Kids football teams

[SurreyClaret]

Speak to the club Head of Youth, Chairman or Safeguarding Officer, and ask them if they find if what has happened is acceptable (it isn't). If you do decide to move your son elsewhere, at least the club will look at what this Coach has done, review their policies, and hopefully stop this happening to others in the future, or at least ensure it is handled in a better way. Thankfully there tends to be a shortage of goalkeepers in kids football, so get some emails out to local clubs asap (now is the time they generally recruit), and hopefully you will find a better situation, so your son can continue doing what he loves. I'd be very honest with your son, and just tell him it's the Coach and his ego that has done this - you don't want this to affect his love for the sport, or the relationships with teammates who aren't leaving the team. I really hope it all works out for your son Cheshire

[GetIntoEm]

A very timely topic this, I must confess I actually wondered whether this was my son's coach (former coach) as this exact thing has just happened to me.

To give some background, my lad has been playing in goal for a team for 2 seasons now and for the second season in a row, his team have won promotion. Last season they even won the double. I could tell the writing was on the wall from a few weeks back when things started to change in terms of how he was being treated but, nonetheless, I stuck with it. He missed some training (work often clashed with that, but I was told it was no problem and he had one-to-one training during the weeks he couldn't make his team training).

Last night, they had a friendly against another team to do the league trophy presentation and end of season presentation. He couldn't play because he has a chest infection, but we attended the match nonetheless. The coach decided to play a new kid in goal, whilst my son watched on. I then received a message (not a phone call, a message) this morning from his coach to tell me that this new kid is his new keeper, that my son would be better playing at a lower level, that the photographs that were taken before my son arrived of the team that included the keeper but NOT him were an oversight and that he's really sorry if he caused any upset. But best of luck for the future and all that.

I'm extremely upset to be honest and at a loss to understand how any coach of a kid's football team can expect this to be an acceptable, decent way of treating a 14-year old boy. I'm not the sort of Dad who wraps his kids up in cotton wool and they know life will throw challenges at them (it already has for both of them) but this is brutal in my opinion.

I really do not know what to do. It's very, very raw. I don't know if I find him another team, but then have the same thing happen, or whether to put the feelers out. I'm deeply saddened by this and as a former coach of age grade Rugby, I cannot imagine ever thinking this was justifiable.

Anyway, sorry folks, needed to get that off my chest to people who may be in a similar boat. I'm sure there will be some that will say 'tell him to man up' or 'that's sport' and I get that life is a competitive thing, whether work, leisure, love etc. but to smash a 14-year old's confidence like this is unacceptable, in my opinion.

That's disgusting. Is that a Burnley team?

[Cheshireclaret]

That's disgusting. Is that a Burnley team?

No, it's slightly further afield (Greater Manchester)

[jrgbfc]

When i was playing the better players naturally gravitated to clubs like Barrowford Celtic and the lads who weren't as good played for teams where they'd get a game and it pretty much worked itself out.
Hadn't realised it had become so cut throat!

[boatshed bill]

I feel sorry for all these young kids. Do they really enjoy being "coached" (shouted at) throughout games when they really should just be enjoying their football.. This football factory approach is too full on.

[Cheshireclaret]

Speak to the club Head of Youth, Chairman or Safeguarding Officer, and ask them if they find if what has happened is acceptable (it isn't). If you do decide to move your son elsewhere, at least the club will look at what this Coach has done, review their policies, and hopefully stop this happening to others in the future, or at least ensure it is handled in a better way. Thankfully there tends to be a shortage of goalkeepers in kids football, so get some emails out to local clubs asap (now is the time they generally recruit), and hopefully you will find a better situation, so your son can continue doing what he loves. I'd be very honest with your son, and just tell him it's the Coach and his ego that has done this - you don't want this to affect his love for the sport, or the relationships with teammates who aren't leaving the team. I really hope it all works out for your son Cheshire

Thank you Surrey. I will certainly be doing both of those things, not after revenge or causing said coach to be removed from post etc., just some recognition that what has been done is unacceptable, that at the heart of this is a kid who just wants to play grass roots football and, more importantly, ensure that no other kid is treated this way again (sadly, a team mate has suffered the same fate, however).

