly loved ones and resulting underwhelming will ?
Option one a delicious pork and chicken tartare for one left out in the sun to ripen. Season with sleeping tablets.
Option two get them to rob a shop over and over again until they get sent down. You get to keep any cash and goods they get past security plus eventually free board and lodgings courtesy of her majesty.

Funkydrummer wrote:Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender with the simple inscription "Same to you".

I actually used to do something like that. We sent the same card (well two cards actually] back and forth for a number of years. Still cost us a stamp though - we re-used the envelope! This can be done for birthdays too. And if you don't like Easter eggs, presents etc..

Not related to money, but :-
If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

I'm afraid this doesn't work. When I tried it the ice cube didn't melt quick enough and he still choked to death - I think. Of course it may have been that it took along time to boil a kettle of water. It does of course save you money in the long run if it's your child.

I make everyone in our house use both sides of the toilet paper.

Wear a condom.

Halve your underwear costs by simply turning them inside out,saving on both electricity and and a healthy 100% on the shreddies themselves !

2 Bee Holed wrote:I make everyone in our house use both sides of the toilet paper.

Don't buy a TV licence, there's over £100 saving in one go

Golden showers.

Throw away your washing machine and iron and just buy a cheap laundry basket. Drop in your dirty clothing and the next time you see them they'll be washed, ironed and hanging in your wardrobe.

When I was a boy, the toilet paper was Jeyes and came in a single sheet dispensing box. You wouldn't want more than one on your bum, at a time, if you avoid it!
It also doubled up ad tracing paper (what kids do now, to trace?)

I suggest a return to this method, as every woman in my life uses several sheets, for a quick wipe, followed by several sheets, to make sure!

IanMcL wrote:When I was a boy, the toilet paper was Jeyes and came in a single sheet dispensing box.

The old slide and glide. No happy memories.

Tricky Trevor wrote:The old slide and glide. No happy memories.

And when I started work, I was greeted with GOVERNMENT PROPERTY
Now wash your hands

For years now my wife and I go into the newsagents just before our wedding anniversary and look at the cards. I find one she'd like and pass it to her to read and she does the same for me. We thank each other and put the cards back in the rack. We go back again every year.

If Claretnproud’s getting “new golf clubs” and Aggi’s “one club player” threads could be merged Claretnproud could save a fortune.

My brother, loser that he is, used to watch the microwave and open the door when the timer got to 1 second. This was so that he could save on the amount of electricity needed to generate the beep???

Sometimes I think I moved away just to put distance between us