A Bar Stewards look at Burnley

Jeffbfc · Post by **Jeffbfc** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 5:56 pm

Mate of mine was sent this by a bar steward he knows, an alternative Sky sports write up about our success

Brilliant
Great write up from Sky:

Burnley celebrated the finest night in their club's uninspiring history as they finally limped across the line to the 2nd division title, despite being 2nd best for much of the game to neighbours Blackburn Rovers, who's side largely consisting of future stars from their famous academy left Burnley's expensively assembled side resorting to time wasting and theatrics, whilst fewer than 2,000 of their fans who bothered to make the short trip to Ewood Park were left stunned into a toothless silence for large swathes of the game.

Nonetheless, the 2nd division title, (which is not considered a major trophy by serious clubs and does nothing to decrease the gulf in the major trophy count between Burnley and their more illustrious neighbours), will provide some relief to the residents of the 'close-knit' and family-focussed town with a deceptively large catchment area, and a Blackburn postcode, where anyone under 70 will struggle to remember genuine success, against the backdrop of one of the lowest life expectancy and literacy figures in the UK.

Once the homebrew hangovers dissipate, the banjos fall silent, the siblings are sent back to their own bedrooms and the realisation dawns that the electronic tag curfews have been breached, another short and disappointing term in the top flight awaits the fans of the big spending champions, formed in the shadow of the most successful town team in England, and who famously once smashed up their own town centre after a previous defeat by Rovers, meanwhile excitement builds at Ewood Park for a Rovers side bursting with young talent and geared for long term and sustainable success.

claptrappers_union · Post by **claptrappers_union** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 5:57 pm

Seems fair

evensteadiereddie · Post by **evensteadiereddie** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 5:58 pm

What's not to like?

mdd2 · Post by **mdd2** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 5:59 pm

Cluck cluck effing cluck.

bobinho · Post by **bobinho** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:00 pm

Guys a real talent….

HahaYeah · Post by **HahaYeah** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:13 pm

That's one butthurt barsteward.

ClaretLoup · Post by **ClaretLoup** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:13 pm

Great advert for Prozac and shows it really works well in some cases.

Stanbill05 · Post by **Stanbill05** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:19 pm

Enjoyed that. You can almost taste the tears.

Hibsclaret · Post by **Hibsclaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:24 pm

Ah those illustrious neighbours that haven’t scored against us for 9 years and have a losing head to head record.

Burnley1989 · Post by **Burnley1989** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:25 pm

Wrote like a man that ‘honestly’ isn’t sore

I love seeing it, I can almost feel his pain

elwaclaret · Post by **elwaclaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:27 pm

He missed the clear penalty and (possible) sending off of Corky… neither of which I could honestly have argued with… but not being given makes it all the more sweet.

They are clearly suffering sleepless nights… it is too enjoyable for words watching the neighbours avoid me.

Roosterbooster · Post by **Roosterbooster** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:28 pm

I actually think it's quite funny

Sozturf7 · Post by **Sozturf7** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:31 pm

Are they mad. It just gets better, if that's possible.

Lancasterclaret · Post by **Lancasterclaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:32 pm

I'll buy him a pint of beer, and when I give it to him, I'll whisper in his ear the seven words he hates to hear

"We won the league at Ewood Park"

TheFamilyCat · Post by **TheFamilyCat** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:32 pm

He mocks our literacy levels while showing the same aptitude for sentence structure as JakubClaret.

NewClaret · Post by **NewClaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:33 pm

Good effort. Clearly in immense pain

burnmark · Post by **burnmark** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:47 pm

Comedy genius

CoolClaret · Post by **CoolClaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 6:56 pm

SourGrapesFCHorseFiddler wrote:
'....meanwhile excitement builds at Ewood Park for a Rovers side bursting with young talent and geared for long term and sustainable success'

*checks accounts*

...Hmmm it appears that the Horse Fiddlers are 300 mill in debt...