I'm sure we'll move on, I will be speaking to him and he's a season ticket holder with me at t'Turf and we go to a lot of away games, so has experienced plenty of highs and lows in his 14, nearly 15, years - this will just make him stronger and that's how I will deal with it.

[CyrilEbokiPoh]

When i was playing the better players naturally gravitated to clubs like Barrowford Celtic and the lads who weren't as good played for teams where they'd get a game and it pretty much worked itself out.
Hadn't realised it had become so cut throat!

I have seen it first hand. And often times the parents (and coaches) are the problem.

A lot of them living through their kids. 'My son plays for Man Utd' - he doesn't, He is in the Man Utd junior set up. Bruno Fernandes plays for Man Utd.

Aggression. Hyper competitiveness.

I agree sport should be competitive. There should be winners and losers. And I always wanted my kids to learn how to lose. But the atmosphere and behavior is horrendous at times. Dont get me started on the academy system for kids as young as 4 and 5. Kids treat as a commodity. Being told what to eat. And being chewed up and spat out when they get to 16-20.

I love football. And played for a long time at good standards boy and man. But I often wonder if its something I would want my own kids involved in these days. (Other sports are as bad or worse - especially dancing!!!) I digress.

Then again, I worry about kids in todays society in general!

Let kids play and enjoy it for what it is!

[Dyched]

I wouldn’t worry. If a “coach” can’t be arsed or simply doesn’t have the skill to train and improve your son and chooses to pick a player with more ability then you’re better off elsewhere with a proper coach who’s willing to put a bit of effort into what he supposed to be doing.

[Roosterbooster]

So just a bit of an update

As expected, the 3 players expected to be booted out were booted out (bizarrely the coach said it broke his heart to have to do this. Obviously utter BS as it was his decision to even consider new players)
The welfare officer of the club was very nice about everything. The club don't have an official policy on this, and leave it up to individual coaches to do what they want, but the welfare officer reminded the coach of his duties and the communication immediately improved

Luckily there is a club nearby who treat all kids equally, give them equal game time, and never ever make a child leave based on ability. One single training session and my lad got more encouragement and guidance than the previous year elsewhere - they have a space for next year and he is delighted to be joining them, and so am I

I'm still extremely disappointed that his previous club allowed this behaviour (and I will be writing to the club chair to discuss), but even more disappointed that the local FA didn't even bother to reply to my email. I simply asked them how to manage a situation where I believed my child (and others) was secretly being replaced at such a young age, and how this fit in with their grassroots priorities - priority one is to give everyone a chance to play the game. No reply of any kind

But all in all, I am so glad my lad is out of that team. And delighted he has found a new better team

Thanks for everyone's responses

Rooster

[GetIntoEm]

Can you name them now?

[Roosterbooster]

I'd rather not. My youngest plays for their younger team. Their coach is completely different and has said they would never behave that way

It's not a local team to Burnley though

[wilks_bfc]

Glad you got something sorted for him Rooster

From experience the local FA are next to useless in getting back with enquires to them but quick to contact clubs when likely to generate some income for them

[SurreyClaret]

Glad there was a happy result in the end Rooster and sorry you and your kid had to go through all that. Unfortunately you probably won't hear from the FA as generally they are under resourced and have to prioritise what they deal with, and some County FA's (i.e. Sussex down where I am) are pretty shocking at responding in my experience (Surrey FA who I mainly deal with are thankfully quite good, but still understaffed).

Tbh, I'm especially pleased you followed through with speaking to the relevant people, as making the club and especially that Coach feel uncomfortable about the situation may make them think twice before they do the same again in the future. Unfortunately people do not not have a conscience, but that is their issue, not yours, and you have done the right thing.

Good luck with your new club, sounds like you've found a good fit there

[fanzone]

Speaking from experience while having a team at under 7s until now under 16s, building a team is a thankless task.

From ability to commitment it’s a minefield for the coach.

I had a situation at the start of 7 aside (under 9s) where there was a clear division in ability’s and that came with arguments and frustration. I orchestrated the split of the teams based on ability and was absolutely chastised for it at the time and some parents still have bitterness towards me.

