The Twickerthon Boson
Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2025 5:59 pm
Everybody knows that a Marathon* is just a Mars bar with peanuts thrown into mix. Equally, a Twix is just a Mars bar with biscuit instead of nougart.
They're all variants of the same thing. It's obvious when you think about it.
The formula is "Two Things Covered With Chocolate". And we can write that down thus:-
Mars = Nougart + Caramel
Marathon* = Nougart + Peanuty Caramel
Twix = Biscuit + Caramel
It's a very simple formula. The bottom can be (A)Nougart OR (B)Biscuit and the top can be (1)Caramel OR (2)Peanuty Caramel. Simple.
Hence:
Mars Bar = A1
Marathon* = A2
Twix = B1
By now, you might have twigged where this is going... the formula can be recalculated a fourth time to give us B2. This creates a hypothetical chocolate bar which has a biscuit base and a peanuty caramel top.
I have decided to call this theoretical chocolate bar, 'The Twickerthon Boson'. The word is portmanteau combining the names of existing chocolate bars, which have already been proven to exist, and also in honour of Lord Alfred Higgs-Boson. Lord Higgs-Boson, I am sure you are all aware, is the man who invented the concept of "elevenses" and popularised dunking chocolate biscuits in tea. I've also submitted my preliminary findings to the Royal Society in the hope they will to prove the existence of my theoretical chocolate bar.
Biscuit Base + Peanuty Caramel = The Twickerthon Boson
It is my profound hope that in the coming years, the Twickerthon Boson can be brought from the world of theoretical mathemetaphysics and into the confectionary shops and retail outlets.
When you purchase your bovril and half-time Twickerthon Boson in the coming years, just remember - you read about this discovery here first.
* You're allowed to call it a 'Snickers' if you were born after 1991. I respect your right to call the bar by that name, even though you're wrong.
They're all variants of the same thing. It's obvious when you think about it.
The formula is "Two Things Covered With Chocolate". And we can write that down thus:-
Mars = Nougart + Caramel
Marathon* = Nougart + Peanuty Caramel
Twix = Biscuit + Caramel
It's a very simple formula. The bottom can be (A)Nougart OR (B)Biscuit and the top can be (1)Caramel OR (2)Peanuty Caramel. Simple.
Hence:
Mars Bar = A1
Marathon* = A2
Twix = B1
By now, you might have twigged where this is going... the formula can be recalculated a fourth time to give us B2. This creates a hypothetical chocolate bar which has a biscuit base and a peanuty caramel top.
I have decided to call this theoretical chocolate bar, 'The Twickerthon Boson'. The word is portmanteau combining the names of existing chocolate bars, which have already been proven to exist, and also in honour of Lord Alfred Higgs-Boson. Lord Higgs-Boson, I am sure you are all aware, is the man who invented the concept of "elevenses" and popularised dunking chocolate biscuits in tea. I've also submitted my preliminary findings to the Royal Society in the hope they will to prove the existence of my theoretical chocolate bar.
Biscuit Base + Peanuty Caramel = The Twickerthon Boson
It is my profound hope that in the coming years, the Twickerthon Boson can be brought from the world of theoretical mathemetaphysics and into the confectionary shops and retail outlets.
When you purchase your bovril and half-time Twickerthon Boson in the coming years, just remember - you read about this discovery here first.
* You're allowed to call it a 'Snickers' if you were born after 1991. I respect your right to call the bar by that name, even though you're wrong.