If they think that is 'sustainable', then I'd suggest it's their lot that is literacy AND numerically challenged!

Culmclaret · Post by **Culmclaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:13 pm

Gulf in the major trophy count???? I suppose if you count the five FA cups before 1892 then you might say there is a noticeable gap. But ignore those and take away the trophy they bought in 1994/95 and there is no gap at all, other than us winning the second tier four times as often.

frankinwales · Post by **frankinwales** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:18 pm

Thanks for the 6 points morons.

Up the Clarets.

Yearofthefox · Post by **Yearofthefox** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:26 pm

You knew had sad as desperate that lot where when they posted pictures of prem trophy from nearly 30 years ago what uncle Jack bought and started the rack and ruin of the money game

Just proves they can't take their actual downfall really and our rise back and good few years of promotions and two titles

I was always told we'd always be in there shadow

AlargeClaret · Post by **AlargeClaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:27 pm

It’s actually quite decent I thought . Probs insert any local rival as the club .

No Ney Never · Post by **No Ney Never** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:28 pm

To be fair, they have been very generous over the years. Who else would have gifted their local rivals so many points without taking any in return?

Flying Without Ings · Post by **Flying Without Ings** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:33 pm

Are we sure this isn’t an article from the Lancashire (horse enjoyers) telegraph?

Rileybobs · Post by **Rileybobs** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:35 pm

Thought it was quite a comical tongue in cheek piece, and then I read…

’ meanwhile excitement builds at Ewood Park for a Rovers side bursting with young talent and geared for long term and sustainable success.

…which is honestly one of the finest pieces of comedy I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.

Buxtonclaret · Post by **Buxtonclaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:35 pm

He was inspired to write that after soneone told him after the game, "it was onky a game. Cheer up, just get back on the horse....."

CrosspoolClarets · Post by **CrosspoolClarets** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:41 pm

The number of brain cells equates to the number of pounds they will get for Brereton Diaz in the summer. Zip

Good luck replacing him

.

Tribesmen · Post by **Tribesmen** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:58 pm

That was really funny i must say .

Vegas Claret · Post by **Vegas Claret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 8:07 pm

I have no interest in what any ******* has to say

Spike · Post by **Spike** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 8:12 pm

AlargeClaret wrote: ↑
Thu Apr 27, 2023 7:27 pm
It’s actually quite decent I thought . Probs insert any local rival as the club .

Premiership Trophy !
They’ve never won the Premier League!
We’ve won the top League when it was called something else just like them

Rowls · Post by **Rowls** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 8:17 pm

It's hilarious and add my name to those grateful this particular b&stard decided to share his erudite thoughts.

JohnDearyMe · Post by **JohnDearyMe** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 8:59 pm

It has been a tough ten years or so for Blackburn fans. Imagine watching Burnley not just beat them under Dyche but consistently finish above them without being bankrolled like they were. No wonder they are smarting, even before Tuesday night

Burnley Ace · Post by **Burnley Ace** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 9:07 pm

All that effort!

martin_p · Post by **martin_p** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 9:09 pm

If you look in the dictionary under the word ‘bitter’ I suspect you’ll find that passage as a good example

The pain is palpable.

JohnDearyMe · Post by **JohnDearyMe** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 9:16 pm

martin_p wrote: ↑
Thu Apr 27, 2023 9:09 pm
If you look in the dictionary under the word ‘bitter’ I suspect you’ll find that passage as a good example

The pain is palpable.

Blackburn fans clearly spend their half times discussing the works of Socrates and Plato given their sense of intellectual superiority

Vintage Claret · Post by **Vintage Claret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 9:50 pm

It was quite funny actually.

I'm sure once the writer gets over the disappointment of Tuesday night he'll put that mare behind him, get the bit between his teeth for next season and look forward to a more stable future for his club.