I’m always silent in any response knowing that all but 2 (the higher ability players) are still playing to this day. This wouldn’t have been the case if I had followed the mantra of it’s all for fun.

Both the ELFA and the ADJFL tier their leagues from 1 - 5/6/7 and it’s based on ability regardless of how it’s dressed up, and this is from under 7s.

All grassroots clubs should have a pathway to progress and that is an A, B, C team just like the leagues filter teams.

Honesty from day 1 is the best policy with all children, not something I had at the time as experience is luxury.

Anyone who thinks football is bad then try and get a child
“Not up to par” into a Cricket or Rugby team, I think they are called team mates instead of players.

[Goodclaret]

I'm so pleased you have got a team for your child Rooster; that's the most important thing here.

I'm surprised the welfare officer responded with "coaches can do as they wish" as I thought (well it was when I was involved) the overall FA mantra of "football is for everyone" was part of the club agreement when entering leagues under their guidance.

Anyway, good luck to your child and hope they have years of enjoying the game.

[TheFamilyCat]

I'm so pleased you have got a team for your child Rooster; that's the most important thing here.

I'm surprised the welfare officer responded with "coaches can do as they wish" as I thought (well it was when I was involved) the overall FA mantra of "football is for everyone" was part of the club agreement when entering leagues under their guidance.

Anyway, good luck to your child and hope they have years of enjoying the game.

It's a difficult one tbh. I think clubs have to give coaches a level autonomy to run their teams or many wouldn't bother volunteering and no coaches = no teams and therefore no kids playing.

Each club committee will have their own red lines as to what they will tolerate.

[Cheshireclaret]

So just a bit of an update

As expected, the 3 players expected to be booted out were booted out (bizarrely the coach said it broke his heart to have to do this. Obviously utter BS as it was his decision to even consider new players)
The welfare officer of the club was very nice about everything. The club don't have an official policy on this, and leave it up to individual coaches to do what they want, but the welfare officer reminded the coach of his duties and the communication immediately improved

Luckily there is a club nearby who treat all kids equally, give them equal game time, and never ever make a child leave based on ability. One single training session and my lad got more encouragement and guidance than the previous year elsewhere - they have a space for next year and he is delighted to be joining them, and so am I

I'm still extremely disappointed that his previous club allowed this behaviour (and I will be writing to the club chair to discuss), but even more disappointed that the local FA didn't even bother to reply to my email. I simply asked them how to manage a situation where I believed my child (and others) was secretly being replaced at such a young age, and how this fit in with their grassroots priorities - priority one is to give everyone a chance to play the game. No reply of any kind

But all in all, I am so glad my lad is out of that team. And delighted he has found a new better team

Thanks for everyone's responses

Rooster

[Cheshireclaret]

So just a bit of an update

As expected, the 3 players expected to be booted out were booted out (bizarrely the coach said it broke his heart to have to do this. Obviously utter BS as it was his decision to even consider new players)
The welfare officer of the club was very nice about everything. The club don't have an official policy on this, and leave it up to individual coaches to do what they want, but the welfare officer reminded the coach of his duties and the communication immediately improved

Luckily there is a club nearby who treat all kids equally, give them equal game time, and never ever make a child leave based on ability. One single training session and my lad got more encouragement and guidance than the previous year elsewhere - they have a space for next year and he is delighted to be joining them, and so am I

I'm still extremely disappointed that his previous club allowed this behaviour (and I will be writing to the club chair to discuss), but even more disappointed that the local FA didn't even bother to reply to my email. I simply asked them how to manage a situation where I believed my child (and others) was secretly being replaced at such a young age, and how this fit in with their grassroots priorities - priority one is to give everyone a chance to play the game. No reply of any kind

But all in all, I am so glad my lad is out of that team. And delighted he has found a new better team

Thanks for everyone's responses

Rooster

This is great to hear Rooster, delighted you have found a resolution for him. Unfortunately, I reported my issue to the Club and, despite a lengthy chat with one of the committee members setting out the issue and the promise of a face to face meeting with the coach concerned, I have had to chase it 3 times now and have had no meaningful reply. It has been nearly 2 weeks.

