An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean



all go to a nightclub ..................................




The doorman stops them and says sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai.

All I can say is I'm glad we got the chance to read it rather than listen to it!

I don't think I will use this one on a Friday night

The jokes no sense, I'll rewrite it for you


An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman... and an Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean... all go to the State Dinner at the Phitsanulok Mansion

The Doorman stops them and says, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai"

I think this scans better.

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman... and an Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to the Ritz for dinner...

The Maître d' stops them and says, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai"

Average penis size for an Icelander is 11 inches.
Average penis size for an Italian is 9 inches.
Average penis size for a German is 7 inches.
Sadly average penis size for English men is only 5 inches.
And that’s why mums go to Iceland.

that's a bit racist...

Which one?

Bosscat wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 2:53 pm

...., a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to the Ritz for dinner...

The Maître d' stops them and says, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai"

Why would The Ritz stop you for not having a Thai?

I've just walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

It was a nice trip down memory lane.

FactualFrank wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:01 pm

I've just walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

It was a nice trip down memory lane.

No... Make people work for the punchline...

I've just walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64, 128, 256 and 512. It was a nice trip down Memory Lane

Don't spoon-feed people - This isn't an episode Mrs Browns Boys

My grandfather used to be a baker for the army.

When he went to war, he went in all buns glazing.

What do you call a Deer with no eyes ?

No idea !!

What do you call a dead Deer with no eyes ?

Still no idea!!

FactualFrank wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:09 pm

My grandfather used to be a baker for the army.

When he went to war, he went in all buns glazing.

was he dyslexic FF ?

Marney&Mee wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:14 pm

was he dyslexic FF ?

Yeah. His teacher at school told him he'd never be good at poetry because of his dyslexia.

But so far he's made 3 vases and a jug.

Kinel FCBurnley. Next thing you'll be telling us that a huge hole has been found in Brunshaw Road and police are looking into it...

Funnily enough, my grandad suffered from OCD. He liked to call it CDO though..so the letters were in the right order...

FactualFrank wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:01 pm

I've just walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

It was a nice trip down memory lane.

wasn't it.........256K, 512K and 1GB ????

2 Bee Holed wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:27 pm

wasn't it.........256K, 512K and 1GB ????

Nope. 512K is half a MB. Keep up will you.

Marney&Mee wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:14 pm

was he dyslexic FF ?

Here you go, this fixes it:
My dyslexic grandfather used to be a baker for the army.

When he went to war, he went in all buns glazing.

nil_desperandum wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:32 pm

Here you go, this fixes it:
My dyslexic grandfather used to be a baker for the army.

When he went to war, he went in all buns glazing.

Nah. There's no need to mention dyslexic - the bit about him being a baker is what it's about - not whether he can spell.

which war was he involved in ?

FactualFrank wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:28 pm

Nope. 512K is half a MB. Keep up will you.

My mistake.
Indeed that would have been a very long walk down memory lane.

He was a Dyslexic Agnostic

They say he refused to believe in Dog

My friend David got his ID stolen over Christmas. So now we just call him Dav.

My friend David got his ID stolen over Christmas. So now we just call him Dav.

Like that one Frank, you iot.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.

I still live in constant fear.

I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted out..
"What have you got there?"

"Hummus", I replied.

Marney&Mee wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:18 pm

Kinel FCBurnley. Next thing you'll be telling us that a huge hole has been found in Brunshaw Road and police are looking into it...

Nah, but he did report that he had his toilet seat nicked. However when the police came round they said that they had nothing to go on.

"Son you're just not cut out to be a mime."
"Was it something I said?"
"Yes."

I just tried to change my UTC password to "BeefStew" but it said it wasn't stroganoff.

Uncanny, I don't need to change my password, but I changed it to FishPie. Just for the halibut...

Hehe

A man goes to the Doctor with a strawberry growing on his head.
"What am I supposed to do about this?"
"Put some cream on it."

Once gave a lecture involving the universal gravitational equation.

I, quite innocently, said to full lecture theatre " just think of the pull Uranus has"

A guy kept haggling us for odd jobs to do, a decent fella quite down on his luck.

I eventually relented and offered him £100. to paint the porch.

I gave him the paint etc

Two hours later he knocks the door and says "All done Sir,... and by the way it's actually a BMW"

Marney&Mee wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:14 pm

was he dyslexic FF ?

No he was a baker!

I identify as a Steam Locomotive... Does this mean I am trainsexual

We live in a free country

Up The China

2 Bee Holed wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:27 pm

wasn't it.........256K, 512K and 1GB ????

Gigabyte's weren't invented then!

Bosscat wrote: ↑

Sat Jan 11, 2020 4:03 pm

I identify as a Steam Locomotive... Does this mean I am trainsexual

Puff puff!

IanMcL wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 12, 2020 10:33 pm

Puff puff!

Lads.. The all time classic incoming:

Why did Jeremy Beadle lose at poker?

He had a crap hand

An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy. After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him. After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.

The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they throw him a party and make him a chocolate cake with orange icing.

The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange icing on the chocolate cake.”

My God,” says his mother. “You can speak?”

To which the German boy replies, “Of course.”

"How come you've never spoken before?“ asks his father.

“Well,” says the boy, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”