In fact, if he was a betting man, he'd probably bang a pony on Blackburn's chances of promotion this season

nonayclaret · Post by **nonayclaret** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 10:36 pm

"whilst fewer than 2,000 of their fans who bothered to make the short trip to Ewood Park"

sure its all a joke....

...but who enjoyed it extatically better than the deplorable bunch of Barsteward fans who bothered to support their side in their best season for some time!

dsr · Post by **dsr** » Thu Apr 27, 2023 11:17 pm

There is a lot of complaint about how Burnley (who have made enough profit to pay over £100m to the owners) have an unfair financial advantage over the "sustainable" club whose owners have to give them £20m every year just to pay the bills.

IPAclaret · Post by **IPAclaret** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 6:32 am

They really are quite special aren't they ...

They cannot handle how things have changed since uncle Jack threw all that money at them (but if you listen to any of them, they didn't buy the title) and the Venkys continue to fund them (approx 20M a month). And still they are around 200M in debt. With a dwindling Dan base.

But somehow we've bought the league which in reality we all know is complete ********.

Oh, one thing that is certain, Ashley Barnes lives rent free in all their empty heads forever.

UTC

wilks_bfc · Post by **wilks_bfc** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 8:39 am

I’m assuming that they are counting the 3rd tier promotion of 2017-18 in their success

They must be as they wheeled out a few members of their runner-up squad prior to the game on Tuesday

I mean, where were we in the 2017-18 season?

Stayingup · Post by **Stayingup** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 9:00 am

We have to remember they did with the league - well bought it- and we were weak at the time. Now they are still dependent on owners money for survival. We are not. We are now a bigger and better club, through judicious appointments of managers and players. Many of them are green with envy and it shows. If their owners sell up or withdraw their financial support then they could be well and truly scuppered.

martin_p · Post by **martin_p** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 9:20 am

IPAclaret wrote: ↑
Fri Apr 28, 2023 6:32 am
And still they are around 200M in debt. With a dwindling Dan base.

: C289F96D-7880-4A4F-B218-38E0C543A733.gif (1.76 MiB) Viewed 2596 times

Lord Beamish · Post by **Lord Beamish** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 10:32 am

I like the look of that Wharton lad of theirs. Fits our player profile well.

Cheeky bid in summer?

It Is What It Is · Post by **It Is What It Is** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 10:52 am

Lord Beamish wrote: ↑
Fri Apr 28, 2023 10:32 am
I like the look of that Wharton lad of theirs. Fits our player profile well.

Cheeky bid in summer?

He'd have to be exorcised first.

BigRedrose · Post by **BigRedrose** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 11:02 am

An indication of just how far that club has fallen from grace must be the pre-match parade of their players who finished RUNNERS UP in division 1,
(division 3 in old money,) during season 2000-2001.
The rovers fans must have felt truly inspired after that!

Lancasterclaret · Post by **Lancasterclaret** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 11:06 am

BigRedrose wrote: ↑
Fri Apr 28, 2023 11:02 am
An indication of just how far that club has fallen from grace must be the pre-match parade of their players who finished RUNNERS UP in division 1,
(division 3 in old money,) during season 2000-2001.
The rovers fans must have felt truly inspired after that!

Mentioned quite a lot on their board that, and one of those being paraded is apparently a Burnley supporter

Mind you, imagine the p**s taking opportunities we'd have had if they'd gone for the premier league winners team instead

Would have really rammed it home to them how far they have fallen

Enola Gay · Post by **Enola Gay** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 11:28 am

I thought 'Mrs Brown's Boys' was the least funny thing I'd ever seen until I caught some of Andrew Lawrence's stuff on Twitter.

And now, having read that OP, we have a new 'leader'...

Cirrus_Minor · Post by **Cirrus_Minor** » Fri Apr 28, 2023 11:58 am

Laughed so much the tears ran down my legs. Tried to laugh in short bursts to avoid a cardiac arrest.