I'm genuinely thinking of reporting them to the local FA, but reading the comment above it sounds like I'll be wasting my time on that front too. Sadly, it seems my son is / was unfortunate enough to play for a Club that simply aren't fit for purpose when it comes to kids playing football. A real eye-opener, it has to be said.

[Roosterbooster]

This is great to hear Rooster, delighted you have found a resolution for him. Unfortunately, I reported my issue to the Club and, despite a lengthy chat with one of the committee members setting out the issue and the promise of a face to face meeting with the coach concerned, I have had to chase it 3 times now and have had no meaningful reply. It has been nearly 2 weeks.

I'm genuinely thinking of reporting them to the local FA, but reading the comment above it sounds like I'll be wasting my time on that front too. Sadly, it seems my son is / was unfortunate enough to play for a Club that simply aren't fit for purpose when it comes to kids playing football. A real eye-opener, it has to be said.

I doubt you'll hear anything back - but I'd still convey your concerns to them. It just isn't right the way some of these kids are treated by the clubs that have apparently signed up to an FA charter. Its very easy for the FA to ignore things I suppose, but I think more people should be highlighting the issues and maybe growing word will eventually amount to a response

Grown adults are projecting their personal failures onto kids' football teams, using them as a way to inflate their own egos - and it's appalling

[Duffer_]

The best way to change the culture of clubs (or maintain a positive culture if that's what you're moving to) is to volunteer and get involved. I'm not defending any of the behaviour you've experienced but I know how much time coaches and committeee members give to their clubs for no reward. A wider volunteer base is a healthy thing and is likely to promote better understanding rather than letters of complaint. In my experience, if it gets to the letter writing stage it's probably best to move on.

[Roosterbooster]

While I agree that volunteering and getting involved with the club would help, it's not always practical. My work hours are long and extremely unpredictable. I've raised money, and always helped out with lifts etc when I can, but beyond that I'd just run the risk of letting people down.

But being a volunteer shouldn't mean that you can get away with unacceptable behaviour. And I am not at a point where I feel the behaviour has been appropriately dealt with, so I will be pursuing it. They have a duty of care towards the players (kids), and they should be reminded of that

[Cheshireclaret]

While I agree that volunteering and getting involved with the club would help, it's not always practical. My work hours are long and extremely unpredictable. I've raised money, and always helped out with lifts etc when I can, but beyond that I'd just run the risk of letting people down.

But being a volunteer shouldn't mean that you can get away with unacceptable behaviour. And I am not at a point where I feel the behaviour has been appropriately dealt with, so I will be pursuing it. They have a duty of care towards the players (kids), and they should be reminded of that

Agreed. I already have coaching commitments elsewhere so like yourself, wouldn't be able to be reliable enough to offer my assistance. I have, on occasion, taken sessions where the Coach has been unavailable or helped out whenever required but in all honesty, he hasn't really shown any inclination to want any help and has rejected offers from others in the past. This latest behaviour perhaps demonstrates why - his ability to make unilateral decisions about a child's football is clearly more important to him than any child's enjoyment.

Like you, I am a long way from happy about how this is being handled and cannot believe I have had to chase the club, including the safeguarding lead, 3 times now. It all smacks of them either hoping I'll go away, or trying to think of reasons why they can defend the coach concerned and spin it in such a way that my son deserved his treatment. We will see - because if they think I'll go away and forget about it, they're mistaken. My son deserves an explanation.

[timshorts]

Unfortunately you probably won't hear from the FA as generally they are under resourced and have to prioritise what they deal with, and some County FA's (i.e. Sussex down where I am) are pretty shocking at responding in my experience (Surrey FA who I mainly deal with are thankfully quite good, but still understaffed).

Yes they are, but they are always pretty prompt at getting the fines out for red/yellow cards.

I always found that if you go to see them personally in lancing, they are pretty helpful, and I had to do that a few times when things went missing in the post etc.

The admin people are OK really, but overstretched. Some of the blazers on the other hand are rather too full of themselves. If they can't be polite, then they should not be doing the job. But then they would have to give up free food, free drink, free entry, free parking......